Well this entry is not about seizures or depression. Its about the same thing I have been blogging about since 2007-my left side. It seems like everyone has got better except me and I am the one who's been like this for the longest. Yesterday I went to the hospital to see my mom. I went to the chapel and prayed. I gave thanks that Im not in the hospital anymore. I was in that very same hospital after my stroke. I am thankful and I have come a long way since then as far as walking. I mean when I was there I could hardly sit up on the side of the bed by myself. Yesterday I walked around the whole hospital by myself!

BUT I felt kind of discouraged praying. I was there praying for my mom and I felt like why should I keep praying when I've already prayed and she's still sick? I told God its hard to pray for my future when things from my past have not changed. I know "faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things unseen" I try to have faith but its hard when you pray for the same thing for years.

I have been having a lot of pain on my left side. Under my arm it hurts, my shoulder hurts, and my wrist REALLY hurts. I try doing my exercises but they dont help anymore. I stretch my wrist just for it to flop down again. I wear my splint for hours and it keeps my fingers lose but it does not stretch my wrist. My e-stim machine doesnt even work for some reason. It turns on but it doesn't move my fingers anymore and the electrical shocks hurt my arm. I tried new electrodes, I tried moving the electrodes around, and tried turning the intensity down but no luck.

I found out about serial casting but after calling around, nobody here does it. I don't want to go back to my old pain management doctor because he does not believe in me. My medicaid finally gets switched over to my county next month so I am going to go back to my primary doctor and ask to be referred to a different pain management doctor and different therapy center.

For the month of March I have a lot of appointments

epilepsy doctor,

primary doctor,

psychiatrist,

therapist,

surgery doctor for my next colonoscopy (my mom had colon cancer so I have to get a colonoscopy every 5 years, and even on my high fiber, lots of water, vegetarian diet Im still constipated everyday so I'm always paranoid)

So I will probably be blogging a lot next month with all the appointments