I keep sobbing. I am not getting work back and I am not getting the school thing going but maybe I can still do a class but I am not the person I was and I just hurt so much watching my life and hopes and dreams disappear. so much loss and if someone says stages of grief to me I will scream. what stage is screaming thank you veery much. I am in stage hurts and sobs. I perhaps need more mind numbing drugs to ease the pain of watching my life die while I do not. I try and be brave when I am not a
I ran into my former physical therapist from a year or so ago.She commented on progress she saw,and I told her she was an important person in my life of recovery because she talked about things I was experiencing, believed me,assured me I was not crazy. She encouraged me to walk. I confided in her about my experiences in the nursing home. I told her I now had a patio so I could see the sun and a roommate who did not have the problems the other one did. She noticed I smiled and enjoyed the momen
I had the third radiofrequency ablation last week. It was the worst one. It took 4 times to get the IV probably because I was dehydrated and the staff got frustrated with me because I jumped when it hurt. And it DID. So they numbed it And that Burned but they got the vein in my wrist. I was in a panick plus I felt the staff was angry with me because they could not get it right.
Both wrists are bruised up now. My side and shoulder hurt bad after this time. But they warned me of that.
I am sad I not hear from my son
He not text and say he understands the misunderstanding on my text or explain his emotional outburst I was not expecting. I hurt and miss him dreadfully.
Is he so mad he will cut off paying for my cell phone which not only gives me netflix but also enables me to schedule my medical appointments and transportation. Our phone jacks in room do not work and and I would need to use phone at nurses station. I appreciate he says to me that it is his turn. How
So I want to make friends here again. I find people to play cards with to there are many personalities, many stages of dementia, mental illness. On the day a psychologist arrives, they wheel them in. I think to myself, this puts all ill folks together but a cna told me that different areas get the crazy ones because it would be too hard to care for 12 of them,so they spread it out. ok so that is why.
But I went out of my room, shared my coloring stuff, cards,chinese food.And these folks wer
An urgent care doc caught that the nursing home was giving me medication wrong. I called their pharmacy and it was confirmed. it was meclizine. it cause drowsy. They were giving it every 4 hrs when it should have been every 8 hrs. wow. I failed to keep up. The nurses make mistakes. It happens. Sometimes I miss it until later. Glad it is fixed. Blessed.
I am going for an echocardiogram. again. last one in 2015. new doc wants to see if swelling comes from my heart. I constantly live wi
my tiny grandson born on Sept 12 is in surgery this morning for his kidney and itestine problems. This is his second surgery. He only has one kidney and they are trying to get it working properly. I held him only one day and he smiles when he is full. He gets that from me. He is beautiful and we all think he resembles someone but in fact he is just him and that is cute. His little life is precious and mom has tried so hard to give him a great start in this life we somehow love and hang on to.
I just wanted to say that when I first came home I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had a stroke and couldn't walk or see right. I hid. I didn't want anyone to know and when someone just saw me in the wheelchair I didn't want to answer questions. I couldn't look into people's faces then because the world was distorted even more that it is now. And I was glad. All my life I worked with people and I was avoiding it. It may be hard to imagine but I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings or thou
I saw the ultrasound showing my child's child. I love.
Life is now. Surviving is not an interruption. It is a destination saying you have arrived here. I see the interruption is between life and death,not my Old life or Me and when will I recover as good as new.
I lost everything as a result of my stroke. Every Thing in my life. Then. But not my future,as far as I am allowed to go.
I am grateful.
Recently I had to speak up about how my diabetes is treated, I told the nurse I had dr. permission to administer my insulin and I knew how to take care of myself and then she said AND YET YOU ARE HERE IN A NURSING HOME....and I suggested since she is new does not know me can she go get the supervisor who could advise her, she insisted we do it her way which was with holding insulin and that was wrong. And in the end The next day, my endocrinologist called them with specific instuctions which I
I noticed my leg was getting red a couple of days ago but a nurse said they would keep an eye on it. So this morning a nurse actually looked at it and she called it a pink rash. I belly laughed never actually heard that before. To me the shade was candy apple red not pink. So I said they wanted me to return to hospital if it turned color again.any color than my lily white only tan color is age spots. She got agitated saying she did not have time,it was not life threatening. The supervisor said i
I saw an eye specialist for nystagmus. I am not a candidate for surgery. I have slight strabismus too. The news is...drumroll please....my troubles may become better or worse over time. The bottom line is based on vision problems alone,not counting other obstacles, I cannot get my driving license reinstated today as things are. Of course I have so many other troubles besides vision. And I suppose they can all do better or worse. Honestly I spend more time worrying things will not improve than w
That is what her family wants I am told when I inquired about my roomie with the horrible cough. They came in and took a chest x ray and then did one breathing treatment but then no one came back to do anything. She drinks but refuses food. I heard it was painful teeth when I first came here months ago.
She had a stroke and has been here over a decade. Her family is far away in Mexico and came once with birthday balloons but said the birthday was the next month.
She is in bed everyday. Her T
I changed my PCP which activated now on the fist of the month so HOORAH I am never going to see that doc again, but the insurance co needed to get paperwork from him for getting me transportation, therapy, a walker, prescriptions, and is there anything else that a doc does and he didn't. I had been in the office numerous times requesting it all at appointments and he had complained that it took endless paperwork. I also called his medical assistant and my insurance company got me a case manager
I sat on the table with a pair of leggings on and a thin robe undone clutched around me like a shield warding off the words no woman or man wants to hear.
And No person with CPS can tolerate.
The radiologist wants me to schedule a biopsy ASAP for 2 suspicious spots in my L breast.
I said BUT I am going to have an electrode implanted.
Then the following words floated in the air hovering over me making sense no xsense then just being:
"Oh you pe
If you put every picture straight then its kinda boring, you can try to plan it out but you end up making it up as you go,mistakes blend in eventually,it always feels like it needs more and is never finished, it fits together like it was all designed to, some mistakes look better than the plan.
I make collage on a poster board with my next door neighbor. I saw her sitting by window alone, so I kept inviting her to bingo. Eventually she said yes. She aLways goes now. When I wanted to be her r
A couple was in snf here and the husband died. They both could not have found the parking lot between them, they were both in chairs,but he walked wandered. I saw her having melt downs,I even tried to help her do bingo once but as they said she did not stay to play. But she hung out in a chair with her pillow, which for sanitary reasons are not allowed in common areas. So one day I went to play bingo, and she had her head on bingo table with pillow. I sat next to my friend and asked if they wer
I went to urgent care and thought I would pop in and out but the next thing I knew it the doctor was poking and prodding and ogling and then demanding that I go over to the emergency room for more of the same. So way I went to the inconvenience of everyone around me. And my last words were please don't let them let me suffer. So even though this hospital has all my medication names and they make me check it over and over at each visit when I came here they could not get one of my medications. An
We had veteran pinning ceremony. They forgot my friend in WWII. And a woman. I reminded them but then they said they would come to her room. But they gave a flag pin to my friend who said she was in 6 day war. And a Nigerian Refugee gave a speech. It was nice. They had muffins and I loved real coffee. We are not diverse here. Mostly white and Phillipino cna and nurses. We did a good job loving Veterans Day today.
They put 3 beds in each room they could. But I am thankful I am in 2 b
The cna who touched my leg has a booming voice and perhaps thinks everyone wants to hear her every comment or wants to wake the dead. She makes comments. snide scarcasm. she laughs. like that was a joke. weird. dumb comments. cruel.
That voice chills my soul. Now she takes care of the rooms around mine. not in here but her voice is in here. constantly. except her break. she talks naturally projecting. She is a big woman too. Already established she does not have concern for others. s
The norovirus is here in our home. We are trapped in our rooms to avoid spread. I am well,so is Roomie.
My friends are ill. Staff is short handed.
I am thankful for being in this sunfilled room, with roomie.
I am weaning off gabba and on 600 lyrica. So far pain is awful.
I am going to be off patches of fentanyl and go onto opana. Next week when the rx comes.
I wait for radioleg procedure in March,if only I can stay well.
Lyrica is at max daily dose and I am still on some Ga
I am in a nursing home.
I packed up a few of my favorite things to put in storage.
I gave away everything else from where I lived for 15 years.
No one here understands my pain or what vestibular means.
I am humiliated by them when they insist some friend or family should take me in and they treat me like a homeless person rather than an ill one.
I have not recovered much since the first 6 months post stroke. I had amazing improvements to begin with and now not so much.
I am more dizzy here
I have my regular vestibular physical therapist and she is wise and experienced and cautions me to work steady and not over tax myself. I really like her and I have felt I made good progress but I am always impatient to do more so I can recover faster but she says in time in time and assures me that I am going to be better than I am better than I was. So I have had a substitute and she is young and has energy and gets me on lots of equipment. I can hardly move I am so sore. She doesn't stop me
I went to the doc today. I am trying not to scream loud enough to break glass. I have been trying to get them to send in a request my PT gave them for a 4 wheel walker for so long I am now walking with a cane LOL. PT says still get one, and she has sent request to them again and again, even my insurance company person is sending them memos to please send in a pre auth request for it LOL! So I go in today and first thing they tell me I am there on wrong day and of course I had my little reminder
I stood up and carried my own little purse and I pushed a shopping cart in the store. I seriously looked normal!!! LOL!! I NEVER thought this day would come. Ok so the fluffy slippers ruined the look but they are the only things that soothe my fat feet these days. But there I was and I just couldn't believe it. I kept repeating I am christmas shopping I am christmas shopping like I was in a dream. I was. Of course I can't drive myself there and I was on huge meds for pain but I was doing it! I
