Well even though I only got a handful of views on my last entry and comments have been dwindling, I am going to blog because yesterday my therapist told me writing and talking about how I feel helps. I thought it made it worse. After having attacks/seizures while on the phone and blogging, I assumed talking/typing about it was just triggering bad memories but apparently according to my therapist, talking/writing about it gets all those suppressed thoughts out of my head.
As I said in my last
Thank you everyone for your prayers in my last blog. I successfully drove myself back and forth to work all week including yesterday for my Saturday class. I take the same route everyday so I am starting to feel more comfortable. It feels great not having to be picked up and dropped off like a little kid. A feel a lot more grown up and independent.
I started work on Tuesday and have been working hard ever since. My co-worker put me to work as soon as I got there. I wore my hand splint but it
I have been busy working and going to the gym. Working is stressful but I do enjoy getting a check every two weeks. I've always had direct deposit in the past but it's something about getting my check handed to me that reminds me to hang in there and not quit my job. I have also been trying to workout.
I have gained too much weight. I have never weighed this much in my life. At first I thought I was just getting my appetite back, then I thought it was anxiety because I only ate a lot when I
Hey everyone I appreciate all of your support during my new journey. I wish I could blog everyday. It is so many new experiences but I am just too busy. Every morning I go to class then I go to my internship every day. Some days I work as many as 7 hours and some days Im in class for 4 hours straight. It is a lot of work. I work at a law firm and I am pretty much the lawyer's slave. I got no training and they pretty much threw me in there head first. I have only been working there 2 weeks but I
I started working on Tuesday. I was nervous at first but the people I work with are really nice. One of my employees is disabled too. I don't want to pass judgement and I haven't built up the nerve to ask him what happend but just from observation, he has a speech impediment. It takes him a long time to get his words out and he talks loud. He also can only drink from a straw and I notice he can't straighten his fingers out and has little control of his ankles when he walks. Hopefully one day so
I miss the days when I could just think whatever, say whatever, and do whatever without worrying about whats going to happen. I was afraid to blog about my good day because the day was not over yet. I texted my cousin good news and began having anxiety as I was texting her because I dont know I guess I felt like something bad was going to happen. I hardly get any comments to my blog anymore so I dont know how up to date you all are on my condition.
I went to church Saturday morning and it wa
Thank you so much to all 5 of you who commented on my last blog. I often re-read old comments from time to time for inspiration. Even though I do not reply to you all individually, I always read every comment and I appreciate the support from everyone!
One of the reasons I have not blogged is because I feel depressed and I made a promise last year not to blog about sad things all the time like I used to. I keep things to myself or just write in my prayer journal instead. Sometime it helps. S
This entry is not about my hand or my therapy, it is about my emotions. I try to be as positive as I can on here since a couple years back when I vowed to only make positive entries. but I need help. I usually write my depressing thoughts in my notebook but I feel like I reached my breaking point. When I first moved here back in August I attributed the depression to stress from the internship plus classes. I had met a nice guy and he always helped me feel better and motivated me. After quitting
Sorry for blogging so much lately. I try to wait to give everyone time to see my previous post. I just did not know whether to post in the emotional subforum, physical subforum, or young adults again so I decided to just blog again. I don't like to talk to my friends about my problems all the time so blogging helps me.
1. I feel like I am running out of time. When I was so consumed with getting my left hand back, I wasn't thinking about anxiety. I was so happy when I was in therapy and using
I always get scared when things are going good because I know something bad is coming my way so I can't get too comfortable with the good life. My dad was just saying this same exact thing today. He is the biggest pessimist I know and his negativity wears me down. Lately he had been acting very hateful and moody because of money issues and my brother quit his job so that put more bills on my dad. I felt really sad and upset like I am just a burden on my dad since I moved back here and living wit
Well first I would like to thank everyone for your uplifting comments to my last blog/post. It really meant a lot to see you all celebrating with me over my small accomplishments. but now the celebration is over. Instead of 2 more weeks of physical therapy, I got 2 more sessions. I know I reached all of my goals in pt but I really can't tell. My main goals were to go up and down stairs without using the handrail, strengthen my leg and foot enough to wear sandals, and remember to swing my arm whe
I seen my therapist on Friday. She wants me to have a psychological evaluation. She also gave me some papers to log the attacks because she said it is not helping her by me just telling her verbally what happens. Silly me, I thought all those times she was writing in her notepad and typing on her laptop she was actually recording what I was saying.
My dad is pretty much my caregiver I guess. He takes me to my appointments. I love my dad. Last week he started to cry as I started to cry when i
I was laying in bed looking at my laptop when I started to get a weird feeling. I immediately started to pray out loud. As I prayed I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself down thinking maybe its just a panic attack. but no, it wasnt. Everything became blurry. I let my laptop slide off my lap onto the bed. I reached for my phone but I was so nauseous that I thought I might throw up if I tried to call my dad. Im home by myself. I looked at my bedroom door but it was just blurry. I lay back down
I just wanted to let you all know im ok so you can stop pming, commenting, and e-mailing. I appreciate you all. I am sorry for being rude. I was just really upset and I misplaced my anger. My emotions have been stable lately. I have not felt extremely great but not extremely sad either. I guess I am just trying to accept that things will never go back to the way they were when everything was perfect. I guess my freshman year was the highest point in my life and what made it even better was that
Thank you guys so much for all of your encouraging comments on my last entry. I don't know what I would do without this site. You guys always know exactly what to say. I just wanted to update you guys really quick. The day after my disappointment, I found a doctor here, they wrote me a prescription for the baclofen, and Im waiting for them to schedule OT for me. I get my supra scalpular injection in my shoulder on Monday and I have been taking my old dosage of baclofen so hopefully that will hel
I feel like I am wearing a mask. I have to cover up how I really feel. When I am hopeless I have to hide it with faith. When I have given up, I have to hide it with acceptance. When I truly am tired of being like this, I have to hide it by displaying thankfulness for life. I can never truly be myself. Ever since 2001, I have been the one people look to for inspiration. Since graduation I have spoke at 3 different churches and I speak again next month. I AM thankful for live, I DO believe Jesus i
My entry title is not a typo. Its a double meaning. Weakdays=weekdays I already prayed 3 times this morning, read 2 daily devotionals from 2 different books I have, and read today's readings for 6 different devotional Bible reading plans I am doing on bible.com. I also watched Joyce Meyer this morning "Enjoying Everyday Life" at 6am so I can have some motivation to enjoy my day.
So why do I still feel so blah? It's so hard to explain and its like nobody can understand me. Last night I thoug
Thanks everyone for all of the love and support on my stroke anniversary last month. In my last entry, I talked about how the medicines Im on made it hard for me to celebrate my stroke anniversary. I saw my neurologist and have to go back to see him in a few weeks. I told him about the side effects from my seizure medicine so he gave me a test trial of another seizure medicine to see if it helps decrease the side effects and help my white blood cell count. Today I seen my pain management doctor.
I apologize for not being active like I said I would. I just finished the 3 page summary on the 25 page article I had to do for my honors freshmen seminar class. It has really taken up a lot of my time. Sometimes I want to update because I am extremely happy and sometimes I just want to vent because I am so upset. My moods fluctuate so much I dont see the point in updating everytime something happens. Anyway my summer has been all work and very little fun. I kind of figured turning 18 wouldnt be
I just wanted to update you guys on how Im doing. I've started getting used to working. I've also still been doing the stationary bike and treadmill a few times a week at the YMCA. I have been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend. We met a little over a month ago. We go to church a lot and watch movies at my place a lot. It's nice to have a friend to hang with.
I had a "seizure" Thursday morning around 4am. I bit my tongue on both sides and my legs were hurting. I woke up in my living room.
I have been wanting to blog so bad. I had no internet for the last 3 weeks because I moved to a new apartment. I have been really depressed, crying all the time and just feeling horrible. I keep reminding myself of all the great things I have that I didn't have before but its like my brain just doesnt care. I think its the keppra. My neurologist increased my dosage from 500 mg 2x a day to 750 2x a day. I've experienced loss of coordination and dizziness daily. So it makes sense to me that Im pro
Unfortunately I had a seizure in my sleep Thursday night/Friday morning. When I woke up at 3:30 in the morning I was disoriented and did not know what day it was or where I was. I bit my tongue, bit the corner of my mouth, and I must have had a fight with the wall. (Luckily I sleep against the wall so I didn't fall off the bed.) but some of my finger nails, were bent all of the way back on my good hand, my stroke ankle was sore and my pinky toe on my good foot is sore. Luckily my dad was able to
Thursday my dad made me stay home all day. I told him one like that had not happened since I was at work in September so it probably wont happen again for another couple of months but he still wanted me to rest so I did. Yesterday though I had to get out. Laying in bed is the scariest and probably gives me more panic attacks than anything since the "seizures" were always in my sleep and the dizziness always happens when Im laying down on the computer or reading a book.
So I got my dad to dro
Thanks everyone for your comments. They really give me a lot to think about.
Wednesday on my way to the doctor, I had a panic attack while I was driving. My appointment was at 8:25 so I left early so i could dodge rush hour traffic but ended up getting stuck in rush hour and school traffic. I got to the office parking lot but I was in the wrong parking lot and it was a dead end. I figured I would just find a parking spot and just turn around but there were no empty spaces. I decided I would jus
Well I seen the neurologist last week. Instead of getting medicine for pseudobulbar affect, I asked him for an anti-depressant. He gave me zoloft but said it would take about 4 weeks to start making a difference. I feel good for the most part. I have a boyfriend for the first time in almost 2 years and he gives me lots of love and attention so that definitely helps with the depression. I just wish I could get my dad off my back. Ever since he retired and his girlfriend dumped him, he always has
