ZEN SARCASM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember t
On my last blog, EdDurang said "Till death do us part or until somebody better comes along" Bitter and cynical, yes it is. But how true. In the realm of being single and almost divorced, I can relate to that. Somebody new. Hmmmmm, I need to examine whats so special about someone new.
Having someone new opens one up to a whole new experience. A chance to learn new things. An opportunity to adopt a whole new outlook on how to deal with daily life.
The downside to someone new, is of course the
Control. I like being in control. I am a controlling person. So what exactly does that say about me? control: to have under command; to regulate; to check; to restrain; authority or power. Websters Dictionary. Pretty much it means I like to get my own way, or lately it means just another endless struggle of juggling , of coming out on top, of winning in the long drawn out process of seperating or divorcing. In that case it is more then just simple control. It becomes a saga. It also becomes at s
Surprising news.... I have nothing to really blog about.
But since I've stroked, I have come to realize the value in the simple things in life. I take time to actually smell the flowers, not just look anymore. So I thought I'd share the excitement and wonder when we humans get real close to wild animals.
Since I've moved into my apartment; at the end of the lawn down near the woods a couple of foxes took up residence. As their proximity to Petey and Stockings the cat has caused much stress.
Well it is official. I have been fired. Not really in so many words, but told I wasn't needed. The way I see it I have 2 choices here........ I can feel bad that I can't work anywhere, even if I work for free. I could be negative and let this take over my life or I can breathe a huge sigh of relief and say THANK GOD!
So guess how I feel right now? Happier then a pig in s***! I tried it, gave it my best shot, know even better what my limitations are.
And I'm glad that I don't have to do it
Well I thought I'd share my blond moments today. I was supposed to see the lawyer this morning, so I was showered and dressed by 8 a.m. Well no appointment took place, but it was the third day in a row that I thought I was getting out and about. I've been antsy and a bit bored the last day or two. So I asked my dad to take me grocery shopping. My daughter is spending most of the weekend and I'm tired of hearing that I have nothing "good" to eat, meaning fast food junk. So I needed to stock up on
Well I started the search for a place to live, talked to two people today. Could have had one place, but no kids, no Petey the Pom, no kids even overnight for a visit. I thanked her for her time but said I had just started my search and I would keep looking. But I hate the personal invasive questions. It makes me grit my teeth to admit that yes, I am getting a divorce, things didn't work out after 19 years and I left it at that.
I refuse to give into the husband bashing. I'd love to tell
WARNING!!! This will probably be a whiny pathetic entry, leave while you still can!
I am bored, restless and lonely. I keep waiting for the warm fuzzy feelings of being on my own to settle in. They haven't shown up yet, I'm still waiting. I feel the loss of living in a rural area and not being able to drive. Yesterday marked the passage of three weeks that I've been living here and I went grocery shopping on Friday. That was the first time I had been out of the apartment in three weeks.
I
Tuesday night I went out to dinner with my old co-workers, I once was a customer service rep for my local phone company. I live in a very small community.
At dinner the girls were telling me about a customer that just stroked in the last few weeks..... So both of them say to me, will you call her? She lives alone and she was born deaf. So I say yeah sure I'll call her, extend my hand in support.
Then I got thinking and considering.... I remember her name, I don't remember her. So long s
Well Glenda called me. I mentioned her before. She is someone local who stroked and my co- workers asked me to talk to her. She needs support. Well she does, but I don't think I'm qualified to help her. She talked more about her dirty rat bas**** X husband, then stroke. Hey that's fine, but I don't know this woman and we are on thin ice with that topic. Yeah, I may shortly have an X of my own to talk about, but I don't want to become someones ear for all general problems. She isn't on anti-depre
Yesterday I got a call from someone I used to work with at the post office. Out of everyone I worked with, she always keeps in touch, takes me out to lunch periodically.... So she tells me she's going to the Stars on Ice show in Albany at the Pepsi Arena. I'm impressed, I think that is a cool thing to do, Seeing professional skaters live. So she says and the reason I'm calling is a friend who was going is sick and I have this ticket, would you like to go? We'll be leaving in less then two hours.
BLUE OCTOBER LYRICS
Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you ne
I am tired as I write this at 4:25 monday afternoon. First of all this weekend's "trial" has wiped me out. Then this a.m. I had to get blood drawn at the lab.... then I just got home from the laundrymat. I am clockwatching to be able to go to bed.
This weekend I helped my friend Jim out at his Farmers market. I thought when I offered him free help, it would be nothing more then running the register. I thought, I could easily do that. (I had forgotten the survivors golden rule---NEVER TAKE
OK, if you're a guy reading this you should probably stop as I'm going to dish and only females will appreciate what I have to say.
I just met one of my new landlords( didn't know there were two) and Ty from ABC's Extreme Makeovers is one of my landlords! No, not the real Ty but one who looks close enough like him that I did a double take. And the local Ty is handy too, electrical, plumbing, sheetrocking, tiler and painter. We exchanged a few words. He told me the houses name is "Glenda" ( ye
Well I am tired this morning, but no hangover, the 4000 member party was a lot of laughs and fun.
But I bought a jukebox for the coffee shop and I blew my entire years budget for chat on it. Got a deal on it on Ebay. So just to let ya'll know, there have to be cut backs, no more little cocktail napkins with your drinks, the buff waiters who haven't an ounce of talent except looks are gone and Starbucks coffee is no longer served. Sorry about these changes but a girls got to do what a girls got
Maybe in my dreams, my life is quiet...... not in reality. Well I feel better, my leave has helped, except I couldn't get on the site for the last 4 days, felt cut off and anxiety filled.
I saw the lawyer on tuesday, found out I can't get divorced yet. It is all very complex and I'm not going to try to explain it here. Simply put, the agreement Kurt and I worked out that would be the best for the kids actually makes a legal mess that no judge would approve....... So I continue on with moving o
Alexandria P. is my youngest. She is 8 years old today. I talked to her on the phone this morning, she proudly told me she is now all grown up. "Gee, really? I asked her, all grown up to do what?" She just about crowed into the phone, get married. I hope she loses that thought for at least another 2 decades.
Now many may find it hard to believe, but that child is worse attitude wise then I am. I acquired my attitude over the years, she was born with hers. Alex's attitude is balenced with sweet
This entry may sound arrogant and boastful, if it does, I apologize, but it is my blog. I hear on the site and from driends how life is so boring. I had this conversation twice this morning already.......
Am I one of the few that has embraced being medically retired and liking it? As I feel most times my enjoying retirement isn't shared by all, I am never bored. Each day has new and interesting twists and turns. I am busy, occupied, and tired when it is time for bed at night. Now I was spea
Today is one of those days, I don't feel like interacting with anybody, not in person, phone or virtual. I just feel like I'm short on words today.
But I just had an impression strike me and I thought this is a good blog, if I can have enough words and patience in me to blog it.
There are 2 people in my life who are highly intellectual. One I knew pre stroke and never understood him or where he was coming from, the other is also a male that came into my life post stroke and pre stroke I neve
There once was a time, I used to hate Monday mornings. I was always cranky till 11A.M. or so. Yeah because the weekend was over and it was back to the grind of the work week. Well there was a time shortly after the stroke. I missed the work grind so bad I could feel it inside.
But here I am three years out and I love being retired! Monday mornings aren't bad at all. I enjoy the slow pace of going on my patio with my coffee and smoking and just listening to the birds start their morning choru
Well before I plopped in here to blog, I was reading the blogs and I read cinders and Amy's. Amy is ticked at the guy who took her virginity. So I got to thinking and going back down memory lane to when I was 12 and thougfht of the guy I gave mine to. I haven't seen him in over twenty years and last I heard, his wife was divorcing him and taking him for everything. That made me glad. I did a mental hats off to her.
Then talking of chat as the only social life...... my world once consisted of
As some of you know about the old boyfriend who wanted me to call him. He called me last night. Nice guy, good call, no akward pauses, but not for me. He is only a year younger then I am, but at times I felt decades older then him.
He brought up things I didn't remember. Like the time I was 15 and he was 14 and according to him, we were making out on the dock by the school cafeteria during halftime at a football game. He claims I taught him how to kiss. I was the older chick and that idea p
We survivors know what hard work acceptance of our strokes are. I remember that my journey to acceptance included massive amounts of anger. I held on tight to that anger or let it hold on tight to me, however it manifested itself, I think I used it as a crutch to feel false bravado. Of course moving to my own place and hammering out the details of the divorce isn't an easy task. I feel stronger emotionally these days and more up to the task. But I've noticed that I have a constant companion agai
Today is not a good day, it is the kind of day when I am fed up. I'm fed up with people professing to have my best interests at heart. I'm fed up with ones who believe in some form of interpretation of the bible assuming that I believe as they do. I'm fed up with having to depend on others. Lets just say I'm fed up with just about everything. We just got another foot of the white stuff, I'm fed up with that too. I no longer am enamoured with the beauty of snow.
The only good thing about today
Lately I've been fall cleaning my life. I started decorating for fall at the beginning of August. I love fall, one of my favorite seasons. Mainly cause football starts. I'm happy to say this year, I've actually watched a few pre season games already. I like the change in the weather from fall's arrival, the chill in the air in the mornings, ummm makes that first cup of coffee and smoke so delightful.
But I bought 4 books of Philosphy before summer started and planned to read heavy heady stuff,
