Ray and I went to our Lions dinner last night. The Lions Club meets twice a month for a dinner meeting at one of the local surf clubs. This is a wonderful venue in summer, right on the beachfront, but a bit chilly in winter with the wind blowing off the sea.
Last night we had all the usual business part of the meeting plus our dinners and then there was a guest speaker. Most speakers speak for 20 minutes so we are out of there by about 9pm. Last night it was actually a wine tasting, or
You know those days when you sit and wonder what life is all about, why this is happening to you and yours and why not to someone else who of course is nasty, horrible and deserves the suffering? If you answer "no" then I know I have met a saint!!! because I think we all feel like this at some time. Well I am here to tell you that whatever you are experiencing is building you into a better, more compassionate and loving person. It is opening your eyes to the suffering in the world around you
Over the past few years I have found public holidays and long weekends difficult to cope with. I was out today (Monday) with three other ladies who belong to my Lions Club, the other female member could not come as she has succumbed to a throat infection. Three of us are single and otherwise would have spent today alone. This is the Queen's Birthday Long Weekend so in the past I have found it lonely, this time I packed it full of things to do and it all went well. I am getting better at holidays
It is a busy Sunday and I am using the time between church and Messy Church to update my blog. I try to fit everything into small compartments of time. There are a lot of small jobs I can manage and the big ones send a shadow over me as I look at when I can fit them in. I thought when I gave up the caregiving life that I would have heaps of time but have come to the conclusion that it is just what I do with life, decide what my limit is and then pile in a few more things to fill in the gaps that
Sometimes when I see something I still think: "I must tell Ray about that". I watch a TV program we once would have watched together and I turn to him to say something and of course he is not there. I suppose it is partly because I haven't moved, I still live in the house Ray extended three times. We owned this house together for a long time, it is the house we called home with two out of three of our children (Trevor was born in Yass, we moved there in 1974). We bought it or at least paid
Last time I wrote a blog I was still hopping around on a foot and a half, now I am back to walking on both feet and wearing some nicer shoes. Unfortunately the new skin blistered and now I have a whole other problem, sometimes you can't get anything right. I am just fillng in summer with some gardening, and extra tasks, this week it was attacking the cobwebs and just general tidying up. I don't feel a compulsion to do a lot, I am finally learning to pace myself., just maybe I am getting olde
In my Lifeline training I learned I can be one of three things, a signpost, a bus stop or a wailing wall. I have spent a lot of time being a wailing wall. I have cried with a lot of people. In my training days I cried with each member of the groups I trained. We all have a sad story in us, that is the touching point for all of us who are caregivers, the place where we can identify our own pain and in doing so feel the pain of others.It is in feeling the pain of others that we can be of some
I hate Sundays that turn out to be work days. We have been so busy that somehow this week I didn’t do enough laundry and realised that some of the clothes we needed for early in the week had not been laundered. So did a couple of loads of washing before going to church and a load when I came home and now have a full ironing basket to deal with.
I did Sunday school this morning, only four little folk and a fairly complicated craft so enlisted the help of the Mums and we managed okay. All C
Hi there all. It was a nice spring morning…not sure what is happening this afternoon as the wind is back and it is a cold one from the south so I guess spring is not ready to give way to summer yet. It snowed last week on the higher peaks of the Snowy Mountains and out on the Western Plains so that explained last week’s cold snap and the way we had to pile covers back on to keep warm at night. This week we’ve had a couple of warmer days but today it seems to be getting colder as the day progr
I hate to even think about it but the summer school holidays finish on Friday and it is time to go back to all the organisations to which we belong to start a new year again. This means the annual general meeting season is upon us with all the usual
Ray has been in respite a week, one more week to go. I thought I would get a lot done but I was wrong. My routine takes up so much time now that there isn
It was busy early in the week, quieter for the last few days then whoosh! The October long weekend was upon us and life sped up again. Our football code Grand Final was on Sunday night and we thought we would all watch the game on TV so Trev brought his new
Yet another close friend rang and told me her mother-in-law is dying. I know they ring because they know I can cope with the news and they want to tell someone.
I trained to be a hospital chaplain but due to a lot of circumstances never ever got to do that work. I did do a stint as a volunteer hospital visitor and I guess that really prepared me for some of the work I do as a caregiver. I am no stranger to hospitals as most of you know.
Sometimes I wish people would ring me with the
It would be good to say I have settled back into the routine again but so far the routine has been missing as a framework to our lives. There was no Scallywags this week, the birthday party for our grandson that we had hurried home for didn't happen and today it is cold and windy and I guess the weeding of the garden will have to wait.
I did my chat hosting Wednesday morning (Tuesday night Caregiver chat) and it was good to catch up with a few people who are regulars on chat as well as a f
"Looking after Ray is getting more time consuming and I can see how people become prisoners in their own homes. It is sometimes easier to stay home than to keep putting pressure on yourself. Ray is happy on his verandah and going out is not always what he wants to do but I am the one who needs the social contact, without it I would go mad I am sure."
This is a quote from a letter I just wrote to an old friend. And it is the truth. It is getting harder and harder to get Ray out now. Tod
I have a new neighbour two doors over. I said a few words to her last week, another few sentences yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon I was dressing to go to our Lions dinner and there was a knock on the back door. There stood my new neighbour with two glasses of wine. She said she needed to talk to me desperately and it seemed she did. She is taking a course in "Caring for the Aged" and had just hit the subject of DEATH. It had really pushed all her buttons and she was a mess. She had
Ray and I went to our local support group WAGS today. It was a mostly business meeting as they have a lot of funding to spend. The lady survivors have formed a group and are going to have monthly lunches, this will be subsidised as the Friday Scallywags (male) group is. Scallywags starts again this coming Friday so (yippee!!) I will have some time away from Ray again.
The group also planned a couple of informal get-togethers, one will be a day tour, by coach, possibly late March, the othe
During the weekend away there were many discussions. My room mate was a marriage celebrant but had formerly had a job which included counselling. She is a widely read woman and produced our wedding skit. At the end of the weekend she also produced a two page document for us to take home. It is to help us look at our relationships.
I with many others here have a great deal of angst about the changing roles of relationships in our life post-strokes. This can apply equally to those who hav
Ray and I went to WAGS today, to a big room where the sound echoed. But the air conditioning was spot on and the circle of tables held 48 people, all of whom seemed glad to be there. This was only my third meeting so I am still struggling to fit names to faces, carers to survivors etc. But Ray is greeted by the Scallywags menfolk with waves and smiles and the cry:"Ho, Ray." And his smile is a mile wide.
We had a break to wait for a guest speaker who didn't turn up so we got some chatting
I just read Heather's entry about not getting anxious for one day. I remember I felt that in the first twelve months after Ray's strokes. I felt as if I lost control every time even the most minor event happened, an appointment changed, a delay of some kind. Visits from therapists could send a ripple through the day. Their advice seemed to dominate our life, changing it forever. It is not like that now.
I had a reply from Sherri that said she has accepted the new norm ( or words to that
I woke up early because the parrots were having breakfast in the tree near our bedroom window. It is nearing Spring and the blossom is fully out on the eucalypt trees and the little rosellas particularly just love the sweet nectar. From our camping experiences I know that after an hour or so they calm down but once I am awake I might as well have breakfast myself.
The Change One diet went the way of all other diets. All I have kept up is the breakfast, a piece of toast and a piece of frui
I have just finished my first month of Caregivers Chat and I thought, particularly today, what a brave bunch we all are. Imagine anyone bringing a stranger home and doing all the things we do for our spouse, parents or children. Today there were people who did all that you could ever expect a caregiver to do, and more, and in some cases this wasn't the first person they had provided care for. No way would most of us do for a good wage what we do for our loved ones for free. Because we love th
Just had a looong phone call with a friend who works full-time, is studying for a degree and acts as secondary caregiver for a disabled grandson. His life was falling apart because his hot water heater had sprung a leak and flooded his apartment. Boy! do I know that "this is the last straw" feeling he is experiencing right now. Those unexpected events that throw us into financial and emotional crisis just because we are already right at the end of our tether.
What can we do with this los
I really have nothing worth blogging about, life has been very mundane since I came back from my break. It is funny how soon that "I've had a holiday" feeling works off and I am back to my usual cranky self.
I had another tummy bug. Happily not the projectile vomiting that Tori and then Trevor suffered from but one of those that feel as if someone has lit a fire in your middle and nothing puts it out. To my surprise Trev took to the idea of taking care of me, supervised Ray and cooked hi
