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Fed Up


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I have had my share of Emotional Lability and then some but I know what annoys me, what I believe and want for my own life, can make good decisions for myself and I'm not a child who needs to be told what to do and think and I'm not brain dead. I'm sick of controlling know-it-alls telling me what I need to do, where I need to go, what I should say and do, what I should think, who I should react and interact with and how!

I realized a couple weeks ago that Emotional Lability or not I've done pretty darned good at keeping my cool and usually only blow a gasket with those who provoke me or mistreat me. I'm not at all right now very remorseful about the hurt feelings of those people. Back off and your feelings won't get hurt! Seems simple to me!

If I ask nicely "please don't do that", don't give me some reason why you think its okay so you're going to do it anyway. Newsflash! I don't want your guidance nor your opinion! i ASKED YOU TO DON'T DO IT. Not to give me some sermon or lecture. I feel like no one takes me seriously unless I'm ranting and raving "oh, Jamie's not really upset she's not throwing a fit". Well, if that's the way this game is played and I do have to yell to be heard, then suck it up, crybaby!

I've felt bad about myself and beat myself up for two years because I fell for idiots telling me it was my fault for being angry for being pushed around. For having Emotional Lability thrown in my face as if that means anything I feel can be dismissed.

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You tell em Jamie! If you ask nicely and they do it anyway then they deserve whatever they get. Bet they will take you more seriously next time you tell them something too. You should not feel bad about taking up for yourself. If you allow people to walk all over you then they will continue to do it until YOU put a stop to it. Good for you!

 

Dena

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I hate it though. I try to be nice and considerate to people but some people just don't understand that "nice" can be a limited time offer. lol Thanks Dena

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Jaime: I have one like that at work and that has nothing to do with stroke. She just loves to tell everyone how things should be done, what she thinks is right and therefore is. It is tedious and exhausting. When one is in your face everyday, bound to be blow ups. And like you, I personally feel if she sends me over the edge, it is on her. Back off and leave me alone. What I resent mostly is if she would just shut up, life would be so much easier. Put your Ipod on with your ear buds and get your work done!

 

You do the best you can to be polite, a good team member, try not to be a burden. But keep on pushin' and you will hear the results.

 

I am sorry honey. You do so much for all of us here. Always take your time to listen and offer suggestions when asked. Never over the top or insistent. Please go easy. Take some time for yourself - maybe a good book, walk. Then, brush it off and move on. That is the one thing I have learned after 18 years with this person. Slow learner, I know! Debbie

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No, in truth it's not the stroke, and then again it is. Most of these people were this way before my stroke and I fought the same type of battle... they were right and I needed to get straight because of mental illness. I fell for it because I was riddled with self doubt. Now with the stroke they try to blame that and Emotional Lability, and once again I have been riddled with self doubt. I took a long hard look and had a sincere talk with lots of people who know me and asked them to be honest about my demeanor--people who know I like it blunt--and I got my reality check. There is still the matter of Emotional Lability but that's evened out some, and I don't usually get angry for no reason but rather I react more intensely than is reasonable.

I always cringe when I see these entries in my blog and I can only imagine what people think. I also know it's the only healthy outlet I have. Beats going off the handle in 3-d. lol

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I know exactly what you mean. I've had people tell me I was rude, but if they would listen, you wouldn't have to yell to get them to stop. They MAKE you be rude to them, or they will not listen!

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It's belittling when they do it,but I think some of them want to help and some are just overbearing jerks. I find since the stroke they seem to view me as more vulnerable to the controlling manipulation, and in truth I am but not that vulnerable. The trick for me is knowing who is just being oblivious or fumbling with being helpful and who is being a jerk. It's a thin line and a volatile one if I misjudge which I tend to do if I let the frustration build too long. I think I need to deal with it sooner before it builds to breaking point.

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Guest hostwill

Posted

JAMIE,

IF YOU HAVE RED HAIR AND GREEN EYES, SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO "STOP" OR "GO"

-WILL

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James: you get pushed to the limit and lash out. Sorry that the one who took the brunt of the build up was probably not the one who caused it. But, honey, if they love you, they forgive. There will always be self-doubt, your medical history. What is stroke, what is mental illness. And in all fairness honey, does it matter? You have good and bad days, try to release the anxiety as best you can and just pray, that those who count, understand this. Debbie

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There may be 2 issues. One would be the people treating you like you can't figure anything out. A good example would be that I go thru the self service line ON PURPOSE, so I don't have to deal with the cashier licking her fingers and handling all my groceries, and wonder if she washes her hands when she is in the bathroom. I've had the people who watch over check out rush up and start trying to help me and step in and take over. Not that I looked confused or slow. I'm fast and know what I'm doing. I want to scream at them, 'do you really think that I'm such a moron that I would have chosen to go thru self check-out if I wanted/needed assistance?!' I actually put my hand out and stop them from approaching and say, 'please do not approach me, I have a health risk and go thru self checkout to avoid sickness. They usually insist they are not sick and I have to go thru a song and dance about you don't even know you have something the first 48 hours, and are the most contagious then. Also, about my husband having had a stroke and I'm the solecaregiver and we can't get sick, at all, or it could have serious results. But by now, I just put the hand up and be rude.

 

Then there may be an issue like in my family, for instance, of bi-polar extreme feelings. My mother and sister are both bi-polar, and I suspect I am also. What I usually do when I have an angry wild thought of doing something, is say to myself, 'wait... this could be a bi-polar thought, and you may not feel like this by tomorrow'. By the next day, I usually don't feel that way at all. My sister on the other hand, has lept into her car and driven across the US, needing retrieval, numerous times, till people finally stopped going to get her and she lost her car.

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Wow! Why do people do that? You don't know what we've been through, don't try to act like you do when you don't. Heck we all have different experiences, emotions, etc., and we all have to deal with this in our own way. We have to learn to work through our own emotions in our own way. Some need therapy, some don't, but the point is we don't need people telling us how to handle ourselves. Besides, if you ask them to stop, then that's it- nothing else should be said period. If these people love you they will understand.

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I really think the person who accidentally sent me into orbit meant well and I think Debbie was right...it wasn't so much that event as the piling up of such events and I blew. I tend to hold it in until I explode.

 

I don't know about love but I think the person cares.

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My sentiments exactly. I have a short fuse too these days and can't handle a lot. I have one coworker who comes at me with petty stuff and tries to help in her own way but she doesn't understand where I'm coming from so I end up blowing up at her only to apologize later. Not for what I said but how I said it.

 

So after everything you've been through its time to keep it real and not hold back, just work on your delivery but still get your point across.

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