the time between
Entry posted by swilkinson
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Most of you know that Ray died on 19th September, late in the afternoon. I haven't got the death certificate but likely cause is the pneumonia he couldn't get rid of plus a lot of other factors. As we all know Ray has been seriously ill for some time. I had been with him most of that day and the three days before but had gone home to have a shower and come back. A nurse rang for me to go back but he died before I got there. I was relieved as he had been struggling to breathe, for two days had refused food and drink and really was just so tired and yet could not sleep.
The doctor ordered pain relief and put him on oxygen and the nurse who was with him said his passing was peaceful, Shirley and I and Trevor all went and sat with him for a while and our other son Steven came with his work partner Phil and picked him up and took him to the funeral home. I guess that is as much as you can do. Since then I have been making and receiving phone call after phone call as friends find out and ring with their condolences.There is so much to do but I still have Shirley here and we are doing it a bit at a time. Shopping lists are everywhere, growing and growing.
As our local paper does not come out before the funeral we are having to notify as many people as possible by phone call, email and Facebook. I know that is not an ideal situation and less personal than I would like it to be but it is the best I can do. Sure I will miss telling a few people and they will be mad at me but then if they have not been in touch recently how will I know if they wanted to know or not? Three out of four of Ray's brothers and sisters are coming - one sister is "just too busy".
Our minister came yesterday just as the funeral arranger (a nice Salvation Army lass who knows Shirley) was finishing her work and so we have the funeral arranged, the plot selected, the program for the funeral written out. We are not catering for the afternoon tea but will pay a small sum per head to have the church ladies prepare and serve it for us. Hour by hour it all seems to be coming together. A few friends have called in and spent time with us, Trevor is here every day, Steven calls a few times a day, even my sister came to visit with us today. It is just as well we have cakes in the freezer and a lot of groceries we purchased yesterday.
I have had great support from our Lions Club, Apex40 Club, church friends old and new. A lot of you lovely people have posted me messages, sent emails, posted on Doreen's thread or on my Facebook page. Thank you so much. I cannot tell how I feel as I am simply trying to make sense of it all. Oh to turn back the clock and slow time down and have some time to come to terms with it all. But sensibly there are a multitude of tasks that need to be done and I have to do them with the help of others. Club memebrs from WAGS our stroke recovery group have urged me not to withdraw, to continue to be a member, attend meetings etc. It is too early to make those kinds of decisions.
Our minister said I am the kind of person who will keep busy as I usually do but to look out for the fall over the cliff that brings back hard the love now lost, the things no longer shared, the precious memories no longer created. I "know" all about that but I think knowing isn't everything, we are all human and do our best in every situation but acceptance is always hard won. I need to have a plan but need to opt out when I need to, nothing like a nanny nap when needed or a walk on the beach. I have friends on standby for cups of coffee or just a chat when I feel alone. I don't know how I will go, just again need to take it one step at a time as usual.
I have asked the church and other organizartions to give me some time off and time out. No I will not be preaching the sermon on 30th of September, I am not going to a Lions meeting or taking on any outside task at all. There is still so much that will need to be done plus Mum to visit in her nursing home. I am expecting a deluge of paperwork as I sort out what is left of our financial affairs. It will take time, time, and more time.
Shirley's husband Craig is coping at home with the little ones, his mother who is visiting and has been sick herself and the tasks he still has time to do for his Salvation Army Corps. He is in touch with Shirley a few times a day, catching up with our news, asking about tasks she does and he usually doesn't do. Luckily the chikldren are now on holidays for two weeks and Shirley and Craig are on holidays too as of Monday. Craig and his two will be coming up then, delayed a day as he will have to take his Mum home first. I am looking forward to them being here.But I will make sure they move on a few daysafter the funeral and enjoy some family time. I will be okay or not depending on the day.
Thank you for your ongoing suport .
Sue.
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