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New Year, New Attitude


CagedBird

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Wow I cannot believe how much progress I've made. Can you guys believe 2 months ago I was diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobia, yet a week ago I went day after Christmas shopping at the MALL. It was a wonderful day. I had not been to the mall in 3 years and it was packed but I felt completely fine.

 

The following day I drove my mom and boy friend to the guitar center. They had sold the guitar I practiced on before so I had to order another one. It is smaller and left handed and it should be ready for me to pick it up today! I am so excited about exercising my arm and learning guitar. I also went to the arts and crafts store next door and got a "paint by numbers" activity. It's like a blank picture with lines and numbers and you paint in the spaces with the number of paint that matches it.

 

I decided to come back to my apartment after church on Sunday. It has been an adjustment but I made it through. My dad wanted to come pick me up the other day I was upset but I did not let him. I brought the new year in at church then yesterday I went HIKING with the singles ministry. I made it all the way to the end of the 2 mile hike! Everyone else was higher up on the rocks taking pictures and I was tired of just sitting there trying not to worry about the hike back. I did not want to spoil the fun but I was ready to head back up the trail so I headed back alone. Luckily after my 2nd fall, I found nice strangers along the way that helped me back and met up with my friends.

 

Of course I felt bad because I ended up doing exactly what I didnt want to do. I didnt want to be a burden to everyone else by asking to head back while they were having fun but I ended up being a burden anyway by causing everyone to panic when they could not find me. Oh well the old me would say "see this is why you will forever be alone. You can't be like everyone else." But the new me says "Great job on completing the hike. You tried something new. You have wonderful friends and don't be afraid to attend more outings. You are not a burden to anyone. If anything you may have been an inspiration!"

 

I may cry sometimes but I will not get majorly depressed.

I may feel lonely sometimes but I am never alone.

I may feel anxious sometimes, but I will not panic. Just breathe and let it go.

Good things are coming my way. Out with the old. In with the new :)

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Katrina :

 

Happy New year to you. congratulations on finishing your hike. Next time just tell someone before you decide to head home

 

Asha

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I'm glad things are OK with you and the holidays were OK... Hope you play the big guitar real good when you get it...

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Malls can be jungles so congratulations on your adventure and yes this is so much progress you need to bottle the secret!  It sounds like you are making new friends too.  I have panic moments too and I think anyone out there living and risking runs into times when it can feel overwhelming and I find that I usually cry and then I fake it the best I can and lo and behold sometimes it works. It isn't all bad not to be just like everyone else for who wants to be ordinary! You are an inspiration for sure to everyone you meet and everyone on here.

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