Sometimes I wish God didn't have so much faith in me.....
Entry posted by lydiacevedo
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So, the scare in the hospital turns out to be, in the opinion of my primary care doctor and MY neuro, to have been a TIA. That makes sense. The primary care doctor was the first one to jump on that train, due to the fact that the bloodwork he ordered came bnack showing that my systemic lupus is out of remission and active again.
Solution: Slam my immune system into the basement. So, here I sit, on large doses of immunosuppressants and antibiotics/antivirals. It isn't the first time. I'm not foolish enough to think it will be my last one, but I don't remember it being this bad the last time.
The nausia is constant and at the point of being painful, but eating just makes it worse. Sleeplessness isn't helping, neither is the fact that my emergy is as low as it was just after the first stroke. A week into this and I already bruise by nothing more than one of the cats standing on me. My lap is covered in kitty-paw sized bruises.
I never expected to have to go through this on my own. I always expected that Sam would be here with me. I think that is the worst part of all of this. I feel abandoned all over again. The kids are here for me. All I have to do is call them. But that isn't the same. The late nights, when I can't sleep no matter how badly I want to, and the nausia is at its most unbearable, when I need and want some one to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok, I'm alone. That is the deepest hurt of all.
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