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stroke survivorthoughts

Entries in this blog

 

feel like looser so just rambling here

ok today is not a good day feel like complete looser & failure in life  & always needing in help in all wakes of my life. I guess in life you will have both kind of days some good some bad, today is that kind of day feeling like complete looser. I recently lost my diamond erring for my one ear which is side I prefer to sleep on. also had fight with hubby about some some personal home related issue where I said some hurtful things to him & even said hurtful things about our family God

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

happy 29th wedding anniversary to us

today is our 29th wedding anniversary. We have been through enough ups & downs in life & still thankfully standing strong. This year I made nice imovie for our wedding anniversary with romantic, meaningful Indian song playing in the background while going through our 29 years of pictures slideshow. I was hoping that kido will help me in making it, but I had used up all his goodwill for mothers day & his dad's birthday movie, so he was not in mood to help me, & if one thing stroke

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

I feel so sad for anyone who gives up the fight of their life

Recently in India very talented young 34 year old actor committed suicide. he was such young, lovable good-looking  guy & stupid guy just ended his life, he was depressed about loosing some good movie opportunities, breakup & so on which made him take that drastic step. It shook me up since he did that at the same age when I went through my own lean phase of life & had same bright ideas about it, but luckily had young family at home so had no courage to act on that bright stupid idea

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

fathers day 2020 special

as all of you aware of we have only one child & he has always been his dad's boy, love & bond between them is truly unconditional. mine is not as much, I love him but I also get mad at him when he does not listen  to me & argues back. Anyhow in this pandemic he had come & stayed with us few months when his college ws in lockdown, but summer came along & his paid internship  was starting & he was missing his friends so was itching to go back to college & left. while go

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HostAsha

 

why do we view change as bad

Its weekend so time to think deep thoughts. I was thinking about how we are all averse of changes in our life specially unplanned  or unexpected changes which shows up  in our life like illness,accidents or job-loss.  how all these changes rattles our boat & we get so unsettled, upset about it, without knowing future, we just hate all unwelcome change. I know I did it when I faced my stroke in my life. I thought my life was ruined & I will never find joy in living again.    I u

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HostAsha

 

today is very special day its my soumate my sarathi's birthday

I am so excited today is my soulmate's 60th birthday. We have been together for almost 30 years. we have spent 14 years o our pre-stroke life together &  16 years of post-stroke life together & still going strong. My hubby is very practical person  man of his words, if he said he will be there for our son's game or practice then I don't have to worry, I know he will be there. If he has to take me to my long list of doctors appts or fill in confusing paperwork, he will finish the job, &am

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

whats the purpose of life

As you guys know hubby & I both have similar spiritual traits, though I feel he is ahead in his spiritual journey where I still have lot to learn, when kido was around lot of time discussion on our dinner table will be on lot of these spiritual topics, kido gets entertained by hubby & mine total different view points  about life& he will support me or hubby  based on who is winning the argument.   Our recent discussion recently made me see how right hubby is & with that

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

Happy Mothers Day 2020

Happy Mothers day to all mothers here. This Mothers day is most special mothers day for me its year 2020 when every one is quarantined & staying home & can't go anywhere. I asked our son to make mothers day video with song for his grandma, & his dad asked him to do for me too. He did amazing job & sent it to me on mothers day making this year so special. I realize my biggest accomplishment in life is our son  who by becoming doctor will make a difference in people's lives. today

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

only constant in life is change

life is all about changes only change is constant. I have noticed for my mental sanity, I thrive on having routine in life, &  keeps me centered & happy in life's journey. after my stroke & early retirement from the job I struggled for almost 9 months till I found my routine, which included my exercise, online support group, & reading good uplifting spiritual books helped me. I found truckload wealth of information in our hindu scripture book bhagvad-Geeta. It felt like God was a

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

some days feel so alone in this world & realize ui have come to this workd alone & will leave alone too

ok maybe its PMS days, but some days even though I am surrounded by friends & family I still feel all alone in my life, & with this isolation I hate being couped up inside home, being survivor & all this horror stories of virus hubby does not feel me comfortable venturing outside, so I stay inside though today being frustrated with whole world I went out for walk & lo behold tripped on my pant leg & fell, luckily just t few bruises got up & started walking back home again

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

something you learn from your childrens friends

As you guys know I love to read books & blogs, they both are the reason which saved me from my dark thoughts & made me go AHA I get it now so many times in my post stroke journey. kido's friends are all in different fields, some have gone in pursuing degree in medical field, some in engineering field & some in journalism. All are doing well in their  chosen fields. One of his friend is in journalism & I have been reading her essays  for long time, make me amaze how this 20 plus s

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

adore my weekends & my AHAs

This Saturday class was no different in feeding my soul with goodness in life & getting me prepared in providing tools in whatever we may come in my life in future.  One of the best teaching of our Geeta class this weekend were two things & if I am able to master these two things then life will be truly bliss 1. lesson is whatever karma(or actions I am doing do it as my offering to God without any attachment to results 2. whatever results I get it from those action take it as G

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HostAsha

 

my super soul saturday

As you guys are aware favorite part of my weekend is to spend time on things which feeds my soul. Saturday is the time we spend learning & discussing our ancient literature bhagvad Gita. I find in that particular book all questions we human being face are answered like  what's the purpose of this life & what is right thing to do in this particular situation &  so on  & those other self defeating thoughts too , like  why do it in fear of failure & so on. In this particular boo

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HostAsha

 

I am going to toot my own horn here

you are forewarned with my blog heading, in this blog I am going toot my own horn. all my life there is voice inside my head told me oh how you are not good enough in anything.  but I have lived 50 years of life & as people say hindsight is 2020, I see one of the remarkable quality about me which actually brought to my attention by Sue & I have started noticing it too now & realizing to pat my back for that quality., so thanks Sue, & now I feel like great human being  who has abi

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

Happy New year

Happy New year everyone.hope you all had wonderful year. For our family 2019 year was filled with lot of joy.  most importantly our son got into one of the top medical college in the USA making all of us so happy & proud of him. & he already finished his first semester there & enjoying himself, he has great set of friends & amazing professors who all are all great doctors who want to make a difference in people's life, & according to him none of his professors have any big ai

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HostAsha

 

my inner growth is continueing though I am still work in progress

like I have been telling you guys & writing in my this online journal so that I go back & take a look at it again & find  those wise words again when I am wavering when encountering some negative events in life,  I have been attending this discussion format classes in our temple nearby where they are discussing bhagwad Gita sacred& ancient book of Hindu religion. It is teachings of God to prince on the battlefield where he is all torn apart & questioning these basic question

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HostAsha

 

I am so rattled & feeling loss of great spiritual teacher

when we went on our vacation to India got great news of one of the family member which filled our heart with so much joy that I still smile thinking about that great news, & while coming home from India we got worst news on our whatsapp message which rattled both hubby & me no end & it tears me up every time i think about it I still can't believe death of our spiritual teacher with whom our paths crossed right when I felt like I was drowning  in grief of my stroke  & disability &

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HostAsha

 

We are back

We just returned  home from our month long vacation to India, Singapore & Malaysia. It was fun filled trip. We had planned to do sight seeing with hubby's side of family in small AC Mini bus, trip was planned by hubby's older brother & we had lot of fun together. I get along well with every one so traveling together is always fun, though because of my unsteadiness on getting up & down tall steps & places if there is no railing,  hubby was always by my side & my sister in laws

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HostAsha

 

sun is always shining & just behind the cloud does not negate the fact that sun is still out there somewhere

Like I have mentioned before, weekend I usually spend in my spiritual learning, Saturday evening usually reserved for learning of our hindu scripture Bhagwad Geeta, whose teachings I find it very relevant for all human beings, & my Sunday mornings I love to spend in Oprah's super soul Sunday series where she brings in guest who can depart great teachings through their book  by sharing their experiences in life. It was surprising these both days teaching were about same thing like Sun is alwa

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HostAsha

 

I am becoming old person now

I am realizing I am becoming like my mom & old person, while watching all these new Indian movies I can't understand lyrics of songs & getting scandalized by amount of less clothes actors are wearing while dancing to these weird music whose sound is catchy, all pretty people but can't understand a thing they r singing & it is supposed to be Indian language I should understand. I need someone to tell me what did he sing lol. now I can see my  parents reaction when they used to see mov

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HostAsha

 

do have something to whine about aww my ankle

I do have happy blissful life, though God don't want me to be cocky so have to throw in some discomforts in my life just to test out  whether I have mastered my own spiritual mambo jumbo or not lol. Anyway I have not, I am still in work in progress, & I have to whine my sorrows & joys all here, on Weekend hubby & I gone out for walking in woods near our home, unfortunately there was big party in park & hubby had to park car in field & somehow I missed hole in the ground &

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

trying to find limitless soul within you

I guess I attract towards spiritual teachings of all religions. recently in temple near our home they started discussion & lecture series on  hindu religion's most sacred book Bhagwad Gita which  teaches you how to live limitless in this limited world. It was quite a interesting session, where you meet very similar thinking people and trying to find contentment  and  deeper meaning in your life. Gita's teachings revolves around doing your duties according to roles you are playing in your lif

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

I should go & read my own blogs when I am having down days :)

I guess you can not have all good days every day sometime have to have down days, when you question every one's love for you & think you are all alone in this wide world, and should just quit trying & go & live life  without interacting with any one. ok so I was mad at hubby & brother thinking no one loves me  or appreciates me & only give me hard time even when I am working my butt off  stepping out of my comfort zone  & sill all they do is point out my shortcomings, may

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

something I learnt today on my super soul sunday series better keep in mind for my own sanity

As you guys know I am sucker for Oprah's super soul Sunday series, & learn valuable life lessons from it.  As I have mentioned before I feel loved by feeling of appreciation expressed by my family members. on yesterday's show guest said something very important, whatever we always wish for is usually never enough, so if you wish for more money, however amount of money you get its never enough, same way with all other items, if you always feel loved by words of appreciation its never going to

HostAsha

HostAsha

 

I am so relieved we did not screw it up

I am so relieved my illness did not screw it up our son's life. I stroked at age of 34 when our son was just 7, and I went through severe depression for a year, luckily hubby held our fort till I picked up pieces of my shattered dream & broken life & started building our new normal with help of my family & friends who chose to stay in & some new friends came in. our son saw up close & personal how doctors helped our family rebuild our life together. kido shadowed lot of my do

HostAsha

HostAsha

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