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Strokenet was down for awhile- I guess

WOW its been since April since Ive posted, tried to log in and it said error. Anyhow Happy its back - I was worried. This site has lots of valuable information - lots of stories .  Dans not doing well - he's got some gastro intestinal bug, been to the ER couple days ago, followed up with his doc, he seemed to feel better for a bit and now he is suffering again. Seems like its always something- But thats no different than anyone else. I just wanted to check in. Oh the friend who's husband had a s

Friends

Ive known a gal and her family for 25 plus years -- not super close, but that connection you get with people you meet sometimes. Kinda like a mirror- they seem just like you and they are - you are genuinely happy for them and vice versa. Words can not communicate the bond. there simply was not a need for the daily communication. after Dan stroked I watched there family from afar - they were the mirror of what our family used to be and would have been minus no stroke. similar- ages , beliefs, val

survived surgery

I survived the surgery - I had a bit more trouble than anticipated with the anesthesia- have had  nausea even 2 weeks out. And some pain and aches as well . But it is what it is... and Dan has been nothing less then great. Family has helped as much as Ive asked and needed. I have caught up on a lot of TV all if it crap - but lol - it caters to a population. to each their own as the saying goes.... I went back to work last week on Monday ( 1 week after surgery ) just half days . By noon I was tir

Time Marches On

I haven't posted in awhile --- March 11th will be our decade anniversary of my husbands stroke that changed our lives.... We finished up our home remodel ( Dan came back home from the nursing home due to covid) the remodel made the home more accessible for him - and better for me to help him.  But -- a couple weeks ago I was helping Dan with his bath , went to swing his leg and pop something inside me popped. We thought I had prolapsed my uterus - but turned out to be my bladder. So surgery

Time sure does pass fast ( sometimes)

Wow -- once it got nice out here in ND then time sped up. Ive been outside puttering. stained our deck , lots of gardening... help get my brothers home together for a estate sale.. back to more or less FT work at the office. And Dan has played "nice". So I guess I'll keep him home vs. the nursing home. With Covid  there is no way we could have managed anyways. So he is here( home) and Ive got a massive remodel planned to make it nice for both of us... It was on my to do list anyhow.   

nancyl

nancyl

BORED

Of course we all are bored. I don't have to much to do, outside of working my now half days and take care of Dan. We have our little routine, Dan THRIVES on routine - Me not so much. But I really can't complain , Ive had to redirect him a few times as to my expectations of his expectations. He like to move the bar. The compulsiveness.  But its been so many years I do recognize it for what it is. And for as much as I complained about his desire to frequent the casino - it sure beats sitting

nancyl

nancyl

Here it goes

Due to the Corona virus - the nursing home had to close doors to visitors and no longer allow the residents to come and go. Dan had stabilized and done very well for the past 2 years. But the biggest reason for that, His time with me and him coming to my work and the large amount of socialization with our family. The new necessary mandates required the home to close their door to protect their residents for the greater good. I respect that 100%. But it left me with a decision to make . He is hom

nancyl

nancyl

My brother passed away

My brother the one who was staying with me since Sept - passed on Dec 10, 2019. Bittersweet. We are all doing ok. It was hard on Dan - hard on me. But my brothers passing was not a overly long agonizing death , for that I am thankful.. Nancy

nancyl

nancyl

here I go again

Im not sure how to write this--- do I take the high road ? Or the low road... ? I guess my present situation is the "BOTH" situation. My brother has been very sick . He ultimately has been diagnosed with liver cancer with no hope of effective treatment. It is terminal. He was given approx. 4 months to live. Guess where he is at ? YUP- my house. He is a bachelor, so no wife or kids to lean on. My older sister don't want him dying at her house and the rest of the family just shrugged their shoulde

nancyl

nancyl

place to keep track

one of the most useful aspects of StrokeNet for me has been the blogging its therapeutic and useful to see where we have been in the journey. And in general just to keep track of the daily SH-T that happens . Perhaps someone reads about our issues and feels less alone on the wonderful stroke road. So my entry is-- Dan pulled a oldie but a goodie. He tried jumping out of the car while out youngest was taking him home. Me and a girlfriend decided to have a night out , Dan was at my work, full

nancyl

nancyl

As Sarah said-- vicious cycle

I read our Sarahs reply on her latest blog. Vicious cycle she said. Perfect wording for our lives. I to, although have come so far - feel that vicious cycle . I get up go to work, go for lunch go get Dan from the nursing home. Usually have to fix something - his glasses , pick something up off floor or figure out who he is mad at and why. Its kinda routine thing for Dan to always want or need someone to jump. But I don't dwell on it like I used to.  Then we leave the home, go through Mc Don

nancyl

nancyl

just checking in

Just checking in-- life has a way ,even as it slowly ebbs by, to all the suddens have passed. When I think of it ( like anyone- ever doesn't think about stroke devastation) -I do check in and look at blogs of people who have mentored me through the task of caring for Dan. What a job it has been and continues to be. We do have a routine and still i have obstacles with him, but it is what it is. My rope is much shorter now. Ive had to learn - to not care as much-- to accept - his life and his desi

nancyl

nancyl

wow time has passed

I guess I haven't anything fantastic to say-- I just realized it had been so long since I checked in . Its been a cold LOOOng winter in North Dakota-- although sounds like it has been for all in the USA.... Dan is doing alright--- the fiascos of the nursing home continue... He taught the aids and admin a lesson . He is very OCD - he asks the staff to take garbage out with them when they leave the room. They did not, kinda a  passive aggressive thing with the staff . apparently it got left overni

nancyl

nancyl

Crazy Lady seeks advice

Ok - input appreciated- especially those who have followed me for years - literally !. Its taken a long time for me to settle down and into my "stroke widow" role. I was pretty young when it happened to Dan and I had ambitions of my own- all flushed when Dan stroked. So after the 4 years of caring for Dan ended with me in the mental institution and him in a nursing home - I am debating bringing him home. Why - Im doing virtually all his cares and still paying the bill for his care. Im finding, I

nancyl

nancyl

family and funerals

Dan has had 2 uncles die in the past 1.5 months. Although he was close with them back in the day and up till the stroke would go home and hunt with them , they had not put any effort into coming to see him or reach out in any way. So when Jimmy died - I figured I wouldn't tell him, why- things good and bad like that create depression for Dan and by default depression in me as well . But one of Dans sisters decided to stop and see Dan at the home on her way home from Jimmys funeral and told Dan a

nancyl

nancyl

scanning

Dan likes to be busy-- I found the perfect pastime, he is scanning things at my work. It is entertainment for him. He feels useful and it is needed. Problem ? What!?? Dan cause a problem? LOL  He wants to come everyday to my work.... Not practical. But I am doing my best to keep it regulated, in reference to my work. And he gets to leave the home 28 days out of 30, so he is not just wasting away in a nursing home- we will go to grandkid events or to my daughters house or cabin and visit. Da

nancyl

nancyl

finally Dan takes some tylenol

Dan fights all pills has refused all for about the last 2 years. This includes pain pills and the like. But when his brace got put on wrong it stimulated some really bad pain for him. It took 2 weeks of his groaning and I finally said- if he didn't take some tylenol I wasn't coming anymore. Blackmail basically. But darn it helped his pain. So for now he is taking the tylenol. Everything in our lives has to be dramatic. Simple tylenols become big issues. Strokes - can, in Dans case take away comm

nancyl

nancyl

Dan is having more trouble

Since the AFO got put on wrong by the nursing home Dan can hardly walk. We make it a few steps and his affected leg just buckles. We have told the nursing home we want him PT assessed and maybe take a look at his AFO... Dan weighs about 70 LBS less than when the brace was fitted so maybe he just needs a new one. Pity cause the old one is a very good one. I was told they don't make them like that anymore. always something... right... lol

nancyl

nancyl

Pay 8700 month for staff to be ignorant

So Dan is private pay at a nursing home. I do about 80% of daily cares. The ONE time in the past 3 months I ask for nursing home to get him up and ready so he can be brought over to daughters they injure him. They put his AFO brace on wrong. It couldn't be seen how wrong because his sock covered it. He was telling me how bad his leg hurt, but ( pain in leg) thats common so I made him walk and the darn thing was pinching him the whole time. He finally wouldn't move so we sat him down and my daugh

nancyl

nancyl

Continuing with ECT

Still doing ECT, It has helped me a great deal. I travel 100 miles 2x a week for this treatment. So it is time consuming and money consuming. But I sure do feel better. Not cured, but improved. We had Dan overnight at Aprils for 2 nights over thanksgiving. He so enjoyed himself. If he could have just been like this at home. woulda, shoulda, coulda..... not meant to be. He is well taken care of between the the nursing home staff and myself. He is a few of the staffs "favorite". He is also a few o

nancyl

nancyl

ECT--electroconvulsive therapy

My depression although improved is still a predominant part of my life...Meds have not resolved it. ... So I elected to start ECT - had my first treatment on this past monday. I survived -- they put you under for this and give a muscle relaxant. I will do it 3 times a week for about 4 weeks. It leaves you very sore, as far as the muscles go... even had sore toe muscles ..LOL-------- Im still working , still seeing dan as often as I can ( now with the treatment). still surviving . I am OK- I fe

nancyl

nancyl

Just a quick catch up

Life hasent changed much since my last blog. The depression lingers, I hate it. Dan is still in the nursing home and seems to have adjusted. BUT he manipulates himself out a lot ( who can blame him though) . He goes out more days than he stays in.. It has been a relatively decent summer for us. My daughter in Baker MT lost her home to a tornando then 2 weeks later both their pick up and car got hailed out. But they have insurance no one was hurt ( they were not home). Had another grandbaby Lev

nancyl

nancyl

my turn

So I am sick, I am with a UTI -- a bad one, probably more of a kidney infection actually... Its in my back..... After 4 kids I don't feel pain upon urination - or back pain as that is kinda a constant. I went to the doc with aches and pains that i thought was cold related or most likely depression related... wow for a change I actually had a physical ailment... I knew I had kinda a short temper and was easily overwhelmed ..... but both those are normal depression traits as well so i put no stock

nancyl

nancyl

another anniversary

another anniversary.... # 5 ..... Dan is still Dan,.... He is a character.. The nursing home is his new manipulation place. They are still surprised by his things he pulls..... He has his favorite staff. and his non favorites.... there is a non favorite, who has learned Dan is to be feared. Dan got out of his bed into his chair and went after the aid..... apparently this aid had been banned from his room prior by his employer son not much sympathy was given to the employee.... I stayed out of al

nancyl

nancyl

manipulations

Dan even the nursing home - is still a bugger. I take him out usually to Aprils house , I have not ,and today confirms it , taken him or even talked about the remodel being done on the house. Now for certain I won't let him poison that house to -I need a sanctuary. Not a jail. I picked him up at noon we got something to eat came over to aprils- and he fell asleep - yes he rested so comfortable while I did not. Then he wokeup and decided NOW he was gonna watch a movie. he slept through one... but

nancyl

nancyl