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Mum's gone to Heaven now

swilkinson

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So much has happened since my last blog. Looking at it now it seems as if all that happened months ago but it is only a week ago.

 

My Mum died on Tuesday morning 5.20 am. She is finally at peace. I am glad and sad at the same time. I was with her all last Sunday afternoon and most of Monday. At 6pm on Monday one of the nurses told me to go home and get some rest. You can imagine how that didn't happen! As if I could sleep with her so close to death. At 5.30am Tuesday morning the phone rang and I was told she had passed away. After such a long time as her caregiver as well as Ray's and pre-2000 Dad's I am now free to move on after whatever grieving period I find necessary. I think I will be okay but who knows how I will react in the future?

 

The funeral arranger said: "It seems such a short time since I saw you last" and it was just two months and a day.I was so grateful to the nursing home staff for all they did to keep Mum going. My older friends are rallying around again, some knew Mum from when she lived with Ray and I for two years and some have seen her since she has been in care as one of the church ladies was in her room and they visited her too. A death notice came out in today's paper so although a lot of her old friends have passed away I am sure there will be people in the community who still remember her fondly.

 

I had Mum dressed in her Norman Hartnell dress, it was a family joke really as she always said: "The Queen has Norman Hartnell dresses too." I have held onto it since I cleaned her house out in 2001. A while ago when she asked me if she had nice clothes still at home I told her I had it and it was still her best dress . My sister and I did meet to discuss the funeral arrangements and we agreed on most things so I am hoping it all comes together as Ray's did two months ago. As before Craig will do the eulogy on our behalf because I am sure I would breakdown if I had to do it. I did Dad's myself and that was really hard.

 

I am finding making the arrangements for this funeral more difficult as I feel as if this one is more on show. Because of the rift with my sister she is very critical of me and what I do so I know there will be a lot of criticism about minor points. My son-in-law advised me to just do it my way and stand by what I have done. I was her main caregiver for so long and knew exactly what to do but now I have reverted to being her daughter, one of two, I seem to have lost confidence in myself and my decision making. With Ray's funeral I just did it my way and that was good enough for most people. This time I wonder if every item, every song, every prayer is what Mum would have wanted and if my sister and her family will approve. I know this is silly of me but it is how I feel.

 

Mum's funeral will be on Tuesday 27th November at the same church as Ray's was. The internment and graveside service will be at Wamberal Cemetery.She will be in the same grave as Dad - united at last. It certainly seems a long time since she died to me today but it is less than 4 days. Such a busy time when there is so many people to notify and so much to do and it is a big emotional strain too.

 

Shirley, Craig and family arrived here late Tuesday so I have had the blessing of their company. They have been a help with what I needed to do immediately.The boys I know are only a phone call away. I am hoping that I will cope okay with this second funeral but it is one thing to think you are strong and quite another to get through an ordeal without breaking down. Last night we joined Trev, Edie and family for a meal together. Naomi finds her cousin Alice fascinating and loves to play "peek-a-boo" and other games with her. And I know Steve keeps in touch by phone and will come over if I need him. Shirley and family have gone back to Shelll Harbour for three days to do the servics needed over the weekend but will be coming back here on Monday.

 

I helped our soon-to-be Deacon Kathy with the communion service at Berkeley Vale Nursing Home today. Our minister is having a week's vacation while his family from interstate are visiting so Kathy and I are the relief team. lt was strange in one way to be back there but good in another as assisting in the service and writing and giving the little talk we use in place of a sermon was healing for me too. To have yet more of the staff come up and chat and express their condolences on Ray's death was good too. Yesterday I was at Nareen Gardens for Freda's service and once again staff members came up to me to express their condolences for Mum's death. It is hard to take but good to have behind me. What does not kill you DOES make you stronger.

 

I'd like all my friends to keep praying as the sleepless nights are with me once more. It is a terrible feeling knowing that not everyone is supporting me as you all do. But all I can do is strive to honour my Mum in what I do and keep walking forward day by day.



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My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sue, plus Ray and your Mum. It will be a hard adjustment for you but freeing in the long-run. I know the angels are surrounding all of you and I hope your nights will be full of sleep, not sleepless. God is good and sends his angels and holy spirit where needed. You are a prayer warrier. Hugs, Leah day by day

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wish i could give you a hug...... family rifts --- my own immediate family has one or two but nothing to major ... dans family several all the time.... so i have seen both sides, hopefully you and sis can work it out --- i'm sure it will... you are shaken and scared and heartbroken -- even whan you expected the "end" it still hurts so much to say that final good bye.. you will move gracefully through this, peacefully.. and you will mourn in your own way in your own time.... and we will be here, supporting you from overseas and lookng to you.. your future is our future, so we watch and learn from you.. i pray for you- peace and strength nancyl

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Dear Sue, you have traveled such a long hard path, and now there is the aftermath of feelings that you will finally have time to surface. We are here, and as much as you need us, we need you too. It comforts us when we can comfort you. Stay close to us, so we can feel connected, or we will surely worry over you. Sending love & prayers - Sandy

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So sorry for your loss Sue. You have been a caregiver so long, I bet you have forgotten how to look after Sue. I hope you will get the hang of it as soon as you can. We are here for you, remember that. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs,

 

mc

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Sue,

You are such a gracious lady. If only I could be right there to hug you and support you.

I am so glad to hear that Shirley and family are with you.

This is so much to take in, in such a short period of time. Grief is so hard to work thru....You haven't worked thru Ray's and now your Mum's.

Cry and rant and rave if you need to. Lack of confidence in your decision making is very understandable.

Most people would be basket cases and unable to do anything. How you manage God only knows.

 

We love you and support you in all that you do.

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

Ruth

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Sue,

 

I believe your son-in-law is spot on with his advice to you. Please try not to let your sister's criticisms get to you. You are the one that spent the most time with your dear Mum and you are the one that knows best what she would want. I am sure that both your Mum and your father are very proud of the decisions you are making and of the strength and grace you are demonstrating from their wonderful and everlasting place together alongside your dear Ray. I will be praying for you to have strength and peaceful sleep in the coming days.

 

Dena

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Sue :

 

you are in my thoughts and prayers again in this difficult time. listen to your son-in-law's advice he is right on, do what you think is right & need to do. hopefully your sister will understand in her own time.

 

Asha

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Sue, now it's your turn to be still, relax and take this time for YOU, the kiddos will take care of themselves sorta long as they know you are fine now!! Well take a deep breath then deal with your sister as best you can just don't ruffle your feathers and it'll all work out and my prayers are with you but try real hard to let your Body rest in peace with your feet up...Breathe deep, Relax!!!!

 

We'll be here for you to lean on!!!!!God Bless!!!

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Sue, so sorry about your mum, but as you know, she is in a better place now and at rest. You were there for her always, and you made decisions for her as you felt them in your heart. No one could do it better.

 

We are here for you always and hope you will continue to come here with your great experience and advice. I know you will contine to be a friend and supporter to others as they will to you.

 

Take care and give yourself some time to rest.

 

Julie

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Sue, my prayers are for you. Stay strong, you are doing great, you were a great care giver, so dont second guess yourself. God is in control, what is going on with your sister, God will sort it out.

 

You know everyone here has your back

 

God bless, take care of your self

 

Yvonne

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Sue, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now. Losing your mum so close to losing Ray is so difficult to absorb. You've done so much for so many others, hopefully you'll be able to do some for yourself in the near future. Please know you are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers. Your faith will get you through this as it has gotten you through the past trials and tribulations. God Bless.

 

Mary Jo

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(((((((((((((((((((Sue)))))))))))))))))))))) sending huge hugs... In 1979 I lost my dad and husband 5 months apart... It is a rough road for sure. I am thankful you have such Family support.

I know you will feel quite lost for awhile. Your days routine of taking care of Ray and visiting Mum filled up your life.

I know through your faith you will make it through. Good days and bad days.

Hoping the many Happy Memories you have will out shadow the bad days.

I LOVE that you kept your Mum's special dress.

Sending prayers for You and your family

love and hugs

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Sue

You are in my prayers. Please try not to worry about your sister you will do the very best you know how and that will be fine.

I'm glad that your family is in and that you can lean on them.

Take care and remenber that this site is open 24 hours so on those sleepless nights come here you will find someone hanging out.( our days are your nights)

I love the story about your Mum's dress family stories are the very best try to remenber them now to see you thur.

Sending prayers and hugs Sally

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Sue, I haven't been on the site for a while and just saw that your mother passed. Please know that you are in my prayers - along with Ray and your mum. I understand your feeling sad and glad at the same time - I had a similar situation with my mom. Please try to take care of yourself amid all this stress and know that many are praying for you.

Sheila

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