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Survivors secret journey

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Zen Parable-No Attachment to Dust

No Attachment to Dust   Zengetsu, a Chinese master of the T'ang dynasty, wrote the following advice for his pupils:   Living in the world yet not forming attachments to the dust of the world is the way of a true Zen student.   When witnessing the good action of another encourage yourself to follow his example. Hearing of the mistaken action of another, advise yourself not to emulate it.   Even though alone in a dark room, be as if you were facing a noble guest. Express your feeli

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Wild Kingdom

Surprising news.... I have nothing to really blog about. But since I've stroked, I have come to realize the value in the simple things in life. I take time to actually smell the flowers, not just look anymore. So I thought I'd share the excitement and wonder when we humans get real close to wild animals. Since I've moved into my apartment; at the end of the lawn down near the woods a couple of foxes took up residence. As their proximity to Petey and Stockings the cat has caused much stress.

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WHY BOTHER????

I am fired up over a post on the board from a newbie about her father.Maybe I have reached a point where my saturation level for the sucky attitudes of family members of stroke survivors has maxed out. I'm tired of hearing the whining how stroke has inconvienced their lives. Now before I get blasted from the other side, I know stroke affects everyone. But as a survivor that lived with that attitude from my X and his parents, I take a huge offense to it and it *beep* me off! Yes, the stroke aff

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Who Let the Dogs Out???

Well ever since I read Jean's blog, that song has been rattling around in my head today. So I guess it could mean the thoughts I've been thinking today. Yes, I put the words thoughts I've together, at times I do have real intelligent thoughts. Sometimes they might even make sense to everyone. I say this because of when I first stroked the posse of inlaws suddenly treated me as if I had not only a stroke but had become retarded too. I hated the feeling that gave me, so I quite happily now rub it

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When it all comes together

Today is a beautiful sunny breezy Monday morning, very early spring, it has the promise of a few more days or weeks and I can shed my winter coat. I went out on the deck in my bare feet, but in less the five minutes my tootsies were freezing, so it isn't that mild yet. I just made a pot of coffee, testing a new brand, I ordered my cigarettes from the Indians, sent back my DVD's to Blockbuster, all in all a pretty sucessful day so far. I feel calm, in control, I have a plan to resolve where I'

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When does it end?

Today is not a good day, it is the kind of day when I am fed up. I'm fed up with people professing to have my best interests at heart. I'm fed up with ones who believe in some form of interpretation of the bible assuming that I believe as they do. I'm fed up with having to depend on others. Lets just say I'm fed up with just about everything. We just got another foot of the white stuff, I'm fed up with that too. I no longer am enamoured with the beauty of snow. The only good thing about today

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What to call it?

I have a ton of stuff swirling in my brain today. To give you an idea- Karma, reincarnation, Existentialism, Kierkgard, Kant's Manifold of Destiny(does anyone understand what he was saying? He fries my brain!)philosphies of Buddihism, Paganism and on and on. My brain just never stops or shuts up, plus all the mundane lists of things to do for christmas, moving, ect ect....legal ends to tie up before I leave the state. Baggage to unpack and or throw away. Now I understand where Scarlett was comi

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What is sucess to you?

I know my definition of sucess has changed since stroke entered my life. How do all of you measure sucess? At one time it was the address, money and job and car I drove. It also was having the first son to carry on the husbands family name. That was then, this is now....( did that book appeal to amyone besides me?) I have some more Zen to share, it is untitled and the author is unknown to me.   To laugh often and love much, to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of childr

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What I'm reduced to........

Now I wish I could say that I have been reduced weight wise. But I know that isn't so. No I have been reduced to typical small town life. Where the reason becomes clear as to why organizations such as the The Grange came into existence all those years ago. They were started to give the towns people something to do social wise. Kind of like Jean's Old Peoples Grill Nights. My village needs a Handicaps Hop or something. I will whine and say there isn't anything to do here in this town! I'm stuck,

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What I know at 41

Lately, I have been thinking how my age isn't so bad. But I have come far since the time shortly before I turned 40. Then 40 loomed large and ugly and unwanted. For as long as I could remember 40 was it, the end of the line, over the hill, ancient and one foot in the grave. Well I've changed my viewpoint. 41 is neither too old nor too young, I am in between and loving it. I know who Humphrey Bogart is and I'm not to old not to enjoy some songs that are heavy metal or rap or know that I like the

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What a Wonderful world

No, I'm not turning into a cliche'. I'm listening to Eva Cassidy sing her version of the song. Eva Cassidy is someone I just discovered recently and I bought a CD of hers and couldn't be enjoying it more. The only things missing to go with the music is a dimly lighted smoke filled club located in a cellar in some building, that and love. Well that's another blog entry. I can't even recreate the atmosphere here in the house as I don't smoke in the house, but it isn't a bad idea to start. In res

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What a day!

I sit here this morning. I am just soaking up the peace and quiet. Today is a brand new day, yesterday is over, the sun went down, the sun came up. The energy level of the house is at a quiet hum. They are all still in bed asleep.THANK GOD!!!!! This week my kids are home from school on break. Yesterday was a day that pre stroke would have had me over the edge. Post stroke, it wiped me out. It all started out ok enough, coffee and a smoke on the deck, soaking up the sun, listening to the bir

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wandering in my memory

I have no clue why I am wandering around in the past today. I am not seeking anything. I may have realized a thing or two from my wanderings. 1] I am bored today. Mentally bored. 2] I've come a long long way baby. Wityh the high I get from knowing I am doing well and being mentally bored, well that isn't a good combination. It is the calm before a storm type. The peace before things get mixed up, changed and blown up. This feeling is worse then waiting for baby chicks to peck their way out o

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Valentines Day Presents

Today is sunday the 13 th of February. The day before Valentines day. The day before romance and presents, a day made popular by the greeting card industry. A day to celebrate with presents according to my 7 year old daughter, Alex. She dragged her father to the florist yesterday, made him spend money. Bless her little heart I got 3 long stem red roses, a heart shaped helium balloon and a Whitmans sampler heart shaped box of chocolates. I opened it up( of course) and gave her the honor of having

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Update on Past

Ok, Jan this entry is dedicated to you! It is Sunday and I called the old flame on Friday..... haven't heard a peep out of him, which is just fine don't really need another complication in my life these days. Pam

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Update entry

Well Saturday night I got home from a weeks vacation. The traveling wore me out, I went to bed early. Silly me, the phone woke me at 10:45, it was Danny the old boyfriend. To make a long story short, he needed to talk and he admitted he was hoping we could develope something..... I told him no way would it work and besides I asked him how many times he was willing to let me break his heart in one lifetime? I said isn't twice enough for you? I told him he needed to get out on his own, and exper

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Unorganized ramblings

Yesterday I had a great time. I went to my friend Jim's party. It was a BBQ and a typical small town upstate NY party. My other friend Lou went and Lou had culture shock. I was highly amused by Lou's observations. Lou is a city boy born and bred, Lou moved to small town USA two years ago. Lou is proud he is finally getting a handle on who is related to who. Course as anyone who lives in a narrow minded small town knows, everyone either knows everyone or is related to them somehow. So Lou ha

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UNKNOWN QUALITY

Sue you bring up a very good point. I'm starting a new entry here cause I think there are more then one or two other issues at play here. To me, it seems that we all make snap judgements about others( and who do we think we are??) Also, I think some of this has to do with the nature of females in general. True, I'm a female myself but I for one can't stand how most females act or the types of females they are. I cringe when a woman starts talking of needing a man to survive/exist or to just

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UNCENSORED FEELINGS OF ME

These blog entries are MY thoughts, my observations, my feelings , my view of the world, my stories. First of all realize this blog is not an exstention of my opinions on the board, or in chat. These are my uncensored feelings, you don't like how I feel or what I blog about, then don't read it. No one is twisting your arm to read it.( Mo, this is not referring to you!) I will not change my feelings or thoughts because one person gets twitchy about how I feel about things. I am not a sheep that I

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Ugly Duckling entry

Gee, today I could rival Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, when he moans the statement" It's a fine tail, I'm kind of attached to it" Sad, gloomy and having an all around bad week. I feel like I am a ugly duckling this week. I'm going out tonight to try a resataurant I've wanted to try for at least a year. My new neighbors moved in, so far I think they are pleasent friendly people. I have had a hectic day so far, with all the activity of neighbors moving in, talking with the realtor and the cab

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TRIUMPHANT RETURN

We had a busy past 3 days.... Bill and I now reside in my old house on Maple Ave. It has been a fight to get in here, and moving with everything packed in plastic shopping bags makes it difficult to find anything, cause all the bags are the same.   But I find it very wierd being back here. It is a strange sense of de ju vu. I still remember all the places where the floor dips and I remember what cabinets everything was in.   Course we started moving stuff friday, the dsl connection, phone

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TRANSCENDENTALISM

Transcendentalism From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search   Transcendentalism was a group of new ideas in literature, religion, culture, and philosophy that emerged in the New England region of the United States of America in the early-to mid-nineteenth century. It is sometimes called "American Transcendentalism" to distinguish it from other uses of the word transcendental. It began as a protest against the general state of culture and society at the time, and in

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Todays thoughts

We survivors know what hard work acceptance of our strokes are. I remember that my journey to acceptance included massive amounts of anger. I held on tight to that anger or let it hold on tight to me, however it manifested itself, I think I used it as a crutch to feel false bravado. Of course moving to my own place and hammering out the details of the divorce isn't an easy task. I feel stronger emotionally these days and more up to the task. But I've noticed that I have a constant companion agai

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Todays slow enjoyable pace

Have you ever been away and you get the feeling that you've got all day, theres nothing pressing to do, no need to stick to a schedule, throw the timex away. A feeling steals over you of lots of time and an easy relaxed pace. Well that is how I felt this morning. It is a rare beautiful sunny breezy day without the humidity we've had. I was sitting on my patio just enjoying being outside and I had that "vacation" feeling. Then the mama deer walked out of the woods, she stood there twitching he

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Todays Gain

I am over the top, I did something today with my left hand and I actually did it and had success! To give some background- I had to go have bloodwork done this morning, so I have the folded up gauze and white tape on my arm. The tape started to come loose on one end and kept catching the hairs on my arm. OWWWW! So I was talking on the phone.......and I jerkily raised my left hand up and pinched the tape between my forefinger and thumb and ripped the tape off, all by using my left hand, not my a

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