I am determined to go to the workshop this afternoon but this mind foggy fatigue is killing me. Everyone around me is getting some sickness so perhaps I am heading there. I am just so tired. I have been going out so much too. One night I slept 13 hours only getting up a few times for bathroom or pain pills. I blame the sleepiness on the pain pills too. I nod off too which is so annoying in public. I drink coffee so much and I never used to. Doc said the meds will do that and that he drinks lots of coffee too so no help there. I just have to get myself in gear here. Getting showered and dressed is a mt.everest task. then I am ready to climb back into the covers and rest.

I bought some tea with coconut in it. Interesting taste. I try and get some new ones to try now and then. My fav is African Nectar tea iced is my huge favorite.

I feel so left out of life sometimes because I am not going places and other times I just want to stay home and do nothing. And by nothing I mean sleep. then I pop up feeling that I have missed so much. I want to keep busy. I have a week off school and I have a to do list a mile long. I also want to go do fun things too if someone will take me. that is the frustrating part of all of this.

I miss my car.

I had a wonderful relationship with my pretty car. I bought it gently used for a nice deal and they sent for it and delivered just what I picked out I wanted. I bought things to put in it like better mats and a dash cover and nifty hubs.

it took me around reliably and fashionably. I had a nice steering wheel cover and a nice fuzzy thing for the seatbelt. I was told is was a girls's car with all that fluff and stuff. I know.

I didn't get to ride in it after the stroke because everyone drove me around in their car. I got car sick. I hated being in a vehicle. After years of driving for fun and luxury, driving others around in it for work and stuff, driving for road trips for work and vacation, driving everyday sometimes hundreds of mile.....suddenly being in a car was intolerable.

That has passed now and I once again enjoy sitting in the front seat and looking around out the windows enjoying the coastal view once again. I am thankful that i am not hiding my face in a handkerchief of peppermint for nausea (recommended by PT) and closing my eyes just snuggled in a scarf or sweater hiding my eyes. Now I can look outside without feeling that my body was 100 feet away from me bouncing out there and this hole in my chest or a pressure in my body and in my being. Hard to explain what this vestibular stuff was like other than a floating feeling outside of myself while my chest exploded in physical pain in my gut and dizziness. Now I am again watching the road even being a side seat driver again and commenting on how to drive so lol perhaps my time is getting close to driving again. But I see how my ability to maintain depth perception is so off and once in a while my head floats away and I close my eyes to it thankful I am not driving. I know I am all druggy so maybe without that there would be improvement. If I could lose this pain.

I can't decide what I miss more the walking or the driving. I see better now when doing computer stuff and reading. I see improvements in myself all of the time now. I am getting near the anniversary so that is good that there is something good to report on the recovery. it is much more than I ever believed would improve the day I came home after two weeks in the hospital.

I have drug side effects i don't like. I have probs still. I hold onto hope. I listen to others who have been walking in my shoes longer than i have. i am so impatient.

I am always running late but sometimes I manage to arrive.