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My Husband made me do it

It just goes to show life aint over after a stroke. Even though for a moment I thought it might be. Please check out this video of me, Patrick, and Brandon. Things we do for love, huh? Please be patient, it seems to take a moment to load!   Kristen

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Today I took Patrick for an evaluation for an evaluation (yes, I meant to say that twice) with a neuropsychologist.   His therapists recommended getting a neuro-psych test done, which they say will give them more in-depth answers to Patrick's cognative and I believe physical abilities. I guess they hope to use the info they learn to focus their attention on what will best help Patrick achieve his personal goals. At $30 an hour, and a minimum of 10+ hours for the actual test, the background i

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Right Down The Line

Patrick and I share a love of music, it is the soul of our lives. Melodies and lyrics can bring me to tears or lift me up. Tonight while on the road this Gerry Rafferty song came on the radio. It's an oldie but one that I find truly beautiful. While it was playing, Patrick sang some of the words "to me". It was very touching.   (I highly recommend giving him a listen if you don't know/remember his songs. Baker Street was another one of his biggest hits- it gets me all emotional too.)   Ri

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Ignorance isn't always bliss

Once again today, I heard the phrase that everytime someone says it to Patrick, sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me: But you're too young to have had a stroke!   I always smile, and stay positive, after all, they are merely expressing their ignorance of strokes and stroke survivors. Oh, I'm sorry- I said I 'stay positive'. What I meant to say was, they are just trying to say they are shocked someone who is not 'elderly' suffered a stroke. They mean no harm, so thats why I put on my colg

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The update

I wanted to give an update on whats been going on around with the three of us for the last few months.   ME: I have been to the doctor to find out if there was something wrong with my heart. After several tests they could not find anything wrong which of course is good. I am trying to have faith that they are right but still have been nervous about exercising again. What started the concern specifically was an episode I had with a "funny feeling" and a (unsubstantiated) drastic drop in heart

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Reaching Goals

One night while Patrick was still in the rehab unit of the hospital, a nurse came in to take his vitals. This was her first (and only) time she took care of him as she usually worked in another unit of the hospital. She saw him, this young man who had suffered such a severe stroke, and tried to give him some "encouraging words".   She told him that she had a friend who was a lawyer, and had also suffered a stroke. She proceeded to tell Patrick how this lawyer-friend was back to work in six mo

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Pounding My Head Against a Wall

I am pounding my head against the wall, and I think Patrick is feeling the same way.   People don't understand (unless you've been there) just how frustrating it is to argue with a person who has aphasia. Not only do you have to make your own point, but you have to articulate the point of the person with aphasia so they understand YOU understand their point of view.   God forbid you not say it exactly as they want you to, otherwise you are missing the point! NO, I AM NOT MISSING THE POINT

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A special day

Patrick and I don't have much time (or money) to just DO something together. It seems like it is so hard when you are extremely limited financially and then compounded by limited mobility to find fun ways to spend time together. Even just a drive somewhere costs a fortune in gas. When the opportunity arose earlier this month to just get away for the afternoon, we took it!   We started off the morning with our usual stop for coffee and hit the road towards Morrison, Colorado. One of the things

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I'm losing the rat race

I have been working my butt off the last few weeks. The weekend before Valentines Day is always busy, and of course Valentines Day itself is nutty, and we have been short staffed. This does not make life any easier.   My last day off was last Thursday. I had to work 8 days in a row after that because I requested my days off this week to be Saturday and Sunday. I was suppose to start a vacation on Monday, so the weekend off before my vacation was stretching it out a bit longer.   Unfortuna

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Remember When

Remember when we could take long walks Remember when listening meant I could tune out whenever I got bored Remember when conversations didn't have to be decrypted first Remember when my boobs were still perky me either.   Remember when I was thin and sexy Remember when my clothes fit Remember when I had time to care how my hair looked Remember when sleeping in did not take an act of GOD   Remember when cooking was not a chore Remember when the chores were not all

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How have you all been?

It has been a while since I've blogged, so for anyone who is curious, here is an update in the Kristen/Patrick/Brandon household.   At the last blog, we had just taken Patrick in for an evaluation with a neuropsychologist. After five hours of testing the results were of no value IMHO. The doc, who was in his 30's and will probably never be a motivational speaker, told Patrick basically to accept where he is at now as "as recovered as he will ever be" . I hate that some people seem to think th

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I didn't sign up for this

"I didn't sign up for this."   This is the exact phrase that ran through my mind at one point right after Patrick's stroke. It only ran through for a moment, and I immediately pushed it aside, ashamed I'd even thought it. But it was a real thought all my own, no one else to blame. I thought it.   It is very hard to explain to someone else how such a thought can even cross your mind. I tried to explain to a friend at work who had told me he admired how I was handling everything that had

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Little to update

I don't have alot of new information on Grandma, but here is as much of an update as I can give:   Grandma has been moved from the hospital to a nursing home. Aunt *B* still believes Grandma isn't "in there". Her eyes are "black holes" as she put it and she believes the hand squeezes are random.   Dad is going to fly back to see her next weekend, and luckily *B* will be in Florida during that time. Dad will be able to spend some time with Grandma alone, and he plans on seeing if he can ge

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Mom is a finalist!

Finally, something cool to blog about.   My mom has been named a finalist (One of 10 overall, one of five in her catergory) for the Sutter Home Build A Better Burger Contest. YEAH MOM!!!   She is a finalist in the "alternative burger" catagory, which means at least 75% of the burger must contain a meat other than beef. The grand prize is $10,000 so those are pretty good odds. She has already won the trip to Napa for 2 nights so she can compete in the cook-off, plus I think all the runners

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Looking Back

While getting ready for bed last night, Patrick grabbed a small photo album that sits on our dresser and began flipping through the pages. It is filled with photos my mom had taken of our rehersal dinner and our wedding day. As he was going through each page one by one, he would smile, and I could see a look of wistfulness in his eyes. He was remembering what he was like pre-stroke.   He would find a photo of interest, and show it to me, saying a word here and there to give me a clue to what

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Lost on the way to ER (02/05)

When Patrick has his stroke last Feb, I knew he had siezure and stroke-like symptoms, but neither seemed possible to me. There had to be a different explanation, such as dehydration. (He had a hot shower running when he colapsed, and had just ran several miles on the treadmill.)   When the EMTs arrived, they asked me if I had a specific hospital I wanted him taken to. I couldn't think of which hospital was within our network, but I did remember the hospital which is listed on our worker's ac

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I'll be in the corner if you need me

I need an attitude adjustment. I know it, and I can't blame it on hormones; genetics maybe. The women on my mother's side of the family talk about us all having "the streak". They say the streak has been passed down for many years, and they all referred to it long before I was around. The women in my family are usually polite to a fault. You can push your luck quite far before we snap, but when we are pushed too far, the streak comes out and watch out. You will probably have no idea what the he

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The glass is 1/2empty

I am tired and cranky due to my work schedule this weekend (I got 4hrs sleep last night) so I apologize for the "Pity, party of 1" tonight. But I gotta say this cuz it's buggin me. Mostly, it's a continuation on Jean's thread, but I knew it was inappropriate to say this there, even though I am sure more people would actually read it there. (1/2 empty glass, today)   I am frustrated that most of my husband's family do not talk to me or ask if I'm home when they call to speak with Patrick. I

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Ups and Downs

Up and Down. That sums up my life recently, and literally the past few days.   For starters, me and my right index finger have been at odds lately. My finger wants to hang around, the rest of me seems determined to see it go. First thing I did to it was slice the tip of it about 1/4" deep with a serrated "bread" knife that was inadvertantly placed in my kitchen drawer. The knife's natural home is safely in it's cardboard sheath in my silverware drawer. The knife was put away by a well inten

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Wasted Days

I've been on vacation all week and feel like I haven't accomplished a damn thing. I get up every morning and get Brandon off to school, then I go back to bed. That ultimately kills me, because my body feels like it's starting the sleep cycle over from stage 1. I wake up again around 11am, try to get out of bed, and yell at the dog who is dancing around and verbally harrassing me.   From there I try to gather myself, look at the calendar and figure out what appointment(s) I have to take Patri

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Flowers, A Patio & Buckle Goats

I had three days off in a row: Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. That never happens! It felt almost like a mini vacation. I am also now convinced that if I could voluntarily never work again, I could find ways to keep myself happily occupied.   Sunday was a pretty lazy day, it took me forever to get motivated to actually get out of bed. I bet it was 1pm before I was showered and dressed for the day. OH WELL!!! Brandon had his cousin and a friend spend the night, so I did get up and make the whole

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The blahs

I don't know what it is, but it seems the blahs are going around here-especially with the caregivers- and I'm no exception. Oh, I know what is bothering me, but I have to wonder...Is it the the phase of the moon; are we caregivers on some sort of cycle similar to that of women who live together; are the blahs contagious through the computer like a real life virus; or am I just seeing it in this light because thats the frame of mind I'm in???   I know I am down because our assistant told us th

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Family Newsletter

Patrick and I have always disliked those "family newsletters" you get with an obligatory christmas card every year. It's not that we don't enjoy knowing how our loved ones are doing, it's just that they always sound like life is "so perfect" that they end up sounding like a Walgreens commercial. Unfortunately, my sister's are the worst. (LOVE YOU THOUGH, SIS!) We would truly just rather have a signature on the card and save the update for something one on one at their convenience and when we can

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AM I WRONG?

On my last blog I mentioned that Patrick and I had drove 45 minutes each way to go to the University in a neighboring town for speech therapy, but when we got there, we were told it had been canceled. They had known that Patrick's parents would be taking him to the next visit, so I had assumed that they had called me early one morning and I had simply forgot the coversation. Needless to say, I was embarrassed that we had driven all that way, and they believed that I had known it had been cancele

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