A blog is a personal journal of your daily life as a stroke survivor or stroke caregiver. Surprisingly, countless members have called it therapeautic to write down their thoughts and to vent their frustrations. You can make it private, just for your eyes or public and share your personal thoughts with your friends. Why not try it, create your blog and start writing and see if it helps you.
I went to see the neurosurgeon on Tuesday. I was interviewed by a young Asian associate doctor and sent for a 3D MRI and angiogram, a brand new way of showing the blood supply within the brain. The results were given to me by the associate and then I saw the specialist. It appears the aneurysm is larger and deeper than previously thought but at my age they are not going to operate as it would mean a full brain surgery. Coiling, one method of dealing with an aneurysm, is not an option. I think I was a little bit shocked by the news but taking into consideration I have had the melanoma op, the lymph node dissection etc I am not really a good candidate for another operation, especially brain surgery.
The specialist was fairly brutal because I think he wanted me to know if I wanted an operation it had to be after I got a clearance from the melanoma specialist and that would take time. He said he knew I had a long wait ahead of me but not to worry. Not to worry!!! So back to basics, no stress, no strenuous exercise, no * blush, sounds like no fun at all. So what can I do? As usual make some decisions, live a quiet life, let the future take care of itself, one day at a time. Hell's bells, what else is new?
So I have a plan. I have to just go on the way I always have, going about my usual routine one day at a time. Whenever I start to worry I will visualise that little bubble about the same size as the tiny diamond on my engagement ring. I will visualise a tiny angel sitting alongside the aneurysm, with her thumb firmly on top of it holding it in place. I know one day it may be that she will take her thumb off and the pressure will build up and life as I know is it will be no more. But It will happen to us all one day, in one form or another.
I went to Dissection Clinic down in Sydney today and there have been no changes in the past three months to the Lymphoedema, which is good news. In the interview I told her I had regained my confidence in walking down stairs which had taken a year to do and had recently started yoga again. She seemed pleased with the progress. No more interviews in any of the Sydney specialists rooms until next February. Hurray! I have survived twelve months since the melanoma was removed and six months since the operation to remove the lymph nodes. I have a lot to be thankful for.
My daughter took me to both appointments, I was so glad she had the time. We stopped for lunch today before we left Sydney and although it was expensive it was a happy time and one we rarely enjoy together. She also got the news today that the position she holds as Captain of the Cardiff Corps has been extended for another twelve months which is good news for me. If she had been moved it might have been a lot further away. Her husband's appointment has also been extended. Though he will now have a wider area to cover, which means a lot more time on the road. But she said he can cope with that.
On a less happy note my special friend who has the leukemia has now been in hospital for eight weeks and he now seems to be getting much weaker. I have been a regular visitor and it is painful to see the deterioration. With all the people I have ministered to in hospital you would think I would get used to seeing that happen but I never do. I am always an optimist, thinking with the right treatment, an adjustment to their medication etc they will be fine. But that is not always the case. So maybe there is more bad news to come.
There are signs of Spring now, birds building nests, green grass after a little rain, even some blossoms on the prunus trees in the parks we passed today. Hopefully the nights will warm up and we can start packing away the winter clothes. I have no plans, the future is a blank canvas. Don't think there is much fun and excitement ahead but who can tell? If I wake up breathing and moderately energetic I will endeavour to have a good day.
What can I say... So far 2020 has been earth shaking. Let me warn you before reading: these are my thoughts, my experiences, my worries and where I find my mind these days. This is not meant to add to the fear and chaos or to bring a negative light toward anyone. My words come from me and if you are sensitive to hearing someone's honest, transparent and straightforward thoughts then this may not be for you.
I try to remember January. I don't remember what day I heard the news of a novel virus that shut down a large metropolitan city in China. I did ponder the fact but honestly not for long. I had been dealing with my own health issues and problems with illness (more than 1) that has been flaring my asthma. I think I have taken 3 steroid packs since the beginning of the year.
In February, I began to hear more and more about the novel virus now known as the 2019 novel Corona virus and now more the more familiar (name and possible illness) Covid-19 and
SARS-CoV-2. I started to see signs of other countries developing cases and watched the worry of everyone about the virus spread and travel (on planes and those who had been to China). I still didn't feel immanent fear but some time during February this started to affect me more.
Then a F3 tornado slammed through Nashville. It was completely shocking and thankfully I now live about 45 minutes south. This tornado had torn through my old stomping grounds, within 1/4 mile from my previous home, ripping through the area I went to often for my groceries and many of the roads I took on a daily basis. I think maybe a week went by and then Nashville had its 1st case/s of Covid. Very close to home and where all of my Dr's are.
On March 6th I went to my local walk in clinic because I knew I was sick. Flu test, strep test and exam. Tests are negative and I was sent home with a steroid pack and told to use my nebulizer 4x/day for my asthma. Not feeling better I went to my PCP on Monday the 9th. No truly bad symptoms so I was told to continue with my steroid pak and nebulizer treatments. 2 days later I am much worse, heavy persistent cough, headache, sore throat, fever, etc. My PCP said come in and I went to his office in Brentwood. I thought I was to see my Dr. but instead saw a NP who gave me another round of tests for flu and strep. This visit was different than usual... I was immediately isolated and given a mask and everyone that saw me was fully dressed with PPE. I was also given a virus panel test (not Covid test) and a chest x-ray. I was sent home with the same course of treatment and told to self quarantine until I was called with my results. A week later I was told I only had a regular cold virus but it would be best if I continued to self isolate due to being hi risk for serious illness if I developed Covid.
So I hunkered down, stayed at home. Thankfully I had the where with all to go to Costco and Target for things I would need to not run out with. I actually got 1 of the last 4 Kirkland paper towels and the only toilet tissue left was a name brand (im cheap lol I use Kirkland), I got a 5 pack of Lysol wipes, eggs, milk, and a few other necessities. BTW Costco looked like a war zone. I just happened to get there about a day before all he** broke loose. I did find a large pack of toilet paper from Target. The next day every shelf in every store I went to was bare (necessities). I ran out of toilet paper yesterday thankfully I have a pack of baby wipes (don't flush these!). I did manage to get a large bag of Always descreet pads (totally am having leaks with every cough).
The next week I am no better, my nebulizer is mostly not helping and now I have new symptoms a horrible taste in my mouth every time I cough and a cough headache that is sharply painful with pressure at each temple and across my entire head. I feel this acute pain with every cough and a general headache while not coughing. So I called my PCP office. At the same time my phone starts doing this weird thing of not ringing when the Dr. calls but going directly to voice mail. So for about a week of trying to contact someone, anyone I was losing and just getting sicker. Finally, today the nurse used a phone from another office to call me after I frantically had explained my issues sick and dumb phone to a very nice lady involved in deciding if you need a covid test. She and her colleagues had all agreed that it doesn't sound like I need a test but needed immediate attention for what I was going through and she contacted my Dr office with an urgent message. Seems like my neb med was not what I should have been using. She sent the stronger prescription today. Let's see how it goes.
I've been watching the updates to this pandemic daily. I know I am "high risk" (asthma, high blood pressure, diabetes, and just that I have had a stroke). I sit and watch as stores close, schools close, supplies become scarce, other cities desperate for help and supplies. I feel like doom is coming and I have 0 ability to control it. I also watch political leaders in my own country (including the president) squabble and stumble to be the one with the "right" message for American citizens. My question is where do politics even fit into this reality. It sickens me and I do not feel positive or safe about any of their attempts to "lead". We are being told "We are all in this together" but I just don't feel it. I feel like the truth of this "thing" is teetering and could fall at any time and we have no idea what that means.
So I am trying to rest and feel better, use my new neb med and watch all the Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, Disney+ and whatever else I can find to keep my mind busy. I'm looking forward to hopefully feeling better soon and feeling like doing projects around the house. I want to plan more "normal" activities and take this time at home to make improvements. To feel active, to be able to enjoy the birds at my bird feeder, watch flowers do their colorful dance and make projects happen around the house inside or out that I have been wanting to do for a while.
I pray for everyone's safety and please take care of yourselves.
Finally a break in the weather ! After a hard winter here we seem to have entered spring. There's an ornamental pear tree that w use as a kid of indicator and its starting to bloom. Spring has high wind but they come later in the day. So there is a gap early morning where the sun is shining and temperature are above freezing so I got a few rides in. Seem the yoga and physio therapies have paid off! I am riding passably, doing best since my stoke. I still finding my posting trot rather bumpy as my muscle coordination is still a bit off so im not quite with the horses motion. Im much more in the saddle now but paying a price for all this in muscle aches later. I use these things to judge my recovery, like my left leg is becoming more effective, when I rode in the fall it was just along for the ride hanging there!
After riding, the wind doesn't stop us working in the hoop house, so Deb and I have been doing lots of starts. Riding and gardening test my stamina which though improved I far from its pre-stroke level so by 2pm ( I get up like 4am) I crash in front of the TV wit a cup of tea. My exercise regime suffers wit my energy going else where but I don't worry about that as im active most of the light hours.
Thu: day off
Sat: Ride & gardening
Sun: Ride & gardening
Mon: Ride & gardening
Tue: Ride & gardening
Ave BP 151/86 weight 190
My daily AND Quarantine Routine...
7AM (Oh What a Beautiful Morning) toast and peanut butteragain
9AM (Acuna Mattatta..).watch lion king and nap
10AM...order Amazon goodies because as Jerry Herman advises ("We Neeeeeed a Little Christmasmmright now")
Noon ......Call friend (Hello Dolly)
cancel appointment(And I am Telling You I am Not Going) and engage in some therapeutic coloring
2PM...Little Anthony calls then..(And I think I,m Going Out Of My Head..)... then I pray( God Bless America)
5PM I watch the news and realize that Disney was right( It's a Small World After All)
6pm... while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... I watch TV and think that Korn had it right( It's So Unfair)
Later I watch Steven Colber because to me he is ( The Music of the Night)
Due to the Corona virus - the nursing home had to close doors to visitors and no longer allow the residents to come and go. Dan had stabilized and done very well for the past 2 years. But the biggest reason for that, His time with me and him coming to my work and the large amount of socialization with our family. The new necessary mandates required the home to close their door to protect their residents for the greater good. I respect that 100%. But it left me with a decision to make . He is home with me. So far so good. I couldn't risk the absolute regression he would have made in the home - not coming and going not seeing me. And I knew that this was gonna be a long term lock down at the nursing homes- ( and it needs to be). So I did what is right for us. Bring him home. If it works, - great. If not then , after all this is over, we can return to the way it was in the future. I asked Dan one day, while he listened to the radio if he was afraid with all the news on about the virus and he looked at me and said - very afraid..... So for now, it is what it is..... no complaints yet-- We are fortunate to have options and I am thankful for that. Extrodinary times call for extraordinary measures. Like the rest of the world , we will stay at home and be hopeful and prayerful for the best possible out come
With this pandemic, I'm doing my part, I'm staying home.
I can no longer volunteer at the hospital, the local gyms are closed and the public libraries closed, all, until further notice.
I miss being out socializing with others. I really miss volunteering.
I miss my post stroke "new normal". I guess I need to create another "new Normal, with new daily and weekly routines. I managed after my stroke in comparison this is a minor inconvenience.
I can still share with all of you.
be well stay strong.
I have had the worst week EVER.
My precious Ivy is sick. She started walking all wonky like she'd had a stroke.
At first we thought her back was broken. Totally devo'd.
Took her to the vet the next day to discover she has a parasite that's affected her brain.
My little kindred spirit.
I decided to send her to heaven, but wanted a few days with her first.
Kind of a mistake. Kind of. After many many many tears, I decided I couldn't do it.
She has brought me so much joy and comfort over the last few years, I need her.
Anyway, she is now on very strong medication. We discovered today, at the vet to discuss medication, that Ivy has lost half her body weight. This is due to the food being on the second floor of the hutch. Due to her wonkiness she can't get up the ramp, so she was only getting greens not pellets or hay. Situation sorted.
She really frightened me this arvo. The medication is very strong, and she was...well...stoned. I thought she had died in my arms. More tears. Good thing my kids are level headed.
After this week, I have discovered that I won't be able to cope without her.
As you guys know I love to read books & blogs, they both are the reason which saved me from my dark thoughts & made me go AHA I get it now so many times in my post stroke journey. kido's friends are all in different fields, some have gone in pursuing degree in medical field, some in engineering field & some in journalism. All are doing well in their chosen fields. One of his friend is in journalism & I have been reading her essays for long time, make me amaze how this 20 plus something can write so eloquently which rings so true & make u go AHA I get it that's how I felt when I read her recent essay because I have lived through my loss to know this is so true.
In her recent essay writer was writing about saying goodbye to friends & feeling of loss when you are asked to move out of your dorm within few days notice, & how saying goodbye is so hard. She wrote so beautifully how to cope with it & her anecdote rings so true for me, since I lived through to know its truth. writer mentioned & I am paraphrasing here remember to know you are still you & you will meet new friends & find joys in your life again. I know its so true for me I for one thought I would never find joy in living after I had to retire from the work, loose all my work friends. I had thought I had lost my own self identity too along with my friends, but I forgot I will find & attract similar joy from other area of my life, because underneath I am still me. yes it will be in different setting like soccer fields,school gyms,school, online support groups, my own family & extended family, doctors offices ., but I will find that joy again. & I was so amazed that this 20 plus old writer know this at such a young age which took me 50 years to realize lol.
Well this virus will definitely put a dent in routine. My wife and I have decided to self-isolate as much as possible. We have cancelled all appointments and the Gym is closed and Yoga cancelled for now. We only have 20 cases so far in Arizona and they are all in the valley. Were going out for animal food later today but are paying in advance by credit card and they will just dump the stuff in the back of the pickup when we arrive. Better safe than sorry!
On a more fun note the weather broke and we managed to get a ride in , but short lived a snow storm is coming in this evening. No one seems to have warned the flowers the daffodils are out and trees starting to bud.
Challenge of trying to loose weight seems to elude me. Of course it doesn't help when I use Maryjane and get the munchies 🙂
Mon: Day off
Weigth: 195 and ave BP 151/86
My headiness continues to decrease but its like an exponential decay half as bad as lst week but still there.
I missed the chat room Monday, either the time was altered or they started day light saving - which we don't do in AZ
Time to shower , Kev
I can't believe it's been a month since Gary's passing, but it certainly has been a busy month. At times I felt overwhelmed with all the paperwork and phone calls, but got most of it under control now. It seems I'm the only one who was efficient and organized, so a lot of things were "hurry up and wait." I was told by the local Social Security office "It all takes time, don't get ahead of us. You're just one person and we deal with millions on a daily basis." Good to know I'm nothing more than the tiny flea on an elephant's *beep*. They deposited Gary's January social security into our joint bank account on Feb. 12 (2 days after he passed away); and I was told it was okay to pay bills with it since he was owed that from the month of January, so I did just that. Two weeks later, on Feb. 24 they put a freeze hold on that deposit and I had to scramble around getting funds from my money market account in another bank and run to Casa Grande to deposit it in the joint account to avoid an overdraft. Lucky for me I had the funds to do that, but was more than a little teed off that three people told me it was okay to spend it; then the Feds held it back, and to this day have that HOLD placed on it.
Gary's pensions from the union were much easier getting switched over to the widow benefit and the one small life insurance policy didn't need the copy of death certificate and paid up in two weeks - quickest and easiest process so far. We had prepaid plans with the Neptune Society for cremation, so they had him for nearly two weeks before they got the death certificate from the county in order to proceed with cremation, then notified me when they shipped him back to Colorado. I got a call from the cemetery back in Colorado when his urn arrived there and they were to tuck him in next to our son at our grave site (prepaid also) and get started on the monument to put on the plot. It will not be ready before our anniversary in April, so I will wait and go back to Colorado the first week in June and have a Celebration of Life service for him then. I have spoken to the American Legion in the hometown in Colorado and made arrangements to use their facilities for the service and luncheon. I've also arranged with a cousin of Gary's to cater the luncheon for us and am praying he is fully recovered from his cancer surgery (removal of toes and maybe part of foot) by then. If not, I'm sure his wife is fully capable of handling the event for him.
The fur babies have been especially clingy since Gary's passing. I leave them alone for a few hours at a time a couple times a week to get out for groceries and a little time for me, but when I return home they are all over me and don't want to leave my side. One of my favorite waitresses from the local restaurant where I often go for breakfast or lunch had a birthday last week, so I took her out to the pita place on Saturday night, then we went to the local senior RV park and listened to music where a friend of ours was playing good ole' country music in the park. It was nice to get out just for a bit of relaxation and I slept really good that night.
I got notification from the local Homeowner's Association that my house is in need of paint.......like I didn't already know that, but now the pressure is on to get it done. I have 60 days to let them know what color paint I picked out from their list; and since I'm so efficient I had already bought paint to match the existing color and the stucco border wall that I had done last summer, so now I'm hoping I can match that with their color selection (which has changed) as a 5-gal. bucket of that paint was $129 and I can't take it back for refund since it was a custom color. I had planned to start on the trim as soon as the rain is finished this week, but now I have to wait on the color approval from HOA after I send in the form they provided for me to let them know my plans. I'll wait and see if things go smoothly, but won't hold my breath on it, especially since I got their notification on Friday the 13th....
I'm hoping for better days ahead, but for now just going with the flow and trying to find a new normal in my life. It's quiet here ...I'm alone much of the time, but not lonely since I have the two little dogs who keep me going.
Life is getting back to old stuff. I have enough stamina to make evening events now, I was crashing about 6Pm before. Yoga leaves me rather trashed for the rest of the day but motion and balance seem to be improving. My headiness has also reduced to a light background annoyance. A bit worrying is that my blood pressure is trending up suggesting my arteries continue to constrict.
My nephew is here for spring break so I have him doing tasks most of which involve the tractor , which he loves driving at 15 🙂
Fri: Gym , Lunch with friends
Tues: Went to movie with nephew
BP Ave 151/86 weight 189
I have just been on a cruise. The last time I went on a cruise I was twenty and went to Fiji and Tonga, we can't go from here to Tonga any more. This time I went to New Zealand. I shared with the sister-in-law of an old friend, the old friend and her husband went too. Also on board were two couples from the Stroke Recovery group WAGS that I still belong to.
It was good to have other friends on board and I did spend quite a lot of time with Bill and Jill. Bill was on his scooter. Being a survivor of a massive brain stem stroke he has no balance but all his cognition so he enjoys cruising but with a lot of help from Jill. They are a delightful couple to be with and as there is a lot of help available for disabled people on Princess cruises it is also an ideal holiday for Jill. Dave and Cheryl I saw less of, it was their first cruise and I think were finding it difficult to get used to.
My stateroom companion Theresa and I were compatible and enjoyed our time together and I was glad of her company. It is nice to have someone to talk things over with at the end of the day. We often had breakfast and lunch together. We split up for the evening meal as she had that with her family and I went to one of the restaurants where I could order meals that were okay for my food allergies and I had some really excellent meals. It was so great to have a variety of foods which were well prepared and tailored to my needs.
Because of the cororavirus a lot of Asian cruises had been cancelled and so we had a lot of Americans on board and some were going to New Zealand as an alternative to the cruise they were originally booked on. As a single person I was a "share" and so I had a meal with many delightful table companions. I enjoyed meeting so many kind and interesting people. Many like me were seeing New Zealand for the first time so we have lot to discuss. We were fortunate with the weather and with the skill of the navigator as we managed to get into all six ports despite some swell. Another ship just ahead of us missed the last two.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned that it is okay to lose your way if you can get back to a place you recognise and start again. A ship's long corridors can all look alike and as I was often hazy about whether my destination was FOR or AFT that was a problem for me. But after a few days I started to recognise the landmarks. Unlike my poor friend who with the onset of dementia was often lost and had a lot of kind people endeavouring to find her travelling companions for her.
I learned that it is okay to do my own thing which was listening to piano music at night rather than going to the latest extravaganza. I learned that sitting alone is acceptable, doing something that is special to me rather than just falling in with other people's plans. I was a bit dubious about that at the beginning of the cruise but it worked out well. I didn't find a special place to sit and read which was a pity but with over 3000 people on board there were crowds everywhere I went which made that impossible but I can be quiet in myself and meditative anywhere really with a little effort.
On the return journey to Sydney on the last three nights the sea was a bit rough and the weather not so good and it was a little hard to sleep. But the weather in Sydney had been rain a lot of the time we were away. Leaving the ship was delayed by a screening of passengers for the coronavirus which took a couple of hours but no problems were found and eventually we were back on shore. It is a long journey home for me by train and bus and in this case taxi but it was worth it. It was a long-term plan of mine to see something of New Zealand and that is now crossed off my bucket list.
Now it is time for more tests and hopefully next week the thyroid operation. I can't say I am looking forward to that but it is essential to me being healthy again and living the best life possible. Not to mention seeing my grandchildren grow up. There will no doubt be a complicated recovery but eventually what is hopefully my last operation will be over and I will be free to cross off another item off my bucket list.
I usually don't like to reminisce. I'm sure you know what I mean, reminiscing is a constant reminder of what we could do.
At the moment, I'm having Carrah scan old photos into my phone, then I'm making digital scrapbooking layouts. My current lot of photos is me and my main bestie when we lived in England during the mid 90s.
I've been texting Jennelle some photos and we've been having a great laugh.
Maybe remembering old times is good for the soul.
After all, we can't change the past, so we might as well remember with happiness.
Well I had intended to do a blog every Wednesday but the best laid plans of mice etc.. Yoga seems to be paying off as walking etc seems a little easier but I seem to get out of balance more, but I also recover the balance quickly. In the mornings you could hardly tell id had a stroke but as the day goes on fatigue will start to show. Headiness/dizziness has receded considerable =. I think that's more the acupuncture. Im engaging in life more like I used to do. So time has been full and taking me out of the house more which is good. However it has meant that meant that I haven't got to the chat room and missed my post here.
I had written off gardening this year but a neighbor Jim (closest) is helping big time and this weekend an old friend I hadn't seen for 11 yrs visited (middle) and all three of us prepping the beds for later planting.
The downside to work - I forgot to stay hydrated and I think this drove up my BP to 169/91 so yesterday I drank much more and also took some THC to help sleep and this morning im at 140/80 which is good for me. Still losing the weight battle at 189 lbs.
This Saturday class was no different in feeding my soul with goodness in life & getting me prepared in providing tools in whatever we may come in my life in future. One of the best teaching of our Geeta class this weekend were two things & if I am able to master these two things then life will be truly bliss
1. lesson is whatever karma(or actions I am doing do it as my offering to God without any attachment to results
2. whatever results I get it from those action take it as God's gift (prasad) without labeling those results as good or bad.
I know both steps are hard to do but once we practice these things with awareness we can remain unaffected by joy & sorrow & stay in blissful content state of mind.
I am learning this slowly I know I had labeled my stroke as worst event in my life but if I look deep within myself I know it has brought lot of clarity & joy in my living. It allowed me to find happiness within me & being present in the present moment & appreciate daily wonders of my life. So it should be easy for me to practice every bad situation in my life to realize what is this event is trying to teach me.
Since becoming disabled, I have had to alter my interests.
I love to read, but can no longer hold a book open and turn pages. Well, I guess I could have the book on a flat surface and use my head to hold the book so I could turn the page, but you lose fluency.
So now I read on my iPad.
I used to tap dance and play badminton.
My interest now, has been for about 4 years, is card making. I have this you beaut machine that trims paper. I'm also very selective about which paper I use, and stick with an Australian brand, kaisercraft.
I make cards for everyone, and have even started selling them! I don't do it for profit, mainly to buy more supplies!
My home office is my happy place.
As you guys are aware favorite part of my weekend is to spend time on things which feeds my soul. Saturday is the time we spend learning & discussing our ancient literature bhagvad Gita. I find in that particular book all questions we human being face are answered like what's the purpose of this life & what is right thing to do in this particular situation & so on & those other self defeating thoughts too , like why do it in fear of failure & so on. In this particular book prince Arjuna is asking divine his charioteer Krishna (who is God) when he is on the battlefield when and sees his own cousin brothers, his teachers, his granduncle, prince Arjuna faces similar questions and asks his charitor God Krishna for guidance. lord Krishna helps him see and do the right thing, by answering all of his questions. & lot of time in our own life we all go through similar questions, & Geeta gives wonderful answers.
I feel so lucky & blessed to have this discussion forum of all this like minded people to discuss this immensely relevant book.
I know for me when i was in my own battle field & fighting my own inner demons right after stroke where I thought quitting was so easy just like prince Arjuna . Only reason I persisted cause I thought i don't have right to ruin life of our son who was my responsibility & my duty to look after & I don't have any right to mess up his life. Also I have seen my cousins who were such a smart kids but suffered because one of the parent committed suicide & other remarried & moved on & messing up lives of two young children. seeing that example & having support of my family I persisted & I am so glad I did it cause life is so sweet today. My adversity in life has made me the person I am proud of.
What I feel Geeta teaches is how to live in now & here, there is no after life or previous life, do right thing based on your dharma right now in this life , and God is within us which does tell us what is right thing to do which we sometime choose to ignore because our mind which is not aligned properly makes decisions which may not be good for us & our this Saturday evening discussion form is there to reign our mind in good direction, so we make right decisions in the life when we might b thrown again in battlefield & have to make tough & right decisions.
I've been to counselling about other...issues...besides all This.
It was really useful. I've been to this lady before, when Carrah was a baby.
Even though it's been years since I have seen her professionally, we still had that connection. It was really nice not having to tell old stories for Kathy to make sense of new stories.
We all cope differently, but it is something I would recommend giving a go.
My father was a master Marine on the Great Lakes run. At 7 he brought me a View Master 3d viewer and I remember most a cavern wonders of the world disc and image of Carlsbad Cavern. Well I finally got to see it. Deb and I took a 5 day road trip for valentines and our 19th anniversary, From a recovery point of view I probably did more walking than ever since my stroke. The caverns were a couple of hours of very up and down and uneven trails but the hand rails were a great help. The trip was fun and I was pretty trashed at the end of each day, but all the walking was at least a substitute for the gym which I didn't get to this week.
Wed: House party & Evening meeting
Sat: Carlsbad Cavern
Sun: White Sands
Mon: Drive home
BP ave 149/87 weight 190lb (eating out a lot doesn't help
Life does not always go the way we plan. Sometimes when I am sad and lonely and I want to give myself a lift I lay down and shut my eyes and go to my secret place. It is a rose garden. The scenery is based on a real garden in a little country town I have visited but the nice thing is that in my meditation it is whatever I want it to be. I can build a pergolas and cover it in pink roses. I can put garden seats along a long wall. I can even have a fountain if I want to, it is my secret place.
For those of you who have to stay inside think of doing this, building a magical garden in your mind. I come out of that meditation refreshed and able to go on again. Men your place may be a hunting lodge or fishing spot or some place you went when you were young. I don't think it matters where it is as long as you leave it with a more tranquil mind. Some people would call this day dreaming and in some way it is similar but I benefit so much from that time of relaxation and enjoyment so I thought I would share it with you.
The bush fires are officially out as of today. Of course there is a lot of work to do now rebuilding, reaforesting, remaking and repairing of roads, parks, the very expensive job of rebuilding infrastructure which will take years to do. But at least the fires are out. The blame game has been playing out in our media, according to them the fires have been lit by all kinds of "bad people". The truth may never be told or maybe never be listened to. It is so foolish to spread rumours but spread them they do and distract people from what they need to be doing, lending a helping hand with the clean up.
But the rains came, well actually floods in a lot of places and sometimes exactly where the fires were so debris and ashes washed into dams and waterways. Friends of mine were cut off from town for three days, finally out today. And many people had to be evacuated and will get home to face a huge clean up. So not as much rejoicing as it would have been if the rains had come earlier in the year. But some brave farmers will try a late crop and we will all rejoice in the green grass and the flowers in the garden beds. A peach tree next door is in flower, no chance of fruit this late in the season but the flowers are lovely.
I live in a land of such contrasts, the dry outback, like the country around Broken Hill where Trevor lives, such wonderful open blue sky country. Then there is the rolling hill and plain country, now in urgent need of restocking now they have grass and water again. The coastal areas, over burdened with houses, roads and commercial areas but still beautiful in parts is where most of our population live . It is what most people think of as home. Sure some of them go out to "the country " but many have never crossed the Great Dividing Range to where I think of as the "real Australia". I have Ray and our time with Fisheries to thank for that.
I have been having to tests that go with my annual check up at the Melanoma Clinic. I have a new doctor as my old doctor retired and he ordered blood tests and yesterday I went to see him after a phone call from his office and he wants me to have more tests. I did persuade him that wouldn't be a be a good idea now, better to hold off till after my next operation. Most of what he found wrong with me was pretty trivial so I hope by the end of March he will have forgotten most of it. I can't see the sense in taking a lot of medication or starting to worry about minor problems when I don't get my Melanoma clearance for another two years.
Shirley, my daughter and family are coming to spend Saturday night here. They are going to Gosford Corps, the Corps they left to become Salvation Army Officers, for a catch up. Craig is going to speak about his job as Chaplain to the Salvos Stores. I have to preach on Sunday at my church so won't hear his speech but am sure it will be good and they will be able to catch up with old friends. We will have lunch together here before they go back home. I love any family contact. Last night I played phone tag with my older son Steven, finally getting to have a chat about how the kids had settled back into school etc. I wish they all lived closer so I saw them more frequently.
The sun is shining outside again so time to do the Autumn gardening chores. We still will have some really hot weather ahead but I think that will be summer's last hurrah as March is generally much cooler. Which a lot of people will be thankful for, hot weather is harder for older folk. And so life goes on here on the lovely Central Coast. Wild wind, torrential rain and all kinds of bad weather comes and goes but despite that it is still a great place to live
My church, whilst not old, needs a new roof.
So, me and two of my friends are determined to raise money to help pay for the roof.
Last year we raised $450 selling handmade Christmas cards.
This year, so far, we've decided to hold a morning tea in the church hall.
We are going to have raffles, a small craft stall and some entertainment.
I'm so excited! I love all the behind the scenes stuff. Who am I kidding?? I love all the stuff. I'll probably be MC on the day too. Mainly because I'm not good with carrying stuff or dishes...all that stuff is not high on my list as exciting to be honest, so it works well.
Part of the rollercoaster we have been talking about. Doing for others definitely keeps me on the upside.
So after years of trying to keep my blood pressure down and taking lisinopril my stoke doctor likes the Bp elevated some. My arteries in the base of my brain are very narrow so hes or with higher blood pressure is supposed to push though this restriction. I track it every morning and graph it. It all over the place and no trend is readily visible. Over time a drop would suggest improvement which is what my Dr hopes for.
Some improvement are so subtle that it may be several days before I realize the change. Thee headiness Ive had with me since post stroke was reducing but this last week its reduced considerably it seems to come when my balance is challenged. Its absent most of the time and only comes when I make a sudden or unusual movement. I can get thru the day with it absent most of the time.
We have a house party today and then off on a road trip for our 19th anniversary to Carlsbad caverns via Roswell for my UFO following wife.
Sat: Day Gardening
Sun: dat off
Tues: Snowed in - cancelled acupuncture
weight 188lb - Bp ave 148/86
It is with a heavy heart that I felt the need to inform friends from the stroke network that after having a massive brainstem stroke 15 years and 8 months ago, our beloved Gary passed away in his sleep last night after a short bout with flu like symptoms. Memorial services will take place later in the spring in Colorado - for now I can't think straight and in much need of a nap.