I am a born nurturer. I had thirteen years looking after my dear Ray before he died, I thought that was the end of my caregiving days but somehow I just go on caring for people, not in my home, not every day but as the need arises. I do this partly as the pastoral worker for my church and partly out in the community with the friends I have made in the dementia and stroke groups. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing it, but I do get tired, sometimes very tired. So a few days out in desert c
As a caregiver for thirteen years I lost my personality. I became Sue, caregiver to Ray. I wore sensible shoes, practical outfits and had my hair cut short so I could just wash it and brush it and it dried by itself. Ray was the focus of my life. What Ray needed was routine, regular sleep patterns, more time at home, and because as he had stroke after stroke my workload increased and I spent my days waiting on Ray. I was an independent working woman when he stroked in 1999 and it was hard to adj
We all have angels in our lives, not the heavenly kind but the earthly kind, the people who bring us hope. I went to my second most favorite day of the year, the day of the WAGS (Working Age group for Stroke) Christmas party. This is my second favorite day because it is a festive and fabulous day of friendship, food and dancing! Today we had a large gathering, survivors, caregivers and some supportive friends or family members and yes, there was good food, yes, there was a lot of chat and laught
One of the painful aspects of being a widow is flashbacks. Flashbacks make you cry, they destroy the happiness of the moment and leave you feeling drained. I was at a Christmas party and suddenly in the background there is one of the songs Ray and I used to dance to when we were young, a "golden oldie", the room goes blank around me and there I am just missing him so much, that feeling of being loved and protected and safe in his arms. No-one puts their arms around me like that any more. I am lu
You know those days when you sit and wonder what life is all about, why this is happening to you and yours and why not to someone else who of course is nasty, horrible and deserves the suffering? If you answer "no" then I know I have met a saint!!! because I think we all feel like this at some time. Well I am here to tell you that whatever you are experiencing is building you into a better, more compassionate and loving person. It is opening your eyes to the suffering in the world around you
On Tuesday it was the Big Race, the Melbourne Cup,so many people watch it that it is called the Race that Stops a Nation here. We have entries from all over the world. The Godolphin family who own Emirates Airlines fielded five horses this year, a marvel really in all kinds of ways. I didn't back a horse this year, too busy with other things but made sure I was home for the race itself. It is a Aussie thing to do. There are sweeps in the offices and my first memory of a sweep was in senior h
For those that don't know I have stepped down from hosting Caregiver Chat. I was a chat host for eleven years but four years out from Ray's passing I thought it time to step down. I do miss it and think fondly of all the many people who over the years I have chatted to. A few of them are on my Facebook page so I do see what they are doing, but on Facebook we only put the highs,not the lows, so I hope that are all well and coping with life. I know as a caregiver that life is not easy as I oft
I was looking back on the life I have lead in the past twelve months or so and discovered I have no pictures to look back on and yet I have been a lot of places and done a lot of things. During the last few years with the exception of the two trips overseas I have taken very few photos. I guess it is because I am alone and so I forget to take the camera with me, after all who is going to want to share the photos afterwards? The ones I have on my computer are mostly those of the six grandchildren
One of the Aussie stroke survivors on here and I are trying to get together for a lunch. We keep proposing dates and then one or the other of us has to cancel. I know this is a busy life so I guess that is the reason. It is not a long trip as she lives in Sydney an hour and a half or so from here, maybe two and a half hours if I factor in public transport.. I find it difficult to make a date and a time as that depends what else is happening in my life. I am picking up friends from the past again
A big Thank you to the "guests" who came to Caregiver Chat for my retirement party. I have been a Chat Host for eleven years and I am stepping down for many reasons. I am not leaving the site as I will still be the Blog Moderator. I will not be on chat as often but will call in from time to time. I am sure Host Sally will do her usual amazing job and all will be well. There will always be someone there to support you when you need it. To the many people who gave up an hour of the evening to be
I was sick all last week with a chest infection. It really took away my energy and I spent a lot of the time watching the Paralympics. Thank goodness this year's programming gave me a lot of options to watch so I saw a variety of sports. It certainly was inspiring to watch people who were struggling to just walk who were running, jumping, rowing, throwing the discus etc. I have to say I have great admiration for those who overcame great odds to be the best in their chosen sport. It certainly rai
I have been sick for a week, only a chest infection and cough but enough to slow me down and keep me home. I thought of going to the doctor for antibiotics but usually only do that if it turns to bronchitis which fortunately it didn't do this time. Spent the first three days inside,trying to keep either cool or warm as it seemed to change hour by hour. I went out on the fourth day to a meeting, to an appointment and then did some shopping and that was really tiring. Going out was definitely not
I have just got past another difficult milepost, Ray's birthday. Funny how now I am a widow all of those special days cause me to be teary and mindful once again of our loss. I know it is almost four years since Ray died now but in some ways it still seems as if it is recent. There is some healing in time, it is much less painful to recall his passing now but still I miss him. I miss the person I was married to for 44 years, I miss the young man he was when we were courting, the middle aged man
I spent all morning watching the Closing Ceremony of the Rio Olympics. I didn't watch the Olympics as much this time as I have in the past as I think like so many I got disillusioned by the scandals and the drug cheats. I always had such an admiration for those who won a medal, I sat up late watching those Olympic sports in which people made a huge effort to train themselves and I of course wanted our Aussie team to be the best. I was unaware until the past few years of the amount of cheating
Only one more month of winter. I can feel Spring is on the way when the sun shines like it did today and I am able to get out more. Love those days. In winter we are not locked in like you are in the colder parts of the northern hemisphere but the short grey sky days inhibit the actions I would like to take. The garden is dormant, the possums just ate off half the remaining baby spinach, the wind dries the tenderer garden plants out and until the temps rise the plants will just look as if the
The south wind has blown snow onto our Snowy Mountains and so taking a trip to the ski fields is now possible or so one of Ray's sister-in-laws told me, a reason we cannot meet up for coffee for a while. I still hear from another SIL and two of his cousins. I have tried to keep in touch with Ray's family, I was always the one keeping them updated with what was happening to him anyway, even if the Christmas cards were signed “Love from Ray and Sue” it was always me that wrote them and posted them
Some days I am glad to be alive, to see the sun, feel the breeze, talk, laugh, sing, other days I take it all for granted. I am aware that I am slowing down. I turned the alarm clock off at 7.15am this morning and turned back to look at the clock and it was 8am, I had just daydreamed 45 minutes away! Of course it is winter and much harder to get out from under the covers but back in the last decade I was always up at 6am, summer, winter, autumn and spring. With someone to look after there w
It's taken me years to get comfortable being on my own. A caregiver of a person who has many deficits and many needs becomes joined at the hip to the one he or she cares for. I think that is what makes it so difficult to recover from that separation and death, not only the sense of loss and the love you bore them but also the joined at the hip factor. I loved Ray and we were together for 44 years, allowing for the year he spent in the nursing home and the last decade of our marriage we spent so
I just wrote the Blog report for the week ending 3rd June. In writing the report I reread each blog written in the period, look at the comments and register the points made in the blog. I want to just give the readers of the report an idea of what the blogs are each about so they can read them if they have not already done so. I have been the Blog Moderator for some years and have read some remarkable blogs in that time. Some were superbly written, expressive in character and wonderful to re
I haven't written a blog for a while as really my life just goes on from day to day. I have settled into a routine three years and nine months out from becoming a widow and my life more or less follows a pattern. The days can be soothing or dull depending on how I feel on the day.The winter days of course compound that as they are shorter and the evenings longer so in the evening it is watching TV, doing some hand work, knitting, crocheting, beading, whatever I can lay my hands on that makes me
Over the past few years I have found public holidays and long weekends difficult to cope with. I was out today (Monday) with three other ladies who belong to my Lions Club, the other female member could not come as she has succumbed to a throat infection. Three of us are single and otherwise would have spent today alone. This is the Queen's Birthday Long Weekend so in the past I have found it lonely, this time I packed it full of things to do and it all went well. I am getting better at holidays
I just watched Mama Mia, watched the joy of youth, the fun of middle age and the insanity that sometimes comes over us. It was a wreck of a day today, high winds, heaps of rain, dull, miserable and awful weather for my 69th birthday but I enjoyed every minute of it. I had Shirley my daughter and her husband and kids here over night so we had breakfast, what my grandson calls "BIG Breakfast", bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomato, potatoes and baked beans, Christopher loves it and the others say "you
My children ring me up and say: "What did you do this week?" I go through the week in my mind. Monday I did, Tuesday I did, Wednesday I did etc. Of course it differs from week to week but certain elements happen through the month, Sunday Church and on the second Sunday of the month Messy Church in the afternoon. Monday mostly home as I do need a full day of housework, some time gardening etc. Monday night I do the Blog Report, I know it only takes a few minutes to read it but it takes well over
I have been out to the desert country again, out to Broken Hill to support Trevor through another Family Court hearing. This one was the final one as even the judge was getting anxious for Trev and his ex to reach a compromise solution. It came out as expected with half a day increase over the fortnight for Alice's access time with Trev this year and three days a week next year, conditions altering again when she goes to school late January 2017. It is all so complicated and he has been pretty f
'Then I smile and say: "When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes"' (written by American composer Jerome Kern and lyricist Otto Harbach ) applies to my life and the atmosphere as there is a lot of controlled burning being done right now with autumn waning and winter on the way. The controlled burning means a lot of smoke hazard. It is in response I think to the slow build up of fuel (leaves, fallen trees etc) lying on our forest floors. The big blaze in Canada right now is a reminder of
