Last night I went to a conference at a hotel by the sea. I enjoyed the beautiful sunset over the ocean. I left the wheelchair in the corner and sat in a real comfy padded seat verry grateful for a soft seat. At the end of it there was a little reception with wine bar. I waited until everyone else went through the little buffet line so I could walk through with some help. I did it!! I managed not to fall on a table full of food and to hold a little plate and hang on for dear life on an arm. I fe
I was in a store waiting to pick up at the pharmacy and a woman went passed me with her cart and said to her companion that she didn't want to run into the wheelchair person. That was me sitting there holding my goods. I was shocked to hear that because I forget that the world sees the wheelchair before they see me, if they ever see me. So many people look to the person pushing me to answer for me or just to speak. Some people don't look down at me in the wheelchair. In visible. Then when I am n
I don't know if I am optimistic by nature but I tend to hope for the best perhaps out of denial that things will get worse. Maybe it is just as my grandmother said and it is having the Irish in me that does the trick. Whatever it is, I seem to like to stay in the bright sunshine of hope but there are days I am in a mood as dark as night. I blame it on the pain that follows me around like a silent shadow waiting to get me. I sometimes wins and I can't outrun it with the timing of the meds. I fina
We went to a pumpkin patch where I had sat my infants surrounded by pumpkins and took a picture with a camera that used film and the kids don't even know what film is lol. And later wheelbarrow photos with them crammed in with pumpkins. We go every year and buy some food in the shop there like peanut brittle and apple butter that is to die for. forget my list of 10 allowed ingredients. And that smell of hay that I just love but doesn't love me and I suffer later for despite antihistamines but th
I can't believe how fast the summer went and it is cold again already. I feel like I missed the whole thing because I did with the pain and just all of this stuff dealing with. And I am tired of it and I can see how others are. The cheering squad is not as enthusiastic and all of us are in the unspoken bubble of don't say it yet but what if this is it and it isn't going be all better. Then the doc says oh sure recovery happens. Meanwhile I am not getting better and the pain goes on and time goe
Dear Blog,
I went to PT twice per week now and it has been fun. I did the foot pedal and I went less than fifty steps so I don't think that is very good but I have swelling and pain in my leg so I guess I can't be surprised. I got this vestibular treatment which was to just roll me around to get the crystals to do something and I hope it works truly but it is hard for me to take it seriously because I do more rolling when I am asleep. NO disrespect intended but I am a skeptic here. I was sick t
Dear Blog,
I went to physical therapy today and the wheelchair van came to pick me up this time and it was a wake up call that hey what am I doing in this thing and not driving or simply a passenger who happens to have a wheelchair in the trunk. I have being a burden to anyone and I have intruded on the lives of others so much lately that I do know now who loves me and who doesn't. I like to hold onto a bit of mystery about how I spend my time so I like to call in to have a pick up once in a wh
Today I had a biopsy done and I was scared of a little numbing and scraping but these days the fear button is in the o.n. position. Plus going to another doctor and adding up all the not-so-wonderful experiences with doc offices from long inconsiderate waits (hey I need a lunch hour too over here forgotten in the waiting room) to being told by staff they are too busy to do something I need. I was getting sorta jaded with the whole system and situation really. It seems like no one is really seein
I just wanted to say that when I first came home I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had a stroke and couldn't walk or see right. I hid. I didn't want anyone to know and when someone just saw me in the wheelchair I didn't want to answer questions. I couldn't look into people's faces then because the world was distorted even more that it is now. And I was glad. All my life I worked with people and I was avoiding it. It may be hard to imagine but I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings or thou
It feels like forever which is almost 5 months of waiting for outpatient PT at the hospital rehab center at the same hospital I was in for two weeks with the stroke. The delay is riidiculous but what can you do? They sent me home with a therapist coming to my home to give me PT rather than put me in the rehab center for some policy reason and the first week I was home and the first time the home PT person came he said I needed vestibular therapy which he couldn't provide. I said the PT therapist
