Are there still knights in shining armor? I went to my doc appointment today with so much fear and apprehension and yes a bitter disappointed disillusioned heart dragging along behind me. I lost one pound so hey yay the appointed started off right (snicker here) and so I go in telling the nurse the mile long list of things--the referrals that didn't go through (oh some signature was required blah blah) and more this-n-thats and why is it that you dont have my records when I was here 6 weeks ago and signed papers to get them?? I tell them it costs me to pick up any records from the hospital so duh I am not doing it.

So in comes my white knight. I am dreading some more of the same lecture about how I am a drug addict instead of a stroke survivor still suffering (say that five times fast) and so his "how can I help you today" is nice but I am waiting for shoes to rain down here. And so I tell him about neurology fiasco and that I want to get a referral to see another one and be "released" as some protocol they have there blah blah. He says yes he saw the notes and he says that it isn't just about switching me to lyrica because that won't be enough and asks if I will be willing to go to a pain clinic because he is going to give me norco for the rest of the month until someone more knowledgeable about pain (outside of internal med scope he said) can help. Oh he said something to that because honestly I went all foggy with relief and didn't hear much after he said something about my needing pain relief. I said I was so relieved because I am so afraid of being left in pain and this pain is so horrible. He said verbatim that he had no problem being lion hearted about this because "we can't have you screaming in pain at home." I just kept thinking: he gets it, he really gets it. Someone believes I am in pain really truly. Then he scooted up on that wheely chair and told me that there is not a cure for the cause of my pain, but there is treatment that I will have to have probably for the next 50 years. He repeated this. I wonder what my look on my face was but I said I understood and inside my heart I was cheering away! thrilled to death! someone saying I would be treated for pain is all I heard, heck I know there isn't a cure and that only time will tell if the pain goes away yadayadyablahblah but that someone hears my pain as something called neuropathy and not addiction is a party inside my brain. And I heard that someone was going to be Lion Hearted for me. Did I sense that he didn't agree with the neuronutgod? He said that we have to get me off norco but then he asked me if I had heard of a morphine drug you take once per day. wowee I said is that better than norco? I mean morphine sets of the bells and whistles for addiction here folks. Then I said OK I get it that I am going to be in pain and probably addicted to something in the next 50 years (gotta luv that 50 year thing) but then he said I had to sign some contract that the hospital med group has people sign when on narcotics. Ok so I read it and it was all about only getting the drugs from one doc one pharm but then stuff about the doc may discontinue due to it not being good for you or not appropriate and stuff --I'm thinking ok so all drugs are at docs discretion right --and I am signing that I may be cut off from the drug taken for pain. Ok but sure but there will be treatment for pain right> he said it was about selling the drugs basically but I didn't read that in there but we had a thing in CA where they went to lots of docs and pharmacies to get the pain pills to sell. I said I needed them too much to sell no chance of that or going to jail over that or anything me in a cage isn't going to work I watched orange is the new black. This doc jokes and has a sense of humor I found today he said I was laughing so improvement and I said a sense of humor is needed for so many levels of this thing.

So have i finally found a good doc or am I just being jousted along to do what they do protocols and drug things and will I truly not be left in pain kicked to curb and yes trust issue here because I never in a million years expected to be told first that this is lifelong pain probably and the next yes well can't have you addicted to drugs here. Actually what else helps with real brain pathway pain other than drugs? I mean I am all for hypnosis if it works any voodoo. At least I am on way to pain clinic and I said I wanted to see someone familiar with stroke pain oh yes they have two pain docs one that is more holistic and one that is all about anesthesia stuff to the point. that is what they said. so I happen to be going to the one there in that office who is doc holistic. If someone suggest some tea this time I may try it lol. but I want a pill chaser. I am going to fight for the right to have full pain relief.

By the way in the DSM5 substance addiction is not diagnosed when there is legitimate medical reason for treatment. amen.

I will certainly ask for a psychiatrist if they breathe the word addiction to me again. I will not debate the horrible thing of drug addiction until after I don't have pain anymore and crave the drugs. In the meantime the next 50 years may be pain management territory and I want to address that and only that. I so appreciate the support and wisdom on here which has given me the courage to push back against this and question what they are doing for me really. It is so nice to know I am not the nutty one.