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About this blog

My Latest Adventure

Entries in this blog

My Christmas Wishes

Thank you to everyone for listening and for giving me advice of what to do next. My Christmas Wish for everyone is find some peace and rest in the midst of chaos.   I am up in the wee hours of the morning as usual waiting for the pain pill to comfort me. I am visiting with the ghost of christmas past and we are sharing some smiles and tears over a diet pop. I never saw today coming. It is so unfair I say and the universe responds so what. I am grateful to be sitting here today alive and abl

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Christmas miracle

After hearing the radiologist insist I return immediately for a biopsy my gut reaction was of course THIS is not happening. I asked for a 2nd opinion. She returned and said the head of the dept. Of this prestigious teaching medical university hospital in So Cal_ said two areas of interest and one should be done immediately and the other area could be checked at next available appt. Wow. It sounded serious. They even scheduled and all before insurance pre auth!   I cried. In front of th

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Best Best Friend

I need an echocardiogram, pelvic MRI, RFA Spinal, brain MRI again and I am feeling scared and overwhelmed. I will do it but I feel invaded. Alone. But my best friend lives states away and is my lifeline on my phone.    We grew up together since kindergarten. We know our histories. She is my sister. It helps to have her inspire me when I get down  so many here are cruel. she wants me to live with her but she is the country mouse so we worry that I would miss my big teaching hospita

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Art on my walls

Lately I have had a few visitors come by plus a new priest and they commented on my old collage posters and watercolors that decorate my room. I am amazed they like what was some magazine pictures pasted on posterboard  And then as we talked I learned they liked the sayings I put there and the themes. I had a low time when my identity seemed to change or dissappear and I needed to talk but the feelings would not come,so I had art. Now these remind me of women passed away who were my companions t

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

My Anniversary

This is year 3. I still walk with a 3 wheeler. My vision is still double enough  to annoy normal movement. Most important is I am still in pain.   Having said that though I have made a miraculous recovery from a Lacunar stroke. Usually these improve I was told. All that did was put pressure rather than help. One doctor held up my disability insisting I would fully recover.  But I have come far. I could not even sit up in bed and flopped over unaware I was crooked. I had doubl

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Movies Bring People Together.

Roomie likes sitcomes all day,but I am a movie fanatic. I usually watch movies on my phone. But tv guide lets me know when there is a good movie we both will enjoy watching. I read the list off to her. We have so much fun laughing together,making comments,or being scared or perplexed. We answer each other's questions. What did he say? Who is that? What is happening? And most importantly we do not mind talking during the movie except sometimes we say ssshhhh, just a minute, good naturedly. And

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Mothers Day

I helped a woman here get a free cell phone smart phone that the government pays for service. It is really nice. arrived fast. Now she comes to practice learn to use it. She calls for me to visit with her. Her son cut off her phone service among other problems. She is heartbroken. She was thrilled to learn she could have a phone independently.   It is not like mine but I consider why I do not use that one. We have a nice family plan. It connects us. We share movies and amazon. I 

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Mothers Day

Mothers Day used to be magical. Homemade cards and pictures,bead necklaces I wore later to work,and hugs galore. Later on, tickets,dinners,texts. Glorious time changed pages. Mothering often disrespected forgotten. Heart lined with velvet faded and worn still beating out love no matter what.Alone. No one needing a hand to hold. A job well done. Proud weeping. Better way as I drift to mist. I can walk off stage now unnoticed. This next Act is all for me.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Mother's Day

I can't remember which movie I was watching, but there was a scene where one mother was saying to another mother: "No matter how much you give and do for your children, one day thirty years from now, one will be sitting on the psychiatrist's couch complaining about something I won't remember saying or doing." I laughed so hard I almost needed a Depends. Because it is so true. I made mine wear that this or that and didn't give money to do this or that or wouldn't let someone come live with u

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Mocking My Friend

Today I heard a cna mimicking this lady who calls scuze me I wanna go back to my room. She aches hurts in her wheelchair during activities that she also lost interest in. She had a stroke and her hand is in a brace.She is warm and waves her beautiful good hand at her friends she sees down the hall as she sits in front of nurse station. I help her at bingo. She likes to win. But the whole time she says thank you. But sometimes they scold her telling her to wait until this or that is over for some

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Miscellaneous Surprises

A man talking outside of my room and then the sound of a dog. My curtain was drawn so I said is there a dog out there. Man said yes,a big dog. I said we need a dog in here.Bring the dog in. Man said what is the magic word and I replied correctly. The dog appeared. His tail wagged and he let me pet his head. He was a dark auburn. He turned his attention to sniffing around and the man left.   I suggested mixing up pureed food with water to a baby food texture for the woman dying because she doe

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Miraculous Mary

A supervisor that used to care for me still does and I gave him a run for the money headache when I first arrived here in agony.  He went to Paris and brought back Miraculous Mary medallions in a laminated wallet card with a prayer on it. He saw my rosary and we chatted about Catholicism and he promised me one. Last week he appeared with it. I am so grateful for this gesture and I believe in the strength he has loaned to me.   I also appreciate that some know me here understand me

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Memories and Dreams

I just dreamed The Teacher came to an unknown apartment to speak to me about my two boys being absent too much and I stood in my nightgown telling her I had a stroke. We did not have anything to eat. I woke up. Gosh I have always had food and my kids went to school way before stroke. I feel so sad from this dream. I think about my memories all the time. I am robbed living in this nursing home. I lack any life. I only deal with pain relief. It is not the balance or stroke things.   I am lucky

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Memorial Day

I miss family who died who were WWII veterans and who served in Vietnam and just list a war and member of this clan was in the Navy branch at some time. That makes me proud but I never lost a son or daughter or lost someone diring a war so never had that unendurable pain. I hold this day as a day of recalling loss. all kinds to start over from. A beginning of Summer. Fresh Fun waiting to go start adventures. I was told vacations lower blood pressure and shopping is relaxing walking playing for t

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Memorial Day

We had veteran pinning ceremony. They forgot my friend in WWII. And a woman. I reminded them but then they said they would come to her room. But they gave a flag pin to my friend who said she was in 6 day war. And a Nigerian Refugee gave a speech. It was nice. They had muffins and I loved real coffee. We are not diverse here. Mostly white and Phillipino cna and nurses. We did a good job loving Veterans Day today.    They put 3 beds in each room they could. But I am thankful I am in 2 b

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Making a Collage

I have been cutting out magazine pictures & gluesticking them onto black posterboard. That should keep me busy. I like just cutting out what catches me: words,Colors,items,faces. I made one once and framed it. It was things I liked in mags in one color. Well this is a huge one filled with things that express me my life. It is a spiritual journey,and a good cutting exercise. I sit by the window enjoying the cats,butterflies,flowers,green grass,sunshine. There is norovirus and C Diff here so

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Majestic Beauty

This trip IS my early retirement, moments I said I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing, good food no regrets, enjoing time space with loved ones, speaking out for Accessibility, Being....beauty, pampering,experiencing...total Hedonism. I live with daily pain but I persue pleasure.    My friend has pneumonia,is 95, says she ready to go....she led women in exercises in airforce in WWII......She taught me card games, i shared food and company, i visited, provided cards, she wouls

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Magical Monday

Today I was energized by friendship. It started yesterday when I heard the cna outside my room calling out my Friend's name and then say: what are you doing over here,lets get you back to your room. I called to them but they were gone. When the cna came back I gave him a piece of my mind when he claimed not to know she came to visit me because he did not ask her but just wheeled her off. I walked over to visit her and thanked her. She cannot talk well but we manage to share pictures,memories and

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Low Blood Sugar at Midnight

I woke shaky,sweaty,ready to vomit, rambling about Complaints,so irritable anxious,but this time knowing it was lo blood sugar so I rang for nurse. She wordlessly checked it and reported it was 60,told me to eat a soggy pbj but I asked for orange juice. In the meantime I nibbled on fresh oranges my roommate got for snack and passed to me because she does not eat them. Thank heavens for such a nice roommate. The juice had me feeling better quickly. So did the zofran. On top of it all it was pai

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Love you forever,like you for always....

This is our book. I read it to both my kids,chanted those lines as long as I remember,meant them with every fiber and will always.   I recall when the kids became the adults caretaking their mother. It seems impossible the anger bitterness hurt that festered to a head.  Truly Once my daughter's pediatrician when she was a teen gave her acne med saying our closeness was evident so she trusted My daughter would confide problems that arose. Well we had typical stuff. My son

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Lost entries feel like amputations

Where did my posts go? I probably hit a button that erased me my thoughts Feelings bundled in words. Oh well. More where that came from. Plus I do love a retelling.Just please do not let me dissappear.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Loss of Right Hand Ability

I frequently fall asleep on right elbow so I have damaged the ulnar nerve so my hand is useles just about. I went to eye clinic a nd found out the prisms are not in my new glasses. The pretty ones.. so hard to read, color.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Look where I am at

Next month is my survival anniversary number 4! I wonder why I survived. As you know, I have had pain every day since the stroke. A variety of numbers on the pain scale, a variety of descriptor words, a variety of coping,treatments,including topical cream with gabbapentin in it, spinal stuff, biofeedback, opiates, therapy, relaxation, spiritual belief,and of course last but not least ice cream. I was advised to think of this as my purgatory. Is this a punishment? How can I believe that

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Look For The Helpers

That is what Mr. Rogers said. He had a way of looking in the camera just at me. Then just at my own little boy. Then tonight my son reminded me when he shared story about the hero who stopped the London Bridge terrorists. My son said look for the helpers even the drunk ones. because the hero said he had had a few pints! It was a great news story. It touched me. Reminded me that heros are usually the small normal guy doing amazing thing when the time comes usually unaware of the big impact they d

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy

Locked Out

I am locked out of my brand new cell phone. I used my fingerprint to unlock it but it says Not A Match. So I called to fix it. I needed to open old accounts I cannot recall because it was all automatic remembered by computer. So it took some doing to prove it was me simply because the fingerprint thing said it was not me. So the security is great. But when I need to prove it is me now then it is hard. Besides those passwords were created by another version of me in my old life. my real life.

SassyBetsy

SassyBetsy