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Day in the life of a diva

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Happy feet , happy heart

So after talking to my doctor about my Raynaud's and when he looked at my feet, after being in my thermal socks in a faux fur boots, my toes were already blue. So we're kinda thinking it's more stress related. Starting around July, I start wearing sock and slippers inside and warmer socks when temperatures change. We both were perplexed about my toes because , for most people and before it got worse, the pain only came when the blood returns, whether with clothing or in  warm water, and that is

ksmith

ksmith in Feet life

Unknown phone calls.. but with a happy twist

We all get unknown callers and thankfully our cell phones have caller ID. I haven't had a land line forever. I was paying for a land line and I understand in an emergency that is ideal to have but when I did ALL I got was spam. Back in the 90's and early 00's my family, who lived in another state(s) away, we often sent a fax .. ( remember those) for none of us, family, were into small talk. EVER. So we'll write it all down and say it in a note, If follow up was needed of course we'd call. Now, I

Hear me out.. I'm not ostentatious.. i swear

So hear me out... I'm not  snooty.. promise   For the past 12 years, I've been taken care of. meaning, when I had my stroke I was married and my husband ( now ex) was taking care of the monies and life was good . When we got divorced, I moved in with my parents so, again, I wasn't paying the bills. I have money in my savings but I try not to touch it unless REALLY important.  I found an "apartment' but went to an association and now a condo right down the road, literately.  merely

I am reminded of taking it slow

I had my surgery December 14 and yes my mom was able to come into the waiting room and she was able to come back into the pre op room for a moment. She waited in the waiting room and my father sat in the car( his choice) and read . I think my surgery took roughly 2 1/2 hours. I think I saw her after my surgery . I think I messaged a friend, I was very medicated. I then was taken to a room for the night. Reason being I got out of surgery to late to fill my pain medicine. My pharmacy closed at 5p

ksmith

ksmith in slow and steady

I really do care.. honest

'I really do care honest' is what I say to my friends and family I do not talk to on a regular basis. I often feel that I am the one who is distancing myself from others because I can't make plans nor care to do what I once did ( i.e. dancing, going out to eat) for I get sensory overload quite easy. Now, I know that my family and my dearest friends understand I am not the same me after all of these years.    Ok now I got that out of the way.   " I really do care honest" is wh

ksmith

ksmith in Random thoughts

Stroke was a good thing?

Sometimes people ask me if my stroke was a good thing to in the long run, and I am often perplexed with how to answer it. Yes the stroke took a lot of my happiness and my joy’s away and I wish that I could do a lot more than what  I can. The one positive thing, however, was I was correctly diagnosed and finally medicated for  my ADHD. And that way I feel like stroke was a benefit to me because I feel like I’m a better person. I just wanted to Blog that random thought that I had at 3 o’clock in t

ksmith

ksmith in Random thoughts

Some of my mental thoughs

I'm selfishly happy that school will be remote, till at least mid-October. That means that my son will still be able to come visit my on the weekends, as per regular, but when school starts, we  will have to go back to Face Time, Zoom and other ways because the county he is in has a higher amount of Covid-19 than mine and school is a cesspool of germs. It's funny how we would not be thinking about this like we are now.  We have to keep PPE where I work and conduct temp checks , masks, gloves dai

ksmith

ksmith

ok .. i got this.. wait what.... Squirrel

I don't blog but as I sit here at 1:13a ( EST) my mind was thinking of how "easily" I was able to change my sleep pattern. I say easily with great skepticism. Why? Well I do have rough nights when I don't take my ADD medications.. ok so why can i do this? Coffee? Given. But I was always a night owl. Living on 2-3 hours of sleep ( mind you this was pre-stroke and pre ADD meds) and indulging a 'breakfast of champions" which consisted of a bag of Doritos and a can of Mt Dew. I later found out it wa

ksmith

ksmith

F.A.S.T indeed

SOOO.. For someone who is one Plavix or another blood thinners you must stop for at least 5 days to 7 before and same afterwards. And , i found out later, is just the amount of time for clots to form that could cause for another or your first stroke.  SO I had to stop 5 days before and 7 after. No problem for I've had to stop it before for a medical procedure.   OK..   Before I proceed, I'll give some history.   When I had my stroke, in 2009, I had to be intuba

ksmith

ksmith

Why can't we all get along? * personal views*

I received a Facebook message from a friend that I've not spoke to in a long time that made my mind spin. If you have views that you TRULY believe in, make sure to share it with someone you know shares that view. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism, and with that I try not to let myself get really involved with the zeitgeist of today. WELL, I just had surgery and being on a bunch of pain medicine, my mind isn't as focused  . I may have caught that  person off guard by immediately sharin

ksmith

ksmith

1 year old soon

Thanks Sue for the push to write.   Blogging has always been hard for me. The words don't always make it from my brain to my fingers. HAHA. Some would argue that the word don't go from my brain to mouth.  I would have to agree with that one.  I never seem to have something to write about for the thought doesn't stay in my head long enough. But I'll try:    In March, my mom and I are driving to Florida, via North Carolina to stay with my sister and family. I was going to fly 

ksmith

ksmith

colonoscopy...

well today was my colonoscopy. My 5th. The reason was for I have pre cancerous polyps. Great news, I have no new polyps.   BUT I have 2 internal hemorrhoids that are the largest he has seen in his 25 years of practice. OH BOY. SO ... I go see a specialist Friday, 13 for a consult . ARGGGGG.. my poor buttocks but two things to take away...1. I had the BEST nap ( thanks to anesthesia) 2for the next 5 years, no colonoscopy.

ksmith

ksmith

Oh my

I haven’t written for a while. But I had to write this for I am so happy?!?!?! I was sitting on my front yard (a common front yard for I live in a condo) and had my bathing suit top, shorts and on my stomach reading a good book. I was unaware of anything for I was deeply involved in the book. When I got up and re positioned my chair I head a “hello” and I couldn’t see for I as wearing my reading glasses. I took them off and he extended his hand and introduced his self. I can’t remember hi

ksmith

ksmith

finally

Well, this Sunday afternoon I fly to Florida to finally meet my grandson. It's so weird to say grandson. But I love that I'll be a Mimi. 🙂 This little guy has been through a terrible first month but he'll be two months this 18th.. I sadly won't be there for that but I'm eternally thankful for his grandparents opening their home to me. It'll be a good visit.. HOT.. yuck   

ksmith

ksmith

******sigh******

It’s been a while since I have made a block here. I am been in a funk. A funk that I don’t often talk about and I try not to talk about on the website. I try to always be happy and cheerful and I love to encourage other people. But as of late, I am been in a deep funk. Akin to a depression. In bed , can’t quite get out, however I  do you go to work on the four days that I do strictly because you have to make ends meet.  I guess it’s just the 810 year itch you could say. Coming to terms that I ha

ksmith

ksmith

It's a boy

Well, I did a fast trip to Florida to attend my first grandchild gender. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. But it was wonderful. I cried for I was looking at my baby and knowing he was a man and a daddy.  They had a die dust bag they put under a truck tire to do a burn out, spinning a tire on concrete, which made a TON of smoke and burning rubber smell/ YUCK .   The travel down was interesting, to say the least. I flew from Philadelphia to Dallas/Ft Worth.. first. ( all i

ksmith

ksmith

I still got it

So, this is a sad story but the way I acted throughout it renewed my faith in myself.   So Saturday past, it began as every Saturday at my work. Made breakfast, assisted the woman I aide with her bath, took her and another client to the closet bus stop. Basically a normal-ish day. UNTIL...   After dropping off the individual to the bus stop, we, my client or individual, as we should refer, returned back to the program. That is what we call the place where individuals reside.

ksmith

ksmith

it finally happened..

So while I was driving at night, around 11:30p leaving work last night, I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rear view window.  As always I was very nervous because of  having a hard time seeing at night. So the black and white had EXTREMELY bright spotlight shining in my side mirror that pointed directly in my eyes. I already had a head ache and super tired. I just worked 3-11 after working all weekend.   The officer, or first officer of 4, yikes four, knocked on my driver side window and a

ksmith

ksmith

Manic Monday

Well Monday I go back to work for the first time in 9 years. As we all know, living on Social Security and single, is very difficult. It is so expensive to live in New Jersey, or any where for that matter. Don't get my wrong, I'm thankful for what I do get but it's so tight. I know when I finish with orientation, two weeks 70 hrs., I'll go to part-time so I'll have down time. I've been trying to stay busy everyday to get adjusted to staying focused and that hasn't really gone as I  hoped. I'm go

ksmith

ksmith

I knew I smelled something

So when things started to look okay, working isn’t a fact I’m looking forward for but it is a must, and I was able to get back on track, the reality of my nose finally made sense. Let me explain: I often said I smelled ‘cigarette smoke’ every time my air conditioner turned on. I said smoke because I couldn’t make a comparison to anything else.  I bought cleaning supplies to clean my air conditioner unit with my father. I had to wait until a cool day and now is the time. We opened the closet

ksmith

ksmith

fast no more

Yesterday I finally had my ablation on my heart to stop the rapid heart beat. I wasn't nervous for my cousin, who is a cardiac nurse and also had this done, walked me through everything. It didn't hit me that I remember them adding the adrenalin to make my heart race so they could find out where the 'road block' was. Basically,  you have two tracks that the electrical currents  in your heart go around that keep your heart function.  So Imagine you have two tracks above each other but the one wit

ksmith

ksmith

a hunting we will go....

Yesterday was both an exciting day and frightening for I submitted my first job resume in almost 10 years. My doctor hasn’t entirely allowed me to work a part-time schedule but I’m looking for just that. I see him on the 20th if this month and will talk it over with him. The reason being is, to no surprise for many survivors, I can’t play my bills.. I mean I can but it will only leave me with under $100 for the month, and that’s not including food or property taxes & car insurance.   I have

ksmith

ksmith

Nice to Knit ya..

On Mondays, for the time being, I go either to my Aunts house or other members home and knit. I learned how to knit from my grandmother but learning after stroke is basically learning all over again. I enjoy it. I enjoy the company of the group. They are very understanding of my speech and having my Aunt there helps a bunch. She has been knitting for a billion years and with in 3 weeks ( she says she really didn't have time for this.. yeah right) she knit my little cousin a sweater jacket.  A SW

ksmith

ksmith

Concert fun

So my parents invited me to see a concert of two bands that were big in their youths but I like as well. The Doobie Brothers & Steely Dan. I was worried it was going to be to over whelming. But then I remembered : 1. I was hanging with my parents ( who are very chill) 2. Most of the folks that were going  to be there would be , generally, over 60.  We arrived about two hours early for I had a doctors appointment before the concert so we decided to tailgate. Our tail gate entailed of hanging

ksmith

ksmith

abalation

heartI wish I could write more but my thoughts don't stay in my brain long enough lol   Well yesterday , July 2nd, I had my long awaited cardiac surgery consult.  I am waiting for the office  to call and schedule me for the same day surgery. They are going to do an ablation for my SVT ( fast heartbeat) :: from the start of my post, I had to leave and drop my son off at his house, stopped to see my ex father-in-law (I adore that man :) ) then to Target to get cat food::  I now have

ksmith

ksmith