Tempii,

What you describe is quite normal for a stroke survivor. It happens to me too. I cringed just reading what you had to do. We call it sensory overload. I think with a hefty dose of fear. People will see you walking, perhaps with a limp, but no consideration of what it takes for you to limp, let alone walk. They breeze past you like they alway did. We know how little it takes to make us fall. The florescent lights, the movement, the noise and commotion, send us reeling.

Just in January, 3 and a half years from my strokes, my mother, a friend of hers and I went to a relatively not crowded Walmart (small one in a small town). As soon as I got inside I felt my anxiety rising but I tried to calm myself telling myself I could do this and that everything was okay. I lasted 5 more minutes before my breathing became faster and harder and I started crying. I started to leave my cart but only had two items so thought I could at least hold it together long enough to do that. I did but all I could think the whole time was "get me out of here!" and I paid for my things and took off out of there without them.

You're not weak, or over-reacting, or unusual at all. It is stroke related and will get better. For some of us it takes a long time but for others much less time. Go easy and don't push yourself too hard. I do smaller stores or shops until I notice I'm handling it and then try a little more. I made the mistake of thinking I could handle Walmart--afterall, Christmas was over. Yeah right...Walmart handled me!

tempii :

I think as a parent you might be anxious of how meeting will go, I am glad other parent was compassionate & school was accomodating to your needs. hope your daughter learnt her lesson after her suspension to not do that again. violence is never answer to solve any problems in life.

Asha

I can understand the anxiety part and glad that everything turned out the best. In these times it usually goes the other way. I think that was the best resolve for everyone.

Terry

Tempii: I am so sorry, but you have gotten support from those who experience panic attacks. Just know I am thinking of you and do hope it gets better in time. Debbie

thank you all. i will be talking my therapist by phone. i am not able to get there in person. i do think some of my feelings was overload. the noise felt like a truck going passed me. and knowing you can't get away is anxiety producing.

Tempii, oh my, I can't think it would have turned out any different. That would have been what I would have expected. My husband's cousin died and we didn't even go to the funeral, because it was a big deal, as he was a highly honoured police man - many articles in the paper. I knew it would be like a 3 ring circus, and even he did too, and said he wouldn't go. I think it is just early for you yet, and you haven't had enough time to know what things will affect you and how much. Enroll your daughter to help you. Let her know how much you need her help. I hope you were able to get to the bottom of WHY she pushed the other child. Sometimes things are not as they seem, and the pushed one is not necessarily the innocent one. But, as we know, these things can't happen.

You did accomplish what you set out to do, so don't feel bad about it.

yes the boy was not innocent. they have been going back and forth name calling for the last couple of months. there is a new principal wants the families to work together.

Tempil-- i read our post yesterday and just wanted to cry for you... but my experiences as a caregiver are not the actual stroke survivor experience - Jamie - put it out there so well and did a awesome job of explaining - for herself and that give all of us insight to how a person must feel... My dan can get over excited - we try never to let him get to "happy" it means there is a crash right behind it. we use valium to calm him down.. But your situation was different than that, for sure...I have done the parenting part - the kids of stroke affected parents are upset but holding up brave faces to the parents and the world.. and then along comes a kid who knows how to "dig" and wont let up... we have had it here as well.. Our beth was getting it at school to. it eventually got her so down she just decided to leave - got her GED- and is now working FT - till she can take here ACT and get on to college... the kids of ill parents just have bigger issues awaiting them at home and dont have "time" for the BS drama at school... and my beth contributed to her own problems by always allowing herself to get baited... and then there is the lonliness factor for these kids ( my beth anyways) - but she just had no one she could confide in - no one who had anything in common.. Parenting is tough at any age in the best of health - and now to be recovering from such a huge medical trauma and parent is "mind boggling"--- keep doing the best you can... you are doing great !! nancyl

I agree with Nancy. You are doing great, battling against big odds but still a winner.

thanks everyone. today was good day. went out for five hours to a small meeting. it was nice and no panic attacks. i asked for help when i needed it. we all needed to go outside and there were tall steps. i look and did not try to force myself to climb. i went back into the room and said the steps are too high. someone said don't worry about it. you can't do it and will be alright.( it was a place we go to meditate and pray.)