Nancy: it is OK. Of course he looks forward to your visits - but trust me, he has other outlets during the day. So you can't feel badly that family doesn't visit as often as you do. He'll be OK.

I was able to get back to some walking tonight - I have a rib fracture that is healing nicely, but has limited me. The Spanish neighbors down the street - we haven't had a lot of interaction with them, but they know us certainly - called me over to share a beer. I can't tell you the last time I had a beer. It is OK to have time away.

Good news on the house - I do hope the renovations move along a bit quicker. I know you will feel so much better when you can get into your own house, with your own things, on your schedule.

Thank you so much for checking in. Debbie

Nancy, you are trapped in thinking that everything that is not yes, is a guilty subject.   This:  he does his best to "guilt me." the look of disappointment when I say it is time for me to get going.   - should not qualify as a guilt trip.   Anyone that visits or that you visit will have a response when you leave, there are generally 2 choices:

1.  aw!  so soon!   I'm going to miss you!

~or~

2.  get the h--l out and don't ever come back!

You want number 1.   You always leave someone wanting more, or there's no need to go back.   You are getting the correct response - congratulations, enjoy this success.

Sandy - good reminder. Needed that. 

Debbie- I know dan gets interaction with staff. He won't get out bed. I know the staff try. and the rec lady comes to his room often, to ask him to join a activity. NOPE-- but he has played a bit of checkers with her and other staff on occasion.

My kids, also did not see Lauren as often as I would have liked. His sister started out seeing him once a week but that dropped off over the last 6 months of his life. There are so many other things going on, especially for the kids. I just decided to let it go. Now, one of them (who lives closest) does have some guilt over that but I figure she did the best she could. 

You and I spent a lot of time and energy supporting our husband's recovery, such as it was. It is hard to let go of that. Eventually I did. After he was in the nursing home for several months I finally decided that I'd rather spend my time in there being with him peacefully rather than trying to cajole him into doing more, being more, trying more. I just wanted his time to be as calm and supportive as possible. I'm not sorry I made that decision, even if the long hours in bed shortened his life. 

~~Donna

what is kinda strange--I wouldn't even consider taking him home - i could but will not ever do that again., It is strange in that i fought so hard to take care of him and now i basically fear it... I am constantly readjusting my brain and thoughts to be as they should be. I try so hard not to be compulsive  about my thinking being askew from the depression. but it what it is.