I woke drenched in sweat,dripping in my eye,burning. Sheet soaked,gown soaked. Cold.

I hurt,felt odd,nausea waves,shakey. I felt afraid but familiar now as I pressed the call button. The cna came and I explained why I needed the nurse. She told me the nurse was on break and I was feeling the way I do because I take too many pain pills. I lost my cool and hollered an order to her to go get the nurse and dont stand there telling me ...and Here I stopped myself from cussing...but she had already left the room. Ah yes, I am once again the difficult patient at 2 am. This nurse and I have not gotten on previously she was always late with pain pilll. So now she bolted in the room saying whats wrong? I said I am on new med, but it is probably low blood sugar like I had last night. The nurse said how did I know. I said the nurse checked it. She said who checked it and why. She said you are not diabetic. I said yes I am, and I am insulin dependent. The nurse said to let her check. She came back and checked,and told me it was 70, and she would get me something. I said get me orange juice. The cna did bring it, with their graham crackers and over jellied PBJ. It all tasted gross,hard to get down,but I did it. I still sat wet and cold. I asked for a new gown and got one. I wonder why I have to do things for myself in this place of care.

Next morning I asked day nurse to notify doc because they increased my insulin from home routine and she said doc did not need to be called. Then next night I refused insulin they give me without food. I woke at midnight feeling ok but concerned and asked for nurse to check. I wondered if it would be high since I was not taking the night dose,but I felt like it was low and I was hungry. There was orange juice and the PPJ on my tray when I woke,so I was given the night snack without asking. I wanted a blood check before I ate too. The cna said I already had blood sugar check. I said yes,4 hours ago.get the nurse.

The infamous night nurse I have had dealings with stormed in with meter yapping about how she was not going to be checking my blood sugar every night unless I felt there is a problem,yelled at me to eat,and went on on on when meter read 117, disappeared when I said it was 2 hours earlier than last night low episode and I want doc to have readings.

Wow.

My roomie witnesses this. Reassures me I Am not crazy one. She says they are lazy here and do not want to walk back to this section of the wing. She says there is racism,but I hope not. I listen to the nurses that argue with me do the same to others. I have my docs outside of this facility. The facility doc said to me that he will work with my docs.

So, my roomie has a son in law who is an

ER doc,and she goes to outside specialists too,like me. I witnesses a nurse here telling roomie that her family called wanting her to see an outside doc and that perhaps this was not the facility for her if she did not want to see the doc here. Nurse said roomie was responsible party,not family,so she had to decide. I saw this bully treatment with my own eyes. They do not hide. Who would I tell? Roomie said she didnt know anything. I know it sounded like she could lose her place here,and she has been here 4 years.

I stated to her that I had outside docs,my primary doc,my specialists, along with the facility doc,and it was coordinated care. I said I did not get the thing about this being the right facility if she just wanted to see her insurance doc for continuing care. I told her to check the rights handbook. Then I shut up because I know her doc in the family will handle it. I just hated to see her stressed out about this when she is already sick.

I see what has been done to me is also done to others,probably has been going on for years,and will go on and on. But for me, I wont be silenced or bullied.

I am reminded of a bumper sticker:

Forever I Walk Amongst The Ignorant.

Today a dementia guy who grabs women and is in a wheelchair came into our room. He doesnt speak english. I know this because he disrupts bingo out in the hall. I yelled for help. Cna came in saying no need to scream bloody murder. Well, I said the man was heading for roomie and she is in wheelchair powerless, and I said these guys are supposed to be supervised. Another example of how things go in this prestigious home in so cal 5 star rehab home. Where I do not get rehab. On my paperwork though there is a laundry list of billable diagnosis codes,so guess they are getting paid for me.

Ok gotta go eat now. Pluss I won bingo snack yay.

Daughter visited. Cant write about it. I love her so much. Son texts. I miss my old life so much. There is no support here. I am going to ask for therapy for support.

I received holy communion today. Quick prayer. But nice to keep in touch with spirituality. Grateful for visitations.

I continue to survive.