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About this blog

Day in the life of a diva

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Some of my mental thoughs

I'm selfishly happy that school will be remote, till at least mid-October. That means that my son will still be able to come visit my on the weekends, as per regular, but when school starts, we  will have to go back to Face Time, Zoom and other ways because the county he is in has a higher amount of Covid-19 than mine and school is a cesspool of germs. It's funny how we would not be thinking about this like we are now.  We have to keep PPE where I work and conduct temp checks , masks, gloves dai

ksmith

ksmith

Hear me out.. I'm not ostentatious.. i swear

So hear me out... I'm not  snooty.. promise   For the past 12 years, I've been taken care of. meaning, when I had my stroke I was married and my husband ( now ex) was taking care of the monies and life was good . When we got divorced, I moved in with my parents so, again, I wasn't paying the bills. I have money in my savings but I try not to touch it unless REALLY important.  I found an "apartment' but went to an association and now a condo right down the road, literately.  merely

Why can't we all get along? * personal views*

I received a Facebook message from a friend that I've not spoke to in a long time that made my mind spin. If you have views that you TRULY believe in, make sure to share it with someone you know shares that view. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism, and with that I try not to let myself get really involved with the zeitgeist of today. WELL, I just had surgery and being on a bunch of pain medicine, my mind isn't as focused  . I may have caught that  person off guard by immediately sharin

ksmith

ksmith

Happy feet , happy heart

So after talking to my doctor about my Raynaud's and when he looked at my feet, after being in my thermal socks in a faux fur boots, my toes were already blue. So we're kinda thinking it's more stress related. Starting around July, I start wearing sock and slippers inside and warmer socks when temperatures change. We both were perplexed about my toes because , for most people and before it got worse, the pain only came when the blood returns, whether with clothing or in  warm water, and that is

ksmith

ksmith in Feet life

colonoscopy...

well today was my colonoscopy. My 5th. The reason was for I have pre cancerous polyps. Great news, I have no new polyps.   BUT I have 2 internal hemorrhoids that are the largest he has seen in his 25 years of practice. OH BOY. SO ... I go see a specialist Friday, 13 for a consult . ARGGGGG.. my poor buttocks but two things to take away...1. I had the BEST nap ( thanks to anesthesia) 2for the next 5 years, no colonoscopy.

ksmith

ksmith

Stroke was a good thing?

Sometimes people ask me if my stroke was a good thing to in the long run, and I am often perplexed with how to answer it. Yes the stroke took a lot of my happiness and my joy’s away and I wish that I could do a lot more than what  I can. The one positive thing, however, was I was correctly diagnosed and finally medicated for  my ADHD. And that way I feel like stroke was a benefit to me because I feel like I’m a better person. I just wanted to Blog that random thought that I had at 3 o’clock in t

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ksmith in Random thoughts

It's really happening

So as many of you know, I have trouble with my eyes. Double vision, bouncing eyes and just all around strain and difficulty reading. So after 8 years of searching for help regarding them.. it finally happened yesterday. My parents and I went to Philadelphia to University of Pennsylvania Hospital and met an angel. I was referred to a surgeon from my neuro ophthalmologist and I must admit when I first went there, we were late from morning AM traffic. We left EARLY had to drive 2 hours to get there

ksmith

ksmith

Whew

So these past few weeks have been an adventure as well as Insightful.  My life 24 yr. old son broke his hip. How he broke it was just a simple as the perfect fall and perfect angle but luckily due to his age, his is going to heal very well. If he was older the surgeon said he would have had to have a total hip replacement. But all that aside, this trip taught me that no matter when push comes to shove I can make it. Now, it has taken me a few days of recovering, still am, but it was heartbreakin

ksmith

ksmith

Oh my

I haven’t written for a while. But I had to write this for I am so happy?!?!?! I was sitting on my front yard (a common front yard for I live in a condo) and had my bathing suit top, shorts and on my stomach reading a good book. I was unaware of anything for I was deeply involved in the book. When I got up and re positioned my chair I head a “hello” and I couldn’t see for I as wearing my reading glasses. I took them off and he extended his hand and introduced his self. I can’t remember hi

ksmith

ksmith

F.A.S.T indeed

SOOO.. For someone who is one Plavix or another blood thinners you must stop for at least 5 days to 7 before and same afterwards. And , i found out later, is just the amount of time for clots to form that could cause for another or your first stroke.  SO I had to stop 5 days before and 7 after. No problem for I've had to stop it before for a medical procedure.   OK..   Before I proceed, I'll give some history.   When I had my stroke, in 2009, I had to be intuba

ksmith

ksmith

I thought my world was going to change

All was good as I was checking my emails and other computer stuff when as suddenly as I'm writing this, my head began to spin and I started to sweat so naturally I think I'm having a stroke. Why? Well I was on heperin  for my surgery and  you know you always have the risk of developing blood clot so naturally my brain went there. I've had more invasions surgery in the past and never once thought of this. So I called my mom, since she had this procedure done last year and she lives .5 miles up th

ksmith

ksmith

I'm not depressed.. my brain said NOT TODAY

Some people would assume at times I share a lot of the traits as someone who is Bipolar for I tend to be riding on a roller coaster of emotions. I don’t have the extreme changes in my personality like deep lows that keep me in bed and I don’t want to assume I know those feelings but I know I’m not nor ever have been. My issues may appear like depression when in fact they are exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. On a regular-season basis I have days in which I wake up, meaning I open my eyes, around 7-

ksmith

ksmith

Battling my negative thougts

Today I had a great session with my life coach, yes they are a real thing, and we discussed certain events in my life that caused me stress and hardship in my life. Some of these events were started back in High school, a place where kids are notoriously evil, and they stuck with me from that time forward.  Silly I know, but it’s amazing when you are blindsided by kids like that.  Growing up, I lived in a small beach community with MAYBE less than 100 people who lived there year round, and mos

ksmith

ksmith

a hunting we will go....

Yesterday was both an exciting day and frightening for I submitted my first job resume in almost 10 years. My doctor hasn’t entirely allowed me to work a part-time schedule but I’m looking for just that. I see him on the 20th if this month and will talk it over with him. The reason being is, to no surprise for many survivors, I can’t play my bills.. I mean I can but it will only leave me with under $100 for the month, and that’s not including food or property taxes & car insurance.   I have

ksmith

ksmith

I knew I smelled something

So when things started to look okay, working isn’t a fact I’m looking forward for but it is a must, and I was able to get back on track, the reality of my nose finally made sense. Let me explain: I often said I smelled ‘cigarette smoke’ every time my air conditioner turned on. I said smoke because I couldn’t make a comparison to anything else.  I bought cleaning supplies to clean my air conditioner unit with my father. I had to wait until a cool day and now is the time. We opened the closet

ksmith

ksmith

I still got it

So, this is a sad story but the way I acted throughout it renewed my faith in myself.   So Saturday past, it began as every Saturday at my work. Made breakfast, assisted the woman I aide with her bath, took her and another client to the closet bus stop. Basically a normal-ish day. UNTIL...   After dropping off the individual to the bus stop, we, my client or individual, as we should refer, returned back to the program. That is what we call the place where individuals reside.

ksmith

ksmith

So sad

While I was out walking  Saturday afternoon, I received a text from a friend from high school, an in Florida, that a fellow classmate was not doing well and was in the hospital and on life support.  This guy, who was a little older than me, and I used to play tennis and racquetball after school and after I was done with cheerleading practice every day without fail. This kid was one of my father's students, he taught at the same school I went to, and continued to be even after we graduated. He li

ksmith

ksmith

first solo trip since stroke.. but with no glasses

Not too bad overall.   Well this past week I did what I didn’t think I could do since my stroke… I travelled alone. My travel included going on an airplane and managing my hotel stay for 7 days and all the trimmings. I knew that it would be somewhat nerve racking but what I didn’t except was how accommodating everyone was and helpful and reassured me that everything would be okay.   My trip began with my mother, who was more nervous I truly was, taking me to the airport in Philade

ksmith

ksmith

just Chill

It has been forever Since I blogged last.   These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions.  From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least.   Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with

ksmith

ksmith

abalation

heartI wish I could write more but my thoughts don't stay in my brain long enough lol   Well yesterday , July 2nd, I had my long awaited cardiac surgery consult.  I am waiting for the office  to call and schedule me for the same day surgery. They are going to do an ablation for my SVT ( fast heartbeat) :: from the start of my post, I had to leave and drop my son off at his house, stopped to see my ex father-in-law (I adore that man :) ) then to Target to get cat food::  I now have

ksmith

ksmith

fast no more

Yesterday I finally had my ablation on my heart to stop the rapid heart beat. I wasn't nervous for my cousin, who is a cardiac nurse and also had this done, walked me through everything. It didn't hit me that I remember them adding the adrenalin to make my heart race so they could find out where the 'road block' was. Basically,  you have two tracks that the electrical currents  in your heart go around that keep your heart function.  So Imagine you have two tracks above each other but the one wit

ksmith

ksmith

I really do care.. honest

'I really do care honest' is what I say to my friends and family I do not talk to on a regular basis. I often feel that I am the one who is distancing myself from others because I can't make plans nor care to do what I once did ( i.e. dancing, going out to eat) for I get sensory overload quite easy. Now, I know that my family and my dearest friends understand I am not the same me after all of these years.    Ok now I got that out of the way.   " I really do care honest" is wh

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ksmith in Random thoughts

why is it so hard to eat

Eating healthy can be challenging especially when I have multiple food allergies.  Lactose, a common allergy to the enzymes often found in dairy products and Soy, which is found in EVERYTHING. So I’ve learned to make my own “Buttery Spread’ which isn’t always a butter but a combination of coconut milk and millet. I could go out to buy the butter that is Lactose and Soy free but for a little tub can cost me anywhere from $4.00 to $6.00, and being on a fixed income, is too much for my wallet. I

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ksmith

Manic Monday

Well Monday I go back to work for the first time in 9 years. As we all know, living on Social Security and single, is very difficult. It is so expensive to live in New Jersey, or any where for that matter. Don't get my wrong, I'm thankful for what I do get but it's so tight. I know when I finish with orientation, two weeks 70 hrs., I'll go to part-time so I'll have down time. I've been trying to stay busy everyday to get adjusted to staying focused and that hasn't really gone as I  hoped. I'm go

ksmith

ksmith

It's a boy

Well, I did a fast trip to Florida to attend my first grandchild gender. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. But it was wonderful. I cried for I was looking at my baby and knowing he was a man and a daddy.  They had a die dust bag they put under a truck tire to do a burn out, spinning a tire on concrete, which made a TON of smoke and burning rubber smell/ YUCK .   The travel down was interesting, to say the least. I flew from Philadelphia to Dallas/Ft Worth.. first. ( all i

ksmith

ksmith