hostpam's Blog

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About this blog

Survivors secret journey

Entries in this blog

Sentimental Mothers Day

My day started out with breakfast in bed from my 7 year old daughter Alex. Cinnamon raisen toast with milk in a wine glass( a fancy glass!) and flowers and a homemade place mat, that I cried when I read the poem on it. The homemade cards she made me almost made me cry too, with the words,"I wish you weren't moving out" Then she and Petey the Pom ate most of my breakfast. Petey made up for that by sharing his half chewed slimy chewie by dropping it on my face. Ah, these unforgettable, wouldn't

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A brand new day

Well today, the sun is shining and things aren't as bleek as yesterday. Isn't it always the way? I've made some decisions, realized there are unexplored possibilities. Seems according to my brother in law the surveyor, the property has never been surveyed and on the off chance our neighbors across the street didn't take half the road as theirs, we can and we may be able to squeak out enough square footage. I love when numbers can be manipulated. I learned that years ago when I worked in an accou

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Plodding along on this never ending journey

I an three years post stroke, I have gleefully been rebuilding my life for the last two years, I have been enjoying doing that, excited about all the new things I've been learning, loving the new friends I've made and just overall immersing myself in this new life and living it to the fullest. In the last day or two, my steps have become slower, left foot dragging a bit, I've started plodding along on my journey. I'm getting tired of walking on this path, it is getting boring. Maybe the novel

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Questions= confusion

I'm hesitating on writing this....... Admitting it in print. Putting words to the confusion. But somethings should remain private. I will not be writing this entry. Sorry guys. My personal feelings are just that- personal and they will stay that way. Safe, secure and private.

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A Gray Foggy Day

Pre stroke, I think I used to get cabin fever and be affected by lack of sunlight. I forget what it is called now. I always got somewhat bummed out in February and March. I love spring and I hate the long winters. All day long today it has been trying to snow. I have had a desire to do SOMETHING today. Don't know what, I just have that itch to clean out closets or drawers or cabinets. But I can't, cause I have pretty much done it, just need the spouse there to agree what is mine that I can tak

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May Day!

Well, yes I'm on my self imposed leave, but I thought I'd blog a short entry. We told the kids yesterday we are divorcing, it went well. That is a huge relief that is over with, I have an appointment Tuesday morning with a lawyer and I have gotten mostly everything I need for the apartment. I was sorting the picture albums all afterrnoon, that task had its moments. Then I started on the filing cabinet and desk drawers, those can wait a day or two. Slowly the pressure is lifting, I feel as if I

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Let Freedom Ring!

I've been having a running arguement with the X for days now. He just stomped out of here, guess he didn't like what I said. Oh well. After he pulled away and I shut my door and locked it, I felt so free. Free of him, free of being a caring loving wife, free of play acting.Most of all free that I'm not his emotional crutch anymore. The responsibility that brought was heavy. Speaking of this makes me realize this July 4th will have added meaning for me. If only I was legally free of him. But that

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Controversial topic

This morning I have an internal struggle going on, it is a struggle between yes and no, aren't they always about yes and no? I am trying to merge my personal beliefs with how I feel regarding Terry Schaivo. I'm not having very much sucess with it. First of all I have said to let her die. But that goes against every bloody thing I've said to survivors and cg on this site. I've said time and time again to never give up hope. I've said No one knows what will come back. I meant those words too every

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A entry about nothing

Well I had dropped to page 2, was halfway down the page. Damn, look at all this mold and cobwebs on my blog. I woke up this morning at 5 a.m., got up, went into chat for a short while, then went back to sleep till 9:30 when the phone woke me up. It was my mother being her negative self. Talk about the worst way to be woke up.... she is it. At times I strongly feel hemmed in cause I need them to drive places, but I can't stand listening to the ignorance and complaining. I have some good wonde

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