• entries
    812
  • comments
    3,772
  • views
    232,197

About this blog

still sorting life out

Entries in this blog

ruffled feathers

Okay, so life doesn't always go right for us.   I posted an entry on getting bursts of anger and got told I am acting co-dependent? I don't think so!! And yet that is sometimes the way I do re-act to things. It is as if I can put all the fallen dominos back up if I just prop them up one at a time. If I just get Ray's problems fixed, maybe I can work on Mum's dementia, Trev's problems, Steve's problems, and maybe, when everything else is fixed, I can sit back and enjoy life.   Mind you t

Guest

Guest

how much is too much?

When Ray is sick, has another TIA or stroke I put my life on hold for a while. I have been caring for him at home since September 1999 so that has been a while. In that time I have had three days break twice a year. I have not at this stage put him into care,nor have I had to leave him for any reason. I am not saying I am a saint, I am just stating the facts of our life.   For maybe twelve months or so I have noticed a change in Ray. It is not so much that he doesn't listen, or doesn't un

Guest

Guest

family matters

Wow! I am glad I don't know what the future holds because some of it actually comes as a pleasant surprise.   I didn't think I would ever be ready for Christmas this year, we seemed to have so many interruptions that I nearly abandoned the big lunch, dinner for family and guests for Monday night dinner. It seemed such a large task. And Ray was being extremely unco-operative too. But the reality was much better than I had hoped or planned.   Family time was late coming on Christmas day

Guest

Guest

the good with the bad

I wrote a right ripping rant this morning and then lost it in cyber space. Probably just as well. You should never write a blog when you are mad at someone!!   Ray has found the activities of this week too much for him. We had our grand daughter Tori part of three days this week. He doesn't mind her here one afternoon or two but one night she was here till 9.30pm while her parents went to do some shopping and I think he found that too much.   The heat affects him too because of his diabe

Guest

Guest

I bin busy

It is strange how so much of our past lives can quickly come back to us when we hear certain words said, an expression or a quote; how many memories some small word or two can recall.   We had a dear friend who had had very little education. Bill,from a small lad growing up on a farm, had spent most of his hours working. His parents were not great talkers so his own conversation was a little rustic. He had his own way of expressing himself.Instead of "been" he always said "bin". He used th

Guest

Guest

timing, timing is everything

"None of you is a believer until you love for your brother what you love for yourself" said the bearded gentleman in the long robe just as a segment on the news finished. I came into the room just then, I knew it was something about the Interfaith meeting between notables from various faiths called to discuss, pray about and hopefully put a stop to some of the racial/religious violence that is going on at the moment and of course I'd missed it and just come in to hear that enigmatic statement.

Guest

Guest

Good, great, wonderful, delightful news

I don't usually blog twice in the one day. NO I am not becoming a blogoholic so don't send me support group numbers (Sandy) or write sympathetic tags. I need to tell you something.   I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDPARENT!! again and also for the fourth time. There is no news more wonderful. Well maybe if the neurologist could say:"It is as if Ray had never had a stroke." that would qualify. Our DIL is 40+ but happy to be having her second child, baby sibling to our adored Tori. We are happy too,

Guest

Guest

I'll just reschedule that

Reading Jean's blog I picked up one point that is really bugging me at the moment. I wait and wait and wait and wait for an appointment for Ray. Aha, the secretary rings and books me one. Jumping Jubilee Ray is finally getting his swallow test. No more coughing without reason, no more going blue in the face, no more throwing up on his plate ( he did that yesterday, I fancied lunch again about 4pm). Settle down, take a deep breath.   But hang on, I have two other appointments this week, on

Guest

Guest

The Stockman and Ray's Picnic

Today was a BIG day. I did the service for children at church this morning. It was a "Technology hates me" day as I forgot the disc with my story on, couldn't get the OHP to focus, and had some trouble with the tape player. But it all went wonderfully well. I had gifts for the congregation members and the men loved the cheap Bear print neckties, the women got coffee mugs and the children mugs with animals on and sweets. It was so good to see them all enjoying the singing, and laughing at th

Guest

Guest

why Christmas is special to me

There has been a lot of posting about Christmas, those for celebrating it and those against it. I know as our world gets more secular and our nations more multinational that there will be tension when a holiday, precious to one part of the nation, is not celebrated by another.   We have a good example of that in Australia with Australia Day (26th January) which celebrates to a lot of folk what it means to be a true Australian. It commemorates the day Captain Cook landed on the shores of Bot

Guest

Guest

Wacky Wednesdays

Wednesday is still the middle of the week for me. When I used to work it was changeover day as I worked as a voluntary unpaid Lay Assistant in a parish two days a week and as a public servant the last three days. I used to share a position with another girl called Sandra. She was an expert in accounting, I in administration and filing so the caller often rudely asked "Which S are you?" to which we replied:"It depends on what you want?" and it did. Happily for a while we both worked on Wedne

Guest

Guest

grinding me finer

Ray and I had a really busy day yesterday and that is why I got up at 3am and started updating and filing. It is the time of the year when my low fat diet fails and I get "tummy trouble". Still it gives me plenty of time for reflection.   I just read Sarah's blog on experiencing the kindness of strangers at this time of the year. We do well to remember that we are "strangers" to each other and yet can reach out in a meaningful way on these message boards. I went in to see if anyone was in c

Guest

Guest

giving birth

Had Marj's funeral at our church today, just a tiny one 25 people who knew her. Not a lot but at 88 and without a family you don't have a lot of mourners, unless you are a movie star or a politician, or maybe a millionaire.   I did part of the eulogy, it was just a homely reminder of what we were all like in the early '80's. Twenty five years younger, some newly retired we put a lot of work into the social aspects of our church, raised money for good causes and had some fun in the process.

Guest

Guest

reflecting on life

I have been asked to say a few words at the funeral tomorrow. It was difficult to sit down and do it because I wanted to leave "me" out of it. Have you ever been to one of those funerals where the eulogies were about the person giving them and not the person who had died? I didn't want to do that. But leave out the relationship and my few words about Marj and the church are very few. So I left it brief. Too many words are said sometimes.   Had a couple of strange event days. No social w

Guest

Guest

outside influences

One of my Mum's favourite expressions was: "I am sick and tired of all of this" and I used to watch her stew herself into a state and then we all copped it! I determined I would never be like her and so most of my life have been somewhat of a doormat. People do or say mean things to me and I take it on the chin and when I have regained my equilibrium, step back up to the plate.   At least that's all I thought I did. But then I realised, maybe not so long ago that we are often performing f

Guest

Guest

caring professionals

You would think that I had three days of freedom and so I would use it wisely and get myself rested? Not the way it happened, but then when life is booked out months ahead as it tends to be there is not a lot of choice as to what I do on a particular week. It is already booked onto the calendar.   I went to a "Stroke Seminar" yesterday. As usual it was advertised as being on a list of topics and it wasn't, the main speaker had changed. But that wasn't bad as the substitute was at least inv

Guest

Guest

three days of freedom

Ray has gone to Camp Breakaway for three days. I have all the usual things to do so can't kick up my heels but can re-arrange things so I can fit more in. As usual there was some fear attached to detaching him from my care into someone else's. But I know the care is excellent (all trained to take care of stroke survivors in all stages of recovery) and the meals are great and he just LOVES all the entertainment they provide. So it is a great experience for him and one he wouldn't want to miss

Guest

Guest

my heart is crying

In life we get on fine if we have good foundations. Home and family, church and community have always been my four corner posts.   Although as a teenager I was not a church attender, godward thinking and spirituality has always been a part of my nature. I breathe therefore I pray. It is hard for me not to put "God bless.." at the end of my postings as that is what I put at the end of my letters and emails usually. Whether the person I am sending them to is a believer or not, is not my fir

Guest

Guest

what's in that package?

I've posted so many solemn entries it is time for something different. I have been having a spring clean and came upon this, an excerpt from a Christmas message.   I'm just sure some of those presents have underwear in them! Someone always gives me underwear for Christmas, some socks or handkerchiefs, or somethings else that is useful, but not much fun. And then I am supposed to be polite and thankful, (as though I am really happy with the gift!!) and say "Thank you" - and not ju

Guest

Guest

using our experience

I am inclined to put on a happy face even when I don't feel like it, it is part of my upbringing. So I am not the best person to give advice on dealing with reality. Most of my friends probably don't now what a battle life is from day to day, I don't tell them! So they think that dear Sue, with her smiley face and jokey manner is coping. And I am not about to tell them otherwise.   I have from time to time however wanted "my old life back". It is a common theme here and one that often verg

Guest

Guest

you are on our waiting list

There are waiting lists all over this area with my name on it. When I think of all the poor people on waiting lists my blood boils. Currently Ray is waiting for: 1) his Modified Swallowing test - five weeks wait so far   2)an in-home respite carer once a week , three hours, Wednesdays, I've been on the waiting list for some time but a social worker just had another try - "Sorry, we will not have anyone available for a while, probably February at the earliest". which is all well and good but

Guest

Guest

hitting the pots and pans

Having a grandchild here can be so therapeutic. Tori, this afternoon was watching a video we see over and over. Some animals form a band using household implements as instruments. She has old plastic salt and pepper shakers filled with rice that are her "moraccas". I have curtain rod off-cuts with jingle bells on them but Pa was still up today when we put the video on and did not have anything. So off she went to the pots and pans cupboard and returned with a saucepan, I was dispatched to f

Guest

Guest

broken promises

Finally got the phone call about the three hours in-house sitting once a week for Ray. It was the usual pathetic rubbish. It goes something like this: "Hi, this is K returning you call. I've looked to see if we have the hours you want. I am really sorry to tell you the earliest we could expect to get you someone would be sometime in the New Year." Then lots of expressions of her sorrow, her sympathy for me etc. Did I forget - how she REALLY understands. Sure she does.   I'm coping, I'm

Guest

Guest

doing what you have to

I felt really sorry for Ray tonight. We did half of the new exercises before dinner and half of them after an hour or so. It possibly wasn't the right time but it was the time I had left. He really struggled to raise his left foot off the floor and it was a strain that really showed on his face. But he did it. Hopefully he will get some of his previous fitness back. I know that firmer muscles, more exercise in a day, make for a happier Ray. But he does always need "help" and there is res

Guest

Guest

I'm resigning from this job

Not a good day today. The physiotherapist came and gave Ray a tape with some exercises, sat him down and did some of them with him and then did an assessment - and that's it! She's not coming back! Why?? Because Ray's answered every question: "Yes", "Fine", "Can do." etc. According to him he can do all the exercises and doesn't need the help. I didn't actually hear all the answers as I had Tori and kept her busy so I only heard the tail end when she told me Ray was doing just fine and if he

Guest

Guest