Not so positive...
It's been an odd few weeks since the last entry. I've been keeping a log and sharing with my sister so she's kept in the loop as well.
10-7-14 - After work: While walking the lake, Dad asked about how hanging works. I asked how that idea came up and commented about Nuremberg. I asked if there was trivia question at day center that started that, he said yes, but I’m not really sure. He could not be specifc. We explored the conversation a bit and I asked him directly if he was feeling suicidal. He said no, but I’ll keep watching.
10-7-14 - I asked him if he was still comfortable with how our life is a the moment, and he said yes. I think at this point he commented that he was not sure why he’s “sticking around”. (I can’t remember the exact phrasing/context, but I think there was something like that.)
I talked with a co-worker (RN background) who was the "instigator" of having me get Dad to the hospital and shared this experience with her. I am/was concerned that here was something else to fret over. She's thinking that since the comments are general and not looking for specific, that my "gentle" questions were okay and to relax.
Overall, I think he's bit depressed. Which is not that much of a surprise, considering he watched his wife pass away (Feb 2013), moved to another state; away from all the familiar (Sept 2013), then started having health issues (Jan 2014) and then losing his independence to some degree. I won't let him drive anymore. It's just not safe.
I feel like he's "here and present", but he'd be okay to just fade away as well. He's a very hard man to read. Even if I ask him, like I just did, "What are you thinking?" His answer is nothing, I'm fine.
He's said that he won't do anything to harm himself, and I do believe that. His own father committed suicide, and that was really hard on him emotionally. I'm fairly certain that he won't put me or my sister in that position.
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