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Hello - again

nancyl

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Hi everyone….. It has taken me a long time to feel well enough to blog… I have had a "bout of mental illness "

turns out i was depressed. None of the usual symptoms so became harder to diagnose… my illness is / was "situational " a direct link to the year 2011 -- when my whole world hit the fan, and some of my world splattered itself clean into the year late 2014 and 2015…… I have what is called melancholic depression - that was "fueled" by cortisol. most antidepressants today are designed to stimulate cortisol . But my body was making a excess amount of it. So the antidepressants of today , just made it worse. ( picture your self in flight or fight all the time ) that is how I felt. Every minute everyday for 6 months. The fight or flight got set off because Dans situations ( the tantrums, the not eating - drinking, refusal to take meds, and the seizures) my body got so used to me being in flight or fight it became the "natural state " of my body. So finally -- after umpteen doctors and attempts at ANYTHING to feel better. I had decided dying was better than living. But I gave it one last shot at survival. My daughter and I had me committed to our local " state hospital " - Mental hospital……. I was a conundrum for most there but one little Psychiatrist ( she was tiny ) figured it out.. and man it has been 3 weeks on a very old med ( amitrptyline ) and i feel so much better. I also take some meds to help me sleep - I was also suffering from parasomnia - ( i wasn't reaching REM sleep ) It took 5 nights of different combos of meds to get me to fall and say asleep… Dan has unfortunately been placed in a nursing home. He is OK, there- ironically Dans meds had been changed back in November helping out his depression.. so he swam out of depression , just as i went swimming in…. I have done a lot of crazy stuff in my depressed state ( nothing to embarrassing , by definatley "out of character " for me…….So what i have learned , depression really can be lethal. and no depression presents the same. And even medical doctors can miss the diagnoses and the seriousness of a situation… I went to so many docs, and the ER - 3 times in the last 6 months. literally begging for help. And was given a bag of IV fluid and sent home and told to relax, it was just "STRESS". Well folks - I had stress alright - stress on steroids, ( literally -since cortisol is a steroid our bodies make ).I have no idea what the future holds for myself or Dan… I am selling by "dream home"- 5 bedrooms for just me is ridiculous… and the market is good here so it will all work out….. I am having a smaller house remodeled for me. Dan will come and stay on occasion, but not for a while he needs to get acclimated to the nursing home. It sucks and none of it is "fair" but as I said the year 2011- hit the fan so hard- it splattered into - TODAY- … But all of us either dealing with or suffering from stroke , have had their lives splattered into the present day….. So I am feeling a lot better ( at least I am human again) I thank all of you for the personal messages,… I apologize for not responding, I was just to wrapped up in the anguish of the depression… I will add more later…. but Hello everyone - nice to be able to blog something a whole lot better than past blogs….( it is what it is )



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Nancy, I am so glad to hear that they have gotten to the root of your problem and you are on the mend!    You've had such a tough health crisis of your own, while going thru this stroke situation with Dan.     It's hard work to move, mentally and physically, something to think about.    Thanks so much for coming back and letting us all know what is going on with both of you, you have a lot of friends here who care.  (((HUGS)))

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Nancy :

 

I am so glad you found root cause of your problem & got help you so sorely needed.  you can see ray of sunshine coming from this blog, it so different from old blogs where you can see you were drowning in despair. once again I m so happy finally  u got the help. It requires courage to not give up & keep on looking for help. you are one courageous lady.

 

Asha

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Nancy, it's good to hear from you again. I think about you often and am glad to hear that you are beginning to feel a bit better. We think we can handle anything but it turns out, we can't! You have managed far better for far longer than most of us would have in your situation. I'm also glad Dan is in a place where he can be cared for while giving you more rest. This is as it needs to be. Think carefully about bringing him home. It might not be best for him. That has been the hardest part for me. I can't bring Lauren home because he has to have a wheelchair van and they are costly, even if renting. However, I considered doing that over this past Thanksgiving and talked to his nurse. She did not recommend it. Thought it would be harder on him than it would help. I hurt for him being where he is but I know it is necessary for both of us. Sounds like the same is true for you. Keep taking care of yourself and thanks for checking in. ~~Donna

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Hi, Nancy! So glad you checked in, and you and Dan are OK. I know that things are still a little rough around the edges, but please let us know how you all are doing when you have time. My prayers for you both....Becky

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Great to hear from you again Nancy! I have really missed your postings! So happy you are on the road to better mental health! Please keep updating when you get a chance and I will continue to keep you and Dan in prayer!

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Nancy,

I was so worried . I am so glad that you were able to check in. I am glad that somebody was able to help you get on the road to recovery. Now, take your time and get better. It took along time to get to where you were. Be patient and you will recover. Dan is doing ok and you will get everything taken care of in time. Always. Ruth

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How are you Nancy??? I hadn't been on much lately but hope things are real well with you and Dan!!!!

 

We are OK here in central Texas just dodging the Tornadoes...

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