I am going to see my gynecologist right now. I cant believe this. At first I thought it was just a theory but now I am absolutely positively sure. As I said in my last entry I was seizure free the whole time I was on the mini pill and the seizures came back right after I moved and quit taking the pill.The hormone in the mini pill actually helps seizures. My theory is that I have always had catamenial epilepsy but the mini pill helped it for all those years and I didnt even realize it.

After I stopped taking the pill my estrogen level went back up (higher estrogen triggers seizures) and the seizures started. Looking at epilepsy.com I see about 3 categories of women: 1) women with epilepsy who started having seizures again when their hormones went crazy around menopause 2) women who started having seizures after they stopped the progestin based birth control (my category) and 3) women who started having seizures after they started an estrogen based birth control (higher estrogen increases seizures). So I am thoroughly convinced this all has to do with my hormones and I just pray my gynecologist will put me back on the mini pill and I will be back seizure free.

I feel like I am having anxiety attacks more than anything so I cant wait until I go back to the psychiatrist next week. Every time my left arm tingles (which is does all day) I think oh no its about to start jerking. Every time I realize Im staring into space or think about what Im doing I start to feel lightheaded. I just want to get out of this bed. I just want to get out of this room.

I really wanted to go apply for some jobs today. I found 2 dream jobs that I know I am qualified for (both administrative 1 in the sheriff office, 1 in a school library). I did my resume and cover letter but then I decided not to apply. I want to work, I need benefits, I want to have a great career job and I hate passing up these great opportunities. but I know I have a lot going on right now. Instead of applying to those jobs, I am going to look into the work-from-home jobs with NTI. I have a orientation with them on Friday and it is customer service work from home positions for people that get SSDI which is good for me because my SSDI just got reinstated yesterday.

So this is not what I wanted but it will do. I am just going to pray that I can get back on the hormones which will make me seizure free again and I will be able to move out and work from home while getting SSDI until I am seizure free and can work full time again.