Good intentions failed, or at least in transitory hiatus.
I had felt fairly confident in my situation immediately following my stroke and recovery. I am still moderately functional, and with the lifestyle I led pre-stroke being essentially sedentary and reclusive I imagined a post stroke existence not remarkably different.
The mind that perceives is the mind that deceives. Reality is setting in, with an attitude of vengeance. The VA approved me for 8 physical therapy appointments, but after 5 visits, thoroughly discouraged and disgusted with myself, I gave up.
I was seeing or feeling no progress, and my therapy was routine and regimented, so I just figure I would save the travel and just do the exercises alone, at home, however,,...
Motivation and self discipline are not playing nice together and I am slipping into a pre-depressive slump of staying up all night binge watching on Prime and Netflix. My mind admittedly slips toward the abyss leading to that dark place from which return is dubious.
My optimism, good spirits and attitude have deserted me and I have begun contemplating an unsatisfactory future.
Woe is me, but for now I'll make an effort, minute by minute, day by tedious excruciating day, to continue.
That is, for now, my hope.