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Religous tolarance

Primitive religions are unlike the great religons of civilized people of the world except in one feature that is common to all religions--The emotional concern present when men find themselves dependent on powers that are mysterious and unpredictable. The hidden powers by which primitive people feel themselves surrounded and with which they deal, by magic rite or prayful appeal. rain, sea, or some species of animal or plant. Such powers are the strange potencies in these natural objects in virtue of which they sometimes act in ways that satisfy man's needs and further his well being. And sometimes in ways that bring him frustration or even disaster. There is obviously, to primitive man's experience, such a potency in the sun; at times fructifying warmth pours genially upon the crops through a long growing season so that they yeild a rich Harvest., at times he burns them up with his fierce heat or hides behind the chilly clouds that they grow poorly and slowly. The aim of primitive rites and petitions is to induce these uncertain powers to behave in ways that support man's struggle for life and prosperity instead of in ways that are unco-operstive or hostile. Typical of primitive addresses are such expressions as these.   "Sun! I do this so you will be burning hot and eat up all the clouds in the sky." "O millet, thou hast grown well for us; we thank thee." " O Lord you gave me this stroke because I was evil, but you have forgiven me and now thanks to you Lord Im can talk, or move one arm, or drive again. "Help us Mother Earth! we depend on your goodness. Let ther be rain to water the prairies, that grass may grow long and the berries be abundant."   There is only the most megager sense in primitive man's mindof any divine poiwers in the universe that are greater than these potencies, or more awesome from a moral or spiritual point of view. Why is it so? The answer is fairly simple when one puts himself in the position of a primitive society such a group lacks established scientific knowledge of the laws according to which natural processes go on; Its members are desperately seeking to maintain existance, health, and security in the absence of such knowledge; their dominant emotions are determined by the threatening or kindly forces on which this struggle depends for its success and which primitive man can only locate in or behind these natural processes. Such potencies constitute the divinities of primitive cultures; there is no awareness of any others, execpt in the dimmest and vaguest fashion.   Now lets take this difference between primitive groups and civilized societies. Primitive groups were struggling to gain a greater measure of security against the threatening forces of subhuman nature; on that struggle their phyical survival and well-being depended. Civilized societies by becoming civilized, have solved that problem, suficiently at least so that the emotions of their leaders are no longer preoccupied and controlled by it. The challenging concern that more and more dominates their minds is how man can find a way to live in peace and harmony with his fellows. Life and the universe of the civilized faiths diverges sharply from that of a typical primitive religion.   The first and foremost concerns the basic moral attitudeof men. With rarest of exceptions, feel no sense of moral obligation towads anyone outside their small cultural group, and this feeling is freely expressed in their religion. Just as a primitive religonist prays to a devine power: "Let this family prosper, let us be kept in health, let our food grow": so he can also pray, without any sense of inconsistency: "O Supreme Being! Let me live, find the enemy, not be afraid of him, find him asleep, and kill him many of him." Civilized religions, on the contray, accept the principle of universal responsibility, to be expressed toward all men simply because they are men and regauardless of religious belief deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. This alteration of attitudeis most clearly revealed in their acceptance, without any qualification, of the Golden Rule as a norm of right conduct in one's relations with his human fellows.   The above is a from a book by E. A. Burtt   Tolerance and acceptance of others beliefs is what will foster world peace and harmony in our world. I am a Buddhist, I belive in Karma, and that thoes that live with Tolerance, Acceptance of others and Love for all living beings will have these things returned one hundred fold. Peace and Joy be with you   From the unreal lead me to the real; From darkness lead me to light; From death lead me to deathlessness. Author unknown   Foxnix a Suvivor

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This isn't how I planned my retirement

I recently had my 3rd anniversary since my first stroke, or should say celebrated the 3rd anniversary since my first stroke. Yes, I think celebrate is the right word, for I now celebrate everyday I wake up breathing as if it was a gift.   I have heard some people say "We have worked hard all our lives, raised a family and saved and planned for our retirement and then this happened, why? just when we were finally going to realize our plans and enjoy what we have worked so hard for most of our lives." Since my stroke I have had to accept certain facts, like that, bad things can and do happen to good people and that our best laid plans do fall asunder and That happiness cant be penciled in on the calender it must be lived and nourished daily. Happiness for the most part is a choice ! It is an emotion we do have some control over. I have had heart attacks, strokes, blood clots and just got my 18 th Stent, and what all of that has taught me is that life is to fleeting and to short not to enjoy every second of it to the best of my abilities every day. To do the things that make me happy, to live every day of my life with joy in my heart and appreciation for all the wondrous things I can touch, see, smell and hear. I didn't plan to become a Stroke survivor at age 51, but I am one.   I went to one of my Doctors the other day and ask him for a straight answer to a question. I ask him with him knowing my medical history,if he could tell me how long did he think I had to live. He answered by saying " I have known people like you who have beat the odds and lived 20 or more years, but if I were you I would be getting my affairs in order." I was surprised at how I felt and reacted to his blunt answer. I wasn't angry, or afraid, or shocked at his candour. What I did feel was a sense of peace and empowerment over my life. I know I cant choose the moment of my death, but I can control how I choose to spend what time I have left on this earth and I have chosen to spend it living and celebrating every sunset, every spring flower, the sound of a childs laughter and the sight of a beautiful night sky with all the infinite number of stars.   Death like life surrounds us. Everything that lives will someday die. It is all of our destiny to someday die, but we can choose how we live that time we do have. Happiness is not something that we can plan for way way in the future. If you want happiness in your life you need to start being happy now so when the time comes to finally live and do all the things we have planned for we will know how. None of us can predict the day and time of our death, we can only choose how we will live until that time arrives. I believe that death is a part of life, it is inevitable. So why fear it? If we fear our death we will also fear life. I choose to embrace both. Isn't the birth of a baby kind of like a death? I mean if it were I and I had warm comfortable and safe enviroment and all of a sudden I am violent cast from that state into a world filled with lights and these giants hovering over me clipping and probing I might be a little upset, but thats life for ya. So don't expect to die with dignity. Because I don't believe there is any dignity in death, it just is what it is.   I guess the morale to my story would be.... If you are killing yourself with hard work so you can someday in the future lay back, relax and finally do all the things you have always wanted to do, Just remember that in the final analysis, It Isn't reaching our final destination that brings us the feelings of accomplishment, joy and happiness. It was the memories and lessons we picked up on the journey. " Live the journey" !!!   By: Foxnix a Survivor

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Love VS Obsession

LOVE vs. TOXIC LOVE   Dysfunctional Definition of Love by Robert Burney "As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims"   Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney One of the biggest problems with relationships in this society is that the context we approach them from is too small. We were taught that getting the relationship is the goal.   It starts in early childhood with Fairy Tales where the Prince and the Princess live happily-ever-after. It continues in movies and books where

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Finding Peace in Turmoil

The following quote is from a site called DailyZen.com. I have found alot of inner peace and guidance and hope some of you may as well.   William a survivor   Stopping and Seeing     Wei-tse (d. 1348)           "Calmness and insight develop through stilling thoughts: the mind of the buddhas manifests therein." This saying seems to refer to cessation and observation, or stopping and seeing.   The ocean of nature to which all things alike return is essentially united, quiet, always clear and calm. When it is stirred by the influences of conditions, then billows of consciousness and waves of emotion well up in ten thousand ways. If not for stopping, there is no way to clarify its clarity and calm its calmness.   The cosmos of reality completely manifesting unity is always evident and always clear when views are gone and things disappear. As soon as it is obscured by the dust of behavioral and intellectual obstructions, then the fog of confusion and clouds of delusion coalesce into myriad forms. If not for seeing, there is no way to bring to light its evident clarity.   When all agitations have ceased and not a single wave arises, myriad phenomena are clear, without confusion, without obstruction. Thus seeing is not separate from stopping. Once the layers of obscurity have been cleared and no clouding occurs, the ten directions are empty, without stirring, without agitation. Thus stopping is not outside of seeing.   Stopping is like concentration, seeing is like insight. Insofar as we see by stopping, concentration is the catalyst of insight; insofar as we stop by seeing, insight is the basis of concentration. When the catalyst of insight does not run dry, stopping is sufficient to assist the function of seeing; when the basis of concentration is not lacking, seeing is adequate to fulfill the achievement of stopping.   Stopping without seeing may deteriorate into stagnation; seeing without stopping may degenerate into inquisitiveness. Stopping is of course stopping motion, but it is also the root of motion. When stopping without seeing, one either falls into empty quiescence, or distraction arises. Seeing is of course illuminating the obscure, but it is also the root of obscurity. So when seeing without stopping, either one drifts into thought and reflection, or immersion in illusion occurs. Therefore stopping and seeing need each other; neither one can be neglected.   So this stopping is not intrinsic stopping. It depends on motion and stillness to manifest its achievement. And this seeing is not independent seeing; it depends on obscurity and clarity to reveal its function. Since they are not beyond achievement and function, how can they be called true stopping and true seeing?   If stopping and achievement are not set up, and seeing and function are both forgotten, after that both motion and stillness are stopping with true seeing, and both darkness and light are seeing with true stopping.   When stopping with true seeing merges motion and stillness, then the hundreds of thousands of buddhas enter into right concentration in the midst of billows of feeling and waves of consciousness, which do not harm that which is essentially unified and silent. When seeing with true stopping merges darkness and light, then the eighty thousand methods of practice illumine right knowledge in the midst of the fog of confusion and clouds of illusion, which do not inhibit that which causes views to vanish and things to disappear.   When you get to this, then thoughts become still without being stilled, calmness and insight arise without being produced, the mind of the buddhas appears without being revealed. To try to liken it to the body of cosmic space or the light of a thousand suns would be to be further away than the sky is from the earth.   Wei-tse    

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The Broken Oak

The Broken Oak   In a lush forestland alone on a hill ,stood a great oak full and secure. Its branches spread wide, its leaves reaching high into the open sky. its days filled with warm summer breezes, and soft gentle rains. It stood over the forest as if it were its domain. Then came that dark and fateful night when lightening struck and ripped it apart. The once great oak split into, half of it burning till only ashes it left, leaving the oak scarred and broke. An acorn under the ashes was all that was left, It sprouted and grew next to the once great oak. Its roots flourished and grew mixed with the old scarred oak. As new branches and leaves helped heal the great oak, and even though the oak was never quite the same. The old and the new oak grew together until they were once again one and the same. Old scars run deep and youth is flighting, but together they grew something stronger than lightening. Now in a lush forestland alone on a hill still stands a great oak scarred and changed by lives ebb and flow. Not all its branches yet spread wide, nor do all its leaves reach to the sky. Some of its days are dark and cold, but beneath it all it continues to grow.   By William A Survivor

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A Whiapering Night

A Whispering Night   A black and moonless night, so void of light. No stars in this sky to view the minuteness of our lives. No moon to reflect the everwiding circles of the pool in our minds desire. It tis a night when clouds swirl like ravens wings in flight. where no breeze dost whisper thru the trees, nor break the stillness oftheir leaves. A night so dark and black that only lost souls of long ago do move freely thru the stillness of this night. Where dreams are captured in the showdows of this darkness and then so slowly are forgotton. O'Bless the dawn that breaks this cursed night, And brings forth new light. For this has been A Whispering Night.   By William Moyers

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A Day Unfolds

A Day Unfolds   In the morning our paths cross by chance, by noon all our lives secrets and thoughts reviled, our intentions both deep and solemn, we are akin.   As night approaches we seem close and dear, sharing our bodies as but one, our passions run wild and deeper then a river wide.   As the stroke of midnight approaches all seems so clear. Yet when the sun arises our paths do break, as nothing we shared seemed to take, two wayward souls in search of a match to make. For In the morning our lives awake.   nothing in common but another of lives mistakes. As our paths cross in the morning and life partakes.   By Foxnix a survivor

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Rebirth

Rebirth It surrounds us in it's ever growing   silent darkness. It calmly envelops us in   it's ever growing circle of pitch black   oblivion. We become that which in the   depths of our hearts we fear the most.   We cling to our memories as steadfastly as   we savor our last sweet breath of air   Not understanding this dark   oblivion is not unlike a caterpillar's   cocoon, as it opens to deliver us unto a   new light. Like the butterfly breaking   into flight, we soar into a new existance.   Free of fear, anger, pain and hostilality.   Ready to follow the path of lifes endless   universial cycles.     William C. Moyers   Copyright

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Commitment

Until One is Committed     Until one is committed, there is hesitance, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, rousing in one's favor all matter of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man would have dreamed could have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin now.   - Goethe  

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Under The Stars

Under A Sea Stars     There are nights at sea when a sailor sees the ocean without a breeze. The waters are calm, the sky is clear ,the sailor is at ease. A cascade of stars so bright and clear, and few will ever peer.   The sailor he wants to be as one with the sea and sky above, but all he finds is the loneliness that creeps in to stab him with the sword of oblivion. For the sea and sky have their own will that no sailor can overcome. .   In a tent on an ocean of sand a young black haired girl gazes on a cascade of stars. She dreams of her future with innocence the of youth and sweetly smiles as slumber sweeps her under its spell.   On a haystack in an ocean of grain two lovers embrace, their futures are bright and clear, their lives planned out down to the children they

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2 poems from the dest of Foxnix

A Day Unfolds   In the morning our paths cross by chance, by noon all our lives secrets and thoughts reviled, our intentions both deep and solemn, we are akin. As night approaches we seem close and dear, sharing our bodies as but one, our passions run wild and deeper then a river wide. As the stroke of midnight approaches all seems so clear. Yet when the sun arises our paths do break, as nothing we shared seemed to take, two wayward souls in search of a match to make. For In the morning our lives awake, nothing in common but another of lives mistakes . As our paths cross in the morning and life partakes. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::     Rebirth It surrounds us in it's ever growing   silent darkness. It calmly envelops us in   it's ever growing circle of pitch black   oblivion. We become that which in the   depths of our hearts we fear the most.   We cling to our memories as steadfastly as   we savor our last sweet breath of air   Not understanding this dark   oblivion is not unlike a caterpillar's   cocoon, as it opens to deliver us unto a   new light. Like the butterfly breaking   into flight, we soar into a new existance.   Free of fear, anger, pain and hostilality.   Ready to follow the path of lifes endless   universial cycles.    

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Our Healing Angels: Caregivers

First and most imporantly: THANK YOU!!! Thank You for being there, when I really need you. For taking all the heat when other family members tell you that you should of done this or you could of done that. Yet you are the one that is there there 24/7 and stayed with me night and day from day one, thru rehab and now cares for my needs at home. You are the one that places my needs above your own. The one that has sacrificed your life , your health, your happiness so that I will do my exercises, or have a hot meal, or a clean bed. As a survivor I know how easy it is for me to feel that my world has shrunken to the point that I belive it should revolve around me and my needs only. But let me assure you, your needs, your health and your happiness are imporant as anyones. If we were on a jet liner and the oxygen masks dropped, you need to make sure that your mask is placed securely around your nose first. For the fact is, if you were trying to put the oxygen mask on me first , and passed out, wouldn't we both parish {angel}. Oh but if the others in the family knew that you put your needs ahead of poor me, you might upset them enough for them to miss their favorite rerun of I Love Lucy. To me, you are the one that has made the ultimate sacrifice, shown the ultimate act of love, You have given up the life that you had built by your own free choice, your life for another. The ultimate act of Love!!!!!! what they give the congressional medal of honor for. I didn't volunteer to to give up my life, I didn't ask that my life be taken away, I am just the one that changed, that has become moody, sullen, and angry. Often taking out my fustrations on you. I am the one that gets all the sympathy from the rest of the family, while you take all the heat that they dish out; And for all your sacrifices, your hard and thankless work, your endless giving of yourself for another, you get to feel guilty for going to lunch with a friend you haven't seen in weeks. For taking time away from the situation that is threatening your health and sanity. I can't help but ask myself "Whats wrong with this picture?? You are the care-giver while I am the taker, the receiver of your faith, love and healing. By anyones reasonable expectation you are the one that need a fulltime staff of caregivers. The point is, we need you. we need your love, your courage, and your Inspiration. While you on the other hand, must realize that your phycial and mental health are more needed by us now then ever before. If you become sick or burnout from caring for us, we both ultimately lose and will parish. So Inorder for Your selfless, loving care to stay at its most effective level, It is imparative that you remember this word; Respite, (res pit) a rest, or temporary relief from the duties of a caregiver. A regular period of time each day or week for you to get away and have time for yourself. Weather it be a family member , neighbor or volunteer. You, as a caregiver must find some way to get relief on a regular basis from the daily stress of your caregiving duties. You have a very hard and mostly thankless job. Your emotions must cover the full specturm of the human experience, and your patience is often pushed past human limits. So please remember to remind yourself that when your up to your ears in alligators its sometimes hard to remember that your job was to drain the swamp jester . Can't say it enough, THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE

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Brife History

I have had 1 modarate stroke and 2 smaller strokes since May of 2003. I have small artery disease as well. I can tell you from experience that to try to explaine what it is like to have even a mild stroke is all most impossible to do. The last time I went to the hospital she yelled at me for being a pain and interupting her precious evening, I ended up in ICU for 4 days with a nitro drip in my arm to help get my blood pressure down. They then placed stints 11 and 12 in my femoral artery. I dont want sympathy, or anyone saying oh poor William. I came home from my Modrate stroke with drop foot and personality changes I still dont understand. My wife was like so get over it , why dont you start being like you were. No attempt at empathy because she didnt have the slightest idea what was happing to me and I was unable to explaine.   I know my wife well enough to know she turns her fear into anger. But she didnt take the time to read up on strokes are try to comfort me In a real time of need. I was just the guy that wasnt bringing home a pay check. Like you I needed support from my life partner which never came. I got more ok you had a stroke so what you've had a week to recover so whats wrong with you?   I have learned that some people actually take an active role in the recovery proess. They talk to the Doctors and everything. I know it sounds to good to be true, but it really happens. Some people are just not equiped to be caregivers. and looking for support from them is an exercise in futility. You are just a disappointment becaue you inconvienced their lives.   The only people I have gotton support and understanding from are the people in here, The ones that have been there and understand what you have survivored.   OH and one last thing Cindy the small vessel disease they talk about could be caused by diabetes. Have you been checked for it recently??   I have written a few posts on what its been like to have a stroke. Maybe one of thoes or other articals or posts in here might help him gain a better understanding of what you have been thru,   William

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Looking Back

Hi,   The hardest part of recovering for me was the personality changes I experienced after my Stroke. I had several TIA

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Post Stroke Processing

Today, 05:13 AM Post #1     Member     Group: Members Posts: 85 Joined: 19-March 04 User's local time: Feb 24 2005, 05:23 AM Age: 53 From: Carriere. Mississippi Member No.: 2577           hello Survivors and Caregivers   As some of you who know my writting can attest, I sometimes convey an attitude in my words. I dont mean to direct them to any single indivdual, I write about the things I observe around me, the things that I see in myself that make me angry. Since my first stroke in May of 2003, I keep hearing well intenioned people say things like " Think Positive", "Things could always be worse". " I know its hard but you have always been so strong." I know people say things like this in a well meaning spirit, but you know. I wonder how they expect me or caregivers to "Think Positive" when we cant process or internalize the things that have torn our lives apart, Changed us both in ways I am still trying to understand after 2 years. OH and the occasional visiting realitive or friend that tells us just how to make everything perfect again if only we pray alittle harder, as they are walking out our doors. Again I belive they do mean well in all their ignorance.   Two and a half years ago I had dreams of a financially secure life where My wife and I could travel or spend our days swinging under a shady oak, carefree and sipping our tea.   Well here I am still trying to process and internilize what happened to me two years ago. The truth is after all that time I still dont quite understand what or why our lives changed so drastically for. After working thru the denial, the depression, the anger, and reinventing myself, I have fought and struggled to bring who I was back into the light. My mind doese'nt process like that anymore, as I can only see the foggy shadow of who and what I once was.   SO when somebody says" think positively and everything will be just fine," I cant help but cop a little attitude. In reality things dont always get better, they just get different. Yes we can make the best of a bad situation. Yes we can keep our faith in our God. Yes that faith can help relive some of the suffering we and others have to endure daily. But the fact is both survivors and caregivers were struck by lightening at the same time, and I know that all the positive thinking in the world wont clear away that foggy shadow and return me or the life I once had to where it was before lightening struck.   I've reached the point now where I wish someone would just say"William THINK, then process what you just thought about." That aknowledges me, and brings about personal growth.   I've reached the point where I wish someone would say "William I am proud of how far you've come. You have overcome so much adverisity and hardship." That would tell me that "I" as a human being can still grow.   I've reached the point now where I wish someone would say "William I cant imagine what you have had to endure, but I have seen your pain and I will be here if you need to talk." That would show empathy and acceptance of me. I would know I had a true friend I could talk too eye to eye with.     The following is part of a poem by "Kahlil Gibran" from his book "The Prophet"     Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame wel lfrom which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.   The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more Joy you can contain.     THINK POSITIVE William    

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Two Most Comon Questions

Hello Everyone,   In reading posts the two questions I run across most often are 1) What caused my stroke and 2) what are my chances of having a second stroke. Below are the answers I have found.   Doctors are experts in what they dont tell you.   1) The best way I know of to find out what type of stroke you had is to go directly to the source. (No not your Doctor, lol ), but rather to the hospital whare you were treated and find the office called Medical Records. Walk in and tell them you wish to have a copy of your discharge summary report. Most if not all will be in this report.     2) Following stroke survival, what are my chances of a second stroke   According to the American Heart Association, stroke is a leading cause of long-term disability in the United States. Between 50 and 70 percent of stroke survivors recover to the point that they are able to remain independent, but 15 to 30 percent are permanently disabled, and 20 percent require institutional care three months after their stroke. About 22 percent of men and 25 percent of women who have suffered a stroke will die within a year and 14 percent of people who have had a stroke or TIA (mini-stroke) will suffer a recurrence within a year.     Foxnix a survivor

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My journey Towards Post Stroke Recovery

It is customary with public journaling and diaries for those who may be following along NOT to add replies.           Below is my story. I am a Stroke Survivor, having had my first stroke in May 2003. I cant give an exact date because I dont remember it. Since thoes early days filled with darkness, despair, hoplessness and fear. I have had 2 more small strokes, and several TIA's. As well as a few other little surprises. It has been a slow and long journey for me. Many times just wanting to crawl back into that little black hole I created just for me. I do have to admit I still go for little visits, but whose perfect? I ran out of the money to buy and throw stones . So here before you I stand naked to the bone. Not who I was, or with all that I lost , but as that which I had to created over again, from the ash . You are free to laugh, free to cry, Just a jorney thru my eyes. So sit down,strap in and take a rollercoaster ride , it's free. For this one is on ME !!!!!!!     Who called me a picaresque ??????????       My Journal   Now that tomorrow is here Foxnix Posted on: Aug 4 2004, 04:51 AM   This is my first post. I hope there is some value to what I am about to write? My name is William, I live on a large farm in rural Mississippi. But am a city boy at heart, being that I spent most of my life growing up in New Orleans,La. I just finished spending most of last night and this morning being treated at first for Pneumonia then for a more advanced case of COPD ( What is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease?   Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a group of lung diseases that makes it hard for a person to breathe. In COPD, airflow through the airways (bronchial tubes) within the lungs is partially blocked, resulting in difficulty breathing. As the disease progresses breathing becomes more difficult, and it may become difficult to carry out everyday activities. COPD is the fourth leading cause of death in the US. I think this would be a good time to say that I am a 2 time survivor of strokes, I have had 2 Heart attacks, 2 triple bypass surgerys and have 10 stints from my leg to my kedney and heart. But I am not writting you this post to bore you with my insignifant problems. It was in Nov. 2000 that I had my second triple bypass then in Jan of 2003 I had my second heart attack. My Employers felt I could no longer preform the duties I had been preforming for more then 7 years. It was like someone pulled my life out from under my feet. I slide into a dark/ black and lonly place called depression. After 3 months of extensive daily therapy. I was somewhat able to function in our socity again,.(with the help of some heavy duty antidepressants). then in Mayof 2003 I had my first stroke that affected my right side.........Then more depression.........Jan 2004 another strock...........you guessed right ................more depression.   I cant say when or how The thunderbolt hit me but I finally relized I suffer from 3 of the top killers in the USA. Heart disease. Diabetes, and COPD. I had been pulling around my pitty wagon with me for a long time. I couldnt find anyone to talk to that remotely understood what I had been going thru. That is until I met you people. I also began to belive that I was not just what I did for a living, that deep inside me there was more to me then I had seen in a very long time. I had read that some say ,"Joy is greater then sorrow." and others say , Nay, sorrow is greater. But I say unto you, they are inseparable, Togeather they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep in your bed. I am still angry, fustrated and dont know the answers. I have just decided that I want to find some of the joy I've lost, and for me finding the little joys of life is a start. Watching a sunset on a warm beach, kids playing in a park, or the swell of honeysuckle on a summers morning. I dont know how many days I have before I am called to continue my journey ? I just want to find the Joys I had forgotten about. I learned since my stroke I cant solve anyons problems because I cant even solve my own. All the Best to All of you , Will except all replys neg. and Pos.   Sincerely William  

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As I continue My Journey

Sometimes in our intense desire to learn, to acquire technique, to attain an enlightenment, we seem to push farther from us the very state we seek. In the above story the sense of Zen being a teaching outside words and letters, scriptures and dogma is well illustrated. Kyogen had learned all the outer form of Zen, but in terms of deeper realization, the new Master aided him best in his quest for true understanding. The realization of Zen is not something that can be "told" to anyone, rather it is based on direct experience of the Truth. Words more often than not, obscure understanding.   As Chuang tze would say, "Show me the person who understands that words have no meaning - that's the person I want to talk to."   Some translations of the above story end like this:   Kyogen, enlightened, bows in the direction of his deceased teacher and says, "Master, I thank you for never stating anything too clearly."   It is a delicate balance exploring a life of training. We want to give the effort of Kyogen without becoming lost in attainments which are the smaller goals and distract us from the wu/wei we seek.       Nothing Extra,         Acceptance Foxnix Posted on: Dec 28 2004, 03:54 AM     Member     Group: Members Posts: 75 Joined: 19-March 04 From: Carriere. Mississippi Member No.: 2577       I have no parents; I make the Heavens and the Earth my parents. I have no home; I make the Tan T'ien my home. I have no divine power; I make honesty my Divine Power. I have no means; I make Docility my means. I have no magic power; I make personality my Magic Power. I have neither life nor death; I make A Um my Life and Death.     I have no body; I make Stoicism my Body. I have no eyes; I make The Flash of Lightning my eyes. I have no ears; I make Sensibility my Ears. I have no limbs; I make Promptitude my Limbs. I have no laws; I make Self-Protection my Laws.     I have no strategy; I make the Right to Kill and the Right to Restore Life my Strategy. I have no designs; I make Seizing the Opportunity by the Forelock my Designs. I have no miracles; I make Righteous Laws my Miracle. I have no principles; I make Adaptability to all circumstances my Principle. I have no tactics; I make Emptiness and Fullness my Tactics.     I have no talent; I make Ready Wit my Talent. I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend. I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy. I have no armour; I make Benevolence my Armour. I have no castle; I make Immovable Mind my Castle. I have no sword; I make No Mind my Sword.         Thanks to Mr. Fowler at: Lfowler's Home Page for the use of the Samurai Creed!   Forum: Social Discussions

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The Journey Continues

First timer with any support group Foxnix Posted on: Sep 9 2004, 07:03 AM     Member     Group: Members Posts: 75 Joined: 19-March 04 From: Carriere. Mississippi Member No.: 2577     Hi Cindy   You are very welcome for anything you may of gotten from my Posts. Life has a funny way of twisting things around at times. You see I am here to thank You for your posts and your answers to them.   You see I had been holding thoes feelings inside me for over a year. When you wrote your feelings in such a sensitive and heart felt way, it was like the dam that I had been carrying around inside of me burst forth on to these pages. I dont know how to explaine it, but it was your words so aptly written that helped me to finally let go and express what had been weighing me down with the pain of loss and fustration. It was like you helped me to unlock a part of myself that I may never have found without your putting your feelings down in such an eloquent and passionate way. So Cindy it is I who owe you so very much for what you did for me. Not many people or their words can do what you did for me. You made it possible for that part of myself to be reborn, and lessen the load I was carrying so deeply buried inside me. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart.   Another one of lifes ironic little twists.             First timer with any support group Foxnix Posted on: Sep 8 2004, 06:50 PM     Member     Group: Members Posts: 75 Joined: 19-March 04 From: Carriere. Mississippi Member No.: 2577         Hi Cindy   I cant speak for other survivors, but my personality changed, I found it hard to express the Love and romantic side that used to come so naturally. It's not that I dont Love my wife as much as before, I just lost alot of that part of me. I still have a very hard time after more than a year hugging her are being huged by her or anyone. I dont do the little romantic things I used too, or tell her I Love her without her saying it first.   Ofcourse she thinks that I dont Love her or care anymore, but anything could be futher from the truth. How do I explaine that it isn't her , it's me? How do I explaine that part of me isnt there anymore? How do I explaine what it's like to have a stroke?? I can put these word on paper, but can't express them anymore. I still Love my wife, but I cant show her, or tell her that I need her more now then ever and have never stopped loving her.   Your answer to my post touched me in away I cant explaine. I can just say dont ever stop making him say I Love You!!!! That is the greatest healing power on earth.   I wish I could tell you why I changed in the ways I have?? Fear, depression, maybe that part of my brain was damaged. I truly dont have the answer or understand it any better than you do. All I can say is You Go Girl !!!!!   Sometimes I find myself greving for thoes parts of me that are no longer there for me. Its like parts of me died. But I do know that even though My wife and I dont understand everything that happened when Lightening struck, She has stuck it out and still grabs me and hugs me and makes me tell her I Love You. I dont know if thoes parts of me will ever come back. But I do know that even though its hard for me to tell her or show her I Love Her. LOVE IS STRONGER THAN LIGHTENING.     Forum: Stroke Caregiver Support

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