well the condo was on the market officially for about a week -- sold ,asking price, no appraisal cash sale... i guess that chapter is closing... wont be able to make it to the benefit the baby still has not passed and with my anemia i can only manage one stressfull event at a time and fly -- not to mention when i am anemic i have CRAZY legs.. so a flight would not be a lot of fun.. but will go soon... they have benefits fairly often so i can push it off a bit... or just send a check... dan had a
well it is summer and breakneck speed is the speed i am in - of course...
but trying to be grandma , wife , mother is difficult under the best of circumstances. add stroke to the mix and 24/7 caregiving and whew!!
I am just happy i have been able to do all this even for a short while.. and my friend is still grappling with her daughter and her daughters loss... the baby hasent passed yet, but will soon... waiting for "that sad word"
i have another friend -( well she was older than me) who
well finding a balance has been difficult --- i have tried as you all know - everything under the sun to improve our lives... it has been tough.. but my recent visit with my girlfriend in the cities - despite all the sorrow has been a good experience... i do not feel good- i feel like i have been running a marathon and am exhausted. not the get a night sleep exhaustion but the deep down , bone tired - i cant stay awake exhaustion... but i think maybe we have accomplished something, what, i am n
had a good time with my friend, and held that wonderful baby.. Beautiful and perfect , except he would not breathe until it was to late -- 15 min no oxygen ... brain stem will not take the commands to swallow, eat ..ect... ironically the only thing he can do spontaneously is breathe .. but his brain is like a motherboard , and although the body would grow( and we are talkng ounces) the motherboard does not , making the baby suseptable to pneumonia, /// so sad, but what a beautiful baby.... my fr
ok --- as i said before got the bid on the new home -- hooray. got the condo up for sale... got the condo staged for sale... -- have a girlfriend aha has always been there for me, have a grandchild ( born with MASSIVE brain damege ) that is dying, Dan is sick yet again... and i am down in cities ( mnpls) came to be with my girlfriend and hold her hand while she holds he childrens hands through this... so dan is home ( got out of hospital today) doing ok - so far... got a case management program
ok not YOUR lawn ..... but i got the bid i will be outta here mid sept. -- i am happy. but i also know my happisness is based on a material gain at this moment... so i went all pagen on all my fellow condo people and "rented" a chicken - rooste,r actually to boast about my leaving their fine establishment.. ( colleen ) will post my chicken picture... the darn thing is HUGE about 10 feet tall and 5 feet wide.. and UGLY... he is on my lawn , he spent the night and will be picked up later this AM..
we sent jim ) our WWII vet friend in fine fashion --- awesome man-- ..... i put my condo up for sale -- put a offer in on a new house am waiting to hear the outcome of that offer-- hoping someone doesent "cash" me out -- which is happening a lot around here right now.. either way - i will not live here any longer if i can help it... the house is perfect ---- ohhh ... no real neighbors as there is a fence all around it -- i will somehow figure out how to link it for you guys at some point or m
OK folks --- here we go...Dan had another grandmal seizure ... and i have often wondered as we caregivers do. I wonder what i will do if ________ ( fill in the blank happens).... so now i know ... I and beth were in the bathroom with him... Dan has been refusing to drink or eat again .... day 3.... but we lost our wonderful friend ( wwII vet) and i wanted to go to the viewing to introduce this news to dan ... so he showered , had just finished brushing his teeth and BAM -- grandmal seizure. I a
last week my friend ( you know the one , the only one who matters anymore post stroke) - my friends daughter gave birth to a much anticipated baby boy.. sadly during birth the baby aspirated and although a c- section was done immediately, the baby suffered brain damage. Today they found out the true extent, the baby is basically brain dead . I feel so bad for everyone... a young life , never given the chance to live.. this was the parents first , so that empty sadness. Just all around sad...
To
well i give my all, to dan and will continue to...... but i am trying to focus on LIVING - myself.... Dan continues to dwell in his own misery and depression. and we have and will continue to address those needs.. I would give anything to have MY DAN... and for a stolen moment at a time i see him... but he almost intentionally ( wonderful stroke) remains locked in his unhappy world.. i surly wish i could pull him out of his pit of dispair. But as we all know stroke or no stroke only the person
we got our lawn sodded the lady next door is in a tizzy.... we also of the lock fixed --- the deadbolt broke in the door due to the building settling.... and i am still training tag to pull weston... it is going well !!!! immmm but dan wanted something.... so we went hunting for it... not tutti fruity yogurt, not hardees , not dairy queen - but he agreed to eat a burger form theri, not a coke at the c- station, not mc donalds fries .... HMMMM turns out it was licorice.... so i spent a lot of mon
Dan has another UTI ---- the port was awesome..... he has a summer cold as well , so i didnt pick up on the UTI as quick as I should have. Hind site always 20/20 .... finally got him in to the hospital - never a small challenge . good nurses, good doc. familiar with us... a sad blessing to have... we are so well known by even the rent a docs that they really do a great job cause they have the history right there..now over the weekend the family spent it at my daughters new cabin by the lake ( th
so we totally missed Lillys birthday - Dan to ill to go anywhere (April), and today was Westons birthday party here in town... gumpa was just to tired - and didnt feel good so he basically did not get out of bed at all today .. not crabby, just to tired, and sore.. the torn bicep is really "aching" all i can say is god - damn stroke strikes again... continues to rob everyone... you know everyone says be grateful( and i am) that dan is still here.. but i watch all the pieces of our/ his life th
so i have trouble falling asleep, and this past week it has been worse, my schedule so messed up i dont know which end is up.. so i took a med prescribed to me.. trazadone.. i will never do that again... what a hang over..... so now i am tired, hung over and have dan to contend with.. and this hang over unlike others i have had ( from drinking back about 100 years ago) is a real hang, hang over.. i feel locked in some sort of bubble.. oh it will get better. just goes to show you- trying to fix o
so dan finally got to see a psychiatrist , and she was very interested in dan... and has connections with our local psychologist -- so our plan is to see the PHD here in town for a while and she will over see the medical aspect of it.. she is taking of the scripts of dans depression meds and the valium.... she is in absolute favor of doing the valium bit when dans mood goes to high.. provided its not a daily thing... it is used maybe 2x a week, and she said even 4 x per week is just fine... but
so dan finally got to see a psychiatrist , and she was very interested in dan... and has connections with our local psychologist -- so our plan is to see the PHD here in town for a while and she will over see the medical aspect of it.. she is taking of the scripts of dans depression meds and the valium.... she is in absolute favor of doing the valium bit when dans mood goes to high.. provided its not a daily thing... it is used maybe 2x a week, and she said even 4 x per week is just fine... but
i do know now -- it seems the seizures will continue for Dan i didnt write about it sooner because although they are life threatning they unfortunatley have become status quo... dan had another grand mal on the thursday AM in CT at the foxwood casino -- luckily we were in our hotel room.. no antecedent just BAM -- hello seizure... the meds have not eliminated the seizures , and while they seem to continue ( on schedule) -- every 2-3 months -- they are still grand mal ( for sure) no mistaking tho
well here i am after witting that last blog with a mute husband.. wont talk, refused his meds this morning- he did eat and drink today... It began because i wouldnt just hop in the car yesterday and take him to the casino... our son was home from the cities and offered to go with dan, but dan insisted i come with... well i enjoy new big casinos -once- i enjoy the design, the art work,things like that but the actual gambeling is tedious to me... but i go for him and usually dont even mind.. but w
i have to say surviving because i am afraid to say we are doing G--D ... cant say it or write it .. might jinx it... Dan slips in and out of his moods, and i can deal with the in and out.. it is the staying in a mood ( always seemed to be bad ) that would get to me...
It was sad to watch him with our grandson yesterday - weston just wanted a hug.. and dan kept pushing him away.. the poor little guy just wanted a hug from his "umpa" ... but dan wasent in the mood to give him any attention... T
Dan had surgery today to put in the port.... no complications so far... he has been sleeping for the most part all day - to be expected with all he has been through... last night he had a melt down but managed to pull his way out of it.... i love it when he can do that... i had tired him out , we took our grandson and beth and her boyfriend to the zoo in bismarck// not a big zoo but good enough for us... very windy day gusts of 50 mph, but enclosed in trees it actually made for a pretty good day
our sidewalk is being constructed today!! pretty sure this will cause a condo stir ... the oh so nice lady next door ( you know the "sly" type) who does what she can to pretend to mediate but instead instigates neighbor(s).. has been walking by... but the gorilla is not home ..yet... but i am sure she has put in a call to him and will be here soon. They wanted me to have a very narrow sidewalk but - i decided after the cop calling issue I will put in what i want, and not what they want. Hey it
Dan had his appt today to be seen pre op for the port ( this will allow blood to be taken and Iv's to be given painlessly for Dan ) .. we wont be doing the G tube... at least now.... I learned somethings today I did not know.... So when dan goes into his cycle of not drinking,eating and taking meds.. there is a process to it. The surgeon we have has went the extra mile just as he always has for us since we met him. He explained what is happening - sorta- Dan decides not to drink - maybe a consci
the antidepressant seems to be working for Dan.... OH GOD I pray it does... I just want a life.. and i believe Dan does to although he isent sure how to accept himself........ but this med ( zoloft) seems to be working ...... and having michel here has been very valuable.......right now they are cuddleing LOL ( really we have a dual adjustable bed and michel is in the bed all the way up as is dan and they are watching a movie...it is comical but it brings a smile to my face....Michel was my daug
