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About this blog

My Latest Adventure

Entries in this blog

Only my body is broken

I am still in shock that my body is changed. I know it is true but my mind, heart,and soul is alive,alive,and growing. I am surprised again, oh I cannot do this or that, and I wonder why is my mind so stubbornly hanging on to the idea I can wake,pop up out of bed quickly, and run around the room, dress, tidy, and go. When every movement hurts, needs to be calculated, wait for pills to kick in, take careful steps, ask for help. Welcome the new me every day. Congratulate myself. I am up for t

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

New Adventures

I went to Cardiologist yesterday. First time the echocardiogram showed a problem. But my body has been swollen, still swelling, and I have a rash on my left good leg from swelling irritation, according to my dermatologist. So, now I am waiting to be scheduled for sleep study to check for sleep apnea and an appointment to have a stress test at nuclear medicine lab. My leg pain will make doing real physical exertion impossible. I often get short of breath, especially when upset, and all this time

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Look where I am at

Next month is my survival anniversary number 4! I wonder why I survived. As you know, I have had pain every day since the stroke. A variety of numbers on the pain scale, a variety of descriptor words, a variety of coping,treatments,including topical cream with gabbapentin in it, spinal stuff, biofeedback, opiates, therapy, relaxation, spiritual belief,and of course last but not least ice cream. I was advised to think of this as my purgatory. Is this a punishment? How can I believe that

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,  It has been a while since I wrote anything. I use my phone now for internet stuff since my tablet with keyboard is never charged up. I have held things inside. I was wrestling with myself. I was too tired, or in too much pain to think. And people get tired of hearing it...and I get tired of thinking it.   I am grateful I recovered from that awful flu, which turned sinus infection. It postponed the spinal RFA until I was off antibiotics and all well. 2 months late, I di

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Best Best Friend

I need an echocardiogram, pelvic MRI, RFA Spinal, brain MRI again and I am feeling scared and overwhelmed. I will do it but I feel invaded. Alone. But my best friend lives states away and is my lifeline on my phone.    We grew up together since kindergarten. We know our histories. She is my sister. It helps to have her inspire me when I get down  so many here are cruel. she wants me to live with her but she is the country mouse so we worry that I would miss my big teaching hospita

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Who is your go to person?

They asked me. They is the Ca Dept of health. I said I complain. They said yes you must. The lady said I think I worked with you before. Yes. Then I said what I called to say. And said Yes I told everyone. I go to everyone. Who can do more than listen? And yes thank you for acknowledging I have valid concerns. Then I was told I may not get what I want. ok here the waters go choppy. In my mind acceptance is only when all options run dry. Sure it may not go my way even if I have a valid concern bu

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

colonoscopy tomorrow

I feasted at a casino buffet on thanksgiving with family and friends. I loved time with family. I felt more distant from friends. My new normal is being a patient. I need this after blood found in a stool screening. I must be put under for it. I am afraid.   I need a D and C they say. I wonder if all this fuss is necessary. I worry about risk of going under to screen for cancer. But I must fight. I am scared.   I have not been on here for a

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

In the hospital

I went to urgent care and thought I would pop in and out but the next thing I knew it the doctor was poking and prodding and ogling and then demanding that I go over to the emergency room for more of the same. So way I went to the inconvenience of everyone around me. And my last words were please don't let them let me suffer. So even though this hospital has all my medication names and they make me check it over and over at each visit when I came here they could not get one of my medications. An

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Where Did My Smile Go

My doc pointed out that I may put off people because I smile less often appropriately. At the time I heard this, I dismissed it like I do when I don't like what I hear...without smiling of course. But sometimes when someone is talking and grinning, I wonder: Should I be showing my teeth too?? I truly often feel like a Podperson. Who is this in my place?   When I no longer had most possessions, my identity plunged and I used clothes, my art, minimal ways to feel like myself. Who is this sitt

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Total Eclipse

My son took me to science center to watch live stream from Nasa and it was awesome to see the total eclipse, another awesome magnificient  thing    

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Majestic Beauty

This trip IS my early retirement, moments I said I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing, good food no regrets, enjoing time space with loved ones, speaking out for Accessibility, Being....beauty, pampering,experiencing...total Hedonism. I live with daily pain but I persue pleasure.    My friend has pneumonia,is 95, says she ready to go....she led women in exercises in airforce in WWII......She taught me card games, i shared food and company, i visited, provided cards, she wouls

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Where did my blogs go

In August I will go  go to Yosemite and Lake Tahoe with my son. I am excited and ans axious too. I have not been up high since stroke. We are driving again. He is going to be my caregiver. He said bring the wheelchair and he will push me at the accessible sites. We have accessible rooms with bathrooms reserved guaranteed. hooray not navigating a tub shower again may be nice. Visually I look fone but....   so my wide brimmed hat awaits with my semmer scarf with tassles. my answer to hid

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Going Out

I went to dinner on 4th and saw fireworks out the window. I walked around stores and bought a bracelet gift from son and outfit for our future roadtrip we are discussing now. I am not good in sun or when tired but I want to be alive. I want beauty stuff. OMG I put on false eyelashes! A nurse here checked me before I left to dine out to make sure I was presentable lol! Not crazy looking! My son was pleased and liked I had nails...did not notice eyes either hahaha! It was hard walking in the crowd

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Art on my walls

Lately I have had a few visitors come by plus a new priest and they commented on my old collage posters and watercolors that decorate my room. I am amazed they like what was some magazine pictures pasted on posterboard  And then as we talked I learned they liked the sayings I put there and the themes. I had a low time when my identity seemed to change or dissappear and I needed to talk but the feelings would not come,so I had art. Now these remind me of women passed away who were my companions t

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Pain Relief

I had a horrific time getting the last RFA but one day of pain is worth it when I could not do physical therapy and begged for pain meds before the scheduled time. But the results are miraculous reAlly. I walk around more comforrtably without the break through pain every few hours. This means I can avoid a pump. for now anyway. It has not meant I can reduce the meds everyone hoped. I always hope I can stretch out the time being comfortable.  The thing that no one can imagine is that I never

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

A Follower

I thought I made a new4rđws friend but I have a person who follows me around calls at dawn and acts ill when I visit with others. I first thought she was nice but I feel spied on and I feel smothered. I play 99cards wifth a 93 yr old and often share food with her. I was surprised  she watched from afar while I played cards with this friend. She just moved in the room  of my friend here.I stopped by because This friend stays in her room. she is glam but hides. She also speaks complaints to state

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Memorial Day

We had veteran pinning ceremony. They forgot my friend in WWII. And a woman. I reminded them but then they said they would come to her room. But they gave a flag pin to my friend who said she was in 6 day war. And a Nigerian Refugee gave a speech. It was nice. They had muffins and I loved real coffee. We are not diverse here. Mostly white and Phillipino cna and nurses. We did a good job loving Veterans Day today.    They put 3 beds in each room they could. But I am thankful I am in 2 b

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Third Procedure

I had the third radiofrequency ablation last week. It was the worst one. It took 4 times to get the IV probably because I was dehydrated and the staff got frustrated with me because I jumped when it hurt. And it DID. So they numbed it And that Burned but they got the vein in my wrist. I was in a panick plus I felt the staff was angry with me because they could not get it right.    Both wrists are bruised up now. My side and shoulder hurt bad after this time. But they warned me of that.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

going for procedure

still scary anticipating pain. but after will be good thing. i will go get food too. i fasting now. hungry. i go get a bite in hospital cancer center. I always glad I not there usually.   my hand jerks. what is this ? no one knows. but texting is bad.   ok here we go again. the sedation part cant come quick enough. i wearing lucky shawl with big buttons. i feel alone. son texting me. angels all around of course.  we just do.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Look For The Helpers

That is what Mr. Rogers said. He had a way of looking in the camera just at me. Then just at my own little boy. Then tonight my son reminded me when he shared story about the hero who stopped the London Bridge terrorists. My son said look for the helpers even the drunk ones. because the hero said he had had a few pints! It was a great news story. It touched me. Reminded me that heros are usually the small normal guy doing amazing thing when the time comes usually unaware of the big impact they d

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Memorial Day

I miss family who died who were WWII veterans and who served in Vietnam and just list a war and member of this clan was in the Navy branch at some time. That makes me proud but I never lost a son or daughter or lost someone diring a war so never had that unendurable pain. I hold this day as a day of recalling loss. all kinds to start over from. A beginning of Summer. Fresh Fun waiting to go start adventures. I was told vacations lower blood pressure and shopping is relaxing walking playing for t

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Involuntary Tremor

I woke up with my hands moving unable to hold a cup of water. I was shaking. nurses saw me. I spill things but this was worse. I was scared. I was asking to go to hospital or see my doc here. I waited all day. My triage nurse at teaching hospital said go to ER. so people I asked them here to take me. they refused. so I waited 8 hours no o one came to see me. I called 911.   I had a C T scan. He eased my mind. no activity. And it has stopped now.Relieved. I color again playcards,ho

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Anniversary

This is year 3. I still walk with a 3 wheeler. My vision is still double enough  to annoy normal movement. Most important is I am still in pain.   Having said that though I have made a miraculous recovery from a Lacunar stroke. Usually these improve I was told. All that did was put pressure rather than help. One doctor held up my disability insisting I would fully recover.  But I have come far. I could not even sit up in bed and flopped over unaware I was crooked. I had doubl

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

A Visit is a visit no matter how small!

My son made it two days late passed Mothers Day but he arrived and brought me this slice of gourmet pizza. OMG ! Artichoke and spinach with a topping layer of cheese. It was welcome change from my usual custom made tuna salad with celery tomato lemon. I had waited for a shower knowing he was coming. That is what I miss. my beautiful bathroom. But he waited for me. He just dropped off after work. tired. a long drive to see me. He remembered when he came on Easter and I touched the canvas in the b

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Passing on Gift

I am going for more PT and speech. To go and be accountable. Just going is therapy. And b bring a food item back for later snack. fun. tomorrow will be good.   my bf  sent me a cloth crayon case. I do not use crayons if for color pencils I would keep cherish. .instead I gave it away.  the woman likes it for daughter. great. I like to get things but if I not like it I pass it on hoping someone may use it. It was super nice. I think a child will love it.  it made me cringe a bit. I adult

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy