Today I was energized by friendship. It started yesterday when I heard the cna outside my room calling out my Friend's name and then say: what are you doing over here,lets get you back to your room. I called to them but they were gone. When the cna came back I gave him a piece of my mind when he claimed not to know she came to visit me because he did not ask her but just wheeled her off. I walked over to visit her and thanked her. She cannot talk well but we manage to share pictures,memories and encouragement. Plus our love for some hot coffee.
Then I did not want to return to my room that smelled positively putrid due to my roomie's belief in being changed only Two times per day and not as needed. I was told she had a right to refuse diaper changes,showers,clothing changes. So she urinates everywhere and sits in a loaded diaper until it is her bedtime. So,fed up with it all, I watched TV in the common room. Then a nice cna sat next to me ding his charting and asking about my show. At commercial I asked him if he could find me some different pretty hospital gowns. He found 4 and 1 robe.
I returned to the room and roomie was quick to go off about my dishes sitting on my table, and a list of worries about running out of diapers (fat chance). I put on earbuds and fell asleep.
So today I went to see my bingo buddy after my lunch. I left a fruit plate for later on my table. My buddy was encouraging me but I said I brought my lucky cards. I helped a woman next to me and I won 5 times, but even that did not stop me from noticing the stares from certain staff and how the one who is supposed to stay away from me was around. But to me,she did not exist. And let them stare. I was enjoying myself and the friends I have. I am pretty sure that I have proven to be more than expected and that they will not bother me.
Afterwards I went back to my buddy's room to get the name of a nail polish she wore. It is called I got the blues Red. We laughed thinking it can be the music or melancholy. She was shocked to hear I did not get all tv stations and she told me to come by and watch it in her room with her. She said she never saw it before but she would watch it. I felt kindness surround the space,me.
On way back to my room, I stopped at tables at nursing area to talk with another friend who I meet with occasionally and she wanted me to come to bingo. She was eating some popcorn and offered it to me but I had won other snacks I looked forward to eating as I tried to read a paperback. I have to read with one eye mostly. Reading with both is either not possible or gives headache. I used to devour books. Now it is one bite at a time. For now.
But as I stopped to visit with my good friend, the man responsible for the dining room incident was about 3 feet away. He turned his back. My friend asked how I was and I shared good recovery stuff, my recent outings with family, and I emphasized all positive in my life. I wanted that man to Overhear. As I stayed and stayed,he wheeled away down the hall. Probably to his reserved seating with his exclusive clique of crones. I stayed talking a little. I realize I have more people here that were silent witnesses. Many here that supported me when they heard,knew. Staff knows that licensing came,there have been repairs made,more staff hired,and Some crappystaffy moved off our floor. I think they know now that I am not an easy target anyway. But it is not pleasant here in this room. Roomie refused a diaper change. She stinks. She says she is dry in a baby voice whining she wont have any diapers for poopies. I think if I have to listen much longer to this I will need more meds or a coma or two. I told roomie My friend's roomate is transferring soon and her room has a nice garden view. My roomie never uttered a word about my dinner dishes.
Maybe sometimes things grab hold of me,but when I am ready I make choices that are good for me. And when I am not ready then I do what I need.
I faced things today. What I feared was my reaction but I was indifferent.
I was lucky at Bingo again. And I felt no need to hide now. I am trying to move to another place anyway not a SNF. That gives me hope for freedom.