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Fun Pushing A Shopping Cart


SassyBetsy

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I stood up and carried my own little purse and I pushed a shopping cart in the store. I seriously looked normal!!! LOL!! I NEVER thought this day would come. Ok so the fluffy slippers ruined the look but they are the only things that soothe my fat feet these days. But there I was and I just couldn't believe it. I kept repeating I am christmas shopping I am christmas shopping like I was in a dream. I was. Of course I can't drive myself there and I was on huge meds for pain but I was doing it! I was so happy if only for a little while. My leg pain got to me finally and my lightheadedness returns when I stand too long and the store gets the vertigo going but none of it is as bad as it used to be. Who says shopping isn't good therapy! So I got the cart and let the adventure begin! I actually knocked over the cart my daughter was pushing! She was looking at something and left the cart in front of me so I was facing it sideways. I decided to back up and yes I did hit the forward and I knocked it right over! There was a crash and me yelling OH NO! Security came and found my daughter picking up the stuff and both of us in hysterical laughter. Nothing was broken not even my pride. So then we continued on. In fact we spent so much time looking at all the stuff that the cart died in an aisle and that was the signal I needed to go home!

 

I am done with my christmas shopping though and that feels really great but also very sad because I want to go out more and be in the midst of the craziness. But this way I will be sitting with a hot coffee watching the shoppers.

 

I am trying to not take this pain med but even when I am out enjoying myself and forget about the pills then the pain comes hard. I don't like living like this and I feel like an addict. I can't walk in the pain so my PT said that managing the pain is the first priority. So I keep taking this high dose that works well but I am a zombi. One that can still shop though. I feel normal on the pills now too in a strange sort of way like I am just getting used to this vertigo and fogged existence. So in one way I can get around better now and this is great but I want to get back to work and I can't do that on these pills. I pray that the pain stuff goes away.

 

Ok enough whine whine. I seriously have some killer sob sessions and my drugged dreams are vivid and disturbing sometimes with people I have lost. Funny how happy holidays brings out the deepest sadness sometimes. So I have to do some serious distractions so I don't go down looneytooney lane and indulge in it any more than necessary and yes I think some is necessary.

So in addition to this I got "saloned" and so I had to take this shorter than I ever have had in my life twenties kinda feel haircut and color out in the real world. I didn't spend all that money to sit on my couch having a pityparty alone. I am making that things to do cheap or free list to go out and enjoy the lights and sounds of the holidays. We go driving and looking at the neighborhood lights so thank you to all neighbors with lots of beautiful lights and neighborhoods who put on a show. I am looking forward to not driving this year (ok that is a lie too but maybe I will enjoy sitting in the back seat and relaxing) and having a travel mug of coffee or cocoa and some popcorn. Ok the popcorn will be a new thing this year I have decided since I will be in the back seat. I need to find kettle corn so I am going to go to farmers markets this month too. I would like to go to the swap meet and walk around. I just want to go out and walk and walk and walk.

I love walking so much. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me that first month or so when I was so scared that I would never balance enough to walk. Here I am walking all over the place now! I just hope that the ability to really walk without assistance will return. My PT asked me what my goal is and I said I want to run a race again. Even if I go to some special olympic thing. I want to put on a bright pretty pair of athletic shoes and run down the lane. I never knew that it could be this hard oh how I took it all for granted. But for now I just gotta train in the grocery aisles LOL!

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 I am so glad to hear about your walking betsy.  and you know what if you can walk you are just a little closer to running!

as for Christmas shopping, I don't. and I don't think anyone really minds.

 

best wishes to you,

david

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Pam :

 

I am so happy you got out & enjoyed your chirstmas shopping. I feel best part of the stroke is it wake us up & you will never take those small things for granted any more. I used to think going out for a walk without any purpose is such a waste, not any more now I know how precious is that ability to just go out & enjoy nature its amazing. 

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The staff of the store you were in must have had stories to tell after your crash.  Good to know you went out and conquered yet another fear, did what you had to do and lived to tell the tale.  Hurray, you are a champion! it is a brave move for people in pain to challenge themselves the way you did.

 

The walking is a huge challenge.  Ray had to struggle back to some form of independence after every stroke (he had seven) and the day he said he thought he could go out without the wheelchair was always a special day for both of us.  So stick to your goals and one day it will happen.

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Hooray for you!!!! Wooo-hooooo! I have taken down my share of store displays when i used the motorized cart. My husband is afraid i will be black balled from the stores. I have never owned a motorcycle but don't you think those things should be able to do wheelies?! The more freedom you gain the better you will feel, even if it's just in little doses. I want to go Christmas shopping too. It is my favorite season. There are good things to eat, everyone is happy and kind, bright lights and there is usually a sexy Santa somewhere. You just have to peak under that long white beard. Ho ho ho.Ya know you could find something to hold onto and try running that race in place to build up your endurance. You could even do it barefoot or in slippers until your feet get better. I have better balance barefoot. Keep on truckin and keep on smilin'. I am cheering you on.

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Good for you Pam.  I was cheering has I was reading your story. I remember my first  time in my motorized cart. I knocked down a huge shelve in Target. My Son aid that they were going to post a picture of me , saying "danger, be aware of this person"  lol.  So proud of you, keep going forward,  I walk every where now,  just so please that I can!

 

Keep going girl

 

Yvonne

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Thank you everyone! It sure helps to have support and encouragement. On the outside all they see is the failure in it all. and if I hear the phrase "be realistic" one more time I'm gonna have a fit. What is realistic anyhow? Pin that down for me please. So far no one tells me what to even expect so no one is putting any parameters around the future so I guess I may be realistic in saying I am not a candidate for the space program anymore and that I am not going to get a bed at SunnyBrookFarms this week. Other than that I guess realistic falls somewhere. I hear the whispering that my judgment may be off now that I stroked. LOL I was like that in the beginning of life and I am glad to say I haven't lost that rugged individualistic way. So much criticism now floating around. I am sleepy so that means I am druggy which may be true but so what I get that on cold meds too and no one talked about putting me in a home. I am just waiting out this pain thing like a flu and if it hangs on for years then I have to just deal with it. I don't know if the president will call me anymore for my advice right now but otherwise I can order a good pizza online so I won't starve if I can't get in the kitchen to cook so that is resilience here folks. Realistic is somewhere around here but I can't find it and it is fine with me if it stays hidden because there are no limits now except that I need help on stairs still.

 

I am so scared sometimes and that whispering around me gets me up to the terrified threshold. I want to scream and cry and well I have and then it just reinforces that I am over emotional and sensitive and UNREALISTIC.  I want to hold onto the hope like a warm soft teddy bear and be like a child and have that hope that sure is untamed and unrealistic. What do they think got me out of that bed in the first place? With the room spinning and my eyes seeing double and my body numb and uncoordinated and then the nurse coming in with the walker....what was even realistic about getting out of bed? Surely the sane thing was to stay in the warm blanket and wait for dinner. But I never do the safe and sane thing and that step on the ground was as monumental for me as the moon steps to mankind. It was a foot back into life out of the open mouth of the grave as far as I feel.

 

Thank you for all of this wonderful support and I am going to keep going at least until the timer dings and that is that for me and then I am going to sit with the Lord and have a nice tea time,

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