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Not so positive...


JeriB

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It's been an odd few weeks since the last entry. I've been keeping a log and sharing with my sister so she's kept in the loop as well.

 

10-7-14 - After work: While walking the lake, Dad asked about how hanging works. I asked how that idea came up and commented about Nuremberg. I asked if there was trivia question at day center that started that, he said yes, but I’m not really sure. He could not be specifc. We explored the conversation a bit and I asked him directly if he was feeling suicidal. He said no, but I’ll keep watching.

10-7-14 - I asked him if he was still comfortable with how our life is a the moment, and he said yes. I think at this point he commented that he was not sure why he’s “sticking around”. (I can’t remember the exact phrasing/context, but I think there was something like that.)

 

I talked with a co-worker (RN background) who was the "instigator" of having me get Dad to the hospital and shared this experience with her. I am/was concerned that here was something else to fret over. She's thinking that since the comments are general and not looking for specific, that my "gentle" questions were okay and to relax.

 

Overall, I think he's bit depressed. Which is not that much of a surprise, considering he watched his wife pass away (Feb 2013), moved to another state; away from all the familiar (Sept 2013), then started having health issues (Jan 2014) and then losing his independence to some degree. I won't let him drive anymore. It's just not safe.

 

I feel like he's "here and present", but he'd be okay to just fade away as well. He's a very hard man to read. Even if I ask him, like I just did, "What are you thinking?" His answer is nothing, I'm fine.

 

He's said that he won't do anything to harm himself, and I do believe that. His own father committed suicide, and that was really hard on him emotionally. I'm fairly certain that he won't put me or my sister in that position.

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HI

I think that there are no accidental conversations and that one should listen to one's instincts. You are worried and your dad is suffering and you want to know what to do and how to keep him safe always and how to help. Your dad wants to be strong for you, and I can hear this but he is mentioning some things consciously or unconsciously and he is in pain of course because of all the things you mentioned and some old things probably as well. It is really hard to watch loved ones suffer and to know how to help. We suffer along too and there is the one thing we can do is help ourselves through some measure or another perhaps talking to a professional or trusted person with experience with such things. Sometimes there is fear of being weak or somehow less than for admitting to suffering (I wouldn't know because I am a class A complainer) and sometimes we never had it modeled to us how to deal with suffering so it is really important to link up to someone who is very experienced or trained to manage suffering. Our brain problems cause alot of emotional things beyond our control in addition to life's woes when we have a stroke. I know that I am not the same and can feel this but I don't want others to really see it there but then again I am happy when they do and I don't have to pretend. It is really a foreign land to be this hurting and suffering especially since I never thought I would be the one in the needy position as I was the one comforting and taking care of.

You will find your answers.

Your dad trusts you, I can hear that.

Best to you all.

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I think when he asked me how hanging works, I would have told him, that after it was done, the poor family member that has to find them is never over it and it ruins their life.    They get into these things where they only see what they feel, to me, they need to be jarred out of it and realize how hurtful what they do would be to others.   I know... he should remember from his own dad, but that's not how depression works.   Is he on an anti depressant?   I think you are right to be concerned, and for me, I'd drive it home to you how much that would hurt you.

 

The one thing I do know about many men, is they are usually 'of few words', but the few they say, there is a book behind them.

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Jeri: so glad you joined us in Chat. It was great hearing from you and also getting your input on our various topics - LOL.

 

You just keep the lines of communication open as best you can and what his moods, which you are already doing. Glad you have your sister for support and back up.

 

Thank you for sharing and hope to see you in chat next week. Debbie

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Jeri,  it I a worry. My Aunt is 96yrs old and as no kids but her sister  across the street  and my cousin Joy lives like 10 min away . I am 1hour away,  call her every week. I hear it in my aunt's voice, she tells me she is tired, and she had a good life but misses her husband, plus  the child he brought up as also passed. I rushed up  last Saturday, she was pleased to see me, but her "eyes" were not alive. My aunt was so full of life, she   lives by herself, she would cook, clean and be so full of stories. Seeing her , she lost so much weight, and uses a walker to get around now. It hurts to see her this way, but she explain, that it is life and she is at peace with God. Hearing her say that it calmed me down, but still leaves  me with an ache in my heart. 

Like Debbie  said, just keep the line of communication open, and keep a watch on his moods.

 

God  bless  to you all

 

Yvonne

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