I was scheduled to get a procedure using radio frequency thing in my spine this week but I am on antiobiotics so I am not allowed to do it now and need to get doc clearance in order to reschedule.
I will asap.
I love my new roomie and room. She is real companioship. I enjoy watching cats outside and sun and wind in trees.
I love the more competent nurses over here. Bossy nurse no longer exists.
Everyone comments I look relaxed. I color in design book while watching clouds.
It is fun w
my tiny grandson born on Sept 12 is in surgery this morning for his kidney and itestine problems. This is his second surgery. He only has one kidney and they are trying to get it working properly. I held him only one day and he smiles when he is full. He gets that from me. He is beautiful and we all think he resembles someone but in fact he is just him and that is cute. His little life is precious and mom has tried so hard to give him a great start in this life we somehow love and hang on to.
I ran into my former physical therapist from a year or so ago.She commented on progress she saw,and I told her she was an important person in my life of recovery because she talked about things I was experiencing, believed me,assured me I was not crazy. She encouraged me to walk. I confided in her about my experiences in the nursing home. I told her I now had a patio so I could see the sun and a roommate who did not have the problems the other one did. She noticed I smiled and enjoyed the momen
My daughter bought me a bracelet that says " Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, 'oh crap, she's up. ' " It has meaning for me in more ways than one. The first is that I have struggled with emotional pain each night as I fall asleep and I struggle with physical pain when I awake (time for pain pill) and I sometimes sob to God "why did I even wake up." even though I know I have so many to live for and my dreams to live for, the living is the strugg
In the morning I will get 2nd Radiofrequency Ablation. I am exhausted since my poor roomie with dementia loves to be craziest at night. I have a lovely patio room I decorated with my art and collages so I choose not to switch rooms as this SNF offers as a solution regardless of the fact she verbally torments me. In fact when I holla back to stfu then I abuse her because I can walk. So on that day the director informed me all that I fearlessly threw her out and refused to sign a paper that inform
Ever since I got my shiny red walker I have been bustling all over the place but I dearly pay for it the next day and especially at night. I don't do better when I am out exercising. They keep telling me that over time I am going to feel wonderful when I get out there and exercise but so far I enjoy my time out walking but then I am a sobbing suffering hot mess later. I like to go out too much to stay at home for long but it can take me days to recover from one day out if I walk too much too far
I had the third radiofrequency ablation last week. It was the worst one. It took 4 times to get the IV probably because I was dehydrated and the staff got frustrated with me because I jumped when it hurt. And it DID. So they numbed it And that Burned but they got the vein in my wrist. I was in a panick plus I felt the staff was angry with me because they could not get it right.
Both wrists are bruised up now. My side and shoulder hurt bad after this time. But they warned me of that.
I keep sobbing. I am not getting work back and I am not getting the school thing going but maybe I can still do a class but I am not the person I was and I just hurt so much watching my life and hopes and dreams disappear. so much loss and if someone says stages of grief to me I will scream. what stage is screaming thank you veery much. I am in stage hurts and sobs. I perhaps need more mind numbing drugs to ease the pain of watching my life die while I do not. I try and be brave when I am not a
I am in a nursing home.
I packed up a few of my favorite things to put in storage.
I gave away everything else from where I lived for 15 years.
No one here understands my pain or what vestibular means.
I am humiliated by them when they insist some friend or family should take me in and they treat me like a homeless person rather than an ill one.
I have not recovered much since the first 6 months post stroke. I had amazing improvements to begin with and now not so much.
I am more dizzy here
I just dreamed The Teacher came to an unknown apartment to speak to me about my two boys being absent too much and I stood in my nightgown telling her I had a stroke. We did not have anything to eat. I woke up. Gosh I have always had food and my kids went to school way before stroke. I feel so sad from this dream. I think about my memories all the time. I am robbed living in this nursing home. I lack any life. I only deal with pain relief. It is not the balance or stroke things.
I am lucky
I changed my PCP which activated now on the fist of the month so HOORAH I am never going to see that doc again, but the insurance co needed to get paperwork from him for getting me transportation, therapy, a walker, prescriptions, and is there anything else that a doc does and he didn't. I had been in the office numerous times requesting it all at appointments and he had complained that it took endless paperwork. I also called his medical assistant and my insurance company got me a case manager
I sat on the table with a pair of leggings on and a thin robe undone clutched around me like a shield warding off the words no woman or man wants to hear.
And No person with CPS can tolerate.
The radiologist wants me to schedule a biopsy ASAP for 2 suspicious spots in my L breast.
I said BUT I am going to have an electrode implanted.
Then the following words floated in the air hovering over me making sense no xsense then just being:
"Oh you pe
I can't believe how fast the summer went and it is cold again already. I feel like I missed the whole thing because I did with the pain and just all of this stuff dealing with. And I am tired of it and I can see how others are. The cheering squad is not as enthusiastic and all of us are in the unspoken bubble of don't say it yet but what if this is it and it isn't going be all better. Then the doc says oh sure recovery happens. Meanwhile I am not getting better and the pain goes on and time goe
I went to urgent care and thought I would pop in and out but the next thing I knew it the doctor was poking and prodding and ogling and then demanding that I go over to the emergency room for more of the same. So way I went to the inconvenience of everyone around me. And my last words were please don't let them let me suffer. So even though this hospital has all my medication names and they make me check it over and over at each visit when I came here they could not get one of my medications. An
I noticed my leg was getting red a couple of days ago but a nurse said they would keep an eye on it. So this morning a nurse actually looked at it and she called it a pink rash. I belly laughed never actually heard that before. To me the shade was candy apple red not pink. So I said they wanted me to return to hospital if it turned color again.any color than my lily white only tan color is age spots. She got agitated saying she did not have time,it was not life threatening. The supervisor said i
An urgent care doc caught that the nursing home was giving me medication wrong. I called their pharmacy and it was confirmed. it was meclizine. it cause drowsy. They were giving it every 4 hrs when it should have been every 8 hrs. wow. I failed to keep up. The nurses make mistakes. It happens. Sometimes I miss it until later. Glad it is fixed. Blessed.
I am going for an echocardiogram. again. last one in 2015. new doc wants to see if swelling comes from my heart. I constantly live wi
The norovirus is here in our home. We are trapped in our rooms to avoid spread. I am well,so is Roomie.
My friends are ill. Staff is short handed.
I am thankful for being in this sunfilled room, with roomie.
I am weaning off gabba and on 600 lyrica. So far pain is awful.
I am going to be off patches of fentanyl and go onto opana. Next week when the rx comes.
I wait for radioleg procedure in March,if only I can stay well.
Lyrica is at max daily dose and I am still on some Ga
I just wanted to say that when I first came home I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had a stroke and couldn't walk or see right. I hid. I didn't want anyone to know and when someone just saw me in the wheelchair I didn't want to answer questions. I couldn't look into people's faces then because the world was distorted even more that it is now. And I was glad. All my life I worked with people and I was avoiding it. It may be hard to imagine but I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings or thou
I am sad I not hear from my son
He not text and say he understands the misunderstanding on my text or explain his emotional outburst I was not expecting. I hurt and miss him dreadfully.
Is he so mad he will cut off paying for my cell phone which not only gives me netflix but also enables me to schedule my medical appointments and transportation. Our phone jacks in room do not work and and I would need to use phone at nurses station. I appreciate he says to me that it is his turn. How
I went to my new doc in the fancy teaching medical hospital and he is supervised by another doc. He ordered all the stuff I needed and that was the first week of March. NOW well into May and I don't have any PT never have had any OT and I don't have the insulin pen for the short acting nor do I have any vials or syringes for it and my insurance case worker says this is because they don't have the paperwork needed for a pre auth. I laughed and said well this has been going on for months and throu
I saw the ultrasound showing my child's child. I love.
Life is now. Surviving is not an interruption. It is a destination saying you have arrived here. I see the interruption is between life and death,not my Old life or Me and when will I recover as good as new.
I lost everything as a result of my stroke. Every Thing in my life. Then. But not my future,as far as I am allowed to go.
I am grateful.
I frequently fall asleep on right elbow so I have damaged the ulnar nerve so my hand is useles just about. I went to eye clinic a nd found out the prisms are not in my new glasses. The pretty ones.. so hard to read, color.
I went to the doc today. I am trying not to scream loud enough to break glass. I have been trying to get them to send in a request my PT gave them for a 4 wheel walker for so long I am now walking with a cane LOL. PT says still get one, and she has sent request to them again and again, even my insurance company person is sending them memos to please send in a pre auth request for it LOL! So I go in today and first thing they tell me I am there on wrong day and of course I had my little reminder
Today I heard a cna mimicking this lady who calls scuze me I wanna go back to my room. She aches hurts in her wheelchair during activities that she also lost interest in. She had a stroke and her hand is in a brace.She is warm and waves her beautiful good hand at her friends she sees down the hall as she sits in front of nurse station. I help her at bingo. She likes to win. But the whole time she says thank you. But sometimes they scold her telling her to wait until this or that is over for some
If you put every picture straight then its kinda boring, you can try to plan it out but you end up making it up as you go,mistakes blend in eventually,it always feels like it needs more and is never finished, it fits together like it was all designed to, some mistakes look better than the plan.
I make collage on a poster board with my next door neighbor. I saw her sitting by window alone, so I kept inviting her to bingo. Eventually she said yes. She aLways goes now. When I wanted to be her r
