OK, Vix started me on these thoughts of yearning. She shared about new shoes and not having to wear sneakers any longer. I could relate big time.
I want to get dressed up in dressy clothes again, pants that have a zipper and some sort of button or hook. I want to wear heels. I want to hear myself walking tap tap tap on a wood floor. I want the few inches heels temporarily give me.
Yes, I guess I am missing the part of my life that dressing up makes me feel good about myself. The feeling o
Fufillment. This word has been bouncing around my head, weaving itself in and out of my thoughts today. My thoughts are not of the upbeat positive quality. I think I should stay away from reading philosphy and bits of quantum mechanics and quantum physics before 8 in the morning. It is too heavy and overtaxed the damaged brain I have. That is the only excuse I can find for a sad dark mood today.
I'm impatient today too. I can't use any of my tricks to ignore and not think about the demise of
Today is the day I will have my personal British Invasion. Now there aren't many screaming hysterical young girls. Just me, maybe I could talk some young things into acting a part, make him feel good.
Peter arrives tonight at 6 at Albany for 2 weeks. Wednesday we go to Woodstock. He is excited at the prospect of Woodstock. I want to show him Woodstock where tye dye and Patchouli oil still reigns as does smoking a joint on the village green till the cops show up and everyone scatters. Woodst
Well I think I'll keep in the theme of incompetence.But it isn't medical incompetence. It is my long distance carrier, AT&T. I signed up with them two months ago, 7 cents a minute plan and the international plan, I pay a nominal fee each month for the priveledge of getting those rates. Well after speaking with numerous employees of AT&T, no one has gotten me in the system and I am carying a $500.00 phone bill that needs to be re rated and credited to my phone company! How hard is it to
It is the 28th of November today. This morning I've been thinking of tides and change. Lately the only constant in my life seems to be change. I know, change is good, positive, growth encouraging, blah blah. I don't want to hear the platitudes, I'm bored by them all.
Back to change. I'm going to move. I'm giving up this apartment, it is too expensive. I'm going to move where I can get mass transportation. where I can afford to live, some place warm. New York state is to damn expensive.
Ok, e
What did I used to do before I gave a thought and some serious attention to perspective?
This morning I was wandering from room to room in my apartment, thinking what I wanted to do today. I wasn't thinking out of boredom or desperation, just planning my day.
I realized that I had a desire to be creative amd either do some interior decorating or change a room around. Surprisingly this is how I used to be pre stroke. Post stroke the desire to be creative was like pulling teeth to accompli
I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning. As I walked by the kitchen window that faces west, and it had snowed! The snow sparkled and glistened in the glow of the flood light that lights the parking lot. I paused for a few seconds to soak up the feeling of the season's first snow, holding off on pushing the button on the coffee pot.
It seems no matter how old I get, the sight of the first snow is a beautiful thing. All the trees are redressed in white, their forms outlined sharply against the backgro
Well Saturday night I got home from a weeks vacation. The traveling wore me out, I went to bed early. Silly me, the phone woke me at 10:45, it was Danny the old boyfriend.
To make a long story short, he needed to talk and he admitted he was hoping we could develope something..... I told him no way would it work and besides I asked him how many times he was willing to let me break his heart in one lifetime? I said isn't twice enough for you? I told him he needed to get out on his own, and exper
Yesterday, no matter how I look at it was a fantastic day all the way around and I had company. Pre stroke Pam stopped by to visit and share her attitude and way of looking at the world. She also shared her energy. She pitched in and the apartment is so clean and sparkling I can eat off the floors, my life is organized and able to run smoothly for awhile as long as I can keep it up. We were brainstorming ideas for me to be creative again. But we kind of shelved that idea for awhile as I was wip
This morning I am pondering if being creative is a natural born talent or is it something that I've seen or read and regurgitated into my own style? Pre stroke I was highly creative.
Nothing was safe from my eye looking at it and seeing it as a vessel for an arrangement or a use to make my home more welcoming. I even did it with people's clothes. I'd see someone wearing a floral skirt, blouse or dress and I'd finger the material rubbing it between my thumb and forefinger and declare, "This wou
No, I'm not turning into a cliche'. I'm listening to Eva Cassidy sing her version of the song. Eva Cassidy is someone I just discovered recently and I bought a CD of hers and couldn't be enjoying it more. The only things missing to go with the music is a dimly lighted smoke filled club located in a cellar in some building, that and love. Well that's another blog entry. I can't even recreate the atmosphere here in the house as I don't smoke in the house, but it isn't a bad idea to start. In res
Well lets all give a big hand to the design team. The newest model is ready to be on the market. But remember this is a new untested model, there may need to be some tweaking done here and there.
That is just the endless chatter I have in my head at the moment regarding myself. Yes, I've been undergoing some soul searching and re-evaluating my life. So what it all boils down to is an Ala Carte menu, my choices of personality traits I like or loathe. And I need to thank the three people who hav
So Sunday is Easter. I prefer to think of Easter as cute cuddly bunnies, colored eggs and candy. Yeah so what if it is a holiday that the greeting card industry has created? It is better thenall the religion BS. Now, just for the record, I had a christian upbringing. I earned my own bible at church as a kid. My parents forced me to go every sunday to sunday school, they never stepped foot mind you in a church. I always thought it was so hypocritical of them. They always told me when I was old e
As a girl, I was completely horse crazy. I read all the horse books and I favored Walter Farly's "The Black Stallion" series. I also had a Shetland pony called Playmate. She had been trained as a cart horse or a trotter, she hated being ridden. Everytime I got on her back, it became a contest who could be more stubborn. She did everything to get you off of her back, she'd go under tree branches to try and knock me off, rub against the fence and buck like a wild bronco, if those things were unsuc
A few years ago, I met my first real stroke survivor that I gave support to and helped and eventually befriended. Her name is Maria. Maria was having a hard time with the whole stroke event, she was elderly, had some form of Asphasia, no family nearby and was sinking into depression and becoming overwhelmed. I wrote her a letter. I used the analogy of stroke as being at the bottom of a mountain looking way up to thepeak of the mountain. It is a long way to the top but if you you break it down an
Lookit, if you aren't into reading a rant and rave from a PMSing survivor, then don't read any further.
I just read Jean's blog again regarding the woman she ran into that was looking for justification in divorcing her husband. I find her attitude insulting. Not just insulting because I am coming down on the survivor side, but what about the spouses or caregivers that stay and schlepp in the trenches 24/7? Aren't any of them insulted too?
I know why I am ready to stone this unknown wom
Spring has finally arrived in upstate NY and decided to quit teasing us and stick around. Or maybe it is summer that has arrived too soon. The fans are going, the air conditioner is in the shed at my brothers. I guess Bill and I will be staying in yankee territory for awhile. Which works out really well, am old friend called and invited us up to the Adirondacks for a weekend anytime in the next month. The Adirondack mountains are simply gorgous, no doubt about it. Of course they are
Well I just got a PM from Asha asking when I'd blog again? My company left yesterday. Whew! It was a long two weeks. All I'll say is a compassionate kind caregiver I'm not or waitress, busboy or significant other either. I know I am destined to be single, live alone, do things my way. Can't teach this old dog new tricks.
I've become set in my ways having this apartment. I can't function if things are moved or not put back in their place. I learned quite a bit these past two weeks.
I know I
Does anyone else like hearing those moron stories on the radio? The true stories about peoples total stupidity? Well I have a real life, I'm not making this up story to tell. Plus I needed to blog something to get off of page 2.
My soon to be X and I were having a heated phone conversation yesterday. He sputters that "All you handicaps use that excuse when it is convenient." Now before I continue, you all must remember he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, lights are on but no ones home.....
One of the reasons I liked the whole blog idea right from the first was the ability to vent, to be politically incorrect or just be in a bad mood and no one can say a word or puke all over my blog. It isn't a post on the board where I must balence a fine line between being Marry Poppins and understanding. But I find lately that those survivors that have suffered mild strokes, just can't deal. Maybe I'm at a stage where I have burn out over the whole stroke business. I know I am on one side of th
Well today was another knock down drag out at my place. Yes, I was giving the spouse a ration of S*** because the new flame is always watching my daughter. So he of course didn't like being called on the carpet for it. So I told him, ok if she is going to be the one you fall back on all the time, what about this summer? He shrugged his shoulders and admitted he was at a loss over what to do. I supplied a solution.......... You ready for it? I told him with a big smile how I'd be happy to move b
It just turned noon time in our house today on a Monday and the phone has been ringing off the hook all morning with calls from school. My son is now full blown into those teen years. He speaks his mind, but has yet to stop at the line where he should just shut up and show some self control. He also has ADHD which adds to his disorder, but still no excuse or justification to be disrespectful to a teacher.
With each phone call, the evidence against him is mounting. I have wiggled into my mom t
Well Mama Deer doesn't drop in as much but I guess she told her kid it was ok to come here and play. The Baby brings a friend now. Mama used to hang at the edge of the woods and yard and watch baby, but now the large eared baby comes with his friend and they are funny to watch. They kick up their back heels and tear around the yard chasing each other. Then they wander over near the edge of the woods where the grass is tall and they graze and look around as their munching away.
I guess the foxe
Many of you know what my story lately is, After 19 years of marriage and a stroke I am getting divorced, I'm presently living on my own, loving it and basically making the most of every day that I am able to. My life is full and rich in friends. In many respects I truely think my life is more enriched and rewarding since I stroked. I have this site and a special guy in my life whom I could never get rid of. Anyway yesterday, much was put into perspective for me. I'd like to share it here.
My
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
>are getting weak?
>
>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
>is not enough?
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>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
>stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>Whydoesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>Whydoesn't Tarzan have a be
