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About this blog

Day in the life of a diva

Entries in this blog

So sad

While I was out walking  Saturday afternoon, I received a text from a friend from high school, an in Florida, that a fellow classmate was not doing well and was in the hospital and on life support.  This guy, who was a little older than me, and I used to play tennis and racquetball after school and after I was done with cheerleading practice every day without fail. This kid was one of my father's students, he taught at the same school I went to, and continued to be even after we graduated. He li

ksmith

ksmith

It's really happening

So as many of you know, I have trouble with my eyes. Double vision, bouncing eyes and just all around strain and difficulty reading. So after 8 years of searching for help regarding them.. it finally happened yesterday. My parents and I went to Philadelphia to University of Pennsylvania Hospital and met an angel. I was referred to a surgeon from my neuro ophthalmologist and I must admit when I first went there, we were late from morning AM traffic. We left EARLY had to drive 2 hours to get there

ksmith

ksmith

*sigh* Politics

I know this is a topic that really causes anger amongst each other.  Well here it goes…   So I’m stunned by my friends and people who preach to me about morals.   If someone throws up a claim for sexual assault... it should be taken seriously. If you look at Hollywood and women accusing men of sexual assault for years. It started with Bill Cosby and some of these women recounted situations that happened decades ago and he was immediately labeled. I believe the women who came

ksmith

ksmith

why is it so hard to eat

Eating healthy can be challenging especially when I have multiple food allergies.  Lactose, a common allergy to the enzymes often found in dairy products and Soy, which is found in EVERYTHING. So I’ve learned to make my own “Buttery Spread’ which isn’t always a butter but a combination of coconut milk and millet. I could go out to buy the butter that is Lactose and Soy free but for a little tub can cost me anywhere from $4.00 to $6.00, and being on a fixed income, is too much for my wallet. I

ksmith

ksmith

my ah-ha moment

Well I have a life coach I talk with every now and then and he asked me tough questions. that make me think. Take an honest look at myself. The kicker is I spent three years in therapy to figure out why I am who I am but it was overshadowed by my stroke, then it changed to cognitive thinking to make a more positive recovery.  He was asking me questions and while I was explaining my why's..you could see that I answered it happened..... A-HA. realization ... THE TRUTH became clear.We now have a be

ksmith

ksmith

just Chill

It has been forever Since I blogged last.   These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions.  From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least.   Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with

ksmith

ksmith

I thought my world was going to change

All was good as I was checking my emails and other computer stuff when as suddenly as I'm writing this, my head began to spin and I started to sweat so naturally I think I'm having a stroke. Why? Well I was on heperin  for my surgery and  you know you always have the risk of developing blood clot so naturally my brain went there. I've had more invasions surgery in the past and never once thought of this. So I called my mom, since she had this procedure done last year and she lives .5 miles up th

ksmith

ksmith

first solo trip since stroke.. but with no glasses

Not too bad overall.   Well this past week I did what I didn’t think I could do since my stroke… I travelled alone. My travel included going on an airplane and managing my hotel stay for 7 days and all the trimmings. I knew that it would be somewhat nerve racking but what I didn’t except was how accommodating everyone was and helpful and reassured me that everything would be okay.   My trip began with my mother, who was more nervous I truly was, taking me to the airport in Philade

ksmith

ksmith

change

Today is time for change and I hope it turn out alright. On an Impulse buy, I bought hair dye for my "platinum" highlights are over staying their welcome so I'm trying red..... fingers crossed my parents are gone on holiday so I'm housing sitting so I'm full of Impulses..

ksmith

ksmith

I'm not depressed.. my brain said NOT TODAY

Some people would assume at times I share a lot of the traits as someone who is Bipolar for I tend to be riding on a roller coaster of emotions. I don’t have the extreme changes in my personality like deep lows that keep me in bed and I don’t want to assume I know those feelings but I know I’m not nor ever have been. My issues may appear like depression when in fact they are exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. On a regular-season basis I have days in which I wake up, meaning I open my eyes, around 7-

ksmith

ksmith

family

This weekend was my family reunion. This one was harder than ever for it was the first year without both, if not one, of my grandparents. I was looking at my grandmother’s chair and imagining her sitting in it while my grandfather was next took hers, both drinking wine and it watching golf…. With the sound off. We never understand the sound off but who were we to question.    My family could sit around a couple of picnic tables…well maybe more for more little ones running around now. The thing

ksmith

ksmith

Whew

So these past few weeks have been an adventure as well as Insightful.  My life 24 yr. old son broke his hip. How he broke it was just a simple as the perfect fall and perfect angle but luckily due to his age, his is going to heal very well. If he was older the surgeon said he would have had to have a total hip replacement. But all that aside, this trip taught me that no matter when push comes to shove I can make it. Now, it has taken me a few days of recovering, still am, but it was heartbreakin

ksmith

ksmith

Battling my negative thougts

Today I had a great session with my life coach, yes they are a real thing, and we discussed certain events in my life that caused me stress and hardship in my life. Some of these events were started back in High school, a place where kids are notoriously evil, and they stuck with me from that time forward.  Silly I know, but it’s amazing when you are blindsided by kids like that.  Growing up, I lived in a small beach community with MAYBE less than 100 people who lived there year round, and mos

ksmith

ksmith

Nice to Knit ya..

On Mondays, for the time being, I go either to my Aunts house or other members home and knit. I learned how to knit from my grandmother but learning after stroke is basically learning all over again. I enjoy it. I enjoy the company of the group. They are very understanding of my speech and having my Aunt there helps a bunch. She has been knitting for a billion years and with in 3 weeks ( she says she really didn't have time for this.. yeah right) she knit my little cousin a sweater jacket.  A SW

ksmith

ksmith

abalation

heartI wish I could write more but my thoughts don't stay in my brain long enough lol   Well yesterday , July 2nd, I had my long awaited cardiac surgery consult.  I am waiting for the office  to call and schedule me for the same day surgery. They are going to do an ablation for my SVT ( fast heartbeat) :: from the start of my post, I had to leave and drop my son off at his house, stopped to see my ex father-in-law (I adore that man :) ) then to Target to get cat food::  I now have

ksmith

ksmith

It's not all that bad

So my father and I went to Philadelphia to visit my Neuro Ophthalmologist  this afternoon . I always have a great time when I have my ‘Daddy/Daughter’ day trips. Most have been to doctor appointment but always a good time. So. I see a doctor who, in my opinion, is the greatest eye doctor ( But I’m Bias lol) and after going through a barrage of testing my vision  we determined that NO prisim will ever correct my sight for I have Nystagmus ( eye bouncing) that basically makes seeing a single objec

ksmith

ksmith

Birthday ambush

Well I finally have the Dragon software successfully added to my computer, which helps me with my posting for I have trouble getting my thoughts, no matter what size, from my brain to my fingertips .I wanted to make a blog entry for I am very excited for my mother and I are going to be traveling to North Carolina next week to make a surprise ambush on my sister for our birthday. She has two children, one of which is still in high school, who are bottomless pit. Basically meaning they eat everyth

ksmith

ksmith

school all over again

I haven’t blogged in a while for it’s a struggle for me. I lose focus very easily and when I say that, I mean it may have taken me a few times to write this. I have always had an attention problem. “To much sugar” or “She is flighty” is what I always heard growing up from people but I actually had ADHD and comprehending  challenges and they weren’t talked about in the 70’s and 80’s so the older I got I struggled in school and in social situations a lot. It was hard when I could do the class work

ksmith

ksmith

Why can't we all get along? * personal views*

I received a Facebook message from a friend that I've not spoke to in a long time that made my mind spin. If you have views that you TRULY believe in, make sure to share it with someone you know shares that view. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism, and with that I try not to let myself get really involved with the zeitgeist of today. WELL, I just had surgery and being on a bunch of pain medicine, my mind isn't as focused  . I may have caught that  person off guard by immediately sharin

ksmith

ksmith

I knew I smelled something

So when things started to look okay, working isn’t a fact I’m looking forward for but it is a must, and I was able to get back on track, the reality of my nose finally made sense. Let me explain: I often said I smelled ‘cigarette smoke’ every time my air conditioner turned on. I said smoke because I couldn’t make a comparison to anything else.  I bought cleaning supplies to clean my air conditioner unit with my father. I had to wait until a cool day and now is the time. We opened the closet

ksmith

ksmith

a hunting we will go....

Yesterday was both an exciting day and frightening for I submitted my first job resume in almost 10 years. My doctor hasn’t entirely allowed me to work a part-time schedule but I’m looking for just that. I see him on the 20th if this month and will talk it over with him. The reason being is, to no surprise for many survivors, I can’t play my bills.. I mean I can but it will only leave me with under $100 for the month, and that’s not including food or property taxes & car insurance.   I have

ksmith

ksmith

fast no more

Yesterday I finally had my ablation on my heart to stop the rapid heart beat. I wasn't nervous for my cousin, who is a cardiac nurse and also had this done, walked me through everything. It didn't hit me that I remember them adding the adrenalin to make my heart race so they could find out where the 'road block' was. Basically,  you have two tracks that the electrical currents  in your heart go around that keep your heart function.  So Imagine you have two tracks above each other but the one wit

ksmith

ksmith

I still got it

So, this is a sad story but the way I acted throughout it renewed my faith in myself.   So Saturday past, it began as every Saturday at my work. Made breakfast, assisted the woman I aide with her bath, took her and another client to the closet bus stop. Basically a normal-ish day. UNTIL...   After dropping off the individual to the bus stop, we, my client or individual, as we should refer, returned back to the program. That is what we call the place where individuals reside.

ksmith

ksmith

It's a boy

Well, I did a fast trip to Florida to attend my first grandchild gender. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who didn't know. But it was wonderful. I cried for I was looking at my baby and knowing he was a man and a daddy.  They had a die dust bag they put under a truck tire to do a burn out, spinning a tire on concrete, which made a TON of smoke and burning rubber smell/ YUCK .   The travel down was interesting, to say the least. I flew from Philadelphia to Dallas/Ft Worth.. first. ( all i

ksmith

ksmith

my journey to seeing one

I had my eye surgery that I have been waiting for since my stroke. Realignment of my eyes from double vision and hopefully correcting my nystagmus or bouncing of the eyes, mainly caused by nerve damage from stroke. Eight years of wishing came down an optometrist who referred me to a neurologist at University of Pennsylvania hospital who in turn referred me to a surgeon, also at UPENN, that for the first time gave me a glimmer of hope and a surgery date. You can only imagine how excited I was and

ksmith

ksmith