I just can't seem to get it together. Today has been the worst in a long time. I don't know that there is any weather coming; actually, it is suppose to rain in the next couple of days and Sunday we have a chance of snow flurries.
Recently, I have been having pain shooting up the back left side of my head, just like before my stroke. My whole left neck area was extremely inflamed this morning, it was so painful.
It kind of scared me. In the hospital, the drs. told my family that
I just received information regarding sending Seasonal cards to injured soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital. The person who sent me that email wrote me to say that WR preferred people make donations to a list of organizations whose names they provided in a list. That info was not sent to me. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused anyone. Take Care. LK
I'm getting a new dog! I have bemoaned the fact here that I so want a dog. A big dog so that I can put my arms around him and know I am hugging a dog. The dog is a good dog and he likes cats. (We'll see what the cats think of that!)
My good friend and buddy found a dog whose owner has to move into an apartment and cannot take the dog w/ her. The dog is a Golden Retriever and is 4 years old. His name is "Lucky." I think I will change his name to "Luke." Sounds close enough to "Lucky."
I received a call from the research group who are conducting a study using the treadmill. As I wrote in an earlier blog, this study uses a treadmill where the right and left sides of the machine work independently of each other. This mechanism has helped people who had a limp to walk without the limp.
I was glad they called because I was about to call them and find out if I was still in the study. They called to let me know that the study will probably start sometime in the middle of D
I have given my history here of going from near total paralysis to 95%(~)) fully functioning. Most peiople I run into say its a miracle. I say its a form of total rejection: The devil didn't want me and the Lord wouldn't have me.
Whatever the true scenario is, I am very thankful for each thing I can accomplish. I think I even type better than I did before! What or how can I describe how I feel when I am behind the wheel of my Miata, w/ the top down (as some of my friends, going topless)
OK...here is another thing you can learn about me. I come up with "theories" all the time. When my parents had their dementias, I would come up with ideas in ways I thought might help them out. My Dad was a stubborn German and only a couple of times I may have talked him into things. My Mom, on the other hand, was a trooper and she was ready to try anything. We often laughed because her friends would say how wonderful I was in taking care of her. Amah and I would giggle and I would say to
I think I may have mentioned my intention of driving my Miata around locally. I was excited but by the same time scared. The driveway was cleared out and I was free to go. It was like the door to the bird's cage was open to freedom, yet the bird did not leave. I ruminated about things that could happen and I started scaring myself.
At heart, I am a coward. But I don't think that is the way to live this life. If I had cowered in the corner all my life, I'd have been missing out on a wh
If you all have read my blog, you know this past week has been hard on me. Its hard to see another person in pain and not be able to take that pain away or to make things better for them. I feel so helpless.
But I didn't want time to pass without mentioning a rainbow that came into my life during the couple of days I heard about my friend's son's death. For a few hours, I forgot.
Out of the blue, my DAUGHTER called and asked if I was ready to shop. "'Til I dropped, I thought." I
I had a bad dream last night...
In my dream, my son was dying upstairs. My grief was indescribable and my guilt was worse. I could feel his wife's grief and as bad as mine was, hers was worse. I held myself back because he was her husband and she was his wife and they needed time alone together. I wanted to be by his side but she needed to be with him more. When I couldn't wait anymore, I went up to see him. Thankfully, the dream ended.
My guilt was that I didn't die, so he was d
My heart is BURSTING with joy and love. My young son, his wife and I decided to sit down and talk about how we all felt. I have always felt there was a wall I couldn't break down between my daughter-in-law and me. This talk tore down the wall. Many misunderstandings were talked out and I have the center of my life back and a new daughter.
I love my boys more than anything in this world. When they were born, I was suppose to have a boy and then a girl. I ended up with two boys (my husb
IRATE
I really get tired of sounding negative but I think in some aspects, its part of the process of healing. After all, surviving a stroke is not a picnic in the park. I don't know about you all, but I have experienced things I never thought my body or my mind would feel. First we deal with the "Why me?" question. As time goes on, we deal with the practicality of our situation, we start to accept and go day to day. Some of us do the very best we can and will try just about anything to
I went to the neurologist. He was so very nice. He was part of the team when I was in ICU. He remembered my case but read up on it before seeing me this time. The best part is he said he doesn't think I have a calcified aneurysm! I did not expect to hear that and any description of being on "Cloud 9" or on a "natural high" doesn't even come close to how I feel. I can't describe how I feel. I am giddy, to say the least.
I know there are a lot more important implications this portends
I wonder if anyone has an answer for me. I feel very uncomfortable now in most chairs. Does anyone know of any particular brand of chair they use to sit in? Is it portable? I visited my son this weekend and he has a hanging canvas chair on his balcony. It seemed quite comfortable. I think it was comfortable because it had no pressure points on my body. I know there are canvas chair that are foldable w/ an exrterior frame but these are uncomfortable because they sort of fold in and after a
A condo is going up practically right outside my window. Normally I would be miffed because the design is such that I can't help but see into the neighbors' lives. I can see everything. It seems this happened so fast. How very fast time flies.
Well, its Spring, so what should I expect? Of course a condo would be going up outside my window. The birds are singing and their finding their mates...or moving back North w/ their mates to build their summer homes. This is what is happening o
OK. Now I admit it. I'm scared. I'm a coward. Have been all my life but now it really shows. I am just about 1.5 years past my stroke. This past Monday, I went to the dr. and he read the results from my MRI and MRA. I have a calcified aneurysm on my brain stem. I have gone on the internet and tried to decipher this but I have only found medical language that I cannot understand. I don't know if its because I am emotional about this and my brain won't process it for me or if I've sudde
Yesterday, I walked unaided and w/out supervision to the other end of the block and back to the mailbox at the opposite end of the block. In all, I completed (2) lengths of the block. I was proud of myself. I had no curiosity to see how gravity worked; I know it always pulls down. I did not fall but I know if I did, it would've been my own fault. My next goal is to walk to the gym w/out any aid and so this is the first step towards that goal. I walked looking ahead, not down. I did not wob
I get up in the morning so I can feel miserable. Its true. When I wake up in the am, I know from experience, if I don't get up right away, I will really feel yucky in a little while if I stay in bed. I can't stand that feeling. So, I get up. In a vertical position, I can't focus, I have lost my perspective and then I command my legs to move one in front of the other. They move but they feel like someone else's legs. As I go down the hall, the legs get re-attached and start feeling like t
I had so much fun on Sunday. In the time I've had after my stroke, I have learned a few things.
How wonderfully luxurious it is to have a few treasures.
What a treasure it is to fall into bed at night on a comfortable mattress and wrap oneself in a goose down comforter and 600 thread count sheets. (I have one set, a luxury I afforded myself BS).
What a treasure it is to wrap oneself in a full length terry cloth robe.
What a treasure to warm one's feet in Ugg slippers when
Last night, my son and his wife (DIL) told me they want to get pregnant and when that happens, they want to move my DIL's son(Teenager Son) downstairs to "my" room and place the baby in room Teenager Son is inhabiting presently. DIL went to OB/GYN yesterday to get checked out for ease of pregnancy and everything looks good.
When we embarked on this journey, the understanding was that they would get pregnant (that was one of the persuading arguments my son used to make me want to live) but
Clea is MY cat, I am proud to say. Her full name is Cleopatra and I believe she is aptly named. Clea likes to go outdoors but with winter habitating the outside, she has been staying indoors and mostly on my lap. I feel quite honored to be in her company.
Today, I think I detected a sign of Spring coming soon. Clea tried to climb up to sit in the window. In the Spring, Summer and Fall, I keep the windows open as much as I can for the fresh air. Clea likes sitting in the window. In my
OK, so I'm spoiled. Its out. You know my deep, dark, dirty secret. I suppose I should have been a Queen who held court everyday and had everyone's attention. Although, I really don't like that fawning stuff, come to think of it.
In the defense of a good majority of my friends who have not come to see me, they live on the Eastern Shore while I now reside on the Western Shore. The trip can be (50) miles or more.
The other day, two of my friends came over and took me to lunch. The
First--
Note to Budweiser--if you happen to read this blog, I will try to make this short. I know I am verbose and I hope you forgive me.
Everytime it seems my friends have deserted me, some find their way out of the bushes. For this story, I need to go back a bit.
My parents had a dog, he was a cross between a Lab and Chow. When I first "took him over," all he knew was negative attention and he demanded a lot of it. It was due to my parents' dementias. I worked w/ him and over
Walkin' with You and Me:
Yesterday, I walked to the library (about (.5) mile one way) without my walker. My son accompanied me w/ my walker in case I needed it at some point. He was also my watchful eyes. He could tell if I was using proper posture and see if I got lazy feet. I want to look like a normal, walking person. Funny how that sounds. When I was a teenager, I modeled for several stores in Baltimore and after I graduated from high school (my parents sent both my sister and br
I'm just so discouraged. Recently, I took over the duties of paying my bills myself. Previously, I had a POA do that while I was dealing with my stroke. This is not her fault. There was some transition period between my POA and another person I designated as POA.
Anyway, I have worked hard in keeping all my debts out of collections. I have no insurance, although I have been applying since last May (another long story). I had everything set up and agreed upon with all the creditors I
The last couple of days I felt really lousy. This morning, I fell into the abyss. I was no longer at the bottom of the mountain, I was in an abyss.
My daughter-in-law (DIN) asked if I wanted to go to the gym. I knew I had to and she knew she had to. Niether of us wanted to. I thought maybe it would make me feel better. She decided if we went in the morning, we would get it out of the way and we wouldn't have to think about it.
She asked me if I wanted to walk to the gym in this b
