Oh --the season is changing and we all can feel it in the air. !!! I am so sorry for the discouraging "crap" in your and your moms world - the UTI's and the aid .. and the depression .. and you are tired - being a caregiver , grandma , daughter , wife and still mourning the loss of your brother.. you have been through a lot and so has mom... hopefully now that the season has changed , your world will slow a bit.. so you can regroup.... to you as well - one day at a time ----

Okay my dear, take a deep breath, calm down., like Nancy said one day at a time. Some times, it looks like, nothing is going right. First the storm, then the sun comes out. I am please that the nursing aide has been let go, why do people do a job that they dont like?

As for Mom, it is hard to see your Mom like she is. Every time I call home, my heart gets heavy. The person I talk to is not the person who brought me up. My dear, they die when it is they time, not before.

You and my family are in my prayers.

Yvonne

Joni, I missed you. It is sad to watch someone slowly dying a little at a time, it is worse when they are ill and unhappy too. I watched my Mum go downhill for eleven years all up, first her mind, then her body. It is hard to keep your spirits up and somedays it took me all my courage to go through the nursing home door to Mum's room, particulalry the last three years, but fake smile on my face in I went.

All I remembered was overwritten by the condition she was in but I would say: "this is my deat Mum" and the sense of duty clicked in. I thought that I would want my daughter to be able to do the same for me WHEN my time comes, as it will one day.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't know how you did it, Sue, with both your mom and husband. I guess you just keep going - and praying. Mom was a little better yesterday, but then she got real angry again. She said, "I want you to go home". I said, "Do you want me to leave now"? and then she said, "No, no, no". I think maybe she wanted me to take her home. She also told me I hurt her and I don't know what I did. I think sometimes she gets really frustrated when I take her out among other people and talk to them. I involve her too and that may make her even more angry. I don't know.

Mom's sister is planning on visiting her today. She lives 50 miles away and has Parkinson's. They haven't seen each other in over a year. Her daughter is bringing her. I don't know how that will go, it depends on what mood mom is in. I plan on being there, but sometimes I wonder if it's better if I'm not there. I just don't know anymore.

I will keep on doing what I'm doing, regardless of my feelings. It is my job and I feel it is my responsibility to make sure mom is getting good care and being treated well. I watched a video on Strokenet yesterday on a support group for people with aphasia. It made me cry. I just wish mom would try, but at 85 I guess she feels what's the use.