When Ray had another stroke on 30th May it was six years since his 5th stroke. I wonder why they happen when your partner is supposedly on all the right medication, having a balanced diet etc. This one has taken more of his movement away and the use of his left arm is worse, hanging at his side now like a dead limb where before he would hold it up and use his cupped hand to carry things.
The stroke resulted in falls and the falls resulted in a broken head of humerus. It made life a lot ha
I went down to my daughter Shirley's house for a week. No way did I want to be alone on the anniversary of Ray's death or the anniversary one year out from the day of his funeral. I knew I would just sit around and obsess, crying and making myself sick. I knew that if I stayed with my daughter and her family I would not be able to do that, I would want to put on a brave face for the grandchildren and that is what happened. I was Braveheart in a dress.
When everyone says that the first year i
I am going on a holiday. It is the first time I have been away by myself. The other breaks I have had since Ray went into the hostel and nursing home and since he died have only been down the south coast to stay with my daughter. This is different and I am a little anxious. I'd love to tell you all about it but am paranoid about "security" these days when scammers hack into profiles on Face Book etc.
I have had a frantic couple of weeks catching up with all the usual things you do before goi
I went to visit my daughter and family for a few days. It was a good visit as the sun was shining for a change. I had a hard trip down as I had to stand on the train for the first 90 minutes and got a bad cramp in my left calf, ouchy! But the rest of the trip was good. I almost didn't go as looking after the other grandkids had me feeling very tired but talking to Debbie (Ethyl17) she reminded me how much I love to go visit my daughter and yes, it is always worth going down there.
I had ho
I think I am making some kind of progress but the basic loneliness of widowhood gets to me. It is okay when you are on your way out to somewhere but the coming home means coming home to emptiness, with no-one to share your experiences with. Trev and Edie have been moving house for the past week or so and so haven't seen them, Steve I don't hear from much and Shirley and co have enough worries. Sometimes I feel like a left behind Teddy Bear, once much loved but sitting on the shelf for now.
Ray has pneumonia again. I don't think he actually gets over one chest infection before starting another. He aspirates food into his lungs all the time so sets up bacterial infections in his lungs. Antibiotics work on the side effects eg pneumonia but you cannot vacuum out what is left of the infection in the lungs and start again. So the next cycle of infection begins.
This means I have spent a lot of time with Ray the past week, longer hours as I go earlier to sort out what is happening
Ray has not had a seizure for over three weeks, hopefully because the medication has reached the therapeutic level. He did have two days in bed last week due to a bladder infection. I think that was down to the catheter though as they finished up taking it out. Today when I visited him he had that spaced out look which is more frequently his expression now. I note the changes in him and try to keep optimistic, I know I can still enjoy the day and not think about tomorrow.
The not so good
Must be that time of the year! We had about a week of rain, it flooded my phone junction box and on Thursday night my phone line started a loud buzzing noise and my Internet went down. So no Internet - no phone. On Saturday morning I was sitting in a stroke support meeting when a receptionist approached bearing a phone and it was news from the nursing home - Ray had had another collapse, maybe a stroke and was on his way by ambulance to Wyong Hospital. Wow! was that a blow!
So off I went
I have received a lot of Christmas cards this year. I send out a lot so I get a lot. Most people are polite and send out a card in reply to one they receive. In the cards I sent out I said Ray had gone into a Nursing Home now and briefly outlined the traumas we had been through. None of the cards I received expressed concern or sympathy at our life changing circumstances; even cards from close family were simply signed “Love from xxx and xxxx”.
I often wonder about the value of the cheap
This morning I found it difficult to get out of bed. Not like me as I usually spring up and out, ready for the day. Twelve years of caregiving and always the alarm went off and I was up! Of late I have the alarm on the morning news and just lay back and listen to the headlines for a while. I know that I am stalling but it seems as if this is a part of my life now.
I find the nights the hardest to cope with. In the day I am busy, outside in the garden, inside the house tidying, sorting o
I am in danger of becoming a blog hog…lol. Every day something happens and I think: “I will blog about that.” I think it is because I am really lonely with Ray still in hospital and no news yet of what they are doing to get him moving. I am getting stressed about this now as it is now 28 days – four weeks, since he actually had the stroke.
I went in this afternoon and he seemed fine, he was sitting up and looking scrubbed up. I took that to mean that he had recently had a shower but didn
I hate going in to the hospital every day. It is easier in the car although there are a lot of road works between here and Gosford. I try to work out when there will be less traffic but sometimes get it wrong…lol. Today Trev took the car to get a new battery and a service before it is re-registered so I went on the bus. Not an ideal day for it as it was cold and windy.
Ray has won his battle with the chest infection but still has the cough so the speech therapist is working in that. He is
Sometimes as a caregiver I am so smart. Oh yes, I can do anything. And some days in my haste to do that "everything that needs doing" I do something that capitulates me into pain. There is nothing like rushing something to make you forget the principles involved in the process and down you go.
On Monday Ray had a fall. I was making breakfast when I heard a thump! I called out :"Everything ok?" a muffled voice called back: "I don't think so." Sure enough when I went in there was Ray hal
I was half way through chat and had a visitor come so I excused myself and left Hostsarah in charge…good for you Sarah! My visitor was an old friend who desperately wanted to help me out during this current crisis so she had made us a casserole (beef stew) and a fruit loaf to cut if visitors drop in over the long weekend.
It is such an old-fashioned thing to do that it reminded me of my Mum’s generation who arrived at births, deaths and sudden illnesses armed with a casserole and a beef tea
On Saturday we went to a 60th birthday party. It is the turn of the season so a heavy sweater didn’t seem appropriate. We had to wear something pink as it was a “pink party” so I bought a pink blouse on Friday and when I got it home and tried it on with the jacket I wanted to wear it with - CLASH - so there I was with no clothes to wear! Tragedy if you are a woman. In the end I found a couple of things that were pink and sort of went together so I was sorted. PHEW!
So why do we worry so
Sometimes we’re up sometimes we’re down. Oh yes, oh yes. It is getting that way, back on the roller coaster again. Not that we are always in pain, sad, exhausted, worried sick etc but that some part of the day it is so.
It is Ray who is in pain, bad pain, almost crying pain. He moves slowly, like a very old man, he needs help to get out of bed and he needs me to push him in the wheelchair as he can’t walk. He sits in the car and sighs and groans and clutches his left leg. And I do not k
It is ten years today since I became full- time caregiver to Ray after he had been in hospital for six weeks and rehabilitation unit for three months. We had been on holidays when he had the stroke on 19th April 1999, followed by another on 10th May 1999 so had actually not been home since 8th April. He was so glad to be home but to tell you the truth I was scared stiff!
When he was finally discharged into my care there was still an endless round of appointments to keep up with, visit to
Sad day today in many ways as Trev and I cleaned out Room 11 at the Dementia Lodge, Mum's home for the past eight years. The night nurses had packed it up for us in six rubbish bags! There it all was, just so big a pile of old clothes, photos and sun hats. Just the sight of it all made me teary.
I could not have done it alone but with Trev's help we moved the dressing table and chair back here and sent some of the clothes over to the Nursing Home and tonight I have sorted the rest. It is
Well, the holiday is over for me, and work starts again with Ray back home again. The Tuesday shower nurse has come and gone and Ray went straight out to sit on the verandah. All is well in his world when he is out there doing his word puzzles. I guess it is the one thing he really misses when he is away from home.
Yesterday I finished putting up the last of the Christmas decorations before going and picking him up. As usual the bag was only half packed, clean clothes among the dirty one
I am not the only one here who has trouble accepting changes, Ray with his dementia is not able to change his thinking and so we had a chain of events happen today that was to do with that.
As you know I had a new built-in closet ordered and it was mostly built by the time Ray got back home after three weeks in hospital. He doesn't process much information now (dementia) and so I have made a point of taking him through where all his clothes are now etc. So it surprised me that the carer
Ray and I went on a bus trip today. I thought it would be okay as it was with the church oldies ( youngest my age, oldest 93) and only for five hours so I figured Ray could last that long. The day started badly with an "accident" but not a huge clean-up so I was still okay, Ray was okay, my temper was intact. Ray was "hurrying" as best he could as he knew we were going out for the day.
I did prepare some thickened drink for Ray, enough for two drinks, found an old thermos flask, a tall c
He's back home at last. Ray should have come home yesterday but there was a delay in processing some of the tests so he came home today instead. He is now asleep on our pull-out sofa bed. Allan is still working noisily in the bedroom on putting the shelves into the built in wardrobe so I thought the lounge bed was a better idea as it is quieter in there.
I think just coming home in the car was excitement enough for Ray on his first day so I put in an apology for both of us for craft gro
This was supposed to be my break while Ray was at Camp Breakaway but instead Ray is in hospital. He went in on Monday from Daycare where he had had a fall. Maybe he just collapsed, not clear on that one. Their reaction, definitely the right one, was to call an ambulance and send him off to hospital. He had had a temp the day before and a couple of falls but said he was okay to go and I took his word for it.
They are doing a lot of tests to see if they can find out what is causing his curre
