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A new reality


Pearls

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Five months in and everyone keeps saying "Look how far you've come". Yesterday i walked and talked at the same time! First you learn to stand, then you learn to sit in a wheelchair and do toilet transfers and bed transfers. Next i used a hemi-walker. I walked with a staff and then a cane. All of those with a Gait belt on of course. Safety first. My first fall was smack down on a tlle floor in the bathroom. My wheelchair was on top of me and my husband was laying on top of the wheelchair. I'm not sure how all this happened. I just know i was at the bottom of the heap shaking and screaming, "Get the F@@@ off of me!" That was my first and my worst but not my last. All falls are scary. You are like a turtle on his back. Vulnerable and helpless, your pride shattered. Just when you feel you are improving -- the fall happens.. I always need to recompose and rest afterwards. Maybe take a pill and have some ice cream. The first time i walked unassisted and on an impulse, a feature of riight side brain stroke is impulse decisions, it was about ten feet to my wheelchair. I just thought: i can do this and i did. Angels were helping me. Sometimes you just gotta go for it. I can slowly walk i just can't stop myself from falling. That is the down side. We are not talking "normal" walking.It is total focus and concentration. Any other sensory input and i am a goner. I can get in and out of the car now. Yesterday i changed the toilet paper roll on my own without dropping it and without using my teeth. Yup. A new reality. Have been watching The Roosevelts mini series on tv. Franklin contracts polio at age 39 and .is paralyzed from the chest down. In his search for healing he buys an old mineral hot springs in Georgia. He opens it up to the disabled as a therapy camp. When a patient gets depressed and frustrated he takes them to a mountaintop at sunset that has an amazing view to restore their soul. I keep thinking about that. How we all need beauty in our lives. We all need to balance the bad with the good. Don't let go of the things that make you smile. Embrace them and hug the joy out of them. I can't make the bad things go away but i can increase and double up on all the special good things. Seek pleasure. :)

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I know all about the impulsiveness - the therapists kept telling me it was from the stroke and I had to keep telling them it wasn't - I was like that before - I'd do what I wanted whenever I wanted - the stroke may have exacerbated that tendency - but I was definitely like that before. The first time I took a shower by myself I got a lecture about how I shouldn't have done it without somebody being outside the bathroom in case there were problems. Excuse me, I'm an adult capable of making my own decisions and I think I can manage to get into the shower and sit down by myself and take a shower without supervision!!! I also received a lecture the time I drove around a parking lot (just to see if I still could). My motto is if you don't try you don't know what you can do by yourself.

 

I'm also watching the Roosevelt's and am really enjoying it as well.

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"Don't let go of the things that make you smile. Embrace them and hug the joy out of them."

 

As a widow, a former caregiver and a woman that made TOTAL sense to me.  Thanks for the whole blog, you are very determined and that will get you a long way in this stroke journey. Keep on going.

 

Sue. 

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Pearl & imctrouble :

 

reading your blog reminded me of my impulsivess. I always got lectures from every one on how not to try things, but my motto was always unless I try how will I know I can still do it. over the course of my post stroke recovery my right hand has become very strong  & ofcourse my left ankle has gotten strong & my balance also improved since I stumbled many times & caught myself many times too, though downside is I also suffered fracture but that has not stopped me doing things falling is part of stroke recovery & learning to get up & rebuild life is sign of survivor. I found nature very healing for my soul. going out for a walk & noticing world around me since I walked slow briught lot of joy in my life.

 

Asha

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As a caregiver for my wife of more than 48 years I find myself forever conflicted by her need to be as independent as possible and my responsibility to protect her. So far we've done a pretty good job, I think. She has not fallen once but she has steadily regained some of the independence she had before her stroke. I've worked hard to make it easier for her to do things without help from me. For example, we installed toilet seat "risers" that make our already tall toilets more than 3 inches taller, which allows my wife to get on and off without help from me. We of course, also have grab bars to further assist in that effort. I've bought three quad canes so that she can leave one when she enters a stairway and pick up another when she reaches the other end. Then there is the bed cane we've bought to make it easier for her to get in and out of  bed and the sofa cane we bought to help her get in and out of her reading chair. We even bought a low-profile box spring to make our bed a few inches shorter, which makes a big difference to her. If we could find a way to let her get in and out of her shoes and leg brace she wouldn't need me for much of anything. We are 11 months into this process and I must say she has come much farther than I ever expected. I remind her of that all the time, not so much to boost her own spirits but to boost mine. My wife was always very indpendent and at times could be impulsive. But thankfully she resists the temptation to be impulsive now. When she wants to try something new, she usually checks with me first, as I've asked her to do. I don't want to do things for her that she can do without help but I do want to be around just in case something goes wrong. A fall would be really bad for her because she is now on a blood thinner. Even a slight cut can become a big problem. Thank goodness we can and do communicate well. She understands my concerns as fully as I understand her desires and frustrations. 

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Ron, you are doing a fantastic job as a caregiver. I salute you. As a survivor i realize how difficult it must be for you to have to be the thinking and planning one. Sometimes i just feel like a blob. Thinking can overwhelm me. Just getting from one side of the room to the other overwhelms me. Walking is hard work.

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