I can't say how many times in my life, I have used music, more specifically women singers and their songs to pump me up and gather my inner forces to do what was necessary. Ever since I was a teen, I have used this method to cope. As a teen it was to break it off with someone who no longer held the important place in my life. I can't say I thought everything out all the way or that I had an end result that wasn't selfish or self centered or even where I would never be considered an existialist(sp??)Yup in those days of Pat Benatar, Stevie Nicks and The Go's Go's, I was young, invincible and immortal, I was a young woman that knew what I wanted and all I needed was some music to convince me that I could fufill the role I was about to play, and go get what I wanted. My own personal Flashdance or Footloose.

That was then...... I sit here and wonder, who pumps me up now? Because now in the decade of my forties, middle age and a survivor, I need to be strong, I need to plan what I want, I need to go get what I want. But it is harder now, I have a more complicated course I have to follow, there are others I need to think of, it isn't just me anymore.With age comes baggage.Baggage in terms of kids, pets and things. I'm like the woman who goes on vacation and has packed to much stuff I'll never need or wear. I need to stop and streamline, get organized.

Well, I'm happy to report, Pat Benatar still does it. "Hit me with your best shot", although that song is easy to say but not as easy to stand there and take anyones best shot. Because now thoughts have crept in and question my actions, is it worth it to stay and take the best shots anymore? What's in it for me? It is better as a teen to just stand alone , strong in my convictions, defiant and not think of the consequences? I think so. I need to get back to Daily Zen.com and read some more.