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About this blog

still sorting life out

Entries in this blog

Little bits of happiness

Life goes on, heading to winter, after a few sunny days a cloudy day yesterday and again today. It was our market day today at church and although it was wet and we didn't have a lot of stallholders I think it was a profitable day. I always enjoy the market as it is a good way to spend four or five hours and with plenty of people to talk to . Sometimes I even see folk from my past and enjoy a catch up. We have a woman who brings vegetables straight from the farm she and her husband run and t

swilkinson

swilkinson

Freedom or loneliness?

I find it hard to be home alone when I have been with family for a few days. I went up to visit with my daughter and her family on Monday and came home on Thursday, it is school break so I had the two grandchildren to talk to as well as my daughter and my son-in-law. The weather was drizzle in the main and so we didn't do anything special but it was good to be with them, to have some company, some talk and laughter and I do find it very quiet when I come home. They have two dogs which kept us a

swilkinson

swilkinson

Squeezing time - a between seasons update

It is a busy Sunday and I am using the time between church and Messy Church to update my blog. I try to fit everything into small compartments of time. There are a lot of small jobs I can manage and the big ones send a shadow over me as I look at when I can fit them in. I thought when I gave up the caregiving life that I would have heaps of time but have come to the conclusion that it is just what I do with life, decide what my limit is and then pile in a few more things to fill in the gaps that

swilkinson

swilkinson

Does society discriminate against the widow?

I did a talk in a church group yesterday afternoon on being a widow. Initially I was asked if I would be the MC for the afternoon, then the guest speaker let us down and I did that too. The theme was about a way in which being a Christian helps us in our daily life so I explained something of what it is like to be a widow after being a wife for 44 years. I spoke about how hard it is to be on your own when in my case I moved from my parents house into my home with my husband without any sort of t

swilkinson

swilkinson

Family for some of Easter

I still miss having Ray around. I know I keep busy and I do have a fulfilling life on the whole. Of course sometimes I really miss being part of a couple. It was the way my life was for 44 years. When the two English girls were here I so enjoyed there being someone else in the house, someone to share a meal with for example. I can spend days sitting at home by myself with no-one to talk to and it can be quite lonely and it is easy to feel isolated. But when they were here it was just great just

swilkinson

swilkinson

What will we do today?

My English visitors have gone to Sydney for a few days and will fly back to England on Friday. I really enjoyed the visit but am quite tired and I think glad for the moment of the peace and quiet. That will pass as I am soon bored and looking around for something else to do. One thing I will miss is hearing someone say: "What will we do today?" it is the "we" I miss, someone else being there to want to share an activity. I didn't realise how much I missed that. i know I miss Ray but I also

swilkinson

swilkinson

through other eyes

I have been having a different kind of holiday as I home host one of the people who home hosts me in England, she and I are third cousins and she is with a cousin from her mother's side of the family. They are here for an extended holiday, five weeks in all and they will be going home in the middle of this month. I have been showing them the beauty of the area in which I live, a coastal area of beautiful beaches, spectacular views, little cafes and endless eateries so a spot of sightseeing and

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swilkinson

Still pondering life

My English visitors went to Sydney today for five days. It has been so good having company but with the hot weather, warm nights, late nights and running them around I am soooo tired. I think it is time for me to learn to relax more. (If you know me you will know that is an impossibility). My cousin and her cousin's wife will be back on Monday, Des had to fly home to England as he has to go back to work, he is a project engineer so has a new construction job ahead of him. It was odd to have a

swilkinson

swilkinson

Jacquie's here, but Ray is not.

It doesn't take much to get me stressed! I have some English visitors coming tomorrow. They fly into Sydney tonight and will be coming up on the train in the morning. I am so looking forward to this as it is my lovely cousin Jacquie who I stay with in England. She has known me since I was five, we became penfriends when she became a Brownie after I had come out to Australia with my parents and my sister. She wanted a penfriend badge so we started writing then and have shared so much over 60

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swilkinson

half of summer gone

When I had kids at home I loved school holidays, I loved having my kids around the house, lots of noise, always something happening. Holidays were always the time when one or more of them would come and have a long talk about what was gong on in their lives, I would make an opportunity to sit down with them for a while without having to jump in the car and take them to the many places they needs to go, Scouts, football for the boys, Venturers and guitar lessons for Shirley. As a mostly stay at h

swilkinson

swilkinson

How good am I at embracing change?

Another day when Host Sally and I talked to each other for the period of Caregiver Chat. We think maybe the time for that is over now as newbies don't see to come to caregiver chat and the "old gang" we used to have on as regulars just went on with their lives or dropped out of Strokenet. I know there are all sorts of reasons for that to happen, not blaming anyone just saying that is what seems to have happened. Sally and I get on well so it is not a problem to talk to her for an hour but I w

swilkinson

swilkinson

About time I updated

I just posted the blog report in which I encouraged you all to update so guess I had better do so too. I went out to my son in Broken Hill and spent two weeks there. It was hot but not humid, sunny apart from a couple of days of high cloud. There was sometimes a hot dusty wind blowing but all in all it was a great break away for me. I got to spend Christmas with Trevor and his small daughter Alice and then New Year's Eve too. Unfortunately we saw the New Year in in hospital as she had a virus

swilkinson

swilkinson

planning the holiday season

Read on any widow site and you will see what a widow or widower feels about the holiday season. I guess not a lot different to what a survivor or caregiver feels but a little lonelier. It is hard in holiday season to be alone and a bit sad for that is how older widows and widowers must appear. Separated from their families and significant others a widow on her own is hardly a family and of course Christmas in the secular world is seen as a family celebration . Or is that just the Hallmark v

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swilkinson

It's not easy to forget

Sometimes when I see something I still think: "I must tell Ray about that". I watch a TV program we once would have watched together and I turn to him to say something and of course he is not there. I suppose it is partly because I haven't moved, I still live in the house Ray extended three times. We owned this house together for a long time, it is the house we called home with two out of three of our children (Trevor was born in Yass, we moved there in 1974). We bought it or at least paid

swilkinson

swilkinson

out of my comfort zone

Did you miss me? I was away for eight days and it seemed like a couple of weeks. There has been a lot happening in my part of the world and in world wide events. It is so sad that innocent people suffer when the fanatics take over the world. I do wonder sometimes at my age where the bold voices of the moderators are. Two deaths in my friendship groups while I was away too so that is sad. I know when I befriend people who are sick, or old or infirm in some way that that is going to happen but it

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swilkinson

Angels do die

I went to a funeral today. It was at a crematorium and conducted by a celebrant, there was a graveside service to follow. The lovely lady who died who I called Essie was for a while my mentor for the stroke/dementia journey as she too was on the same journey with her husband. She steadied me when I was about to fly off the rails and her tea and sympathy morning teas helped me so much. Sadly her husband died in 2007 and she only really had three good years as a widow as by 2010 she had been d

swilkinson

swilkinson

What makes a difference in your life?

What makes a difference in your life? Is it family and friends, grandchildren, maybe even your dogs or cats? Is it that special someone who always does a kind deed and says a loving word? Is it the support from family or friends or that you get on this site? There are a lot of things we hold dear in our lives and when something like strokes (or in my case widowhood) strikes then our values change and we may have another look at what is important to us in our new situation.   To me it is ne

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swilkinson

the gatekeeper

Many years ago, in the '80's I did a six month course that made ordinary citizens into Lifeline Telephone counselors. Lifeline was set up as a Suicide Prevention line in Australia but all kinds of people ring Lifeline with all kinds of questions and queries and just sometimes because they are lonely and need a listening ear and have no-one else to turn to. I did my own first course and later five more as a group leader. In one of the courses we were introduced to the concept of the gatekeeper a

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swilkinson

why do we do what we do?

As you all know I do a lot of visiting on behalf of the church and my Lions Club, I also visit people who have gone into nursing homes who have been in other parts of my life. I do it for a lot of reasons, partly I do it because I can. I can visit because of Mum being in a nursing home for so long. I got immune to a lot of what stops other people from visiting. As stroke caregivers and survivors we have learned a lot of different skills, some of which overflow into other parts of our lives. We l

swilkinson

swilkinson

Keeping myself busy

I just had a week without a landline and no internet access for a few days then some access to the internet courtesy of Brett my next neighbour. The phone lines went down last Friday and Brett came in on Monday and gave me access to his network , which was good as without the phone and the internet I would have gone quietly mad. After all reading and crocheting are okay for a few days but.....I still depend on the internet, and chat to many people both on Facebook and on Strokenet. Although n

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swilkinson

getting geared up for Spring

I have had a lot of advice since becoming a widow. A lot of it is good and based on common sense and so I consider it. Good friends who know me well like to see me out and about, the sad thing is that they don't invite me to their homes or out to dinner with one exception. In the main the widow is still looked on as a potential trouble maker in a couple's marriage. But I attend enough groups so that I have social contact so that is not a major problem. And a couple of old friends who have come b

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swilkinson

Spring is on hold today

I am through all the September anniversaries, Father's Day, Ray's birthday and the anniversary of his death. I know it is now three years but not sure that makes a lot of difference. I had some sleepless nights the week leading up to the 19th, don't even know why, sometimes the worries you have are so deeply buried that your conscious mind cannot even access them. I do try not to worry, I do some self-talking along the lines of "pretend it is just another day" and hope that will convince my m

swilkinson

swilkinson

the practicalities of being an ageing widow

If you see me out and about you would think how confident I am, laughing, joking, chatting to all and sundry. But back at home it doesn't seem a bit like that. I have posted on Kelli (ksmith)'s post titled "My world is closing in" and frankly, as a widow living on my own some days it feels very much like that. I do have good friends, real and in cyberspace and they are there for me, briefly, at random times and in special ways but they are not that one "special person" that I miss - my late h

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swilkinson

Getting through September

As one of the few widows still on this site I have a different path to tread to those who are still caregivers at the coal face. I have had all those years of caregiving my husband Ray but that ended nearly three years ago now. September is a hard month for me as it is Father's day the first Sunday in September in Australia, then Ray's birthday on the 8th, then the anniversary of his death on 19th. At three years I will not cry the river of tears I did in the first two years after his death but

swilkinson

swilkinson