I really should write this after today’s meeting with our MFP transition coordinator but I know that I will be too busy then. Yes, I am still pursuing the possibility of bringing Dick home under the Money Follows the Person program. I still do not know if it will happen. And because of the big changes that have happened in the last couple of weeks I am not going to make the decision until the end of next month.

I really took to heart the input on my last post. Not only have I determined not to make a decision on Dick for two months, I am not deciding to sell the house until that time has passed. Instead I am focusing each day on learning to be a strong person living by myself and learning to care for me. I read Fred’s blog on “I can’t meaning I won’t” and have pondered it a lot. I have been avoiding the steps to my basement for months because they cause pain and I have fallen a few times. So I look at my laundry and say, I can’t. Well, I can. Yes, it still hurts but I have been tackling those stairs daily since then and I CAN do it.

With that positive under my belt I have attacked more and more projects. To save on utility bills I have reorganized my house so I can have heat in one or two rooms and keep the main heater on 55. I can do all my activities in those two rooms plus have my kitties near. It has been working out well except that I forgot I wanted to do some jigsaw puzzles and don’t have a large table in the warm zones! They will wait till warmer weather now.

With the upstairs in good shape I am working on the basement. Kid #4 did a wonderful job digging out her room during her weekend home from college. Still there is a lot of work needed down there. I would leave it but I feel it a health hazard. There is still stuff to be thrown out and the cat really left her mark all over the carpet. Then my baby, who has just moved out, still has most of her stuff in her old room. While we are on good terms the pain of all this is still raw. She is determined to move to New York next week which I feel is not good for her but of course an 18 year old always believes they know everything. Anyhow she was here last night starting to pack up. She has no idea how so I am walking her through it. She has her own mess and I am afraid that I will be the one cleaning the left over from her too. In spite of the emotional pain of seeing these changes, I am excited to be getting my house back into shape and being “mistress of my own domain.”

I have purposely cut back on my time at the nursing home as well for these two months. Spending several hours there each day drains the energy from me that I need to get some of my tasks done. I am finding too that I get excited to see Dick more instead of dreading the ordeal of dealing with the nursing home. So yesterday Dick and I had a few hours together. He was so happy to see me. However, I have never seen his memory so bad. Things that he has always remembered before, he could not recall even though it was evident that he was trying hard. When I had pictures to help jog his memory it helped. When he could not remember the cats I pulled out my phone and the last two shots of Ebony and Tortie. Ebony is his cat and he remembered but Tortie he could not. The picture of the latter was one taken last week with Dick holding her. What really shocked me is that he believed it to be a picture of his Father! This was the first time he could not recognize himself. I know that the situation will likely be different today because that is the way this disease works; ups downs then ups (but the trend is always down in the long run.)

I am soon on my way to our meeting with our MFP coordinator. I will spend some time with Dick before hand to see if he can handle the meeting or it has to be without him. It is a day to day thing.