Control. I like being in control. I am a controlling person. So what exactly does that say about me? control: to have under command; to regulate; to check; to restrain; authority or power. Websters Dictionary. Pretty much it means I like to get my own way, or lately it means just another endless struggle of juggling , of coming out on top, of winning in the long drawn out process of seperating or divorcing. In that case it is more then just simple control. It becomes a saga. It also becomes at s
I am in a somewhat bummed out mood today. The stroke cheerleader went on vacation, which is a positive thing since I was getting sick of her shaking her pom poms in my face all the time.
By asking myself "who am I"? all the time, I've pretty much filled in the blanks and regarded it as truth. But is it truth? Is it ego? Is it nothing more then values and morals? Are we nothing more then our ghosts of the past experiences that we take away the lessens learned?
I feel strongly about cert
I'm told change is good, keeps things fresh and running smoothly. Now I'm no stranger to change these days. In the past I was gung ho about change, embraced it, looked for it.
Well maybe the novelty of change has finally lost its thrill for me. Just doesn't give me that adrenline rush anymore. That sense of satisfaction.
If change that happens is a good thing for one, then if it is right, it should give a sense of serenity, no? If it doesn't work and isn't good for one, then there is th
I am calm this morning, no ranting and raving happening here. PMS has passed and in its wake left a calm peaceful feeling. And even though I was ranting the other day, and said things I shouldn't, I don't regret it. I stand behind everything I said. I did have a period of feeling bad and almost, not quite apologized publically. But what stopped me from apologizing was the question kept pounding in my head...." Hold on, I appointed myself as the voice of the survivor around here. Why should I apo
Well I am tired this morning, but no hangover, the 4000 member party was a lot of laughs and fun.
But I bought a jukebox for the coffee shop and I blew my entire years budget for chat on it. Got a deal on it on Ebay. So just to let ya'll know, there have to be cut backs, no more little cocktail napkins with your drinks, the buff waiters who haven't an ounce of talent except looks are gone and Starbucks coffee is no longer served. Sorry about these changes but a girls got to do what a girls got
Ever since I was a kid, I always burned every bridge that was in sight, I never just set a small flame to them, nah they were always glorious conflagrations. Since the stroke, I haven't changed in that aspect. True, the bridges I now burn are done with a verbal type of fuel, but I haven't yet felt the need to bite my tongue.
My latest bridge burner was regarding my childhood friend. We've been friends since 5th grade. As adults over the years I'd get a nagging feeling that we didn't have much
OK, I'll admit it, I was browsing yahoo personals for "A woman seeking man, age 35-45, caucasian, within 50 miles of______________" I wasn't going to try the online dating route. I still may not do it, but a funny thing struck me as I was perusing my 32 matches.......... This is shopping for a man! You get to check them out, if looks are what attracts you first, read what they lied about themselves and pretty much pre judge them before you contact them. Not a bad deal when you think about it. He
Today is the day I will have my personal British Invasion. Now there aren't many screaming hysterical young girls. Just me, maybe I could talk some young things into acting a part, make him feel good.
Peter arrives tonight at 6 at Albany for 2 weeks. Wednesday we go to Woodstock. He is excited at the prospect of Woodstock. I want to show him Woodstock where tye dye and Patchouli oil still reigns as does smoking a joint on the village green till the cops show up and everyone scatters. Woodst
Today is Friday. In less then a hour, I am due in chat. I am bored. For a week I have wanted to go to my favorite stores- Home Goods, Linens and Things and Bed Bath and Beyond. I want to look for stuff for my new place, but there has always been some reason I couldn't go. I hate it that there isn't mass transportation and I hate not driving.
I have accepted that I will always be this way, different and I'm ok with it, but I can't accept the fact I can't drive. Well......
This entry may sound arrogant and boastful, if it does, I apologize, but it is my blog. I hear on the site and from driends how life is so boring. I had this conversation twice this morning already.......
Am I one of the few that has embraced being medically retired and liking it? As I feel most times my enjoying retirement isn't shared by all, I am never bored. Each day has new and interesting twists and turns. I am busy, occupied, and tired when it is time for bed at night. Now I was spea
Bill and I decided we need to get organized somehow. My methods don't work and we were bored so we decided to explore courses online. We signed up at Barnes and Noble University for a course on organizing from the inside out. I'll copy and past the course outline and objectives, it may help other survivors too. What grabbed my attention was that this was for the chronically disorganized and I'm still a Fly baby on Fly lady.com. I need help...... I'll keep ya'll posted. (AJ, this may be what you
I will say this is my blog and these are my opinions. I am on a soapbox about being politically correct today. Like come on people, we are still a free country, my opinions don't have to be your opinions, my views don't have to be clones of yours. Take a deep breath and accept that not everyone has the same views as you.
If you are happy being mainstream and having someone tell you how to think, well fine good for you, but I'll think for myself thank you very much.
How many times have I h
It just turned noon time in our house today on a Monday and the phone has been ringing off the hook all morning with calls from school. My son is now full blown into those teen years. He speaks his mind, but has yet to stop at the line where he should just shut up and show some self control. He also has ADHD which adds to his disorder, but still no excuse or justification to be disrespectful to a teacher.
With each phone call, the evidence against him is mounting. I have wiggled into my mom t
Beauty
And a poet said, 'Speak to us of Beauty.'
Where shall you seek beauty, and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide?
And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech?
The aggrieved and the injured say, 'Beauty is kind and gentle.
Like a young mother half-shy of her own glory she walks among us.'
And the passionate say, 'Nay, beauty is a thing of might and dread.
Like the tempest she shakes the
OK, My metamorphus has happened. I now hate christmas, want it to just slide by like aging. Wake me up when it is over.
Now I once used to be a lover of all christmas, we used to take two entire weeks to decorate the house, put up two trees and I used to make 400 batches of cookies to give away each year. What was I nuts?????? I'll be lucky if I manage one batch of toll house chocolate chip and I'll cheat and buy the refridgerated dough to make them too. I can't be bothered with all the fuss.
The other day/night? I was watching a show on the discovery channel about the worlds most dangerous ants. One of course were the Soldier ants, nasty things. the others were in Brazil and I forgot their names now but they are nasty things...... The destruction a colony can do in a matter of seconds is amazing. Well you may be wondering why I'm blogging about nasty ants? It seems ever since I saw that show, I have ants in my apartment. They keep crawling up my legs when I'm at the computer. Yuck!
WARNING! I am in a bad mood and I'm sure what I'm about to write will offend someone who is feeling wimpy today. But I was just reading the board and rather then post my feelings on a thread and hurt someones feelings, I thought this is a much better place to vent.
Why is it that some people have to be so meladramatic over stroke???? What, like having a stroke was no big deal in the first place? Or better yet, I love those that are of the mind that their situation is so much worse off then eve
I have a new project I just started. Since my stroke I have become interested in writers of the romantic era. Originally I liked the English poets Byron and Shelly. Then Mom pointed out that there were plenty of good American writers from the same era and I shouldn't become an elitist snob...... So that has stuck in my head and finally when Bill and I went to Barnes and Noble and wandered around that store for close to 5 hours and each found a book, plus we enjoyed a starbucks coffee and split a
Alright I'm coming to terms or coming to age (take your pick) with seeing how I really am now. Physically I am old and feeble and doddering on the edge. As in analogy not in actual fact. But has anyone else here given this concept any thought? After surviving stroke, no matter what age we are, physically we just got launched into old age whether we were ready or not. So I am now trying to shift my life around to accomadate that fact. It is behind my decision in housing for the future, mass tr
Ty lookalike update! Turns out the guy is a dreamer, he isn't my landlord at all, just a glorified contractor. The realtor set me straight, said he has been telling that all over town. So gee, now I know keep my distance, unless I'm in distress and have something I just cannot do. Now if I could only win the lottery...... I hope he is around when I get back from grocery shopping today,I cringe at all those bags of groceries that will have to be carried in to the apartment. If he and Mr. Clean a
Alexandria P. is my youngest. She is 8 years old today. I talked to her on the phone this morning, she proudly told me she is now all grown up. "Gee, really? I asked her, all grown up to do what?" She just about crowed into the phone, get married. I hope she loses that thought for at least another 2 decades.
Now many may find it hard to believe, but that child is worse attitude wise then I am. I acquired my attitude over the years, she was born with hers. Alex's attitude is balenced with sweet
If you tuned in to this blog or this page and are expecting to be mentally stimulated, amused or entertained, well you can stop reading cause none of those things are my purpose today. I haven't been able to come up with a subject. My mind is blank. I've wandered around the board for awhile, looking for inspiration but haven't found any. In fact the lack of material on the message board that I might find inspiring makes me wonder what has happened? Where have all the intellectual thoughts and
Yippee the blogs are back! My last entry a week ago was one that I was fed up with everything and everyone. Now a week later, all is well in my world. I went shopping yesterday, got some new CD's to listen to. Life is going according to my newest plan.
I'm still having great progress with just wearing shoes, no brace. That makes me happy. I do have to concentrate more when I walk though, but I know now it is a thing I can do. Another level regained!
Pam
I can remember when I was a kid seeing a litter of puppies. The smallest runt of the litter always got pushed aside, not played with, basically treated like an outcast cause he was different. It also had to do with the whole caste system of dogs and their place in the pack. I understand the whole premise of a caste system of dogs, it is simple really, always know your place and don't try to leave it. Most of the dogs or puppies are completely happy and satisfied in their place because they are a
A few years ago, I met my first real stroke survivor that I gave support to and helped and eventually befriended. Her name is Maria. Maria was having a hard time with the whole stroke event, she was elderly, had some form of Asphasia, no family nearby and was sinking into depression and becoming overwhelmed. I wrote her a letter. I used the analogy of stroke as being at the bottom of a mountain looking way up to thepeak of the mountain. It is a long way to the top but if you you break it down an
