Meltdown
I had a bit of a meltdown today. It happens occasionally. If I wasn't through menopause I'd say I had PMS! lol
Dan's caregiver was out sick Monday and Tuesday so I was on my own for two days. I had forgotten how tiring taking care of him all day can be. With Jeff out two days and because of doctor appointments I hadn't had any time to myself since last Friday. So today it caught up with me. After spending an hour on the phone with the insurance company trying to find out why a drug that was in the formulary in January is not in the formulary now I lost it and couldn't hold back the tears. Jeff is such a sweetheart he pretty much kicked me out of the house. I was headed I don't know where, just AWAY. I had a coffee and donut and then went for a mani/pedi. Spilled coffee all down my shirt, went home and changed and left again. I spent 30 minutes at a local garden shop and then met Dan & Jeff at rehab for a wheelchair eval. They went to lunch and I went out for a good Mexican meal then home where I immediately laid down on the sofa and ate peanut M&Ms and watched TV until they came home. It was great, six hours doing whatever I want, two of the six in my own house all by myself. I miss that. Doing things by myself is sometimes difficult for me. Dan has always been my best friend and we used to do everything together and now I just want to be alone, starring into space, mind totally empty.
I get so tired of arguing with insurance, making doctor appointments, arranging lawn care, landscaping, water heater repair, etc. etc. etc. In other words, I get really tired of doing everything myself. It seems I never have time to just do something for myself. He's gotten so that he wants me to go everywhere he goes, do everything he does. Then we bicker no end. That's probably my fault, I have a problem keeping my mouth shut. Always have and probably always will. I need to work on that! lol I love Dan and I love doing things with him, just not 7 days a week. I think my brain is just overloaded with so much stuff.
I'm starting to ramble and it's definitely past my bedtime. Just another day in the life of a caregiver.
5 Comments
Recommended Comments