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Day in the life of a diva

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F.A.S.T indeed

SOOO.. For someone who is one Plavix or another blood thinners you must stop for at least 5 days to 7 before and same afterwards. And , i found out later, is just the amount of time for clots to form that could cause for another or your first stroke.  SO I had to stop 5 days before and 7 after. No problem for I've had to stop it before for a medical procedure.   OK..   Before I proceed, I'll give some history.   When I had my stroke, in 2009, I had to be intubated and I developed TMJ from them over extending my jaw.  Due to the circumstances, I'm not complaining but it hurts periodically. In recent months, it has been hurting more frequently.   **caught up** The end of January, I had a hemorrhoid removal surgery and normally you aren't intubated but because of the size of mine and time it would take, I was and again my jaw was adjusted. However, this time for a few days after, my jaw felt normal again. No pain.... UNTIL... Sunday I was chewing on a gummy fiber supplement and my jaw 'slipped' from where I thought it was fixed. The pain was horrible and for a time I could not close my jaw. I felt dizzy and vertigo ( bad to me for I have a baseline and this was beyond) I took some of my Ibuprofen and a warm compress and it seemed to be better.  Monday and Tuesday I had small bouts of vertigo but only lasted for a few moments.  Wednesday I spent mostly in bed for I was beginning to feel very nauseous and dizzy more often. Thursday late morning, I was out and out of no where, I was hit with one if not the worst vertigo attack that I've ever had. The world spun and when I was trying to walk straight I couldn't do it. Instead I veered to the right and I looked and felt like I was going to vomit. SO I sat down, where I was, and waited it off. Then after a time I walked to my car and sat in there and gathered myself again for a time.  I finally felt normal and made it home for stroke chat. I was feeling woozy during chat and after, I went to lay down. On and off I felt dizzy.  I was darn near 100% sure it was my jaw. SO  to bed I go. Friday, I woke up and slowly got out of bed and barely was able to walk around my bed without failing on to my bed. So after I gathered myself, I went to the living room to call my doctor. I made an appointment but it wouldn't be until Tuesday. Well the feeling was something that I couldn't do all weekend plus work Monday night. So to be proactive, I went to my local hospital ED. ( 3 miles down road) I was feeling OK when I got there but I wanted an x-ray of my jaw.  So when I walked in I said " I think I misaligned my jaw and I have had bouts of vertigo unlike how I have felt following my previous stroke" I had not sat down when a nurse called me into fast track in ED  I had a team of nurses and Doctors around me assessing me. While that was happening one nurse said that they were all on high alert for a 30 yo was in last week with stroke. I then began to understand why they were hyper vigilant, even so I kept trying to explain I thought it was my jaw.  On one hand I was glad to see them go into action and the other was just wishing they would look at my jaw.  I was taking to CAT scan w/contrast. I'm allergic to it and they had to give me benadryl , in my IV so it IMMEDIATELY went into effect. SO not only were the ED concerned I was having a stroke, I was now slurring my words and fighting to stay alert. So I was in the ED for 7 hours, mostly waiting for the transfer to send me to the Stroke Hospital I went to 11 years ago. Last time I was medi-vac trauma. I was in ambulance for that was in another emergency. I had a paramedic riding with me. SO The ENTIRE TRANSPORT CREW were flipping attractive. I mean I was taken aback at first. The transport dispatch sent us to wrong building. We got out . It was cold and night. Walked into the building, went to the 8th floor and only to find out we were in the wrong building. We had to go 2 city blocks up so we had to go down again. Load up. and they were pissed because god forbid I was in an acute emergency, time is everything. So we finally get there and I was in another team in the NICU (Neuro intensive Care Unit) and I felt conflicted again for I wanted my jaw looked at but glad I was taken seriously with a stroke history.  I was waiting for a nurse to come to I can get my phone to call my parents I made it but before that I hear over the loud speaker " Attention All Staff... Code Blue 8th floor ( my floor) room 808  ( I'm 810) so more staff then I've seen gather run past my door. Of course I'm feeling horrible to taking a bed from someone who could use it more. I hear the Dr's tell a person on phone they have been doing compressions for 30 mins and ordered blood. I then am reminded of how lucky we all are, no matter what stroke did to us, for we aren't guaranteed life. The bells stop , after a bit, as well as a code blue cancellation called so I guess it was good. ( fingers crossed) SO , I'm NPO (nothing by mouth) so no food for 14 hrs when I'm told I am going to get a MRI ( it's 1:30a).  I get unhooked for all my machines and a nurse wheels me down. I speak to the tech and he thought I had a stent in my carotid artery. I told him no it was in my vertebral .I was told I can't do it for the MRI is a lot stronger and may try to pull my stent out, even after 11 years. So Back we go to wait .  I can't complain for everyone on shift were amazing. They work 12 hr shifts so I had who I first saw until 7a and same for day. I had the same nurse Sat & Sun so I was happy. She was awesome!!   So.. I  was told the MRI was going to take some time for the machine broke and needed parts. This may puzzle some because if I were having a stroke but rest assure if it was critical, they would have sent me to the main hospital. Looking over the testing I had in my local ED and compared to my scans that I had after my stent looked the exact same.  I had the same 2 out of 3 DR's  on my team. Since I was being monitored and the doctor in charge of  case is " The  Big-Wig" Neurosurgeon of the hospital and in Philadelphia. ( the city I was in . Temple University, Uni of Penn hospital, CHOP ( children's hospital  ) to name a few. I was in Jefferson Neuro)) So He and the other doctor who was a fellow and now a Resident  were one half of my team. The Neurology Department made up the other half. So again, since I wasn't critical, I took a back seat and rightly so. I was on stand-by all of Saturday morning, my parents came up, thinking I was going to be released for I was on 24 observation only. Then in the late afternoon, I got the OK for the MRI. OK Brief note, I'm VERY claustrophobic. I forgot I had to wear the 'cage' for head. MAN.. my heartbeat and  BP were clearly  I was given earplugs, extra padding, around ears, and a lavender washcloth over my eyes and panic squeeze call bell. The tech reassured me I was only in a tiny amount,  The touched my legs to show me. I sucked it up and was stiff as a board in nervous. (( For my follow-up in 3  weeks I was told take my Xanax)) It wasn't that loud for extra stuffings. When finished, I was given the ALL CLEAR to eat!!!! You would have thought I won the lottery., I had to wait for my floor Neuro to read the scans but there was an emergency so I probably be spending another night. Considering I was not critical, my stay was not a bad thing. So this morning,   I got the OK from Neuro surgeon (  was fellow now resident) The test showed NO new stroke, which I already knew but relieved just the same, and was given the go home OK. I came home Sunday morning.   BUT.... MY JAW STILL HURTS LOL   Bottom line _ it made me happy to see F.A.S.T. in real time action . Not in a crisis.  It makes me sad that some hospitals still aren't taking people at their word and running the pro active actions.  I was talking to a nurse, in my local ED, about strokes from neck manipulation and she commented that it must not happen that often for 'we' never hear from it. I gladly shared my story as well as the Doctors in Jefferson Neuroscience Hospital shared how many they see. Granted, it can't always be traced to the chiropractor due to signing of waivers , luckily, I didn't and it happened immediately. There was another nurse there that concurred what I was saying.  But short of the longer, I'm healthy.         

ksmith

ksmith

 

Why can't we all get along? * personal views*

I received a Facebook message from a friend that I've not spoke to in a long time that made my mind spin. If you have views that you TRULY believe in, make sure to share it with someone you know shares that view. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism, and with that I try not to let myself get really involved with the zeitgeist of today. WELL, I just had surgery and being on a bunch of pain medicine, my mind isn't as focused  . I may have caught that  person off guard by immediately sharing my opinion . I feel bad but people are people. I'm trying not to get really into this for it may offend some people. Basically, religion. Depending where you happen to be born determines how you believe. That's fine with me. My issue is when someone says someone else's views are wrong. No one is better than the other. To you, back to where you were born, are taught your practices are the right one. Same with everyone around the world. But to instill your personal views onto others is not right, in my view.  I truly don't wish to disdain myself but I feel that everyone has a right to their own happiness and practices. To believe that others will try to make you change your views are just wrong.  The reason why we say " Happy Holidays" no :"Merry Christmas" is not everyone celebrates Christmas.  Reasons range from the belief that 'every day is a holy day,' as promoted by some Quakers, to a desire to observe those days the Bible emphasizes, such as the Old Testament holy days, while others, such as Jehovah's Witnesses, suggest any birthday, even that of Jesus, shouldn't be celebrated," writes Mark A Kellner for the Desert News. Among the largest group of Christmas-shunners are the Jehovah's Witnesses, which number close to 2 million in the United States, Kellner writes. The group once observed Dec. 25, but dropped the observance in 1928. https://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/os-christians-who-dont-celebrate-christmas-20141215-post.html   We, as a society, are trying to be understanding for religions that are practiced by other people.  I just want everyone to get along       ((this is my own opinion)))

ksmith

ksmith

1 year old soon

Thanks Sue for the push to write.   Blogging has always been hard for me. The words don't always make it from my brain to my fingers. HAHA. Some would argue that the word don't go from my brain to mouth.  I would have to agree with that one.  I never seem to have something to write about for the thought doesn't stay in my head long enough. But I'll try:    In March, my mom and I are driving to Florida, via North Carolina to stay with my sister and family. I was going to fly  but it was going to be costly. It will be my grandson's first birthday. I'm excited to go and see him. My father, drives an activity school bus now that he had retired from teaching, and used all the money he earned and booked us a room for 7 days. I am beyond being u[set not seeing him as much as I would love to but I know I'll be the coolest Mimi ever.   That's about as far as I can think of writing. I'll have pictures for sure

ksmith

ksmith

 

colonoscopy...

well today was my colonoscopy. My 5th. The reason was for I have pre cancerous polyps. Great news, I have no new polyps.   BUT I have 2 internal hemorrhoids that are the largest he has seen in his 25 years of practice. OH BOY. SO ... I go see a specialist Friday, 13 for a consult . ARGGGGG.. my poor buttocks but two things to take away...1. I had the BEST nap ( thanks to anesthesia) 2for the next 5 years, no colonoscopy.

ksmith

ksmith

 

Oh my

I haven’t written for a while. But I had to write this for I am so happy?!?!?! I was sitting on my front yard (a common front yard for I live in a condo) and had my bathing suit top, shorts and on my stomach reading a good book. I was unaware of anything for I was deeply involved in the book. When I got up and re positioned my chair I head a “hello” and I couldn’t see for I as wearing my reading glasses. I took them off and he extended his hand and introduced his self. I can’t remember his first name but we joked for his last name is Kelly and I said it was spelled wrong. He told me that he was looking at a unit to buy, we had some small talk and I explained that I know all the units, in my building, were already occupied. You could tell I wasn’t in to small talk because I was putting my glasses back on. He walked in the parking lot and called the agent and he came back and told me it was 23 not 31. Again… me- oblivious I said “ I hope you find it and have a good day. He asked me if I was single and I said yes and he asked me if I wanted to get drinks.. I told him I don’t drink and he said dinner? I was almost ready to say ‘no thank you’ but WTH I deserve it.. He asked for my cell phone # and was off and I came in.   I’m nervous to make “THE TALK” you know.. Why I am the way I am. This has always been my fear.  But dinner is marriage lol. The real test is if he calls. .   I did day to him. “Hope to see you again” but the way I said it was like I would say at the bank.. Informal politeness. But we’ll see But just asking was all I needed

ksmith

ksmith

 

finally

Well, this Sunday afternoon I fly to Florida to finally meet my grandson. It's so weird to say grandson. But I love that I'll be a Mimi. 🙂 This little guy has been through a terrible first month but he'll be two months this 18th.. I sadly won't be there for that but I'm eternally thankful for his grandparents opening their home to me. It'll be a good visit.. HOT.. yuck   

ksmith

ksmith

 

******sigh******

It’s been a while since I have made a block here. I am been in a funk. A funk that I don’t often talk about and I try not to talk about on the website. I try to always be happy and cheerful and I love to encourage other people. But as of late, I am been in a deep funk. Akin to a depression. In bed , can’t quite get out, however I  do you go to work on the four days that I do strictly because you have to make ends meet.  I guess it’s just the 810 year itch you could say. Coming to terms that I have exhausted most of my doctors to try to see if the last bit a remnant could come back to at least have good eyesight or good balance. I listen to a lot of people and I am encouraged by other peoples journeys and other peoples advice and I try to take it myself but as of late I’ve been almost nonexistent and that is why. But after talking to my family and friends, I have been doing a lot better,  I think that when the weather changes and the sun is out and it’s a warm hopefully I will feel better. I also know that as of the end of June when I do have to cut my hours back, but unfortunately I will be working every weekend which stinks, I should have a lot more energy and a lot more time to reflect on all of the good things that I have and as far as I got him. I guess a lot has to do with the memory and I getting into this anxiety about not remembering how I got to be 44, which sounds bizarre, and I’ll be turning 45 this month and it scares me for I think that my life is halfway over and I don’t know how  I even got here.     But like I said this is only a temporary funk and I think that I’ve been getting a whole lot better, I feel good, and I’m doing a lot of self reflecting which I think that’s going to help me and now you’ll be inundated with my positive comments to the point that you probably want to smack me in the face. 

ksmith

ksmith

It's a boy

Well, I did a fast trip to Florida to attend my first grandchild gender. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. But it was wonderful. I cried for I was looking at my baby and knowing he was a man and a daddy.  They had a die dust bag they put under a truck tire to do a burn out, spinning a tire on concrete, which made a TON of smoke and burning rubber smell/ YUCK .   The travel down was interesting, to say the least. I flew from Philadelphia to Dallas/Ft Worth.. first. ( all in saving money and I forgot about the time difference (( they are 1 hour behind us)) to dis board, wait for roughly 20 mins and re board the same plane to go to Orlando. Oh yes, this was a  Disney flight.  I am so glad I down loaded pod cast to listen to. So then exiting the Orlando airport, which is massive, but I normally walk across the bus lane and get my rental car. Again, in the spirt of saving money, I went off site. Ok No biggie, I received and email saying I will get a shuttle to the rental lot. Did I forget to say it was like summer. 82 ( kinda chilly for Florida but summer for NJ ) in jeans and standing out side for the shuttle... and waiting... roughly 45-60 mins waiting and I called them asking if someone would please come. 25 mins later the shuttle came, and we drove for about 10 mins. Holy cow. But in the long run, things don't go as planned but it's an adventure. Finally got the car and headed out.  Seeing at night and raining,,, it was a journey. I literally drove to 2 mins away and it was to much for me so I called my son  and he and his girlfriend met me and he drove me to their home.  Ashley, my son's GF, was kind to give me her bed, which was made in heaven. Her family, now my family, are absolutely wonderful. My ex ( my son's father & his GF) made up their backyard into a beautiful party site.  All I can do is smile.  ( the picture of Ashley doesn't do her justice) she is lovely 

ksmith

ksmith

 

I still got it

So, this is a sad story but the way I acted throughout it renewed my faith in myself.   So Saturday past, it began as every Saturday at my work. Made breakfast, assisted the woman I aide with her bath, took her and another client to the closet bus stop. Basically a normal-ish day. UNTIL...   After dropping off the individual to the bus stop, we, my client or individual, as we should refer, returned back to the program. That is what we call the place where individuals reside. We just pulled into the parking lot and was walking up to our office, so I may drop off the van keys, and another individual was coming out of his apartment and had a strange look on his face and said. " we need your help for AF( the persons initials ) can't breathe. She won't wake up". I said " What?" and he repeated it. I was holding on to the hand of my client and pulled her along with me and we, mainly me, ran.. KM ( MY individual) was being pulled hard by me and I basically flung her onto the couch in the apartment and said " please sit here"   I heard the other staff in the back saying " we need to get her on the floor" because she was on the bed and we needed to perform CPR.  Two things:    I didn't think I could run but I made it happen. I am not super strong anymore but I helped to get 200+ pounds off the bed in one move.   We performed CPR in two rounds each while waiting for the  EMT's and other emergency  personal to arrive. ( She sadly didn't make it)  It was fast, that I do know.. I mean she was talking and within 10 mins she was gone. She had a lot of health issues   I did things I didn't thinks I could do anymore. I mean,it's not the ideal situation to realize this but I now know when push comes to shove , my brain wont clam up.       The only thing I did forget was ,' Lift with your legs not back' I is very sore 

ksmith

ksmith

it finally happened..

So while I was driving at night, around 11:30p leaving work last night, I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rear view window.  As always I was very nervous because of  having a hard time seeing at night. So the black and white had EXTREMELY bright spotlight shining in my side mirror that pointed directly in my eyes. I already had a head ache and super tired. I just worked 3-11 after working all weekend.   The officer, or first officer of 4, yikes four, knocked on my driver side window and asked if I was drinking or doing illegal drugs. ( side note:: my father informed me that the area I work in and near is known for many arrests of DUI or DWI)  I put my license on my lap with my other documentation and of course when they walked to my window I dropped it and couldn't find it. I eventually found it between my seat, while he was standing there. I screamed " I found it" and didn't realize he was standing next to me.  I told him I had a stroke and due to SSDI not paying my bills, I had to go back to work and showed him my work ID. When they walked back to their car, I'm assuming when they ran my ID, it said I was a registered handicap driver and must have my heath reason .. I think? But ultimately, and thankfully, he walked back to me and issued a warning. I said I really wanted to go home and sleep.    My fear always has been I would be asked to do a sobriety road test and I know I would fail.. That was close enough to my nightmare.  

ksmith

ksmith

 

Manic Monday

Well Monday I go back to work for the first time in 9 years. As we all know, living on Social Security and single, is very difficult. It is so expensive to live in New Jersey, or any where for that matter. Don't get my wrong, I'm thankful for what I do get but it's so tight. I know when I finish with orientation, two weeks 70 hrs., I'll go to part-time so I'll have down time. I've been trying to stay busy everyday to get adjusted to staying focused and that hasn't really gone as I  hoped. I'm good for a few days but after that I completely shut down.   I know I sabotage myself by pushing back on things, I know I do it and still I get worried. My head, on today it has been raining, feels like you've been on a tire swing and spun super fast and now you're trying to walk. I often call it my A-HA walk. in the video he bounces back and forth on walls. I know I just have to do my best and I know once my air ducts and/or AC unit cleaned or new, I'll feel better. Breathing in mold, as I have for the past 4 years causes chronic fatigue ( on top of the fatigue I already have).. I'll put my best foot forward.   🤞🏻

ksmith

ksmith

 

I knew I smelled something

So when things started to look okay, working isn’t a fact I’m looking forward for but it is a must, and I was able to get back on track, the reality of my nose finally made sense. Let me explain: I often said I smelled ‘cigarette smoke’ every time my air conditioner turned on. I said smoke because I couldn’t make a comparison to anything else.  I bought cleaning supplies to clean my air conditioner unit with my father. I had to wait until a cool day and now is the time. We opened the closet door to my air conditioner air compressor thingy, we saw a large puddle of water on the floor. My water pan, for the moisture, was always overflowing.  There is a flap that is supposed to be on the unit where you insert the filters mine wasn’t there. For the past almost every years... I didn’t know so all the moisture from outside is coming directly to my unit.  So the smoke smell I was always smelling is in fact MOLD. I do have two air purifies and they work nonstop. So tomorrow I have someone coming out to give me an estimate for either cleaning or replacement. UGH... When it rains it pours. Just venting... It’s all good. It is what it is. I just came back from a stroke support group luncheon with three other groups (Caregivers, TBI, stroke survivors) I feel ok and tomorrow after I meet with the repair man I have a meeting for tax freezing, for those on disability. That means you pay a set so if it goes up I pay it but I get the difference back at the end of the year then to meditation in the afternoon to end my day. Namaste

ksmith

ksmith

 

fast no more

Yesterday I finally had my ablation on my heart to stop the rapid heart beat. I wasn't nervous for my cousin, who is a cardiac nurse and also had this done, walked me through everything. It didn't hit me that I remember them adding the adrenalin to make my heart race so they could find out where the 'road block' was. Basically,  you have two tracks that the electrical currents  in your heart go around that keep your heart function.  So Imagine you have two tracks above each other but the one with that contains the faster of the current (: if you get excited or caffeine your heart beats faster and you also have a slow lane that keeps the balance- ) well one of mine didn't have a complete track because one of the tracks had extra muscle that made the faster currents speed faster in half the space.   When the current would get trapped in the smaller loo[p, my hear rate would jump to 240+ beats per min. SOOO.. When I felt them making my hear to go fast, my jaw started to hurt, I began to sweat , same as always, but when it stopped I thought they  stopped the medicine for I didn't feel the usual chest pains but it just stopped beating fast. That was the time when he performed the procedure and fixed the problem.. it is amazing.   The down side is they went into both side of my groin so pain, no driving, no swimming, no lifting.. To most people that might sound like a day off but no driving to my Aunts house to swim in her pool.. But I can drink coffee.. but I'm still scared but he ( the Dr) said it was textbook so no issues. Same day.. Long day. My parents and I left my house at 4:30a for the 90 min drive.. put on to prep at 7:15a wheeled into the OR 8am   finished at 12pm.. post op full bedrest until 4:00pm.. leave hospital 4:30pm (Philadelphia Rush Hour) made it home by 6:45p.. My son, 15, stayed home with the cats.. don't blame him..  I slept partially seated for my pelvic area was so sore.. Better today.. Apparently I emailed people while still drugged lol  

ksmith

ksmith

 

a hunting we will go....

Yesterday was both an exciting day and frightening for I submitted my first job resume in almost 10 years. My doctor hasn’t entirely allowed me to work a part-time schedule but I’m looking for just that. I see him on the 20th if this month and will talk it over with him. The reason being is, to no surprise for many survivors, I can’t play my bills.. I mean I can but it will only leave me with under $100 for the month, and that’s not including food or property taxes & car insurance.   I have been talking about this a lot but I had to start paying for my Medigap insurance.  What that is is Medicare only pays for 80% of a bill and sometimes less than that so the Medigap, or Blue Cross/Blue Shield of New Jersey, should cover the rest. We all know some medical bills can cost a small fortune and when you’re on a fixed income, repaying what you owe can be darn near impossible.  Being under 50 and a resident of New Jersey, I am limited to just this insurance and if I don’t get that insurance, I cannot get a Medigap plan again until I’m 65 years old. Pretty crappy… yeah… I didn’t realize it would cost me so much for my plans- Both Medicare and Medigap. Almost half of what I get a month. Thankfully I have P.A.A.D (Pharmaceutical Assistance to the Aged & Disabled) I’m not sure if it’s just in NJ but anyway that covers my medication.  So I know every little thing helps but yeesh.   So back to my resume- I was a my DVR (Department of Vocational Rehabilitation) and we talked about the ARC of Cape May County (Mission Statement The Arc of Cape May County, Inc. promotes and protects the human rights of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities and actively supports their full inclusion and participation in the community throughout their lifetimes.   The Arc of Cape May County, Inc. is committed to enhancing the quality of life of those individuals and their families through direct services, advocacy, empowerment, education and prevention.) So as you can tell by the mission statement that is a fantastic place to work for in another life, I worked in an institution for those who were well bad off. But I digress…. Every job that isn’t basically winning the lottery sounds way beyond my abilities. I know I’m walking into the unknown and I haven’t even got the job yet but I worry that I can’t make it. I mean I get super tired after a busy day. I know I’m just putting on the brakes of what my mind is telling me because it’s a new thing. I really need to just see what happens and talking to my doctor (Neurologist) and be thankful I have a contact coming to me that will eliminate the bouncing in one eye and be grateful for those things.   Being an adult stinks sometimes.  Thank you for letting me vent and I apologize if I’ve ranted a lot about this but as with everything else... It’s a first for me.

ksmith

ksmith

 

Nice to Knit ya..

On Mondays, for the time being, I go either to my Aunts house or other members home and knit. I learned how to knit from my grandmother but learning after stroke is basically learning all over again. I enjoy it. I enjoy the company of the group. They are very understanding of my speech and having my Aunt there helps a bunch. She has been knitting for a billion years and with in 3 weeks ( she says she really didn't have time for this.. yeah right) she knit my little cousin a sweater jacket.  A SWEATER JACKET..  I made a thing... it's kinda a scarf.. or a pot holder mat.. I know I'll get there....and yeah she can also knit with out looking...  It's tiring.. mainly for my eyes but it will get better. I'm not sure how long I can stick the Mondays for in a few days, I'm going to Department of Vocation Rehabilitation ( DVR ) t seek a part time job. My doctors have only cleared me for a tiny bit, like 4-6 hrs a week, but I can't survive on just me. As with life, we all must persevere   

ksmith

ksmith

 

Concert fun

So my parents invited me to see a concert of two bands that were big in their youths but I like as well. The Doobie Brothers & Steely Dan. I was worried it was going to be to over whelming. But then I remembered : 1. I was hanging with my parents ( who are very chill) 2. Most of the folks that were going  to be there would be , generally, over 60.  We arrived about two hours early for I had a doctors appointment before the concert so we decided to tailgate. Our tail gate entailed of hanging out with two other random parking lot  folks eating hoagies ( l they ate the hoagies lunchmeat sandwiches) and drinking water. We finished off our lunches from earlier that day and sat and shared youthful stories for the random folks and my father grew up in the same neighborhood in Pennsylvania and the shared stories while my mother and I tried to stay cool for it was hot that day.  It was time to get in line to enter the venue so we grabbed our beach chairs and while we were walking to the security line, I was starting to get worries there wasn't a lot of people standing in line. I am not going to fib but I was kinda happy to not get completely overwhelmed but just to be sure I brought some ear plugs.  And wow.. I forgot how much "grass" or marijuana is smoked at rock concerts. We were sitting in smoke central.. It kept me pretty chill.. my father and I were fairly big pot heads when we were younger so we kinda just flowed with it plus Steely Dan is pretty jazz-ish chill-ish rock. The people that were there and dancing were re living their childhood and it was nice to see them dance but I guess sometimes some enjoyed the herb a little to much.    It took me a few days to get to myself again.  But I'm glad I got to spend the time with my parents and they asked me.. I'm going to a local one with my parents at the end of the month, this time more geared towards my mom... more bubblegum 60's. 

ksmith

ksmith

 

abalation

heartI wish I could write more but my thoughts don't stay in my brain long enough lol   Well yesterday , July 2nd, I had my long awaited cardiac surgery consult.  I am waiting for the office  to call and schedule me for the same day surgery. They are going to do an ablation for my SVT ( fast heartbeat) :: from the start of my post, I had to leave and drop my son off at his house, stopped to see my ex father-in-law (I adore that man :) ) then to Target to get cat food::  I now have a date August 14th. Same day so only sleepy for the rest of that day. My mother or a hospital car service will pick me up for the procedure.  The reason I'm having this, at an early age, is the premeditative tips I was given to help relax ( i.e. barring down like a bowl movement, putting face into ice water, laying down, a beta blocker) aren't able to slow my pulse or to end the event. I also am given intravenously medicine that normally calms the heart and if that fails, one that basically stops your heart, like a jump start, and immediately an injection of adrenaline to start it up, to no avail. The next action is to use the paddles to shock me. It happens to much to just wait.   Basically, you have a circuits in your heart. They have a route that they take to continue working, mine has a short circuit, kinda. It's common to have my issue. Most start as a flutter and maybe continue for 5-15 mins. Mine don't stop . You can't die from SVT but what they don't tell you is while my heart beats at 235-240 BMP, blood isn't being adequately sent to the rest of the body and having a stroke in my history... I want to get this treated.  and bonus is.... I CAN ENJOY MY COFFEE AGAIN       

ksmith

ksmith

 

Whew

So these past few weeks have been an adventure as well as Insightful.  My life 24 yr. old son broke his hip. How he broke it was just a simple as the perfect fall and perfect angle but luckily due to his age, his is going to heal very well. If he was older the surgeon said he would have had to have a total hip replacement. But all that aside, this trip taught me that no matter when push comes to shove I can make it. Now, it has taken me a few days of recovering, still am, but it was heartbreaking at the same time.  I have problems with feeling a connection with   people, especially my children. My son is 24 going on 16, but aren’t most kids at that age, mainly boys. Lol.  I was hoping, in my mind that when I showed up, my son would have been so happy to see me. He was but understandingly he was in pain (saw in hospital) even still it was cold at best.  I think the hardest thing for him and me to understand is he wasn’t there for my recovery and as with most people that don’t know the struggles we had to go through to get to the way we are now is frustrating. He was frustrated with me for I couldn’t remember little things. It was a mess all the way around. Mind you, the last time I “knew” him he was 13. I guess I wanted that boy again.   But all is good with his hip. I flew round-trip, had rental car (loved that car) had a good time. Now time to regroup ( picture of my rental car... I want this for my next car)      

ksmith

ksmith

 

Meeting new people

I would like to a share story happened to me Thursday in my group meeting.   There were only a few people there but there was one woman in particular that caught my attention. She had suffered multiple TBI’s and I can’t remember if she had an aneurysm but I know that she was very upset and in pain. Her multiple TBI’s have basically left her walking as a cripple, let me explain, who has multiple sclerosis. On top of which, she broke her right ankle a few months ago and it still has not heal correctly. She came as a guest for she lives about an hour away but I’m glad she came. She started to explain her story and also shared that she wanted to commit suicide earlier that day. I immediately focus most of my attention on her and started to ask her questions for she was complaining about her disabilities. As we got started talking, she explained that she has had a wonderful life, living in Europe dating a celebrity over there as well as getting her degree in arts. She enjoyed painting. She was a very talented painter and that allowed her to escape from any issue she may be going through. Unfortunately, her painting days are very few for she has severe tremors in her right hand, and a difficult time holding in her left hand though she joked to say her nephew said she should paint with her mouth. I personally found this idea amazing and something that she should try but it’s not up to me.   As we started talking, I noticed that she was more so lonely than she was anything else even though she had a partner who lived with her and he was more set in his ways and he was “boring”. I started talking to her about grief. How we all grief in our own way and in our own time and this may be why she is so agitated with her partner. She agrees first she’s angry she expressed her anger on more than one occasion. I explained to her I go to a meditation class once a week that’s free, only through donation, and is not too far for her to go. I invited her to come with me, not knowing if she would show up, but to my surprise that evening she did show up. She’s a very spiritual person, as I am, and I introduced her to a gentleman that I had just met they are who teaches the form of Qigong (; literally: "Life Energy Cultivation”: is a holistic system of coordinated body posture and movement, breathing, and meditation used in the belief that it promotes health, spirituality, and martial arts training. Chinese) To my surprise, she had heard of this and she was very excited to try this practice. What was great about it is that it’s a free class where the gentleman is wanting to give back and only ask for donations towards the studio which he practiced. My new friend will be there Thursday for the two classes unfortunately I will not be there but I told her I would meet her there the following week. We exchanged phone numbers and we only share a text every day to make sure the other one is doing okay.   They say that it’s a gift to me people that you feel like you have known your entire life well my new friends is definitely one of them.

ksmith

ksmith

 

Birthday ambush

Well I finally have the Dragon software successfully added to my computer, which helps me with my posting for I have trouble getting my thoughts, no matter what size, from my brain to my fingertips .I wanted to make a blog entry for I am very excited for my mother and I are going to be traveling to North Carolina next week to make a surprise ambush on my sister for our birthday. She has two children, one of which is still in high school, who are bottomless pit. Basically meaning they eat everything and anything that’s in the house. My sister and brother-in-law have had a very difficult time since moving from New Jersey down to North Carolina for pay scale is so much different . We know that because of the cost of living in Truckinttdifferent. They’re very happy and I know that they both trying hard but at times they can have a bit of a situation with food when you have two garbage disposals living there. So after she called me very upset that all of the food that she bought was literally eaten within two days, for my nephew was home on spring break, in which he played video games and stuffed his mouth. Now this doesn’t come to any surprise for those that have teenagers or have had teenagers , I completely understand for I have one that has graciously passed it in one that is entering. I wanted to buy her a mini fridge, which I did, so she can store all of her food to ensure that she has some left at the end day. My father has purchased a lock, a key lock mind you, to ensure safety on her lunches.   My mother wanted to give her notice that we were coming down to which my father and I adamantly said no because what would an ambush be in a surprise visit you have forewarning. Now being twins, I am certain that her ‘Spidey sense’ has given her some question for I have not sent down a birthday card yet and she knows I’m always on time. I know that sometimes money can be very tight for that when it comes to family do what we need to do what we can.  I plan on stocking up her freezer and mini fridge for a present.  I have always shared that since my stroke, I truly never want a gift for any holiday or birthday for my gift is being here. Knowing I have my sisters back and she mine, is all the happiness I need.

ksmith

ksmith

 

just Chill

It has been forever Since I blogged last.   These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions.  From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least.   Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with part B. (Long story for another day) but that doesn’t kick in until July of this year. So since I have part A through Medicare so technically I have insurance though part A only covers you if you are admitted into a hospital , so that really does no good for me.. I was set to get a consultation with my cardiologist for an ablation to my heart that is much needed.  Only to find out that they don’t take my health insurance and I’m NOT oing to pay for it out-of-pocket so I’m waiting till July to get the console. Which is fine as long as I follow the directions however I tend to have difficulties following directions. No caffeine no chocolate no excitement, there are the three rules I have to follow and I can tell you this morning alone, I’ve broken all three of them Now about my contact lens. This contact lens isn’t your typical prescription contact lens. This is a lens that covers my eye completely blocking my vision much like a patch does minus straps. OK…covers my eyes, that’s a fallacy. It covers the Iris and the pupil of my eye, practically matching my color but of course, I have a very challenging color spectrum in my eye that makes it more difficult.  So it wasn’t exactly right but it was good enough to last me a couple days. It was very irritating. I’m not used to wearing contacts nor having anything in my eyes. Putting it in and taking out are very challenging for me but I was getting better. I was very upset.  I was so mad at myself for tearing it I was afraid I was going to disappoint the doctors but then I decided to stop and take a deep breath and go you know what sh*t happens. It is no secret to this message board that I practice the philosophy of Buddhism and today I went to my temple service. (What we call it.)  We have what is known as a Dharma talk which is basically someone talking about something that utilizes the thought processes and the philosophy that has been passed down for many generation within the Buddhist culture. And the talk today was about one of my heroes and recently lost Stephen Hawkings .  In the talk, the discussion was about how things happen to all of us and he figured instead of worrying about stuff that was out of his control, much like h his ALS, and instead he overcame the emotion of what was happening to his body by instead choosing to devote his life and is being, as well as he knew it would be, into science. That is much like I’m choosing to look at what this past week. Focus on the good. Now for my other emotion that I’m not used to dealing with :: I belong to a group of friends that have introduced me to the motivational speaking of this one gentleman and the minute I saw this him good grief…my heart went nuts and it was like puppy love. I don’t know if he’s married. I  have not asked nor do I think anything is gonna happen from but I was just so excited that feeling still lived within the me. Now I may be overstepping, getting ahead of my skis but there is no harm in finding happiness at looking at a picture.  That only goes to show you that despite what ailments that you may have an what challenges that you have to go through your heart inside is the one thing that will keep you together and focused.

ksmith

ksmith

 

It's not all that bad

So my father and I went to Philadelphia to visit my Neuro Ophthalmologist  this afternoon . I always have a great time when I have my ‘Daddy/Daughter’ day trips. Most have been to doctor appointment but always a good time. So. I see a doctor who, in my opinion, is the greatest eye doctor ( But I’m Bias lol) and after going through a barrage of testing my vision  we determined that NO prisim will ever correct my sight for I have Nystagmus ( eye bouncing) that basically makes seeing a single object and clear. My eyes have perfect vision on their own but using both eyes… NO DICE.. Imagine one half of your sight moves up and down all the time. And to close my right eye and only look out of my left, which had Nystagmus but not as bad as right, strains my left eye so reading is very difficult.  Not ony that but comprehension is difficult  but every page is a new page each time I read it.   So the doctor had three possibilities that I could do so see bette because using a patch is something I could do but I need a prescription  for distance. One was using contacts that would give me the strength to see distance but on the right it would basically black out my vision by covering my iris. Contacts freak me out as it so that was a big time no go. Second was botox. Hearing what botox could do to stop my bouncing sounded so good but the down side was it freezes your eye and It may not rest straight so it would be frozen looking off to the side,with no movement, but my left eye could still move.. NO Third was using a strong prescription strength on my right eye that basically won’t allow sight from it so I’m lookin out of my left eye only. I’ll also get a pair of reading glasses ( same lens to block sight and no prescription on my left) for I close my eye on the right to read fo that isn’t a problem. So I’m going to get that lens soon and give me time so get adjusted to them. But the best news that just made my day: I will be starting Medicare in 2018 and was told no vision, and I was so upset for I waited so long to find the doctor of my dreams. WELL… my issue is Medical so COVERED.. I almost walked out after hearing that for I was happy. I told my father that hearing that was  my Christmas gift. .

ksmith

ksmith

 

My food bill will cost more than a house soon

We all know a Hypochondriac, I mean many people who have had a medical emergency often are said to become obsessed with their health afterward. People often accuse me as one but I have legitimate medical evidence from testing due to symptoms that usually come from these diagnosis. Ok…Lactose intolerance, soy intolerance, gluten intolerance and diverticulitis. The latter was pointed out to me from a colonoscopy for I had no idea. My doctor informed me it usually runs in families and my father has it and I was told I had the beginning of it. As if my food bills couldn’t get any more expensive for finding foods that are lactose free, often point you in the direction of whey or soy.  Well when you’re soy intolerant it becomes more difficult finding foods. So fresh vegetables and fruit… yes only now I have to start scraping out the seeds for diverticulitis and avoid high fiber foods with gluten intolerance. WOW so basically liquids, no happiness or sunshine, I’m down to water and air and grass…. Yes….maybe grass…..does that have any of these I must avoid? Geez I know there are many people out there with far greater foods challenges out there so the walk away is that I’ll be eating well but yikes. My thinking is over the years after stroke and my stomach was stretched, there must have been plenty of room for all the allergens and with an automatic assumption that the stomach issues I had were something to do with the amount of medicine I have to take. Well since I had the Gastric Sleeve surgery in February of this year, I have noticed I'm sensitive to foods. I had the surgery to eat more. Let me explain: My brain and stomach don't communicate with one another so I will have days when I eat maybe once a day and drink as much to the other extreme of eating everything that isn't bolted down. The body holds on to the calories for it is often tricked to believe it is starving and weight gain happens. I didn’t know that for as hard as I tried to eat right, which I was told by many dieticians I was eating very healthy, the weight continued to grow. The good thing was I quickly lost the weight (60lbs so far) for I was eating more than one meal, I take the one meal and graze on and off all day. I also have drastically cut back on my sugar for I’m not tired for the weight isn’t dragging me down or overheating.  Most doctors know my stroke only as a bleed to my left hemisphere of the brain, forgetting that I has clots that traveled through my post circulatory system (brainstem, basilar artery) and I spent 6 ½ hours in surgery to manually pull out as many clots as possible by my amazingly fantastic surgical team (((shout out to Jefferson Hospital of Neuroscience in Philadelphia, Penn))) so in fact my stroke affected much more of my brain functions. That has caused me to have so many different alignments. Basically……. I’m going to cry saying goodbye to my food favorites. ..

ksmith

ksmith

 

*sigh* Politics

I know this is a topic that really causes anger amongst each other.  Well here it goes…   So I’m stunned by my friends and people who preach to me about morals.   If someone throws up a claim for sexual assault... it should be taken seriously. If you look at Hollywood and women accusing men of sexual assault for years. It started with Bill Cosby and some of these women recounted situations that happened decades ago and he was immediately labeled. I believe the women who came forward finally had the strength to speak up.  You look at Harvey Weinstein and the backlash he has rightfully been shown for the years and the women who owed him for boosting their careers and who felt ashamed to come forward for the fear of being black balled forever in pictures. Then you have Roy Moore who is being accused of shameful acts with a teenager when he was in his 30’s and all you hear is “if” from most of government. IF he did it……. Why is governments slow to act? I don’t care which party you are with but we all must stand together and treat all accusers the same. Many people, even our president ,have been accused of sexual harassment. And if you have the money, many women don't feel like they can fight back. Clinton got impeached for saying he didn't have relations with Monica Lewinsky.. but when other people say it.. they are taken at face value.. I'm just confused.    There is a divide in our country , even more than we once had, that is causing us to not see the facts for what they are and not a polarized thing.  When women have the strength to come forward, we should listen    

ksmith

ksmith

 

change

Today is time for change and I hope it turn out alright. On an Impulse buy, I bought hair dye for my "platinum" highlights are over staying their welcome so I'm trying red..... fingers crossed my parents are gone on holiday so I'm housing sitting so I'm full of Impulses..

ksmith

ksmith

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