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About this blog

Day in the life of a diva

Entries in this blog

why is it so hard to eat

Eating healthy can be challenging especially when I have multiple food allergies.  Lactose, a common allergy to the enzymes often found in dairy products and Soy, which is found in EVERYTHING. So I’ve learned to make my own “Buttery Spread’ which isn’t always a butter but a combination of coconut milk and millet. I could go out to buy the butter that is Lactose and Soy free but for a little tub can cost me anywhere from $4.00 to $6.00, and being on a fixed income, is too much for my wallet. I

ksmith

ksmith

Why can't we all get along? * personal views*

I received a Facebook message from a friend that I've not spoke to in a long time that made my mind spin. If you have views that you TRULY believe in, make sure to share it with someone you know shares that view. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism, and with that I try not to let myself get really involved with the zeitgeist of today. WELL, I just had surgery and being on a bunch of pain medicine, my mind isn't as focused  . I may have caught that  person off guard by immediately sharin

ksmith

ksmith

Whew

So these past few weeks have been an adventure as well as Insightful.  My life 24 yr. old son broke his hip. How he broke it was just a simple as the perfect fall and perfect angle but luckily due to his age, his is going to heal very well. If he was older the surgeon said he would have had to have a total hip replacement. But all that aside, this trip taught me that no matter when push comes to shove I can make it. Now, it has taken me a few days of recovering, still am, but it was heartbreakin

ksmith

ksmith

Unknown phone calls.. but with a happy twist

We all get unknown callers and thankfully our cell phones have caller ID. I haven't had a land line forever. I was paying for a land line and I understand in an emergency that is ideal to have but when I did ALL I got was spam. Back in the 90's and early 00's my family, who lived in another state(s) away, we often sent a fax .. ( remember those) for none of us, family, were into small talk. EVER. So we'll write it all down and say it in a note, If follow up was needed of course we'd call. Now, I

Stroke was a good thing?

Sometimes people ask me if my stroke was a good thing to in the long run, and I am often perplexed with how to answer it. Yes the stroke took a lot of my happiness and my joy’s away and I wish that I could do a lot more than what  I can. The one positive thing, however, was I was correctly diagnosed and finally medicated for  my ADHD. And that way I feel like stroke was a benefit to me because I feel like I’m a better person. I just wanted to Blog that random thought that I had at 3 o’clock in t

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ksmith in Random thoughts

Some of my mental thoughs

I'm selfishly happy that school will be remote, till at least mid-October. That means that my son will still be able to come visit my on the weekends, as per regular, but when school starts, we  will have to go back to Face Time, Zoom and other ways because the county he is in has a higher amount of Covid-19 than mine and school is a cesspool of germs. It's funny how we would not be thinking about this like we are now.  We have to keep PPE where I work and conduct temp checks , masks, gloves dai

ksmith

ksmith

So sad

While I was out walking  Saturday afternoon, I received a text from a friend from high school, an in Florida, that a fellow classmate was not doing well and was in the hospital and on life support.  This guy, who was a little older than me, and I used to play tennis and racquetball after school and after I was done with cheerleading practice every day without fail. This kid was one of my father's students, he taught at the same school I went to, and continued to be even after we graduated. He li

ksmith

ksmith

school all over again

I haven’t blogged in a while for it’s a struggle for me. I lose focus very easily and when I say that, I mean it may have taken me a few times to write this. I have always had an attention problem. “To much sugar” or “She is flighty” is what I always heard growing up from people but I actually had ADHD and comprehending  challenges and they weren’t talked about in the 70’s and 80’s so the older I got I struggled in school and in social situations a lot. It was hard when I could do the class work

ksmith

ksmith

ok .. i got this.. wait what.... Squirrel

I don't blog but as I sit here at 1:13a ( EST) my mind was thinking of how "easily" I was able to change my sleep pattern. I say easily with great skepticism. Why? Well I do have rough nights when I don't take my ADD medications.. ok so why can i do this? Coffee? Given. But I was always a night owl. Living on 2-3 hours of sleep ( mind you this was pre-stroke and pre ADD meds) and indulging a 'breakfast of champions" which consisted of a bag of Doritos and a can of Mt Dew. I later found out it wa

ksmith

ksmith

Oh my

I haven’t written for a while. But I had to write this for I am so happy?!?!?! I was sitting on my front yard (a common front yard for I live in a condo) and had my bathing suit top, shorts and on my stomach reading a good book. I was unaware of anything for I was deeply involved in the book. When I got up and re positioned my chair I head a “hello” and I couldn’t see for I as wearing my reading glasses. I took them off and he extended his hand and introduced his self. I can’t remember hi

ksmith

ksmith

Nice to Knit ya..

On Mondays, for the time being, I go either to my Aunts house or other members home and knit. I learned how to knit from my grandmother but learning after stroke is basically learning all over again. I enjoy it. I enjoy the company of the group. They are very understanding of my speech and having my Aunt there helps a bunch. She has been knitting for a billion years and with in 3 weeks ( she says she really didn't have time for this.. yeah right) she knit my little cousin a sweater jacket.  A SW

ksmith

ksmith

my journey to seeing one

I had my eye surgery that I have been waiting for since my stroke. Realignment of my eyes from double vision and hopefully correcting my nystagmus or bouncing of the eyes, mainly caused by nerve damage from stroke. Eight years of wishing came down an optometrist who referred me to a neurologist at University of Pennsylvania hospital who in turn referred me to a surgeon, also at UPENN, that for the first time gave me a glimmer of hope and a surgery date. You can only imagine how excited I was and

ksmith

ksmith

My food bill will cost more than a house soon

We all know a Hypochondriac, I mean many people who have had a medical emergency often are said to become obsessed with their health afterward. People often accuse me as one but I have legitimate medical evidence from testing due to symptoms that usually come from these diagnosis. Ok…Lactose intolerance, soy intolerance, gluten intolerance and diverticulitis. The latter was pointed out to me from a colonoscopy for I had no idea. My doctor informed me it usually runs in families and my father has

ksmith

ksmith

my ah-ha moment

Well I have a life coach I talk with every now and then and he asked me tough questions. that make me think. Take an honest look at myself. The kicker is I spent three years in therapy to figure out why I am who I am but it was overshadowed by my stroke, then it changed to cognitive thinking to make a more positive recovery.  He was asking me questions and while I was explaining my why's..you could see that I answered it happened..... A-HA. realization ... THE TRUTH became clear.We now have a be

ksmith

ksmith

Meeting new people

I would like to a share story happened to me Thursday in my group meeting.   There were only a few people there but there was one woman in particular that caught my attention. She had suffered multiple TBI’s and I can’t remember if she had an aneurysm but I know that she was very upset and in pain. Her multiple TBI’s have basically left her walking as a cripple, let me explain, who has multiple sclerosis. On top of which, she broke her right ankle a few months ago and it still has not

ksmith

ksmith

Manic Monday

Well Monday I go back to work for the first time in 9 years. As we all know, living on Social Security and single, is very difficult. It is so expensive to live in New Jersey, or any where for that matter. Don't get my wrong, I'm thankful for what I do get but it's so tight. I know when I finish with orientation, two weeks 70 hrs., I'll go to part-time so I'll have down time. I've been trying to stay busy everyday to get adjusted to staying focused and that hasn't really gone as I  hoped. I'm go

ksmith

ksmith

just Chill

It has been forever Since I blogged last.   These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions.  From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least.   Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with

ksmith

ksmith

Junk food diet is wrong?

Today was a great day, and to be honest, I don’t really comprehend it. I went to see my doctor who did my gastric sleeve surgery. The fact he came in and was very pleased made me feel better for I cheated BIG time on vacation. The only thing good about that is I can only eat so much before I get sick feelings.  My stomach really isn’t that big any more so that helps because those Cheeses were amazing... (Thanks mom.) My parents drove my son and me to the doctors, for I still can’t drive becaus

ksmith

ksmith

It's really happening

So as many of you know, I have trouble with my eyes. Double vision, bouncing eyes and just all around strain and difficulty reading. So after 8 years of searching for help regarding them.. it finally happened yesterday. My parents and I went to Philadelphia to University of Pennsylvania Hospital and met an angel. I was referred to a surgeon from my neuro ophthalmologist and I must admit when I first went there, we were late from morning AM traffic. We left EARLY had to drive 2 hours to get there

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ksmith

It's not all that bad

So my father and I went to Philadelphia to visit my Neuro Ophthalmologist  this afternoon . I always have a great time when I have my ‘Daddy/Daughter’ day trips. Most have been to doctor appointment but always a good time. So. I see a doctor who, in my opinion, is the greatest eye doctor ( But I’m Bias lol) and after going through a barrage of testing my vision  we determined that NO prisim will ever correct my sight for I have Nystagmus ( eye bouncing) that basically makes seeing a single objec

ksmith

ksmith

It's a boy

Well, I did a fast trip to Florida to attend my first grandchild gender. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. But it was wonderful. I cried for I was looking at my baby and knowing he was a man and a daddy.  They had a die dust bag they put under a truck tire to do a burn out, spinning a tire on concrete, which made a TON of smoke and burning rubber smell/ YUCK .   The travel down was interesting, to say the least. I flew from Philadelphia to Dallas/Ft Worth.. first. ( all i

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ksmith

it finally happened..

So while I was driving at night, around 11:30p leaving work last night, I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rear view window.  As always I was very nervous because of  having a hard time seeing at night. So the black and white had EXTREMELY bright spotlight shining in my side mirror that pointed directly in my eyes. I already had a head ache and super tired. I just worked 3-11 after working all weekend.   The officer, or first officer of 4, yikes four, knocked on my driver side window and a

ksmith

ksmith

I'm not depressed.. my brain said NOT TODAY

Some people would assume at times I share a lot of the traits as someone who is Bipolar for I tend to be riding on a roller coaster of emotions. I don’t have the extreme changes in my personality like deep lows that keep me in bed and I don’t want to assume I know those feelings but I know I’m not nor ever have been. My issues may appear like depression when in fact they are exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. On a regular-season basis I have days in which I wake up, meaning I open my eyes, around 7-

ksmith

ksmith

I thought my world was going to change

All was good as I was checking my emails and other computer stuff when as suddenly as I'm writing this, my head began to spin and I started to sweat so naturally I think I'm having a stroke. Why? Well I was on heperin  for my surgery and  you know you always have the risk of developing blood clot so naturally my brain went there. I've had more invasions surgery in the past and never once thought of this. So I called my mom, since she had this procedure done last year and she lives .5 miles up th

ksmith

ksmith

I still got it

So, this is a sad story but the way I acted throughout it renewed my faith in myself.   So Saturday past, it began as every Saturday at my work. Made breakfast, assisted the woman I aide with her bath, took her and another client to the closet bus stop. Basically a normal-ish day. UNTIL...   After dropping off the individual to the bus stop, we, my client or individual, as we should refer, returned back to the program. That is what we call the place where individuals reside.

ksmith

ksmith