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panic attacks and moving out

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CagedBird

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I love you guys thank you so much for your support. I have so much more I've been wanting to share with you guys but I guess I get scared that Im going to jinx myself with the good news plus sometimes I don't like thinking about the bad stuff I write about because it triggers those feelings.

Well my great news is today will make it 2 weeks that I have been seizure free (knock on wood). I don't know if its the hormone (birth control), the fact that I cut back on the keppra, the fact that I've been taking the keppra every 12 hours instead of just twice a day, or the fact that I started taking the clonazepam twice a day but I have not had any seizures.

 

Panic Attacks

However, the last 2 days I had what I think were panic attacks. I have been so worried about this video EEG I have on Friday. I think about it everyday even though I try not to. This is the week I think Im ovulating so I have been super scared since the seizures happen the most during that week. I keep thinking what if I have one before Friday then cant have one while Im there like last time in September when I had the big one at work the day before the EEG? What is it going to feel like when I have the seizure? I want to have one this time so it wont be another wasted trip but Im so scared because I dont want to feel the seizure again.

 

On Monday around 7:30 I was trying to keep my mind busy watching tv, listening to music, and playing a game online at the same time and I started to feel weird. I sat up on my bed and told myself I was okay but then I started feeling really sick like I was going to faint. I started yelling "daddy" in a really deep voice (I have a soft voice) and I just rolled over on my bed. Then it stopped. My heart was racing and I had to use the bathroom a lot. I thought I was going to throw up. I dont know if this was a seizure but my medicine stopped it from getting worse or if it was just a panic attack.

Then yesterday I was just trying to stay busy to keep from thinking about it since it was 7:30 again. I called my dad to see where he was at. I notice these things only happen in the evening. When I lived in Charlotte they used to only happen in my sleep or as soon as I woke up in the morning but now they only happen between like 4 and 8 pm. So I started to get scared because I called my dad and he didnt answer so I called my cousin and she didnt answer so I got really scared that what if I have a seizure? I tried to breathe and say "Im okay" but then I said "Im not okay." I called my dad still no answer. So I just laid back and waited for the seizure to happen but nothing happened. My arm didnt feel weird. I didnt have a headache and besides feeling really annoyed, I felt back to normal pretty quickly. I guess it was just panic and paranoia

 

Moving out

Well my other great news is that I got my apartment. The landlord wants me to move in Friday but of course I have to go to UNC :( I am excited about moving though. I have a 2 bedroom so I will have my own office to do my work from home stuff. There is a neighborhood park with a walking trail and picnic tables. I can see myself going there a lot taking a walk or reading a book. We also have little gazebos throughout the neighborhood I can sit and read in. I am really looking forward to it. Since I have not had any seizures lately and havent had any in my sleep at all since September, Im not scared to move. I think it will be nice to have my own space again. Instead of being stuck in this room looking at the walls, thinking of seizures, and feeling like a depressed high schooler again with no job, no transportation, and no social life, I will finally have a change of scenery. Not only do I have lot of opportunities to go outside but Im looking forward to cooking and just feeling independent again. I wont have a full time job to keep me busy but I also wont have the commute or the stress and anxiety that came with it.

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Tina, birth control pills stop you from ovulating, that is why you can't get pregnant, while taking them correctly. Missing pills, or taking anti-biotics can interfere with the pill and then a person could ovulate.

 

I don't know that you will never have another seizure. But even if you do, if you, having less seizures, or smaller ones, is such a big deal. It's not all or nothing. Count everything that is better than before as a success!

 

Your apartment sounds like a dream, everything about it and around sound perfect. :)

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I agree, your apartment sounds great!

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I also agree, your apartment sounds very nice. The whole neighbourhood seems walking friendly, enjoy!

Llike Sandy said, do look at everything that is better now as a success. Having less seizures is great,, embrace it and feel good, not scared to jump for joy.

 

Enjoy your life, and keep moving forward!

 

Yvonne

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Honey,

I don't remember you having panic attacks when you were buried in books worrying about keeping up your grades to maintain your scholarship. You handled the pressure better than most kids would have at your age. Need a reminder of how strong you are? Take a look at the video clip of your graduation.

 

I don't need a reminder. I'm still amazed by you and the accomplished, determined lady I watched you grow into.

You seem to have a bit too much time on your hands with all that energy to think and overthink, find a better way to expend it read, get engrossed in a cause, go back to school. Dr., sounds better than Honey, doesn't it?

 

Love you,

Maria

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